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He said he would call - but didn´t ... now what?!


aSadGirl

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Last tuesday i went on a date and he said it was the first perfect date (we went in a green park, ate at restaurant, drank wine and hooked up all total of 6 hours socializing between 5PM to 11PM) and he baught me a cab home and said he would call me on monday after his trip to spain where he would attend his friend´s wedding.. its now thursday and he havent called!

 

i tried to call him once yesterday evening to no responce. His ex would be on the same trip (they went on their friends wedding) so im suspecting he is trying to get back together with her... cause after we slept together he told me she will be there but that he will try to avoid her and she broke up with him from nowhere in march after 3-years relationship.. it indicates to me he isnt over her and i made a huge mistake sleeping with him so soon. he said he already had rebounds and that it was something else with me but i dont know...

 

ive been crying all evening more or less (my eyes burns like fireballs) cause im so tired of guys "promising" me things but they only want to sleep with me it seems nothing more :'(

 

i want to talk to him to find out the resons behind him changing his heart.. as a closure. but im not sure if he will give me it since he´s been so quiet and didnt call back or anything yet...

 

It hurts so much and i really regret sleeping with him. Now in total 10 guys in my soon 30-year old life and i feel disgusting thinking about it.. even if most were with condom.. and almost realtionships but ive never gotten a boyfriend, seems im not good enough for anyone as a girlfriend despite being beautiful, intelligent, sexy, smart, caring etc...

 

It makes me so down i just want to go die if it was possible... but instead im here crying and getting a heartache and headache..

 

Im thinking about calling this guy one more time later today and if he doesnt pick upp phone write "Hi its me... Call back? I´d like to talk to you shortly, 243893507" ?

 

I liked him and thought it would be great for us to continue dating but apperantly he didnt felt the same despite his positive words that seemed like he wanted to meet me again but i was wrong.

 

please help with some wise words and suggestions, thank you.

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I"m sorry you're feeling this way.

 

My best advice is to stop calling him. He probably has seen his phone, seen your number pop up and swiped the info off the screen to send the call to voice mail. He knows you're trying to get in touch with him. He knows what he told you. He is choosing to ignore you.

 

As to your lament about being almost 30 and not having had a boyfriend, it could very well be that you are feeling desperate about not having a boyfriend and you act out your desperate feelings by rushing too fast with a guy who has not proven that he even wants what you want. And you won't find that out in 6 hours--this is something that you suss out through a series of conversations over weeks.

 

The fact that he waited until after he had sex with you to tell you that his ex would be where he was traveling is telling... it means he has no problem being deceitful. There is no reason why that couldn't have been said before you had sex. That was a calculated move on his part to lead you in a direction where, if you had that information, you most likely wouldn't have gone.

 

Cry this out of your system. Make sure to get some nasal spray so that you don't end up getting a sinus infection behind a stopped up nose (that happened to me when I was going through my break up 7 years ago) Put some cold chamomile tea bags on your eyes to soothe them. Before you put them on your eyes, though, pick up your phone, block his number then delete his information from your phone. That is the first step toward reclaiming your self esteem.

Edited by kendahke
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You didn't sleep with him in exchange for getting a boyfriend. You did it because you wanted to. And you wanted to either because the sex didn't mean much to you, or you loved him. I don't think you loved him, because you don't even know him that well.

 

So don't feel too bad about sleeping with him. You had fun and it was nothing. No need to feel sorry for yourself.

 

This guy is not somebody you want to keep. The best thing he can do is disappear because you don't want him (you shouldn't want him).

 

You're not crying because he's the love of your life, or because you'll miss him. You cried because your pride is hurt. Would it help if he comes back so you can give him the boot? But the end result is the same: that he be gone.

 

This guy was no big deal. Not worth getting so upset. Don't contact him at all. The more you contact him, the worse you'll feel. Why do that to yourself?

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aSadGirl, you've been crying with eyeball fires over two different guys today.

 

This can't possibly be about the men - it's about your mental state.

