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I'm not sure what is happening with this guy ?


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Old 9th August 2017, 8:32 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
I feel like I don't know what to do at this point. Wait?

I reached out and tried to make a more concrete date by asking if he wanted to meet up for ice cream or hangout and order in chinese. I was hoping this would show I want to see him. He says this week is no good, because he has things every night.

He is working a ton this week. But I don't know if that's it, or if he just doesn't want to see me anymore. A friend of mine says I should ask him, but I feel like a desperate clingy girl pestering him. He was at work last night until 9pm.

I don't know if I should ask him anything or just let him come to me, if he ever does. I just feel bad, because if I messed something up, I want to try and make it right, because I do like him.
You asked him out and he declined without an alternative proposed date.

So yes, you wait. Do not pester him. He may truly be very busy with work and will come back around once that is done. Or maybe not. Only time will tell.
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Old 9th August 2017, 8:33 AM   #47
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I feel like I don't know what to do at this point. Wait?.
No, you don't wait. You are not bf-gf, you go on with your life and if he calls back with a renewed interest good, if he doesn't call back than you have not wasted time and hope on him.

What I think is he got interested in someone else while you were gone. I do not believe for 1 minute he's too busy to call, text, have lunch with you, or spare an hour around 21h just to see you for a coffee.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
He is working a ton this week. But I don't know if that's it, or if he just doesn't want to see me anymore. A friend of mine says I should ask him, but I feel like a desperate clingy girl pestering him. He was at work last night until 9pm.
Absolutely NOT! You do not need him to justify anything. Most men will say they still have an interest just to keep you around. You don't ask a man if he is still interested. If he acts like he's not interested then he-is-not!

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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
I don't know if I should ask him anything or just let him come to me, if he ever does. I just feel bad, because if I messed something up, I want to try and make it right, because I do like him.
Again DO NOT ASK HIM ANYTHING. You did nothing wrong that deserves to be ghosted. He lost interest that is all. Happened to all of us while dating. You DID try to make it right and he turned it down, now it's enough on your part.

If you must delete his number so you won't text him again. I know you said your friends are busy this week so keep busy otherwise, go to a movie, go have your nails done, go shop, go hike, re-watch the entire series of Lethal Weapon!
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Last edited by Gaeta; 9th August 2017 at 8:35 AM..
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:08 AM   #48
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See like right now, he's texting me wanting to chat with me about his day and mine.

Not sure how to handle this. He's keeping in contact and keeping a connection, so maybe he is just tied up at work this week.
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:14 AM   #49
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See like right now, he's texting me wanting to chat with me about his day and mine.

Not sure how to handle this. He's keeping in contact and keeping a connection, so maybe he is just tied up at work this week.
I did not tell you to ignore him. If he wants to touch base with you then by all mean reply and be pleasant. My advice was to not chase him, not ask him if he is still interested, not invite him out again.
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:24 AM   #50
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He will most likely keep doing that ...keep talking to you..stringing. Better to ask Him and nail down your date with him and if not just say it's not gonna do that/if he can't plan a week in advance you have your answer...and you can say you don't think it's gonna work .


The thing about this is your already invested and banking on this guy, emotions don't just turn off, focusing on other guy won't do much good if you've got hopes set on this one.
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:28 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by amkxoxo View Post
See like right now, he's texting me wanting to chat with me about his day and mine.

Not sure how to handle this. He's keeping in contact and keeping a connection, so maybe he is just tied up at work this week.
You need to stop this thinking that you didn't do enough.
If he wasn't asking you deep questions either, then he either isn't deep or doesn't care to know you like that.

If you're still interested in him, you can respond and be pleasant, but I wouldn't be overly chatty.
Otherwise you're going to turn into his texting buddy instead of the cuddle buddy.
You need to get busy and move on with your life so that you're not super available to chat.

You also need to get in a head space where you lose interest in a man that is giving you crumbs, because that is what he is doing right now.
Based on what you've said about feeling bad about everything, you're way too nice.
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:28 AM   #52
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amkxoxo this guy isn't for you. He can't see you this week and you're all disappointed about it waiting by your phone. How will you survive when he leaves for the winter?

This guy does not have the time (or interest) to offer you the relationship you want.
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:31 AM   #53
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He will most likely keep doing that ...keep talking to you..stringing. Better to ask Him and nail down your date with him and if not just say it's not gonna do that/if he can't plan a week in advance you have your answer...and you can say you don't think it's gonna work .


