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He Didn't Invite me


candywor

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I been dating this guy for a 7 months and first he had this thing about not wanting to be my boyfriend, cause his quote was " If things are good now, why change it," so finally things changed and now he is my guy.

 

The thing is he went on a vacation that he does every year with his friends but he didn't invite me. This is the second time that he didn't invite me to something. The first time I called him on this. This time I let it slide becuase I thought, well it's something he does everyyear with his friends, maybe he needs his space.

 

Anyway during this time, my ex found out through someone else that I was seeing this guy, and he claims this guy spreaded rumors about me. I called him while he was on vacation and asked if this was true, and he denied it. I really do not think he said anything though, cause from what I know that isn't his personality, in fact it is more my ex personality to be vindictive. Anyway he was pretty mad that I accused him. Did I mess up by asking him this. Do you think he will hold this against me. I tried calling him two other times but he never answered. Should I really even bother?

 

I really like this guy but our whole relationship I always felt like he didn't feel as strong as I did about him.

 

What should I do?

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overseas2004

It may or may not be true that you like him more than he likes you. What it seems more like is that you have problems with self esteem. My goal though is not to make you feel bad but to make you change this behavior because he can sense it. The most important thing to tell you I guess is ... if you dont hold yourself in high regard ...why would he?

 

I know plenty of men who were really mean and nasty to their girlfriends but it was mostly because the girlfriend let things slip by kind of like you have.

 

In your case your first mistake was to allow someone to be with you who refused to say that you were his girlfriend. Now, while it is ok for him to go with his friends sometimes without you and I dont think this is a big deal, you also need not to be left home all the time. You need to think about every action which makes you upset. Then you need to trust what your instincts say about that action. Trust your instincts and do what you think is right.

 

For example: Next time before you call him up and ask him if he is spreading rumors about you decide whether you really think it is reasonable that he said that.

 

Next example: Its not cool that he wont answer your calls or that he hasnt called you back. I wouldnt stand for that. And if I were you, I wouldnt answer a few of his calls. Nor would I allow him to see me ever again without a huge apology and promises that he wont do it again.

 

The road that you pave now is what your relationship will be like. If you teach him that he doesnt have to respect you... he probably wont.

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Originally posted by candywor

I been dating this guy for a 7 months and first he had this thing about not wanting to be my boyfriend, cause his quote was " If things are good now, why change it," so finally things changed and now he is my guy.

 

The thing is he went on a vacation that he does every year with his friends but he didn't invite me. This is the second time that he didn't invite me to something. The first time I called him on this. This time I let it slide becuase I thought, well it's something he does everyyear with his friends, maybe he needs his space.

 

Anyway during this time, my ex found out through someone else that I was seeing this guy, and he claims this guy spreaded rumors about me. I called him while he was on vacation and asked if this was true, and he denied it. I really do not think he said anything though, cause from what I know that isn't his personality, in fact it is more my ex personality to be vindictive. Anyway he was pretty mad that I accused him. Did I mess up by asking him this. Do you think he will hold this against me. I tried calling him two other times but he never answered. Should I really even bother?

 

I really like this guy but our whole relationship I always felt like he didn't feel as strong as I did about him.

 

What should I do?

 

 

whoa... you just need to slow down. he was within his rights not to invite you. i understand noone likes to be left back, but you yourself said that he goes on this trip every year with his friends, and you all just started dating exclusively.

 

yeah, you messed up. first you listened to somebody's (who may have alterior motives) rumors. you confronted him while he was on vacation. basically you probably confirmed some fears he had before you guys got exclusive, dealing with trust and control and all that good stuff. i don't think that it is unsalvagable though. it could be solved by a simple apology.

 

I don't know if he will hold it against you. hopefully not, but you need to slow it down a bit. i wouldn't worry too much about him not calling you back. he is probably just working off some steam because he couldn't believe you believed that stuff about him.

 

the real issue is this i think...

 

**I really like this guy but our whole relationship I always felt like he didn't feel as strong as I did about him.**

 

this is what you need to communicate with him. it may or not be the case but you need to tell him that is how you feel, whether or not it makes it better or worse, because if you don't deal with this issue, you will drive yourself crazy...

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Ok. Thanks. I do hope that is it and thing work out. I do get your point about slowing down and, taking it easy. I'll see what happens and have more confidence in being with him and about myself.

 

Thanks again.

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RecordProducer

This is a one-sided relationship. You should cool down and start living your life. Stop being obsessed with him, go out with friends, turn him down when he wants to see you cuz you have other people to see or things to do. Don't be so clingy. Show him that you have more in your life than him and that should be the truth. One-sided relationships rarely turn into something good. He is not likely to fall in love with you if things stay the way they are. Your only chance is to slip away from his hands. If he doesn't seem to mind it then it wasn't meant to be. Every woman should have self-respect and expect to be treated like a lady. But in order to have that, you must act like a lady. Don't be emotionally dependent on him. If he went on a vacation without you then he is not in love with you. You feel it with your gut too.

And remember that if he insists to see you on Saturday night and is sweet to you, it doesn't mean he loves you. It only means that he needs sex from you. Love is so much more than that.

Forget the whole story about the ex and about him holding it against you. Obviously he didn't deserve your full trust. If you just asked him, it's completely okay, but if you accused him then don't do it next time.

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