Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Hello all, I have been dating a wonderful girl on and off for 4 years...she is very attractive and is very wholesome, good morals and generous, kind, forgiving. when we met she was not attractive at all and her personality seemed very boring to me..however over the years her appearance has improved 100% but I still find her personality to be a little boring... still, im finding it very hard to let go of such a great girl just because Im not feeling it with her...even though I know its the best thing for HER...she is in love with me do you think its possible after an extended break from contact we could meet again and I could fall for her? or is it never going to change maybe you have experience of this or know someone who does thank you Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 In short, no that doesn't work. Feelings for somebody don't take a break, and a break in a relationship feels like a rejection for the side in the relationship that didn't want the break. But out of curiosity: Why were you dating her to begin with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) In short, no that doesn't work. Feelings for somebody don't take a break, and a break in a relationship feels like a rejection for the side in the relationship that didn't want the break. But out of curiosity: Why were you dating her to begin with? I wanted to try and make it work...when you meet a girl who is a 10/10 in looks and a 10/10 in character and a 5/10 in personality...you want to give it a go also I was very lonely and she filled a void in my life Edited June 27, 2017 by Benji1991 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 You're dating her for unhealthy reasons. Time to let her go and work on yourself so you can form healthy relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Is it possible that you are not 10/10 in looks, character, and personality? What should she do if you're lacking in one or all of those areas? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I wanted to try and make it work...when you meet a girl who is a 10/10 in looks and a 10/10 in character and a 5/10 in personality...you want to give it a go Not necessarily. I wouldn't date her if she wasn't a fit. It's about what you want, not what a woman is or represents. also I was very lonely and she filled a void in my life I would be honest and let her know if it is something or somebody else you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) You're dating her for unhealthy reasons. Time to let her go and work on yourself so you can form healthy relationships. what if I dated her to fill a void in my life and then fell for her and she for me, and we lived happily ever after? Im not sure unhealthy dating is a sentence to misery but going back the OPS question, do you think love can manifest later on? Edited June 27, 2017 by Benji1991 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 but going back the OPS question, do you think love can manifest later on? Highly unlikely after being in a relationship for four years. It would be different if you had known her only superficially, but you already had the chance at a relationship and you did not love her back in the way she loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Highly unlikely after being in a relationship for four years. It would be different if you had known her only superficially, but you already had the chance at a relationship and you did not love her back in the way she loves you. are you saying that If I had kept the relationship casual I may have fallen for her? even if she would essentially be the same person? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 are you saying that If I had kept the relationship casual I may have fallen for her? even if she would essentially be the same person? No, that's not why I'm saying. You might not have had a definite way of knowing prior to being in a relationship, but now you do. There is no going back, you have a definite answer, but are unwilling to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 No, that's not why I'm saying. You might not have had a definite way of knowing prior to being in a relationship, but now you do. There is no going back, you have a definite answer, but are unwilling to accept it. I aint gonna meet someone like her again dawg Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) If she's that good, then she doesn't need you. Someone who is obviously lacking in many areas. Yet, still feels entitled to demand that she change a fundamental part of who she is. The best thing you can do for both of you is to work on yourself. Become the best you can be in looks, character, and personality. The best partner you can be to her. More considerate, conscientious, patient, kind, and ... humble. Appreciative. So many look to get the maximum out of a relationship. The focus should be on what you can give. To yourself and others. Go give her what she deserves. Every day in every way. If you can't do that, stop complaining. Edited June 27, 2017 by MidKnightDreams Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 If she's that good, then she doesn't need you. Someone who is obviously lacking in many areas. Yet, still feels entitled to demand that she change a fundamental part of who she is. The best thing you can do for both of you is to work on yourself. Become the best you can be in looks, character, and personality. The best partner you can be to her. More considerate, conscientious, patient, kind, and ... humble. Appreciative. So many look to get the maximum out of a relationship. The focus should be on what you can give. To yourself and others. Go give her what she deserves. I see where your coming from, and its harsh but positive advice, but you dont know anything about me :/ your not qualified to say what im lacking or not Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I see where your coming from, and its harsh but positive advice, but you dont know anything about me :/ your not qualified to say what im lacking or not You can. And have. It's not hard to draw inferences from what you've said. A man who has it all together wouldn't have been "lonely". In and out of a "terrible situation" for four years. Would be confident that he could get another quality woman. So, you're lacking in some areas. Obviously. I might not know the specifics, but you're coming up short. Which means you need to focus on YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 You can. And have. It's not hard to draw inferences from what you've said. A man who has it all together wouldn't have been "lonely". In and out of a "terrible situation" for four years. Would be confident that he could get another quality woman. So, you're lacking in some areas. Obviously. I might not know the specifics, but you're coming up short. Which means you need to focus on YOU. True, to be honest im finding your blunt replies really motivating...I like you...keep roasting me Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 True, to be honest im finding your blunt replies really motivating...I like you...keep roasting me Actually, I like you too. I'm being blunt with you because I think you're strong enough to handle it. I just wanted to give you a different perspective. It's not about being mean to you. I want you to experience the shift that occurs within relationships when you start to focus on being the best man you can be - for yourself and her. To yourself and her. It changes your perspective. Could make you more appreciative of what you have. Her also. Which could lead to a better relationship for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Actually, I like you too. I'm being blunt with you because I think you're strong enough to handle it. I just wanted to give you a different perspective. It's not about being mean to you. I want you to experience the shift that occurs within relationships when you start to focus on being the best man you can be - for yourself and her. To yourself and her. It changes your perspective. Could make you more appreciative of what you have. Her also. Which could lead to a better relationship for both of you. yeah, maybe the reason i struggle to love her, or to let her go, is because im not whole within myself. Maybe if i spend a while working on my issues things will be different or atleast clearer....and maybe we can be together but...where do I start? I pretty much have low self esteem, social anxiety issues, depression. maybe I can start by just being nice to people instead of pushing people away because of a fear of rejection Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I aint gonna meet someone like her again dawg That is not the point. If she is not right for you nothing else matters. I once rejected an ex-model who was interested in me. She was crazy religious, and it would have never worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 and also, the fact that I have a very negative view of myself and poor self worth is the driving force behind my paralyzing fear of her finding someone new, and my view that I cant find anyone who can compare to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I think everything is possible, but there is no way to know the future. You need to be true to yourself and honour how you feel. By staying in this relationship just for her, you're actually betraying her, because you're pretending to be someone that you're not. I think you should express how you feel to her. Tell her that you haven't been feeling very involved in this relationship, and you don't want to continue this way because you don't want to lie to her. I'm a firm believer that people don't change. This has been proven to me many, many times. I don't think in the future you will develop an interest. If anything, you might feel an urge because you miss her, but that's attachment, not love. Be true to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 and also, the fact that I have a very negative view of myself and poor self worth is the driving force behind my paralyzing fear of her finding someone new, and my view that I cant find anyone who can compare to her. Acting out of fear is a horrible way to live your life, at least from my perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Benji1991 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 day 2: still not over it Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts