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any thoughts: coworker crushing on me?


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intuition and gut tell me that my coworker likes me. sanity check?

 

this has been going on off and on for months.

 

he's been trying subtly to get closer to me: offered to take me out to lunch on my birthday, sometimes tries to get us to "talk about" work stuff in person (the topics aren't high priority or anything), comes by my desk sometimes for pointless things, a few times lightly touched me (arm, back),at one point took some stuff from my desk so that i'd have to walk over and see him. he's now started texting off and on about work stuff (again, nothing urgent so these things could just wait until the next day or whatever). one day i was leaving for the day and he happened to leave the same time. could have been coincidence but it was timed so well. another time during a company dinner we were chatting about something, and i forgot some minor detail. he said that if i remember what it was, i can text him late in the evening. i just shrugged it off.

 

i was wearing a pretty dress one day that showed off my figure. i felt his eyes watching me. the minute i set foot outside the office to leave, he sends me a text about work, again pointless stuff.

 

interestingly it seems he's playing it cool a little these days. less eagerness/subtle ways to approach me, and when i walk over to talk to him, he acts nonchalant. but after a few seconds he loses his cool from time to time, haha.

 

i did notice that if he doesn't hear from me, he'll either try to continue the communication through work-related issues (in emails) or text.

 

until recently, i've just tactfully ignored his advances. but he seems like an okay guy so i'm slowly giving him a chance. but i'm also being cautious. like i'll reply to his emails/texts semi-flirtatiously but not too overt. i'm not the most approachable when it comes to guys. they're typically very cautious to make advances toward me.

 

so the question. am i reading into things or does he actually like me? i used to wonder whether he was just being a polite/professional coworker. but now i'm not so certain about that haha.

 

is he playing it cool bc he senses i'm giving him a chance? or because he's nervous?

Edited by 03230
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Find out if he treats other coworkers and women in the office the same as you or not. Thing is, he hasn't asked you out, so it's all kind of a moot point because he's likely decided it's not worth the risk to ask a coworker out. It usually ends up very unpleasant once it's over and even while it's on.

 

I'm not counting offering to take you to lunch on your birthday. Usually someone in the office would offer that.

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devilish innocent

It sounds like he most likely has been interested and trying to get your attention. If you've been ignoring him, that would explain why he's been cooling things off. Even if you've started opening up a bit more, he might be uncertain after being turned down or ignored for a while. You might not to start being a little more overt if you're interested.

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Do you want to date a colleague? What's your work plan if things go wrong? Remember you don't get NC because you have to see each other at work every day & be professional.

 

 

If you want to give him a green light, organize an office happy hour after work & invite him.

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OatsAndHall
Do you want to date a colleague? What's your work plan if things go wrong? Remember you don't get NC because you have to see each other at work every day & be professional.

 

 

If you want to give him a green light, organize an office happy hour after work & invite him.

 

 

This is good advice. Dating a co-worker can turn into a mess quickly if things go south. I would have to really get to know a co-worker at work before I asked them out. I'd need to know that they could be an adult about things if we didn't work out.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author

Thank you for your inputs! So an update and more questions...

 

He texted a few times outside of work, but it looks like that has sorta stopped (for now)?

 

At work, though, he's been coming up with reasons to communicate daily -- in email usually. If he doesn't see or hear from me every day, he'll come up with some reason to email me. The other day it was a pretty lame excuse for a doc he really didn't need... So I humored him. :)

 

He's been playing cool for the most part. When I go up to talk to him abt work stuff, he'll act like he didn't notice me standing there for a few seconds. He'll warm up shortly after that though. Recently he has started smiling ear-to-ear when he sees me. It's kinda funny, a little creepy, hahaha.

 

But it seems he's still nervous around me bc he's not consistent in his behavior, going from playing cool to eager grinning.

 

Recently at at happy hour he didn't make eye contact with me for most of the evening. Then I was talking to a coworker abt this other guy at work who has a crush on me. My crush knows abt him and i guess he's jealous? He hopped in on the conversation and started bashing the other guy. It was... amusing to say the least. He was just looking for ways to nitpick at the other guy. The few times he talked to me/made eye contact, he was so soft and his voice was really quiet. at one point i felt his eyes just melting when he looked at me. cute.

 

Well! recently i had to email him and a few people on some work stuff. after i sent that email to the group (in which he was included) i forwarded him the note and said i just wanted to make sure at least one person (myself) followed through on the topic. i then mentioned another subject, an email about a project outside of work i was doing. he was supposed to get back to me on it but never did. so i reminded him and suggested we just grab coffee and talk over it in person.

 

no reply to that one! i know he's read the note.

 

most recently i left work early due to illness and sent a note to our team letting them know my whereabouts. he replied to that one! just said i should feel better.

 

sooooooo, what's going on here? is he nervous or something? my friends don't think he's messing with me or anything but that he's just unsure how to proceed since we're coworkers.

 

thoughts? wisdom? haha!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Yes, I think he likes you, but maybe he's really shy and/or unsure about dating a coworker.

 

You're sure he's single?

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pretty sure he's single. he's made it a point to tell people at an after work get together that he broke up with his girlfriend. i was there.

 

at our recent after work get together he at one point put his arm around me casually for a few seconds talking to people.

 

i just find it strange/funny that he goes through all of the flirting, finding out whether i'm available, and getting nervous bit only to shrink away when i actually give him a chance through a harmless coffee grab.

 

he's fine around other people. it's just around me that he gets weird.

 

shaking my head...

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He may be unable to execute a crush. He may be one of those who just dwells on it and doesn't have the nerve to actually engage. You telling me he can't look you in the eye is kind of a big red flag of him either being dishonest or too meek to carry through.

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