Insecure, needing honest male view

[Farfromthemadding]

I am just starting to date again after coming out of a long relationship and I am really self-conscious about some physical stuff and wondering what honest opinions men are likely to have on these issues.

 

It's kind of embarrassing and TMI but Please please I would be so grateful for responses!

 

Ok so I'm a 30 year old woman who has had a baby, and this has left me with a definite 'mum tum'. I don't hate the rest of my body but I'm struggling to see how anyone could be attracted to my jiggly jelly belly and I know that realistically it's not going to go back to how it was. I think it's called stomach pooch or apron... anyway you get the idea. What do guys honestly think about this? Is it a turn off? I honestly feel it has to be, the sight of my stomach depresses me these days as it's just not pretty.

 

Second issue is the more embarrassing one though...piles. Aka haemorrhoids! Apart from not being able to do anal I feel like I'd be too self conscious to do doggy style and I'm cringing at the thought of trying to explain that to a man so I guess I'll just have to live with seeming really upright which isn't what im like really. I just don't want anyone getting an eyeful! Not that it's the worst case but I don't have a neat little bum hole anymore for sure.

 

Honest opinions/ experiences??

[frigginlost]

I am just starting to date again after coming out of a long relationship and I am really self-conscious about some physical stuff and wondering what honest opinions men are likely to have on these issues.

 

It's kind of embarrassing and TMI but Please please I would be so grateful for responses!

 

Ok so I'm a 30 year old woman who has had a baby, and this has left me with a definite 'mum tum'. I don't hate the rest of my body but I'm struggling to see how anyone could be attracted to my jiggly jelly belly and I know that realistically it's not going to go back to how it was. I think it's called stomach pooch or apron... anyway you get the idea. What do guys honestly think about this? Is it a turn off? I honestly feel it has to be, the sight of my stomach depresses me these days as it's just not pretty.

 

Second issue is the more embarrassing one though...piles. Aka haemorrhoids! Apart from not being able to do anal I feel like I'd be too self conscious to do doggy style and I'm cringing at the thought of trying to explain that to a man so I guess I'll just have to live with seeming really upright which isn't what im like really. I just don't want anyone getting an eyeful! Not that it's the worst case but I don't have a neat little bum hole anymore for sure.

 

Honest opinions/ experiences??

 

 

I think you're worrying too much about nothing. My last serious relationship was with a girl that had three kids and still showed the effects of pregnancy (how you women live through that, I have no idea) and it didn't bother me one bit. Stay active and a guy will look right past it...

[PegNosePete]

When a man is in a situation where he is seeing you naked, believe me, he won't be looking at your belly. He doesn't have to be attracted to every single bit of you, does he? As long as he's attracted to you overall, it's fine.

 

As for the piles, it should be temporary? If not then you need to see a doctor! But you can simply say you don't like doggy or anal and that is the end of that. Certainly in the beginning of a relationship it is definitely TMI to tell him about this kind of medical issue.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My male friends tell me that if a woman has one body part that they find really attractive, they don't focus on the rest.

 

As for piles, surely they can't be seen in a dim lighting in doggy style?

[No_Go]

I can't imagine a guy taking such a closer look in doggy to focus on your piles If he does - you just found someone with a fetish. If they are that bad - just treat them, they can be removed surgically if need be.

 

Belly - I guess if the guy is not an idiot, he'd understand that it is a consequence of pregnancy and won't ask questions. If he does - you can backfire easily on what HE looks like without going to the trauma of giving birth

[The Urbanyst]

Depends on what kind of man you want to attracted. Obviously you're SOL if you want a male model.

 

Date within your league and you have nothing to be insecure about.

[AriesDude]

It's like a 2 minute conversation. You ask him "what dont you like to do in bed?". And he goes "nah whatever" then you go "cool i dont like anal and my belly" then he is like "nah whatever". And boom done. Your stressing too much over something silly. If it does bother him though...please run away

[Farfromthemadding]

Thank you for the replies! I feel a bit reassured. I know it's silly, I just feel self-conscious because I never used to have these issues and I just think it's so unsexy!

Hopefully the piles aren't that obvious or anything...I've looked at treatment but it's meant to be horrendously painful. But I would be mortified to think a man might notice...it's just not something I want going through his mind! But maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing?

