Frosted_fakes Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Hi all. In your opinions are Meetup groups meant for single people? I'm very active and my bf is a homebody and doesn't want to get out and do stuff so I joined a hiking group to keep active when we're not hanging out. He thinks those groups are meant for meeting people and hooking up and is starting to get really jealous. All I want to do is be able to hike but don't want to go out into the mountains or woods by myself because safety in numbers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I think somebody inclined to cheat is going to cheat no matter what the scenario. With apps like Tinder, you can probably get the guy to come to you if that is what you wanted. A person who believes in fidelity won't cheat even if a naked person hops in bed with them. If your BF won't go hiking with you, it's unfair of him to expect you to give up an activity you love because it doesn't interest him. Invite him to come along every time. Don't do anything that could be misconstrued. But do keep hiking. If he really won't go to meet the group, invite some of the group back to your house after for refreshments so he can see there's nothing to worry about. It's partly about transparency. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Tell him he's welcome to join you and the group and go hiking, but he's not welcome to tell you what you can and cannot do when he wants to sit of his duff and watch tv all weekend. While he sitting around, he needs to be doing some work on his trust issues and why he wants to pull cheating out of thin air and fling it in your teeth--could he be projecting? After all, he's by himself, supposedly, while you're hiking--he could be cheating just as easily. Either he trusts you or he doesn't and you need to know which of the two is it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 MeetUps are for people who want to get out and do things. I've met friends from it, some are fleeting friends - once you kind of "loose your fire" for the activity or games you are participating in, the friendships fizzle as well. As far as I know no one has directly used it as a means to try to meet people for otherwise, but the potential exists to be sure. I've met couples who go to them together as well. It's called MeetUp because it's meeting up. Whatever unfolds is what unfolds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Too bad for your lazy bf. Find a group and/or friends to get out there and so something active, healthy and productive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 All I want to do is be able to hike but don't want to go out into the mountains or woods by myself because safety in numbers. Not to mention that it's great to socialise! My ex-h was social when we met, but after a few years he became like your boyfriend - never wanting to go out. When I got to the point of having to do things like this without him (he wouldn't even go out to keep me company when doing to groceries) I realised that we were becoming fundamentally incompatible. How does the rest of your relationship look? Do you ever fantasise about being single again? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Not to mention that it's great to socialise! My ex-h was social when we met, but after a few years he became like your boyfriend - never wanting to go out. When I got to the point of having to do things like this without him (he wouldn't even go out to keep me company when doing to groceries) I realised that we were becoming fundamentally incompatible. How does the rest of your relationship look? Do you ever fantasise about being single again? People start off with mutual interests and find out that they weren't 'mutual' after all. That is one of the things I dread about dating, whether the mutual interests are real and a part of one's life or fleeting and artificial to simply reel someone in. This is why when I say that I want an active/fit lady, I mean someone who has lived that lifestyle and continues to do so and looks the part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 Meetup groups are only for singles if they say they are for singles or for dating. Don't let your man keep you locked up if he won't even go out and do things with you. If he's that jealous for no reason then he's a problem but it shouldn't have to be your problem. He can't be so naive to think that every Meetup group is a singles dating group. People who automatically think if someone has 2 hours alone that they will cheat believe that way because that's how they think so they think everyone else thinks like them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
7675 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I think somebody inclined to cheat is going to cheat no matter what the scenario. With apps like Tinder, you can probably get the guy to come to you if that is what you wanted. A person who believes in fidelity won't cheat even if a naked person hops in bed with them. I somewhat disagree. I think we're all capable of cheating, it just takes the right circumstances. For example, OP might be completely loyal, but all it takes is befriending one of the hikers and connecting on a deeper level. Before she knows it, she might have an unwanted but undeniable attraction that could lead to trouble. That being said... Her boyfriend is being extremely unreasonable Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I somewhat disagree. I think we're all capable of cheating, it just takes the right circumstances. For example, OP might be completely loyal, but all it takes is befriending one of the hikers and connecting on a deeper level. Before she knows it, she might have an unwanted but undeniable attraction that could lead to trouble. That being said... Her boyfriend is being extremely unreasonable She would still need to make a decision to cheat. A decision to put herself in that situation and a decision to act on it. Cheating doesn't "just happen" though that's a common excuse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 He is behaving like a toddler and throwing his toys out of the pram. Maybe it does lead to cheating by some folk but he is lacking in respect for you