0rangepekoe Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Me and an acquaintance who I have known for years casually dated last year. He works at my gym. I ended up getting ghosted when he started seriously dating another girl he was also seeing. After that he avoided me and was uncomfortable anytime I ran into him. Fast forward 8 months: he's started talking to me again and also flirting when we're together. But anytime I ask him what's new, he doesn't mention his girlfriend at all. Ever. I know he's still dating her because he's told mutual friends about her. Because we used to hang out as friends prior to us dating, I texted him and suggested we grab a drink and catch up sometime because he's leaving the city soon. He replied with an obscure answer agreeing that we should... but also didn't say yes or when. I'm giving up on this guy - but I don't get what's going on here. Is he avoiding hanging out together because he's scared I'll confront him about what happened before? Why can't he just tell me he has a girlfriend and move on with life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He may have come back around to be polite or because at a customer at the gym where he works he has an obligation to interact with you. He is clearly unwilling to talk about the GF or his impolite treatment of you. I'd smile politely when you see him, talk about the weather, perhaps ask him a gym / workout related question but do not expect anything more from him. He knows he can't "grab a drink with you" while he's dating somebody else. She'll probably freak that he's cheating on her with the EX. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Would love to hear from the guys about this... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He's monkey branching, but cautiously so his GF doesn't catch wind of it. He's keeping you on the back burner. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 0rangepekoe Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 I still don't understand why he avoids something simple like getting coffee together platonically. It's not like I'm asking him to come over. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He's avoiding you because he has a gf and he has slept with you. That's weird. He has a gf Find someone else to get coffee with. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 I still don't understand why he avoids something simple like getting coffee together platonically. It's not like I'm asking him to come over. Because his new current GF won't see it as platonic. She will see it as him cheating on her with you & he will catch hell at home. If you really want platonic coffee, invite her too. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 When you asked him "what's up" it doesn't sound like "do you have a gf" so what else is he supposed to say? You know he has a gf, he's ghosted you in the past; so why are you even wanting to get coffee with this guy. How much worse does he have to treat you before you get the message? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 OK, as a guy, he's either back burnering you as smackie indicated or he really likes the female attention and doesn't want to mention his GF because in his mind it keeps the tension alive. Question, though...if you were dating him and he grabbed coffee with a girl he slept with last year, would you be OK with it? Because I suspect his current GF wouldn't be OK with him grabbing coffee with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 I still don't understand why he avoids something simple like getting coffee together platonically. It's not like I'm asking him to come over. Really? Because I'm getting that you are really into this guy in for more than just friends you can have coffee with so at least be honest with yourself even if you're not going to be honest with him. He has a girlfriend and yes he probably feels a little awkward about ghosting on you and doesn't want any confrontation and he is obligated because he works there and you're a customer to be polite and friendly to you so he is walking the tight wire but this man is not very interested in you at all I'm sorry. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Me and an acquaintance who I have known for years casually dated last year. He works at my gym. I ended up getting ghosted when he started seriously dating another girl he was also seeing. After that he avoided me and was uncomfortable anytime I ran into him. Fast forward 8 months: he's started talking to me again and also flirting when we're together. But anytime I ask him what's new, he doesn't mention his girlfriend at all. Ever. I know he's still dating her because he's told mutual friends about her. Because we used to hang out as friends prior to us dating, I texted him and suggested we grab a drink and catch up sometime because he's leaving the city soon. He replied with an obscure answer agreeing that we should... but also didn't say yes or when. I'm giving up on this guy - but I don't get what's going on here. Is he avoiding hanging out together because he's scared I'll confront him about what happened before? Why can't he just tell me he has a girlfriend and move on with life. Why are you bothering with a guy who you know has a girlfriend? If you dont' know, then point blank ask him. When he says "yes", leave him alone. I mean, if you were his girlfriend, what would you want us to tell the girl writing here about what she should do? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Me and an acquaintance who I have known for years casually dated last year. He works at my gym. I ended up getting ghosted when he started seriously dating another girl he was also seeing. After that he avoided me and was uncomfortable anytime I ran into him. Fast forward 8 months: he's started talking to me again and also flirting when we're together. But anytime I ask him what's new, he doesn't mention his girlfriend at all. Ever. I know he's still dating her because he's told mutual friends about her. Because we used to hang out as friends prior to us dating, I texted him and suggested we grab a drink and catch up sometime because he's leaving the city soon. He replied with an obscure answer agreeing that we should... but also didn't say yes or when. I'm giving up on this guy - but I don't get what's going on here. Is he avoiding hanging out together because he's scared I'll confront him about what happened before? Why can't he just tell me he has a girlfriend and move on with life. He avoids you because he's a good boyfriend to his girlfriend and won't do anything that might possibly compromise their relationship. He's not avoiding YOU, he's avoiding temptation perhaps. I like the guy. he's scared I'll confront him about what happened before? -- Scared because you'll confront him about ghosting? He may be uncomfortable about having done that but I doubt he thinks you will because if you were going to do that, you would have done it instead of talking and flirting again. Why can't he just tell me he has a girlfriend and move on with life -- Why can't you rest on the knowledge that he has a girlfriend and move on with your life? I'm giving up on this guy -- Good idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He's monkey branching, but cautiously so his GF doesn't catch wind of it. He's keeping you on the back burner. Yes and one could equally ask why you are wasting time asking him to meet up when you know he has a gf and still have feelings for him. ??? people, all people, do illogical things. I don't find his any less logical than yours. Actually between the lines, I think you are upset that he ghosted you and think that you deserved a face to face discussion back 8 months ago, which is why you want some sort of one now. You think that the fact that he is talking to you now means things are "different". I'm guessing that he just feels enough time has passed and that you must be over it. He's getting away with talking to you now and avoided any sort of confrontation, so things turned out like he wanted. I wouldn't read too much into this part but yeah, effectively he has you on back burner and maybe things have gone a little stale with his gf and you are happy and non-confrontational on back burner. That's why he's not rocking the boat by declining offer to meet up but not picking a date. His reasons actually make as MUCH sense to me as yours do. Yours are: contacting him with hope in your heart but evidence to the contrary that it would be a good use of your time & emotion. Eh, that's just life. Not everyone does things or processing things the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 If you never dated, you were not ghosted. If he has a girlfriend stop pursuing him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 Why can't he just tell me he has a girlfriend and move on with life. Why does he need to tell you he has a girlfriend when you already know? Use the information to help you move on with your life. Don't pursue men that are in relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 I still don't understand why he avoids something simple like getting coffee together platonically. It's not like I'm asking him to come over. Really? Would you be okay with your boyfriend having a platonic coffee with a girl he dated not so long ago? He's practicing appropriate boundaries with you, because he's not single. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 16, 2017 Share Posted August 16, 2017 He may not be single, but he is flirting which in some cases would be taken the wrong way. Why he was flirting, who knows, maybe he's looking for validation, had a fight with his GF......., but what we do know is that he ain't going there when he is still with this girl. Just forget about it and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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