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confused_gf

You're probably emotional because you got so physical with him so soon. I don't blame you, same thing happened to me recently. But I just have to say "Yeah I really liked the dude, but it was just a physical thing, I had fun. That was it. Period." It so easy to over romanticize something that is not that deep. He isn't in your life for a reason, hun.

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Cry your eyeballs out and feel the pain and get it out of your system. Tomorrow, be pissed. He's an a**.

 

Don't call, don't text. I know you want to, but do not do it. Sit down and write an email you don't send....DO NOT SEND ANYTHING IN YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE. Just get it out of your system.

 

Don't be ashamed for sleeping with someone. You get to enjoy sex, and you need to let go of the stigma of the "slut" we all grew up with. Just be safe and enjoy. Men tend to drop off the planet after the deed is done, and this could be after 6 hours or 6 weeks. You just don't know. It hurts tremendously. You always take that risk. Men tend to be better lovers if you hold off on a few dates. If they are interested enough in you for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., date, they want to please you. Hold off. If they disappear after that, at least you got a descent romp. It still hurts, but hurts less than a pump and dump.

 

It was one date. It was a blissful date that apparently was not as important to him as it was to you. I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. Do not contact him again. I know it's hard not to, but don't. Is there one thing in your life you've been trying to get around to doing but the time isn't there? It could be organizing the pantry or getting back into that hobby, but the time is now immerse yourself in something else that improves your life and takes your mind away from him...but you get one day of crying.

Edited by act00
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aSadGirl,

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you, but here's my advice for what it's worth.

 

1. Do your crying today and then stop.

2. Take a deep breath and then start moving forward, doing anything you enjoy to occupy your mind.

3. Learn from this experience and stop beating yourself up about it..

4. On future dates keep them short, coffee, whatever,and make sure you have something else to go on to afterwards. In other words don't invest too much in one meeting.

5. Don't have sex with guys if you don't know them properly. You can't know someone's intention after one date. "Don't show the movie before the trailer"

6.If you want a relationship make sure you screen for people who want the same as you do. Again, you won't know that after one date.

7. And whatever you do , do not, repeat, do not, contact this guy again.

 

Good luck x

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Thank you all but why are everyone so against me contacting him? I really just want a better ending than to stop talking.. I wish to know his thoughts and feelings to better understand why this happened and I can only do that if he talks to me and tells me about it.

I need that closure. I don't want to guess what's wrong with me :(

How about me writing some text instead of calling? But then he can think about the answer

. A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

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Versacehottie
Thank you all but why are everyone so against me contacting him? I really just want a better ending than to stop talking.. I wish to know his thoughts and feelings to better understand why this happened and I can only do that if he talks to me and tells me about it.

I need that closure. I don't want to guess what's wrong with me :(

How about me writing some text instead of calling? But then he can think about the answer

. A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

 

Because it's not a good idea for you to keep trying to reach him. He does not want to be reached and when he does you will hear back. Chasing after him won't get you the answer you want. You are not going to "talk him into anything". Wanting "closure" is just code for holding out hope and an excuse for wanting to keep reaching out. What do you need to know besides at the moment he is not into moving things forward with you, at your pace? You will keep hurting your pride which as someone stated above is probably the real reason you are sad. If you really think about it, why would you want to pin down someone who isn't totally into you? It's that simple.

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aSadGirl,

I need that closure.

 

No, you don't need it. Sometimes you have to get closure by yourself.

 

I don't want to guess what's wrong with me

 

There's nothing wrong with you ffs :rolleyes: - he's already rejected you and that is his choice, nothing to do with you, so why give him the opportunity to stick the shiv in ??

 

A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

 

No it wouldn't - he could hang up on you and block you, then how would you feel?

 

Do not contact him, it makes you look needy and desperate.

 

Stop giving this guy headspace, have some self-respect and move on.

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Thank you all but why are everyone so against me contacting him? I really just want a better ending than to stop talking.. I wish to know his thoughts and feelings to better understand why this happened and I can only do that if he talks to me and tells me about it.

