Lacey49 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I've been divorced for a year and turning 49 in November so I'm probably older then most of you here. I dated a man from work during my long separation and we broke up mutually in March. I've been alone since then which is fine, t time to heal but am lonely. I have 2 sons who are grown and out, so I'm empty nesting. Joined online dating in June. I'm a decent looking woman for my age but I can't seem to compare with the women on OLD. They have pro shots and all are triathletes it seems. And Happy! Martini in hand toasting their new lives! I'm a bit quiet, but romantic and fun...once you get to know me. The problem is its hard to get the interest from men who want the sculpted blonde and its hard to keep their attention. It seems like OLD is a. shopping market. So I met a guy I was super attracted to. We went on one date and I thought it was great. We had dinner then went to a club. The club was so loud conversation couldn't really happen. He walked me to my car and kissed me. He called me when I got home to make sure I got home ok. He sent me nice texts. Ok..so I made a HUGE mistake here, I admit. He offered to make me dinner and I agreed. He belongs to a social organization where we have some mutual friends so I figured he'd do nothing to hurt his reputation. We had dinner. Conversation was nice but not as flirtatious. At the end of dinner he starts kissing me and well...we ended up in bed. Yes, we used protection. Never had a one nighter (or I guess 2 nighter) before. I could tell he was done. When I went to leave he kissed me and said "don't be a stranger" not saying anything like I"ll call you. No call to see if I made it home. So I got a little to emotional being taken by surprise by his actions and MY willingness (I'm not blaming him, I participated, but still it was a sharp turn of events). I texted him I knew it was a fling because he didn't even walk me to my car or see if I made it home (quite a drive). We had some back and forth texting the following day. I apologized for the rudeness of my text. He told me I reminded him of his "depressed ex wife." I asked him why he slept with me then. Anyway, as you can guess...things ended there. It's been a week and a half since we last communicated. I KNOW I'll never see him again but HOW do I stop thinking about him? Its like I want what I can't have. And I was very attracted to him and have never just given myself away like that so I connect sex with relationship and that is obviously not the case here. I wish I hadn't slept with him. I wish I hadn't texted him my stupid emotional response. I wish I could stop thinking about how attractive he is. How do I get a thick skin for this stuff? Maybe I'm not cut out for this but where I live it seems the only way to meet divorced men? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 How do I get a thick skin for this stuff? Practice. Just write this guy off, he's clearly a loser. You are trying to make him into something he is not. Get back on that horse and eventually you will learn how to find a good one. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lacey49 Posted August 14, 2017 Author Share Posted August 14, 2017 Practice. Just write this guy off, he's clearly a loser. You are trying to make him into something he is not. Get back on that horse and eventually you will learn how to find a good one. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 OLD is an amplified real life but not that different from real life. Some men are just more interested in flings than in relationships. Don't try to thicken your skin. Just don't go all the way so fast. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 A lot of those pictures are bots or fakes that the dating site uses to "prime the pump" and get men to subscribe. I'm 57 and the one thing I can say to you is to be extremely careful of scammers because of your age. Larryville has a recently posted thread here on these boards that go into a lot of discussion on it. You'd be well served to look it up and read through it. Anyone you talk to, put their profile language through a Google search and put their pictures through a Google Image search so that you can lessen the chance that you are dealing with scammers. Do this before responding to them. Also anyone who gives you their email address in their first site email to you saying they're about to leave the site is most likely a scammer. If they say this: "am __________ by name..." "am god fearing", "am a widow" and they have a child who doesn't reside in the same location as they (because they're off working in Africa or the Philippines), that's a scammer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 As for this guy... well, lesson learned. Next time, you won't do this unless all you want is sex. What I would suggest is to not accept invitations to any man's house you don't want to end up being shown the door after you've had sex with them. For me, I don't entertain the idea of going to any man's house or him mine for entertaining until a couple of weeks of us seeing one another frequently and talking a lot. And this guy's ex wife was probably depressed because of exactly how he acted. I'll bet she's in a much better frame of mind now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 A lot of those pictures are bots or fakes that the dating site uses to "prime the pump" and get men to subscribe. I'm not so sure about that. I'm a bit into photography, and what I see a lot are the typical methods to make sonebody look younger. From the overexposure of the face, soft focus, to outright editing, smoothing and skin glow. It's all there. I would attribute most of these pictures however to actual people and not scammers. I'm 57 and the one thing I can say to you is to be extremely careful of scammers because of your age. Larryville has a recently posted thread here on these boards that go into a lot of discussion on it. You'd be well served to look it up and read through it. Anyone you talk to, put their profile language through a Google search and put their pictures through a Google Image search so that you can lessen the chance that you are dealing with scammers. Do this before responding to them. Also anyone who gives you their email address in their first site email to you saying they're about to leave the site is most likely a scammer. If they say this: "am __________ by name..." "am god fearing", "am a widow" and they have a child who doesn't reside in the same location as they (because they're off working in Africa or the Philippines), that's a scammer. The above advice is of course still valid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 OLD is not for love anymore just for casual sex. Window shoppers. I do not like what's happening on OKC and Mingle2 can pickup the slack. Dating from online sources is a lot different than face to face dating.. This guy is a jerk and he just use you like he did.. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I'm not so sure about that. I'm a bit into photography, and what I see a lot are the typical methods to make sonebody look younger. From the overexposure of the face, soft focus, to outright editing, smoothing and skin glow. It's all there. I would attribute most of these pictures however to actual people and not scammers.. From Larryville's thread: Michelle Ma Belle's post: Absolutely! This has been well documented on various platforms and in various exposes done on OLD over the years. I've watched many documentaries on this subject. No secret here. The most recent revelation on this subject was when Ashley Madison was hacked. Expert techies had a field day. They took one look and easily found that out of the reported 35+ million members, only 5.5 million were women, and out of those 5.5 million women only 12,000 were REAL WOMEN! The rest were sophisticated fembots created for the sole purpose of weaving together the illusion that women on the site are plentiful and eager. Nothing more than a elaborate, deliberate, and lucrative fraud scheme to get male members to slap down their credit cards and join the legion of wayward men and women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 BTW most of us are oldtimers....and why not? We are the ones with experience lol. I'm 53. IMO you are trying too hard to fill a void that hasn't closed up yet. You are healing from a divorce and a relationship, so that's double the heartache. Slow down. A man is not what gives you happiness or fulfillment, it is YOU that needs to do that. If you change your perspective you will take rejection a lot better. I suggest you join a group of ladies, a club, something that will build your social life to fill in your time. That's what those ladies are doing....getting busy with life. I understand you are in an adjustment period, things are a little strange and there isn't any real direction.....but don't worry you will get there, baby steps. It's not a race. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 From Larryville's thread: Michelle Ma Belle's post: I would consider sex sites and adultery-oriented sites like Ashley Madison a different category. Yes, the number of fake female profiles have to be enormous there. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I'm not so sure about that. I'm a bit into photography, and what I see a lot are the typical methods to make sonebody look younger. From the overexposure of the face, soft focus, to outright editing, smoothing and skin glow. It's all there. I would attribute most of these pictures however to actual people and not scammers. The above advice is of course still valid. Yes indeed...and you barely have to try these days, for starters most phone cameras are soft focus (especially the selfie side) and most people have apps on their phones with a bunch of filters to apply right off the bat. No need for much effort at all to make less than genuine pictures. But also, apps like tinder, happn and especially bumble it seems are loaded with fake female profiles in order to balance the gender divide (these apps are usually over 2:1 male:female ratio) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 OLD is not for love anymore just for casual sex. Window shoppers. I do not like what's happening on OKC and Mingle2 can pickup the slack. Dating from online sources is a lot different than face to face dating.. This guy is a jerk and he just use you like he did.. Mingle2 is a cesspool of scammers. Just last week, when I was looking through the "who looked at my profile" section, there was the same photo, side by side, with two completely different profiles listed. Also, I've spoken about my Russian friend whose pictures were stolen to create a fake profile... well, I saw his picture on a fake profile on that site. I raised holy hell with Mingle2, besides letting my friend know his picture was stolen again. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) I would consider sex sites and adultery-oriented sites like Ashley Madison a different category. Yes, the number of fake female profiles have to be enormous there. read it again. She said it was the most recent example, but she says: This has been well documented on various platforms and in various exposes done on OLD over the years. I've watched many documentaries on this subject. No secret here. And from Joseb: But also, apps like tinder, happn and especially bumble it seems are loaded with fake female profiles in order to balance the gender divide (these apps are usually over 2:1 male:female ratio) It's not your experience. Fine. You don't speak for everyone else's experience. Edited August 14, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yes indeed...and you barely have to try these days, for starters most phone cameras are soft focus (especially the selfie side) and most people have apps on their phones with a bunch of filters to apply right off the bat. No need for much effort at all to make less than genuine pictures. WTH people will do that?? One date and it is exactly obvious if angles are doing the trick. I have a very overweight friend who is an Instagram star... Somehow takes pictures from above, I don't know. Then she complains that guys are bad for not asking her out again and thinks it is her personality (which partially is - WTH you'd upload painting like photos??) I err on the side of putting more conservative pictures - if it does't work for my linkedin, it is not making it in my dating profile either. Filters - no way! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) WTH people will do that?? One date and it is exactly obvious if angles are doing the trick. I have a very overweight friend who is an Instagram star... Somehow takes pictures from above, I don't know. Then she complains that guys are bad for not asking her out again and thinks it is her personality (which partially is - WTH you'd upload painting like photos??) I err on the side of putting more conservative pictures - if it does't work for my linkedin, it is not making it in my dating profile either. Filters - no way! Yea this kind of upsets me cuz I'm competing for dates with people who are way better at photography and photo doctoring than I am. But eventually it will all even out because the guys will not ask them on a second date and eventually get a more discerning eye or just settle for us girls with crappy pics There really are a ton of fake profiles though, whether they are planted there by the site themselves I do not know, but cambots for sure Edited August 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Yea this kind of upsets me cuz I'm competing for dates with people who are way better at photography and photo doctoring than I am. But eventually it will all even out because the guys will not ask them on a second date and eventually get a more discerning eye or just settle for us girls with crappy pics There really are a ton of "fake" profiles though, whether they are put there by the site themselves I do not know, but spambots for sure Oh the guy should be an idiot to select a woman based on filtereds pictures - it is absolutely obvious and I heard from guy friends it is a big pet peeve of theirs to see differences profile/date looks (one even left after seeing the woman looking nothing like her pictures) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Mingle2 is a cesspool of scammers. Just last week, when I was looking through the "who looked at my profile" section, there was the same photo, side by side, with two completely different profiles listed. Also, I've spoken about my Russian friend whose pictures were stolen to create a fake profile... well, I saw his picture on a fake profile on that site. I raised holy hell with Mingle2, besides letting my friend know his picture was stolen again. Yes both OKC/Mingle2, but I don't know who likes me on OKC anymore. Mingle2 is set for local folks. One lady said she was interested in foreplay only OH My.. Not my type anyway.. She's Russian saying she came to Florida when she's 27. She's not 27 anymore.. LOL. Just have to weed them out. Hopefully run into someone in real world but everyone is stranger and no one wants to say a word. I have to do it. Right now I can let things happen. Just be careful with Mingle2..OKC needs to bring back visitors option. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 WTH people will do that?? One date and it is exactly obvious if angles are doing the trick. I have a very overweight friend who is an Instagram star... Somehow takes pictures from above, I don't know. Then she complains that guys are bad for not asking her out again and thinks it is her personality (which partially is - WTH you'd upload painting like photos??) I err on the side of putting more conservative pictures - if it does't work for my linkedin, it is not making it in my dating profile either. Filters - no way! It's funny you mention that because one skill I've now become an absolute pro at is judging body weight simply by looking at facial features and shoulders. Like anything else, it's a skill. Sadly there are a couple truisms about lying on OLD. Women lie about age and weight. Men lie about their job or being married... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 It's funny you mention that because one skill I've now become an absolute pro at is judging body weight simply by looking at facial features and shoulders. Like anything else, it's a skill. Sadly there are a couple truisms about lying on OLD. Women lie about age and weight. Men lie about their job or being married... Men lie about height ALL THE TIME. I have no issues with dating someone 5'7 (I'm 5'7) but usually in reality the guys are at least 2-3 inches shorter than what they listed. It is just maddening. Lying about age is hilarious A simple linkedin search showing year of college graduation reveals it all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Mingle2 is a cesspool of scammers. I wonder if Adult Friend Finder is any better? It's been around since the earliest days (I believe it precedes the actual commercial internet, having started on bulleting board systems (BBS) but I could be wrong), and it makes no bones about being a hook-up site. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) prob the same as ashleymadison. Paysite and don't think too many attractive women are hunting down 'adult friends'...Can't imagine that m: f ratio Edited August 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Men lie about height ALL THE TIME. I have no issues with dating someone 5'7 (I'm 5'7) but usually in reality the guys are at least 2-3 inches shorter than what they listed. It is just maddening. Lying about age is hilarious A simple linkedin search showing year of college graduation reveals it all. Is it lying if they think they are that height but aren't? I'm a true 6'1 and I can't tell you how many times I've called out dudes when they say they are 6' and I stand next to them and am a clear 3 inches taller... Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 (edited) Men lie about height ALL THE TIME. I have no issues with dating someone 5'7 (I'm 5'7) but usually in reality the guys are at least 2-3 inches shorter than what they listed. It is just maddening. Lying about age is hilarious A simple linkedin search showing year of college graduation reveals it all. That explains a lot. Guy list himself several inches taller than me and I'm wearing flats and a few inches shorter than him , so yeah uh huh.... But back on OP. Just keep trying. The skin will come Edited August 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Is it lying if they think they are that height but aren't? I'm a true 6'1 and I can't tell you how many times I've called out dudes when they say they are 6' and I stand next to them and am a clear 3 inches taller... I’ve gotta tell you, most guys don’t know their height... weight, blood pressure, blood sugar mostly because they don’t care. They want to get their foot in the door by any means necessary. Women do it too… I have a very overweight friend who is an Instagram star... Somehow takes pictures from above, I don't know. Then she complains that guys are bad for not asking her out again and thinks it is her personality (which partially is - WTH you'd upload painting like photos??) Overhead photos showing boobs, laying on bed boobs showing and can’t see rest of body, yup, avoid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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