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I'm not sure what is happening with this guy ?


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Old 13th August 2017, 3:36 PM   #121
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Way too much time spent analysing this guy you went on 6 dates with! Stop making excuses and forget him.
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Old 14th August 2017, 11:11 AM   #122
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I suppose its really over. I truly donít understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesnít want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I canít figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around
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Old 14th August 2017, 11:21 AM   #123
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
I suppose its really over. I truly donít understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesnít want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I canít figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around
I'm sorry you're hurting. Just an observation: Your text exchanges seem pretty dull. Of course, text messaging is not a good way to talk about something too deep or too personal. But it'd be more engaging and fun to have some witty comments, instead of the generic how's your weekend...
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Old 14th August 2017, 11:24 AM   #124
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
I suppose its really over. I truly donít understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesnít want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I canít figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around
You really need to stop blaming yourself for why this relationship didn't work out. A lot of times the reasons why have nothing to do with what you did or didn't do.
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Old 14th August 2017, 11:28 AM   #125
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I suppose its really over. I truly donít understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesnít want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I canít figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around

I canít figure out anything that I did wrong.-- Why do people always seem to think that they did something wrong or something is wrong with themselves?

Just because you aren't right for that other person doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You just have to be yourself all the time and hope that that works for the next one. You can't be a chameleon and change yourself in any aspect to hold on to a particular person. In other words, even if you could read this guy's mind, know that he didn't like Xthing and then change that to keep him, you wouldn't be being yourself and likely struggle to keep that up and feel resentful over time.

Forget about him. You're fine, he's fine, just not for each other. It is what it is. Don't get negative about yourself. Keep positive and always be you.
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Old 14th August 2017, 11:47 AM   #126
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
I suppose its really over. I truly donít understand. Yesterday he tells me that it was his last crazy day and today nothing from him. He clearly doesnít want to talk or see me, which is truly heartbreaking, because I canít figure out anything that I did wrong. I hate this. These men come into my life, and are so nice, and tempt me with a relationship with them, and then they vanish like I meant nothing. I feel so low in self esteem right now, just because I feel like I am not good enough for someone to stick around
The way other people speak, act and behave is a reflection of their own reality and has nothing to do with you. I know it's hard to comprehend this, but that's what I try to tell myself when someone rejects me and the reminder of it helps me a lot (even at the very moment). When a guy doesn't want to pursue you any further, it's because of what's happening in his own mind...

I think there is no bad or good enough, just people with different preferences and visions of what they want for themselves. It sounds like your guy envisions being single at the moment, or just fooling around. He's young after all.
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Old 14th August 2017, 12:46 PM   #127
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I'm sorry you're hurting. Just an observation: Your text exchanges seem pretty dull. Of course, text messaging is not a good way to talk about something too deep or too personal. But it'd be more engaging and fun to have some witty comments, instead of the generic how's your weekend...
I try not to be dull but I an unsure what to say. I feel like he started off with the dullness and I picked it up too. He doesn't ask about me or anything to start a conversation.

I feel bad if he felt I wasn't interesting enough. We seemed to hit it off at first, so I don't know why that would be. I am talking to another guy right now and we have plenty to talk about. Even when the conversation seems to fade, he always keeps it going and asks me questions or changes the subject.
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Old 14th August 2017, 12:49 PM   #128
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I am sorry you are hurting.

I think if you find yourself in the position of always being left it oftentimes (not all the time - sometimes they really are just after fast sex) has something to do with your mindset.

In each new dating scenario, if you are always overly focused on whether or not they like you rather than assessing whether they are right for you and meet your standards, then you are starting off on unbalanced footing.

Men can sense this.
It makes you less interesting because you're going to find it harder to be yourself and you'll find yourself playing the nice people pleasing girl.
This is why you feel guilty not responding to a text that doesn't even deserve a response.
A man also knows he doesn't have to step up to keep you and he will lose interest.
A man will not value you unless it seems like you value yourself.

I am glad you are finally moving on.
I wouldn't reply to any more texts he sends if he does get back in touch.
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Old 14th August 2017, 1:09 PM   #129
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I feel so guilty. So so guilty still about the way I acted when I came back from vacation.