I need that closure. I don't want to guess what's wrong with me :(

How about me writing some text instead of calling? But then he can think about the answer

. A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

 

We are against you contacting him because it will not play out to the satisfaction that your imagination is conjuring and right now, you still have your dignity somewhat in tact. Texting or calling him will end up with you desperately throwing your dignity on the ground in front of him for him to walk over and away.

 

You assume 1. he's going to take your call and 2. he's not going to hang up on you. If he's been ignoring you this long, chances are, he's blocked you on his phone and that's why you haven't heard from him.

 

You don't need to get closure from him--that's a fallacy. You get closure for yourself, by yourself. Thinking you'll get it from him comes from watching too many movies--that mess rarely plays out like you've seen it in movies and it certainly will not play out the way you're envisioning it.

 

No, do not contact him in anyway. Right now, you're speculating on how this is going to play out--do you really need for him to unzip the lizard on you to show you exactly how little he regards you?

 

This will not result in him saying "oh, wow--I've been such a fool! Yes, I do love you and want to be with you". Again, a fictitious Hollywood movie ending.

 

There is nothing wrong with you. Everyone is entitled to their preferences and they are also entitled to keep that to themselves. This just didn't work out. Take it for what is was worth--you had a great time, you had sex and it's lived out its purpose in both your lives and you move on.

Edited by kendahke
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It was one date and he isn't worth your tears. Ask yourself why did you have sex with him on the first date and I'll bet the answer is because you wanted it. Well he felt the same way. So why the regret when you know that one time sex doesn't equal a relationship. Just because he said it was a perfect date doesn't mean he wanted a relationship either. I think from this point forward you need to hold back the casual sex because you seem to expect more after the deed is done. Stop having sex and you won't take these things so hard.

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I agree, stop contacting him. Even if you end up talking, you may not get to hear what you want to.That will be worse as you will be left with more questions than answers.

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ExpatInItaly
Thank you all but why are everyone so against me contacting him? I really just want a better ending than to stop talking.. I wish to know his thoughts and feelings to better understand why this happened and I can only do that if he talks to me and tells me about it.

I need that closure. I don't want to guess what's wrong with me :(

How about me writing some text instead of calling? But then he can think about the answer

. A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

 

Would you rather be ignored or blocked? Because it's likely to be the latter if you persist.

 

This was one date. There is no need to go over the deep edge and project all of your hurts on to this one guy.

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Last tuesday i went on a date and he said it was the first perfect date (we went in a green park, ate at restaurant, drank wine and hooked up all total of 6 hours socializing between 5PM to 11PM)

 

You had the whole bf experience complete with sex on the first date and all in 6 hours. He didn't even want you to spend the night, he called you a cab and said adios.

 

He told you a story about his ex and a wedding in Spain and said he would call.

He didn't.

It was basically a one night stand. YOU do not badger guys who you have a one night stand with and they do not badger you either.

 

YOU cannot now act like it was the love story of the century, it wasn't.

If you do not want guys to just sleep with you and dump you then you need to be very selective with the guys you date, and you do not just sleep with them after 6 hours...

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Thank you all but why are everyone so against me contacting him? I really just want a better ending than to stop talking.. I wish to know his thoughts and feelings to better understand why this happened and I can only do that if he talks to me and tells me about it.

I need that closure. I don't want to guess what's wrong with me :(

How about me writing some text instead of calling? But then he can think about the answer

. A call would take him more with surprise so he would be forced to give straight answers..

 

I'm sorry, but this skirts close to stalking behavior/though process. You barely dated this person. YOU chose to sleep with him.

 

Have some dignity and self-respect. And possibly seek some counseling for this dependent and extreme type of emotion.

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Calling a guy after what "appears" to be a one-night stand is a really bad idea. That call never goes the way you imagine it would. You've already called him once and he didn't respond. Calling him again sends a really bad message -- "hey, I'm desperate and if you want to string me along and come and go on your schedule and have sex, I'll be here".

 

Don't chase any man. You only had one date with this guy and then you were intimate. You both did that, you both own it. Accept it and don't try to call him out on that. He didn't do anything wrong.