if he is putting you in the bracket where you're not bright enough to make a choice to not cheat. I had an ex who when I told him about our yearly work seminars (compulsory and no partners) said the same thing 'everyone sleeps with everyone at those things'. He informed me that I would never be attending again and that if I went he would find out the location and turn up. Funnily enough, my whole working life (31 years) has involved these type of events and I've never slept with anyone at any of them. My ex was massively insecure and turned out to be controlling and abusive as a result - in many many ways. Does this guy attempt to control any other areas of your life or put you down in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 [...] For example, OP might be completely loyal, but all it takes is befriending one of the hikers and connecting on a deeper level. Before she knows it, she might have an unwanted but undeniable attraction that could lead to trouble. That being said... Her boyfriend is being extremely unreasonable Before it gets to that point, most people with boundaries usually put a stop to it. But even if this person just happened upon this sudden and intense attraction, if they are loyal, they wouldn't act on it. OP bf has trust issues which may or may not be warranted and of course if a person is going to cheat they don't need a meetup group to do it. But I've been to a few myself and few of the men there do use it as a dating venue , but if the woman has boundaries and a modicum of sense, she knows what's up and shuts it down 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 (edited) I somewhat disagree. I think we're all capable of cheating, it just takes the right circumstances. For example, OP might be completely loyal, but all it takes is befriending one of the hikers and connecting on a deeper level. Before she knows it, she might have an unwanted but undeniable attraction that could lead to trouble. No. That takes a conscious decision to enter into this. A person who is weak willed, lacks self discipline or takes a leave from what is right and wrong would be the type of person who does this.. If you have no intention of cheating, you're not going to cheat or allow yourself to be maneuvered into a position where cheating becomes the conscious decision to make. Edited August 8, 2017 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 It sounds like your boyfriend needs to take a step back and work on his trust issues and insecurities. I imagine his dislike of MeetUp groups will extend to other aspects of your life and he may become more controlling. These are things HE needs to work on as it doesn't sound like you are giving him any reason to distrust you. So, I would suggest that you continue to go hiking with the MeetUp groups and enjoy the activity. If he is that spun out about it, then he can come up with a list of things that you two can do together instead of sitting around, watching TV. Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 As stated before, MOST meetup groups are not for singles/hookups/whatever. But it's just like any other social situation. Does he not like it when you go to work alone? Does he not like it if you go shopping alone? Does he not allow you to eat out alone? Meetup groups are no more likely to lead to cheating than anything else except that you see the same people multiple times and can develop affection for them. If you want to keep this boyfriend, I think you need to develop some common interests! Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 I think a lot of the people going to Meetup are looking for romance/hookups. I know several women who use it to screen guys, it's safer than online dating because it does have that find friends vibe to it. But people definitely use it as a hookup option... just like any other internet group that attracts singles. Let your bf know that you want him to come with you to all events and reassure him that it's a great way for you guys to find other couples-friends. Homebodies naturally feel a bit intimidated by very social people. Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 As stated before, MOST meetup groups are not for singles/hookups/whatever. But it's just like any other social situation. Does he not like it when you go to work alone? Does he not like it if you go shopping alone? Does he not allow you to eat out alone? Meetup groups are no more likely to lead to cheating than anything else except that you see the same people multiple times and can develop affection for them. If you want to keep this boyfriend, I think you need to develop some common interests! I'm not sure I'd want to keep this boyfriend. maybe he should be thinking of calming down so he can keep HER. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frosted_fakes Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Thanks for the replies everyone. Sorry it's been awhile, he ended up breaking up with me anyways. Never gave him a reason to distrust me. Think I should head to the break-up section. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Frosted_fakes Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 People start off with mutual interests and find out that they weren't 'mutual' after all. That is one of the things I dread about dating, whether the mutual interests are real and a part of one's life or fleeting and artificial to simply reel someone in. This is why when I say that I want an active/fit lady, I mean someone who has lived that lifestyle and continues to do so and looks the part. He said he was into adventures and he'd always talk about what he did in the past. Well, I guess past self and present self were totally different. He would also claim that he'd go to the gym everyday. Maybe everyday when we first started dating but then no. I saw him on a dating site and he's still misrepresenting himself, like he said he loves lifting weights but when we were together he said he hated people who lift weights. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Sorry to hear that. Kind of? He sounded like an insecure nightmare anyway! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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