The thing about this is your already invested and banking on this guy, emotions don't just turn off, focusing on other guy won't do much good if you've got hopes set on this one.
What I fear is she will ask him, he will tell her he is still interested just to keep her around because he's got nothing more exciting, then she'll hung on to that and again find herself dating a man that barely knows she exists.
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Old 9th August 2017, 10:20 AM   #54
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I agree, gaeta . But it might get her some closure and even if it doesn't she'd be in the same boat, being strung along by a guy who is not interested. People suggested she contact him because he felt he was doing most of the pursuing (I disagree) and he says he's busy this week I think she should have asked him when he'll be free and ideally he would tell her when and they can nail a date down now that it's mid week. At worst he is ambiguous like I'm not sure, which is telling itself, and she can say "alright well text me when you're free to hang out" and not play text tag with a guy who has no intentions to see her again

Idk
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Old 9th August 2017, 10:36 AM   #55
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I agree, gaeta . But it might get her some closure and even if it doesn't she'd be in the same boat, being strung along by a guy who is not interested. People suggested she contact him because he felt he was doing most of the pursuing (I disagree) and he says he's busy this week I think she should have asked him when he'll be free and ideally he would tell her when and they can nail a date down now that it's mid week. At worst he is ambiguous like I'm not sure, which is telling itself, and she can say "alright well text me when you're free to hang out" and not play text tag with a guy who has no intentions to see her again

Idk
He declined so it's up to him to suggest an alternative day that would work.
He is communicating his lack of interest with his lack of actions.
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Old 9th August 2017, 10:59 AM   #56
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Yeah I mean I see things from all sides. I keep looking back at my messages and I really don't think I did anything terrible or wrong. The only thing that could have been misconstrued is the me turning him down on Friday for coming over. I don't want someone to think of me as an afterthought for plans. And I took it as that and I turned him down, which could have shot his ego. I like him and I didn't mean it that way. Texting doesn't mean much to guys so I am not banking he even remembers that conversation.

I do think he is extremely busy with work. I think if he didn't want to see me or talk to me anymore, he would simply not text me at all, or give me half ass answers. The last guy I dated just stopped trying all together, wouldn't answer or initiate. It was very clear. Passive ghosting if you will, until he was gone. When you don't message someone and they don't follow up with you in due time, you can see how they feel about you. An ex from years ago didn't call me for 6 months. 6 MONTHS! Clearly he was wondering where I was all that time...NOT.

I don't think he's a bad guy. I think he is just really busy. Can I handle it? I don't know. Knowing that he is working makes it better. My ex was "busy," but was out with friends etc... but pretended it was like a mandatory thing he had to do.

I'm trying not to be nagging, and supportive of his career. I talked to a guy friend of mine, he's older 32ish. He's a co-worker. But he was telling me that I should be supportive of his career. He said as a man, being successful is so important, especially at a young age. Men want to feel like they can provide and be accomplished, and any guy is going to want a girl who wants them to do that. He said, what guy is going to want a girl who begs them to stay around for them and not try to better themselves career wise? I didn't think of it like that until my friend mentioned it.

He texted me this morning saying "Nights need to stop turning into blurs"

I responded "ooh that bad huh?'

He said " Its everyday now"

I responded" I'm sorry work is been hard. Let me know if I can do anything to help you (added emoji of girl with hand under her chin) lol"

He didn't respond. Which is fine. I didn't think what I said warranted a response. Maybe a thank you, but whatever. I was trying to be nice.
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Old 9th August 2017, 11:08 AM   #57
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He could be genuinely busy with work and doesn't know how that's going to carry into next week, so he's waiting to see how that's going to line up his schedule. I'd say be patient for a couple more days and chat with him. If he hasn't mentioned anything by the weekend about meeting up next week then you can start thinking he's not interested.
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Old 9th August 2017, 11:10 AM   #58
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I completely agree with supporting a man 100% in his work and professional challenges.

What I am skeptical about is the amount of 'effort' he's been showing since you are back.

Does he work physically? You said he works in the sport industry, Is he an athlete or a coach?

If he is physically exhausted I get he won't make plans after a long day that ended at 9 pm but is it really the case? Doesn't he have days off?

My bf is busy, I mean real busy! He works physically from 7 am to 3 pm then he runs to school and he's in class 3 pm to 11pm ! He STILL takes time to call me when he's in his car, on his breaks, when he's done at 11. He even finds the time to get away for lunch with me and to drive to me at 11 pm just so we sleep next to each other. Where there is a will there is a way.
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Old 9th August 2017, 11:15 AM   #59
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Why are you making excuses for this guy?

"He's really busy"

"He didn't answer, but that's OK"

"I'll just be nice and supportive while he doesn't put any effort"

Or you could just stop being a doormat to this guy and move on. He's not that into you. We women tend to make all kinds of excuses while in men's world everything is simple - when they don't want to find time for someone they won't.
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Old 9th August 2017, 11:17 AM   #60
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Agree olive but op is still wondering if he is interested just busy or she hasn't done enough. She's not convinced that's enough sign he lacks interest. One question might clear that up for OP. It could be very revealing. She could wait indefinitely for him to ask her. Thats up to OP but I see little to lose bc I don't believe anything as insignificant as asking him when he's free to meet up again is gonna make or break his interest and don't think it's clingy to ask someone that's texting you that you'd rather arrange a date and if he can't move on ...
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