 

Honestly...during doggy it's a pretty visible body part though isn't it? What else are they going to be looking at? Can you honestly say you wouldn't find it pretty repulsive? Not that there's much to see but it's not all neat and tidy there anymore. Can't believe I'm posting about this really ?.

[Farfromthemadding]

Thank you for the replies! I feel a bit reassured. I know it's silly, I just feel self-conscious because I never used to have these issues and I just think it's so unsexy!

 

Hopefully the piles aren't that obvious or anything...I've looked at treatment but it's meant to be horrendously painful. But I would be mortified to think a man might notice...it's just not something I want going through his mind! But maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing?

 

Honestly...during doggy it's a pretty visible body part though isn't it? What else are they going to be looking at? Can you honestly say you wouldn't find it pretty repulsive? Not that there's much to see but it's not all neat and tidy there anymore. Can't believe I'm posting about this really ?.

[SevenCity]

I'm a guy who loves a flat stomach and a "tidy" bung hole as I rather enjoy anallingus and anal. These two items would be an issue for me.

 

That said, there are pleanty of guys who won't care so just find one of them.

[Farfromthemadding]

Ok...but how on earth am I going to know if I'm dating someone like you? It's not a conversation I particularly want to be having so so I just wait to be rejected or what? This is exactly what I'm worried about .

[AriesDude]

Ok...but how on earth am I going to know if I'm dating someone like 'that'? It's not a conversation I particularly want to be having so so I just wait to be rejected or what? This is exactly what I'm worried about ��.

 

Unfortunately you are going to have to have that conversation ey. I bet you 1 million$ the guy will also have something he is worried about. Like tiny penis or beerbelly or jelly legs or cant hold out for long?. Lol guessing. or whatever. If he is a good guy and he accepts you for who you are before thinking of sex, he really will not care. I promise you that. If it super really bothers you then tell him you want to go for the treatment and ask him to wait for you. If he doesnt wanna wait or he complains about anything then you know he just wants sex, nothing else. Good luck

[Farfromthemadding]

Unfortunately you are going to have to have that conversation ey. I bet you 1 million$ the guy will also have something he is worried about. Like tiny penis or beerbelly or jelly legs or cant hold out for long?. Lol guessing. or whatever. If he is a good guy and he accepts you for who you are before thinking of sex, he really will not care. I promise you that. If it super really bothers you then tell him you want to go for the treatment and ask him to wait for you. If he doesnt wanna wait or he complains about anything then you know he just wants sex, nothing else. Good luck

 

Thank you so much, that's really helpful ?

[Cookiesandough]

I don't think you should have a convo about it. You'd be surprised at much confidence makes a difference. If you don't draw attention to things your body you don't like, other people will notice less and it can even be sexy. Also, when person is 'hooked' or emotionally attracted to you, they are less perceiving of things that aren't perfect about you. So my advice is don't draw attention or make a fuss about it! Learn to love your body. No ones perfect. And sure, you might face rejection, but all that means is they weren't right for you.

[kendahke]

Talk to your doctor about having them removed. I didn't have a problem with them, but my mom did. I remember her going in for surgery to get them taken care of when I was younger.

 

One of the nicest things the last guy I dated who had bi-polar issues said to me was that my less than perfect body was artistically classic. Meaning: look at paintings from the old masters of the women they painted. They didn't have flat stomachs or boyish shapes. They were full on women whose bodies gave life.

Edited August 17, 2017 by kendahke

[kendahke]

 

Honestly...during doggy it's a pretty visible body part though isn't it? What else are they going to be looking at? Can you honestly say you wouldn't find it pretty repulsive? Not that there's much to see but it's not all neat and tidy there anymore. Can't believe I'm posting about this really ?.

 

His eyes aren't where his penis is, so he's more going to feel his way in than see his way in.

[SevenCity]

Ok...but how on earth am I going to know if I'm dating someone like you? It's not a conversation I particularly want to be having so so I just wait to be rejected or what? This is exactly what I'm worried about ��.

 

I would venture to say most guys would have issue with the hemoroids so I would take care of that.

 

Many guys won't have issue with your stomach but if it bothers you take care of it. If not then just accept it.

[Robratory]

Ok so I'm a 30 year old woman who has had a baby, and this has left me with a definite 'mum tum'. I don't hate the rest of my body but I'm struggling to see how anyone could be attracted to my jiggly jelly belly

 

Second issue is the more embarrassing one though...piles. Aka haemorrhoids! Apart from not being able to do anal I feel like I'd be too self conscious to do doggy style and I'm cringing at the thought of trying to explain that to a man

 

Nobody can make you accept yourself, but I can tell you honestly that men generally are not as critical of the female body as women themselves are.

