markj66 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) Am I the paranoid one here? Two months ago I've taken a look at my GF's exes FB page and saw she's been liking his new pictures and posts all over. Every single time. I didn't really care at all, to be honest... Nevertheless, after that I went over to one of my exe's FB and liked one of her most recent posts. Just one. Both me and my current GF and my ex are each others' FB friends (we all went to the same school). I notice the next day that my current GF has removed my ex from her FB friends list. Nothing happens for a week. A week later she finally confronts me of why I have liked one of my exes posts. (by the way, that ex was from something like 8 years ago...) I thought she must joking, since she's all over liking her exes' posts and pictures every single time, no exception when a post/picture is made. She probably assumed I can't see those, but his posts are public. But no, she was actually very serious and upset about it, like, for real. Basically told her this is childish, and pointed out she's doing the same with her ex, but all the time instead. She dropped it then as there wasn't anything she could really say... Now I'm just randomly looking at her exes profile and she's again keep liking everything he's posting. Even commenting on some pictures. Also noticed his name is on #1 place in the Facebook chat bar once when I was with her. Meaning she's talking with him a lot (FB ranks people you talk with a lot higher in the chat bar - he's #1). What's worse, I also saw she's liking the pictures and posts made by one of her recent ex-f*ck buddies who happens to be a 40 year old married man with 2 children. She told me the affair was over before we met but also mentioned that the 40 year old dude has around 2 months ago approached her and mentioned that he would like to still meet with her despite her having a boyfriend. i.e resume the affair, he cheats on wife, she cheats on me. btw the affair was supposedly on-going for 3 years. She said she of course rejected. But if you have rejected him and 100% don't want anything at all with him anymore but know for a fact that he does because he explicitly said so, then why still casually like his posts? Isn't that like either purposefully drawing attention to you or still maintaining him at arms length just in case? Like, still rejecting him but at the same time kinda reminding him that you're still around... so he doesn't completely forget you? You supposedly moved on. Want to have a real relationship and all that stuff, so why keep those kind of people still around? I mean, I might get the ex boyfriend thing. People stay friends, etc., sure. But the 40 year old f*ck buddy married dude with 2 children who just weeks ago explicitly proposed to you to cheat on your BF and resume the affair with him? Isn't it inappropriate to have any form of contact of any kind whatsoever with that man? I don't think you do that with someone you want to get rid off and want to avoid any further contact and further sexual proposals from his behalf. (remember, she was not understanding and found it inappropriate that I liked one picture of a girl I dated 8 years ago) Am I just paranoid or are all these red flags? Or is it all just in my head? What would you do in this situation? 1. Should I just forget it, as I'm just jealous and paranoid? 2. Should I talk with her about it? If yes, how? I mean, I will 100% come over as a jealous and insecure schmuck. It would be so easy to turn this against me and make me look like the bad guy here. What's the best way to approach this? tl;dr: GF is still best facebook buddies with ex and 40 year old married f*ck buddy but flips out when I like a picture of one of my exes of 8 years ago. Edited July 14, 2017 by markj66 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Yes, red flags. This is inappropriate and unacceptable. I would be hesitant to have any involvement with someone that had an affair with a married man for a number of years. Extremely hesitant knowing that she is still in contact with him. This is absolutely messed up! I would up and leave. She is being totally disrespectful to you and to the family of that married man. Plus, her liking every post by her ex is too weird for me. And you are all Facebook buddies with each others exs. This is odd. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 1. Should I just forget it, as I'm just jealous and paranoid? 2. Should I talk with her about it? If yes, how? I mean, I will 100% come over as a jealous and insecure schmuck. It would be so easy to turn this against me and make me look like the bad guy here. What's the best way to approach this? 1. No. You shouldn't just forget it. You should be a bit concerned. 2. Your gf knows, by your own admission, that you are looking at her face book page. If the behavior just started up, she is doing it as a form of revenge. She wants to pay you back for daring to 'like' your Ex's post. She knows she can't say anything as she is doing the exact same thing, so she is upping the game by engaging in communication with a former FWB. You shouldn't talk to her about it. You should just walk away. This behavior shows how childish she really is. These games are worth playing only if you are a teenager, not an adult. In reality you gf is cutting off her nose to spite her face... ask yourself whether this is something you really want to continue dealing with in the future? What will it look like ten years from now, after you are married to her and have kids with her? Yep... just walk away now while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author markj66 Posted July 14, 2017 Author Share Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) And you are all Facebook buddies with each others exs. This is odd. No. Me, my GF and my ex from 8 years back were FB friends for the simple reason we all went to the same school 10 years ago. I'm not FB friend with her ex. I'm not FB friend with her ex-FWB. Their posts are just set to be visible to everyone (even non-friends), so that's how I can see their stuff. Your gf knows, by your own admission, that you are looking at her face book page. If the behavior just started up, she is doing it as a form of revenge. I think it's actually worse than that. Like I explained in the original post, it was her initially liking his ex BFs facebook posts. I never once brought it up with her, though. It was her who confronted me for why I liked one of my ex's posts. Without her having prior knowledge that I know that she has been doing the same. She was not aware at that time that I know that she's been all over her ex on FB. Something that I have actually just discovered now a few minutes ago: I went over the ex-FWB's profile again, and this liking of pictures and posts is not recent. She has been doing it continually for the last 9 months since we have been together. Keep also in mind that during these 9 months the ex-FWB explicitly asked her at least once (that I know of) to resume their affair despite the fact of him being aware that she has a BF now. Yet, after supposedly shutting him off, she keeps continuing liking his Facebook pictures. As explained, I completely understand exes may sill remain friends. But the 40 year old married guy with children? What's there to gain by still maintaining contact with him, if supposedly you are over that kind of things and want a real relationship now? And especially considering that just recently he made it explicitly clear that he is still interested in a sexual affair with you. Why keep continuing drawing his attention to you by constantly liking everything he posts on Facebook? Edited July 14, 2017 by markj66 Link to post Share on other sites
niji Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Why keep continuing drawing his attention to you by constantly liking everything he posts on Facebook? I think this is a rhetorical question, in that you asked not because you don't know the answer, but because you want a confirmation of what you already knew. Personally, an SO having any contact with an ex more than a friendly greets every once in a while is a dealbreaker for me. Chatting with each other extensively is a dealbreaker. Chatting with them after they offer to have sex with you, knowing you're in a relationship already, is an absolute "let's end this right here and now". Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 When you get accused of something, that means she is projecting her own guilt. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 I'd tell her to clean up her own mess before stepping to you about what you're doing. She has no room to complain. Sounds to me as if she's thirsty for attention. Does she feel she doesn't get enough attention from you or validation from you and she feels she has to go seek it elsewhere? If so, then you need to drop her and find someone who's not rapacious for attention, but then spins around and tells you you can't do what she's doing. That's nuts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 She's cheating on you, bro. Maybe it hasn't happened physically yet (although I wouldn't be surprised) but she is mentally and probably emotionally. The physical is just a matter of time. Were it me, I wouldn't care since mental and emotional cheating is just as bad. But if you stay with her, it's really just a matter of time (and not very much). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Carolebartley Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Hey Why you not catch it You already cheated Do same with her that she do You will get positive result soon Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 16, 2017 Share Posted July 16, 2017 Why keep continuing drawing his attention to you by constantly liking everything he posts on Facebook? Why do you continue to put this much energy into this? Why haven't you already dumped her for being completely inappropriate for being in constant contact with an ex who wants sexual service from her? You're getting something out of this interaction that you're not owning up to. Link to post Share on other sites
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