I should have let him know I was back myself instead of waiting on him to chase me and text me and make plans with me. Then maybe we would have talked and things wouldn't have been the way they were. And then I assumed he wanted a booty call, when I think he just wanted to see me when I was back and it just happened that it was late at night. I don't think he was just after sex. And then I was being very caddy and telling him to text ME tomorrow to make plans with ME for the weekend. And he said "You can text me too you know"

And then I pretty much told him that I wished he would ask ME out before someone else snatches me up, like this expectant girl. And by then he probably thought I was such a jerk. This is not the impression I wanted to give him and I didn't mean to come across this way. I thought he would be chasing me when I got back, and I acted like he should have been, when I was the one that left and maybe should have been excited to make a plan and see him and when I totally wasn't down to see him and acted like I was denying him totally, it turned him off. I feel so bad and wish I could fix this.

I could cry because I think he thinks I'm not a good girl at all. And I am. I liked him so much. If he only knew. I was so excited to see him all week long and I think I was trying to act way too cool for school so he didn't see how much I was actually into him. I was so afraid of scaring him away and getting hurt, but I essentially did exactly what I didn't want.
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Old 14th August 2017, 1:23 PM   #130
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OP, what's really going on here? Why so much heartbreak and self-loathing for a guy you had a grand total of 6 dates with?

Why are you so attached to this guy?

I ask becasue there seems to be a lot more to this than this near-stranger's fading interest.
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Old 14th August 2017, 2:11 PM   #131
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My observation is that OP doesn't seem to get it. She is writing a diary here and ignoring any relevant advise. Olivetree nailed it but it doesn't look like she wants to address or even acknowledge her low self esteem mindset. Guy seems to be immature and she's giving him a pass and still pining over him. Oh well.
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Old 14th August 2017, 2:22 PM   #132
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[]

To be honest, telling a guy to ask you out before another guy snatches you up seems desperate, not like a jerk.

The desperation is the turn off.
The continuing to hang on even though he send you boring texts about himself is the turn off.

Stop acting and thinking like a doormat and you won't be the one always being left.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 14th August 2017 at 2:37 PM.. Reason: Unnecessary
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Old 14th August 2017, 2:24 PM   #133
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I feel bad because I feel like I scared him away with my behavior and that wasn't my intention and I feel an innate need to make it right. Because at one time he did like me and wanted to see me and pursue me. And I feel like by me denying him when he probably just was excited to see me, made him turned off. Because he probably got the impression that I thought the worst of him and immediately didn't trust his intentions even though he has assured me time and time again that he isn't just looking for a booty call through his words and actions, he proven it, and I still don't trust him. He's probably got fed up. And on top of it I sort of acted like an expectant diva that he should be asking to see me. This isn't me at all. And now he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I still like him and think we had a good connection and now its gone because of me. I can't handle rejection that I caused. I can't stand that I am un-trusting and immediately thought the worst of him, because of my past experience with other guys.

I was desperate and I probably freaked him out. Again, I feel like I need to make it right. He got so turned off, but I didn't mean to. I wanted to see him and I didn't know what else to do. He wasn't asking to see me. And I felt like I needed to make up for denying him on friday.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 14th August 2017 at 2:36 PM.. Reason: Merge
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Old 14th August 2017, 2:36 PM   #134
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Honestly, you will never know why he lost interest for sure.
I highly doubt it was for turning him down.

You could have corrected your desperate behaviour by leaning back as soon as his interest seemed to be dropping instead of advancing forward.
This is what I suggested right at the start of your thread.

Just learn to lean back and let a guy show you how much he is into you.
Be receptive and fun to be with.
That's it!

When a guy starts to back off, you don't start putting in more effort to close the distance.
You let him create that space.
Sometimes that is all they need to regain interest again... to know you value yourself more than to chase.

Anyway, regardless of what this guy SAYS, he may have just been after sex.
Who knows, who cares.
He's not the guy for you.
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Old 14th August 2017, 2:37 PM   #135
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Him: "Uhm well meet me"
Me: "Meet you where?"
Him: "In my room"
Me: "You know that's not how I roll Mister"
Him: "Welp"
Me: "welp what?"
Him: "Thats unfortunate"
Me: "To be honest, I'm really tired from the trip, but I do really want to see you, so how about something tomorrow?"
Him: "Aaaahhhh, I already told the guys I'd go with them."

...

If that's not a booty call I don't know what is. He seems like an arrogant douche from all I've seen. Don't feel guilty about having boundaries.. You didn't have sex with this guy because you didn't feel comfortable. Honestly, if you ended up having sex with him I bet good money the only thing that would have changed and this story is you would be that you had slept with this guy and he faded on you. Let him go.
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