 

Further, many men are actually attracted to a non-standard "perfectly imperfect" female body. Orange-peel butt skin, saggy breasts, puckered tummy, roll of fat under the bra, stretch marks like you were in a fight with Wolverine -- all these things combine to make for a female body that is literally unique, and because of that uniqueness, the male has something that no other male has. That is pretty exciting.

 

On the other hand, take a look at these women in bikinis. They all look the same. It's like you're in one of those suburban developments that stretch for miles.

.

 

And in case you're wondering, men who like fatter girls are not losers or creeps. If anything, it's the guys who insist that you look like a teenager all your life who are the losers and creeps.

 

Here's another thing. While men often like to classify themselves as leg men, or boob men, or ass men, the truth is that the face is the primary attractor. If the guy is attracted to your facial looks, he's going to overlook a lot about your body. It just won't matter.

 

You mentioned hemorrhoids. I hope you have health care options because they are very treatable. Sounds like you developed them during pregnancy, which is quite common. If your doctor hasn't already suggested surgery (it's an office procedure), they're probably not that bad even if you think so. And again, most guys just won't care.

 

As for anal sex, I have no personal experience, but I once asked a gay coworker about it, and he said that, if you had the hemorrhoids under control, they were just not an issue. Of course, anal sex has to be slow and gentle. Don't be fooled by the porno vids. Those women have spent hours stretching the muscle before the scene is actually shot. That's why their rectums seem no different from second vaginas.

[Robratory]

But maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing?

 

Yes.

 

Honestly...during doggy it's a pretty visible body part though isn't it? What else are they going to be looking at? Can you honestly say you wouldn't find it pretty repulsive?

 

It's just one of God's jokes on us that the girl's brown starfish is fairly easily seen during regular sex, unless by "regular" you mean under the covers with the lights out.

 

However, evolution comes to the rescue. It just so happens that, during sexual arousal, our bodies release hormones that inhibit our sense of disgust. I mean, everything about sex is gross, when you stop to think about it. Our mouths are the dirtiest parts of our bodies, germ-wise, yet we happily exchange spit no later than the second date if things are going well.

 

So yes, I can honestly say we don't find it pretty repulsive.

[SevenCity]

Nobody can make you accept yourself, but I can tell you honestly that men generally are not as critical of the female body as women themselves are.

 

Further, many men are actually attracted to a non-standard "perfectly imperfect" female body. Orange-peel butt skin, saggy breasts, puckered tummy, roll of fat under the bra, stretch marks like you were in a fight with Wolverine -- all these things combine to make for a female body that is literally unique, and because of that uniqueness, the male has something that no other male has. That is pretty exciting.

 

On the other hand, take a look at these women in bikinis. They all look the same. It's like you're in one of those suburban developments that stretch for miles.

.

 

And in case you're wondering, men who like fatter girls are not losers or creeps. If anything, it's the guys who insist that you look like a teenager all your life who are the losers and creeps.

 

Here's another thing. While men often like to classify themselves as leg men, or boob men, or ass men, the truth is that the face is the primary attractor. If the guy is attracted to your facial looks, he's going to overlook a lot about your body. It just won't matter.

 

You mentioned hemorrhoids. I hope you have health care options because they are very treatable. Sounds like you developed them during pregnancy, which is quite common. If your doctor hasn't already suggested surgery (it's an office procedure), they're probably not that bad even if you think so. And again, most guys just won't care.

 

As for anal sex, I have no personal experience, but I once asked a gay coworker about it, and he said that, if you had the hemorrhoids under control, they were just not an issue. Of course, anal sex has to be slow and gentle. Don't be fooled by the porno vids. Those women have spent hours stretching the muscle before the scene is actually shot. That's why their rectums seem no different from second vaginas.

 

The one thing that the women in bikinis have in common are fake breasts. Yuk.

 

I'm not sure why you paint guys who like thin women as creeps? Just because I like a slender girl means there is something wrong with me emotionally?

 

Our society has turned from fat shaming to thin shaming. Funny how people refer to thin women as "boyish" or "rails" rather than offering them the same tolerance as over weight women.