lurker74 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 OK, I'll try to keep this brief as well as even handed (as I can). Last night I met up with my girlfriend of 7 months after we got in a fight Monday. She was upset because on Saturday, she worked until 6 and I had plans to grab dinner with a guy friend of mine. As the time approached, I started to feel tired and considered bailing on my friend and just hanging out at her place after she was off work. I texted her about what she was doing and she passive aggressively responded, "Jake, (that's me), you have plans...what does it matter." I explained I was thinking about bailing on my plans to spend time with her if she were available but would be just as happy to simply fall asleep next to her in bed and wake up next to her in the morning. She said she was seeing a movie with her daughter so I said, "Would you mind if I come over after?" She responded that would be nice. So I did. She ended up going out dancing afterward with her daughter, got home around midnight, found me sleeping on her couch, and brought me upstairs where we went to bed. By Monday, she was angry that I chose a friend over her. I told her that was an unfair characterization and we both got upset. Last night, I went to her place of employment and waited for her shift to end. I was waiting for her when she came out and she was all smiles. We went to grab dinner and talk. She told me point blank that when she's available, I must choose her over my friends every time unless it's an event where she can go too (i.e. no guy nights, no golfing with the guys, etc.). I told her that was not a fair request. We broke up. Did I read this wrong? Was her request reasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Did I read this wrong? Was her request reasonable? Hell NO! If you have truly good friends, don’t ever sacrifice that for any relationship Anybody who starts to choose their significant other over their friends every time, you will severely damage your friendships with others and eventually ruin the relationship you have with your SO. This kind of behavior is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship. Whenever you sacrifice activities you had planned with your friends because of your SO, your relationship with them suffers. Do that enough times and they will decide to stop hanging out with you. Even your best friendships will eventually fall apart if you continue on this path. While most of your friends will understand when you don’t always have time for them. However, if you start to shut them out of your life completely, you will lose them fast, even the best ones. A quality partner would never let that come out of their mouth. Ridiculous, you are better off. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Did I read this wrong? Was her request reasonable? No, you are right. She is demanding and controlling - or at least very needy. You are better off with someone who respects having balance in the relationship, and that means sometimes having other friends and activities where they are not included. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 No her request is not reasonable, that's way too needy and controlling for me. I like how she said; "when she's available...", so I guess it doesn't go both ways. It wouldn't surprise me if there's another reason for her to use this, other guy maybe? Anyway, I think you did the right thing 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Her request was out of line & over the top. A request that you chose her more than your friends would have been OK but always is ridiculous. Just because she doesn't play, you can't golf. BS. She may be a nice woman in many respects but in this one she comes across as a controlling shrew. It's also a double standard because when you bailed on your friend & "picked" her she went out dancing without you. How is her request even fair. By her logic, the minute you became available to spend time with her she would have been obligated to cancel on the daughter yet she didn't. Let her go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Was her request reasonable? -- It would be to a guy who is willing to be chained to her like a dog to a post. Even married couples have friends and interests that don't always include their partners. It's a good thing. You did the right thing. Keep moving. She is never going to have a relationship with anyone if those are her terms unless there's something wrong with the guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lurker74 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 Well, I guess I was right based on these responses. This is why I like LS - it lets you confirm or deny your instincts pretty easily. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 No it was not reasonable. People should not have to leave their entire calendar open in case their girlfriend or boyfriend happens to want to do something and have her free moment. Neither should they be required to give up platonic friends under any circumstances. No one wants to live with a jailer. Let her go and hope she moves on. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 No not reasonable. Huge red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 How old is she, 13? She needs to grow the f up. I can't imagine why you would even question your reasoning for ending it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lurker74 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 How old is she, 13? She needs to grow the f up. I can't imagine why you would even question your reasoning for ending it. I honestly don't know...I feel mildly gaslighted. Even today, several days after I broke up with her, I think maybe I am being selfish. All she wants is more time with me. But then I think, well, it's simply not a fair request and her getting upset let alone being ok with ending it is not just a red flag, it's a statement of the relationship's sickness. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 (edited) Clingness aside, It's actually the beginning of some even more controlling behavior when people who can't have their way start using passive aggression and fighting days after every time they don't get their way Edited August 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
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