 

And, the next time a guy schedules a date a day or two before a really big "trip" or around a period of time where they say they'll be unavailable for an extended period of time, don't go to bed with them. You wait until they return and if they call you again and keep seeing you, great. Sometimes a guy will set up a first date quickie, so to speak, before a big vacation figuring that she will forget about him while they are gone and keep moving.

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Don't chase any man.

 

^^ This ^^

 

In all your endeavours with men, you chase. In each and every thread you posted on LS, you chase. You go to pieces when a man rejects you. Whether it's a 6 month thing or one date. You possibly have abandonment issues and cannot manage someone leaving you.

 

You've received advice time and time again -- to forget the idea of dating and work on your self-esteem. Putting effort into finding a therapist to help you identify your issues and how to manage them -- you however choose to spin your wheels.

 

Until self-development happens, you'll keep repeating these destructive behaviors.

 

The men you date aren't the source of your misery. You are and the dysfunctional patterns you keep perpetuating.

Edited by Zahara
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Asadgirl

 

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. Calling him won't make the pain stop. You already called him once & he didn't call back. He had sex with you, sent you home in a cab then went to another country to see his EX GF who he is probably not over. While he may have intended to call you when he said he would, after he hooked up with her at the wedding he knows he can't call you now. He's probably dating her again & calling you would be cheating.

 

 

To prevent further pain learn two things: "I'll call you" is one of the biggest lies out there. Never believe somebody who says they'll call until they actually do. Second: If you want to have early sex (before a commitment) only do it because you want the instant gratification. Don't think it means anything to the other person other than s/he got off in that moment. No investing emotionally too early.

 

 

It's Thursday. Cry & wallow over the weekend if you must . . . but this was only one date & you have already wasted too much time on this. Come Monday, pick yourself up, dust yourself off & put this solidly behind you.

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I texted him

"You said you would call on Monday... so why didn't you?"

He replied instantly

"Yeah sorry. Call me"

Then 5 minutes later

"Or what's your number? I still don't got it "

 

When I called him yesterday I suspect it was a private number cause when i called a friend couple days ago who lost her phone she said it says private number.. so ok.. he didn't have it I know but he could've texted me Monday.

 

How it seems he wants to talk but I'm so sad yesterday and today. I've been crying all the time. Not just because he haven't called me but cause my "almost ex" has a new girlfriend and I fear I'll never get a boyfriend for life... they all up and leave.

 

I've been trying to seek help but where im from there is no.dating psychiatrists. And regular ones just try to see if I got some diagnosis such as borderline or ADD...

 

I feel hopeless

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I texted him

"You said you would call on Monday... so why didn't you?"

He replied instantly

"Yeah sorry. Call me"

Then 5 minutes later

"Or what's your number? I still don't got it "

 

When I called him yesterday I suspect it was a private number cause when i called a friend couple days ago who lost her phone she said it says private number.. so ok.. he didn't have it I know but he could've texted me Monday.

 

How it seems he wants to talk but I'm so sad yesterday and today. I've been crying all the time. Not just because he haven't called me but cause my "almost ex" has a new girlfriend and I fear I'll never get a boyfriend for life... they all up and leave.

 

I've been trying to seek help but where im from there is no.dating psychiatrists. And regular ones just try to see if I got some diagnosis such as borderline or ADD...

 

I feel hopeless

 

So did you give him your number and talk?

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So did you give him your number and talk?

 

Not yet.. i feel sad about my "almost ex" having a new grilfriend and like this new relationship is staring bad with intercorse first date and him not calling the day he said he would and only now answering when im "chasing" otherwise it feels like he perhaps wouldnt even bother contacting me again not even through the app... and it's a downer.. makes me not so keen to give him my number etc.. :(

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Not yet.. i feel sad about my "almost ex" having a new grilfriend and like this new relationship is staring bad with intercorse first date and him not calling the day he sais he would and only now answering when im "chasing" otherwise it feels like he perhaps wouldnt even bother contacting me again not even through the app... and it's a downer.. makes me not so keen to give him my number etc.. :( ����

 

You're making my head hurt. Bye.

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