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How to handle group dating events?


max3732

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I went to a group dating event where we went kayaking and it left me with a lot of questions. It was a very strange event to say the least.

 

Everyone just stood around before getting out on the water and the only people talking were 2 women that came together. There were only 2 women there I would consider and when we were told to pick a partner for a tandem kayak I found one of them still talking to her friend that she came to the event with. I introduced myself and asked if she'd like to join me on the kayak and was surprised she told me she was going with her friend. Why would she go to a singles event with her friend and spend the entire time with her?

 

There were some no shows so I ended up going with another guy. When he saw the kayak with the 2 women he was as shocked as me and went up and they said they just wanted to stick to themselves.

 

There was a place where we stopped and I tried talking to the other one I was interested in, but felt kind of awkward with this huge group and didn't really know what to talk about with a circle of strangers. I tried asking about kayaking experience, what she thought of the area, where she's from, etc and managed to get her opinion on some different areas she's visited. Didn't really feel any chemistry and felt like I ran out of things to talk about.

 

Next weekend I'm going to a photography class (not a singles event) for beginners in the hopes of meeting someone there. What are some good strategies for trying to talk to someone if I find someone at the photography class or any other group event?

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scooby-philly

Hey OP,

 

I can so relate to what you said! Let me ask you a few questions, tell you about myself, and then maybe offer some advice

 

How old are you? What country/region do you live in? What interests do you have? What do you find attractive in a woman? Do you find yourself, in hindsight, repeating certain behaviors? Do you find you are attracted to a certain type of woman?

 

Asking that, because I've found for myself and heard plenty of stories - people can have either positive or negative "auras" that attract either the right or wrong type of person. And sometimes if we have unconscious issues we can be unconsciously attracting the wrong type.

 

Now I'm 36. I didn't really date, unfortunately, during HS and College and most of my 20's - introverted, body conscious, self-esteem issues, etc. And my family was repressive and also emotionally a wreck so unlike lots of people who had girls around them growing up I didn't. And I sunk energy into friends and family that in the long run, didn't turn out to be that supportive/loving of me. So a bunch of hard lessons learned. I haven't found great success in dating - but that's because to my earlier point - I was attracting women who couldn't find normal, healthy guys to be with them b/c they weren't normal and healthy - and I was the "Nice Guy" that didn't know my own value and didn't know that if I kept working on myself, kept learning and growing my career, kept in shape, lived the life I wanted to live - I could make new friends, do the impossible and find a great woman I found attractive, and build something that I would have thought impossible at 15, 20, or 25.

 

So - to your question - I don't think there's a great "strategy" per se. If you weren't lucky enough to find your "true love" (and I mean that in a realistic, life partner not some fairy tale thing) in H.S. or College or early in your early 20's - it's still possible to find the right woman - but you can't go about it like that's your only mission in life. Join meetup groups, do what you love, do new things that interest you, use on online dating site, open up to friends/family you can trust and let them know what you want and what you're feeling. And just go about life - but always be willing to talk to women, make the first move, do the tough thing and prepare for rejection but never be afraid to ask someone out, to try and talk to someone ,etc. I've done a few of those "dating activities" before - a board/card game night, a wine tasting, etc - I find that some women bring friends as a crutch or support - and they're almost always too busy with their friends as a rule, and let's face it - a lot of guys that go to those things are socially awkward or oblivious and most good women stay away from those on a whole. Again, not that I have the best track record, but I will say the 2 longest LTRs I've had - I met the women while just out being myself and enjoying life and even if you attract a bad woman or it takes longer than you want and your heart can stand - nothing is sexier to a woman than a man that's loving life, confident, and happy.

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Well, two things. One, singles event don't necessarily exclude gay people. But if the two were just friends, then they just weren't especially attracted to any of the guys there and decided to just stick to each other. It's a good way to meet people, but there's certainly no obligation to anyone at a group event to choose someone to date if they aren't interested.

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Hey OP,

 

I can so relate to what you said! Let me ask you a few questions, tell you about myself, and then maybe offer some advice

 

How old are you? What country/region do you live in? What interests do you have? What do you find attractive in a woman? Do you find yourself, in hindsight, repeating certain behaviors? Do you find you are attracted to a certain type of woman?

 

Asking that, because I've found for myself and heard plenty of stories - people can have either positive or negative "auras" that attract either the right or wrong type of person. And sometimes if we have unconscious issues we can be unconsciously attracting the wrong type.

 

Now I'm 36. I didn't really date, unfortunately, during HS and College and most of my 20's - introverted, body conscious, self-esteem issues, etc. And my family was repressive and also emotionally a wreck so unlike lots of people who had girls around them growing up I didn't. And I sunk energy into friends and family that in the long run, didn't turn out to be that supportive/loving of me. So a bunch of hard lessons learned. I haven't found great success in dating - but that's because to my earlier point - I was attracting women who couldn't find normal, healthy guys to be with them b/c they weren't normal and healthy - and I was the "Nice Guy" that didn't know my own value and didn't know that if I kept working on myself, kept learning and growing my career, kept in shape, lived the life I wanted to live - I could make new friends, do the impossible and find a great woman I found attractive, and build something that I would have thought impossible at 15, 20, or 25.

 

So - to your question - I don't think there's a great "strategy" per se. If you weren't lucky enough to find your "true love" (and I mean that in a realistic, life partner not some fairy tale thing) in H.S. or College or early in your early 20's - it's still possible to find the right woman - but you can't go about it like that's your only mission in life. Join meetup groups, do what you love, do new things that interest you, use on online dating site, open up to friends/family you can trust and let them know what you want and what you're feeling. And just go about life - but always be willing to talk to women, make the first move, do the tough thing and prepare for rejection but never be afraid to ask someone out, to try and talk to someone ,etc. I've done a few of those "dating activities" before - a board/card game night, a wine tasting, etc - I find that some women bring friends as a crutch or support - and they're almost always too busy with their friends as a rule, and let's face it - a lot of guys that go to those things are socially awkward or oblivious and most good women stay away from those on a whole. Again, not that I have the best track record, but I will say the 2 longest LTRs I've had - I met the women while just out being myself and enjoying life and even if you attract a bad woman or it takes longer than you want and your heart can stand - nothing is sexier to a woman than a man that's loving life, confident, and happy.

 

Thanks for the great insight. I'm the same age as you and live in the US with a wide range of interests. I'm genuinely interested in a bunch of different sports, cars, photography, science, etc.

 

In HS/college I dated a little bit, but nothing serious. In grad school I dated someone seriously for over 2 years, but figured out she wasn't right for me. Since then I've met a bunch of different women just going out and being myself and one of them was on the rebound and ended up marrying her ex, and 3 of them ended up moving to another state/country just when I was trying to move from spending a lot of time as a friend to dating (Yes I verified they actually did move there). I had another long distance relationship where i had high hopes, but that ended a few months ago.

 

So I signed up for online dating and met one person that was something like a 95% match, but she told me she was looking for a religious leader in his church and that was a deal breaker. I went to a speed dating event and didn't meet anyone and now this kayaking was a disaster. When I go out and am myself I'm with either all men or if there are any women my age they're married.

 

Most of my friends now are married and constantly posting pictures with their spouse/kids and it's gotten to the point I don't even go on social media anymore.

 

When I'm with friends or meet new people I think I come across as confident, but being around someone I'm attracted to is a whole other story since I just don't find that many people that I like. I've got a wonderful job, supportive friends/family and am a pretty high performance athlete. I'm just clueless about to meet someone.

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  • 1 month later...
speed-dating
I went to a group dating event where we went kayaking and it left me with a lot of questions. It was a very strange event to say the least.

 

Everyone just stood around before getting out on the water and the only people talking were 2 women that came together. There were only 2 women there I would consider and when we were told to pick a partner for a tandem kayak I found one of them still talking to her friend that she came to the event with. I introduced myself and asked if she'd like to join me on the kayak and was surprised she told me she was going with her friend. Why would she go to a singles event with her friend and spend the entire time with her?

 

There were some no shows so I ended up going with another guy. When he saw the kayak with the 2 women he was as shocked as me and went up and they said they just wanted to stick to themselves.

 

There was a place where we stopped and I tried talking to the other one I was interested in, but felt kind of awkward with this huge group and didn't really know what to talk about with a circle of strangers. I tried asking about kayaking experience, what she thought of the area, where she's from, etc and managed to get her opinion on some different areas she's visited. Didn't really feel any chemistry and felt like I ran out of things to talk about.

 

Next weekend I'm going to a photography class (not a singles event) for beginners in the hopes of meeting someone there. What are some good strategies for trying to talk to someone if I find someone at the photography class or any other group event?

 

I see that the speed dating event you attended had poor organisers. If that’s some other event, rules will be laid out at the start to make sure everyone will have a great time. Also, they should have checked the number of attendees as well as the man-woman ratio to avoid such awkward moments from happening. Sometimes, traditional dating events done in bars and restaurants are still better compared to others that have too much gimmicks. As for your photography class, seeing that this is not a dating event, I suggest that you must be simple and smooth when speaking with others. Most of all, remember to stick to the subject of photography especially during the so you wouldn’t seem out of place. Other matters shall come after class. Hope this helps!

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But if the two were just friends, then they just weren't especially attracted to any of the guys there and decided to just stick to each other. It's a good way to meet people, but there's certainly no obligation to anyone at a group event to choose someone to date if they aren't interested.

 

Yes, that's exactly what I think was the case.

If there were guys there that they were interested in, they wouldn't be long unsticking themselves!

 

Hopefully you have a genuine interest in photography, so if you do find someone you are interested in, the conversation should flow naturally.

Edited by joseb
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I see that the speed dating event you attended had poor organisers. If that’s some other event, rules will be laid out at the start to make sure everyone will have a great time. Also, they should have checked the number of attendees as well as the man-woman ratio to avoid such awkward moments from happening. Sometimes, traditional dating events done in bars and restaurants are still better compared to others that have too much gimmicks. As for your photography class, seeing that this is not a dating event, I suggest that you must be simple and smooth when speaking with others. Most of all, remember to stick to the subject of photography especially during the so you wouldn’t seem out of place. Other matters shall come after class. Hope this helps!

 

With the kayaking they said there would be an even number, but there were several no shows.

 

My photography class I found really interesting and learned a lot of new tips, but the youngest person there besides me was probably in her 60's. Since I found it interesting and the instructor said that they get all kinds of people I signed up for another couple classes with them and one with a different group.

 

Basically I'm trying to think of ways to meet people, but don't know what else to do.

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