lemonadekiwi Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I suffer from anxiety... and recently it's gotten worse. I went through a tough circumstance recently and it's left me a bit more anxious than usual and I'm fully aware of it and trying to resolve it through self help. My bf knows that I get anxious, but he doesn't seem to help the situation. Even if I'm not feeling anxious, if I get start to get passionate about something I'm talking about, even a film, he tells me to "chill". He tells me to chill all the time, if I'm feeling perfectly happy, just expressing an opinion, if I ask him to help me tidy up (which he never does) every time. Anything. All I have to do is open my Mouth and he'll tell me to chill. It makes me feel worse as I feel I can't say anything without being told to chill, I tried speaking to him about it calmly and he just says "well you should listen then" I also tried telling him last night that I think I need to get some help as I feel my anxiety is getting worse, and he just doesn't support me "why? You're fine you have these moments and you'll get over it. Do what you want then if you want help go for it" I don't know how to communicate with him better, I need support and some warmth but he brushes me off if I'm trying to talk seriously and changes the subject. It's like he doesn't care. What can I do to communicate this to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 Ugh. Sounds like your bf is annoyed with your issues and would rather pretend they don't apply to him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. Thing is, we all relate to another person's experiences and feelings with a view honed by our own experiences. It's not that your boyfriend doesn't listen, it's more about him not being able to relate. No amount of communication from you can change his perspective. He just doesn't 'get it'. You say "all I need to do is open my mouth and he'll tell me to chill". I suspect this statement is not to be taken literally. Can you give some examples of things are you discussing when he tells you to chill? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemonadekiwi Posted May 12, 2017 Author Share Posted May 12, 2017 It could be something like an opinion I'm making on a film, or a situation, when I say I don't like something, it's whenever I guess I show some exasperation/passion/annoyance/excitement. He's an extremely relaxed person and nothing bothers him (on appearances) I'm emotional and he's not. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he doesn't. He's more black and white with things. Just sometimes feel like I could not be there and he wouldn't even be bothered Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 12, 2017 Share Posted May 12, 2017 It could be something like an opinion I'm making on a film, or a situation, when I say I don't like something, it's whenever I guess I show some exasperation/passion/annoyance/excitement. He's an extremely relaxed person and nothing bothers him (on appearances) I'm emotional and he's not. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he doesn't. He's more black and white with things. Just sometimes feel like I could not be there and he wouldn't even be bothered What you see is only on the surface. He is definitely bothered by your animated personality. You sound a little like me and I could never date someone who is a passive and does not or could not engage me in conversation or activity. If he consistently tells you to "chill", he is definitely disapproving. I would suggest being more measured, but that would take away from your personality. I would love to date someone like you. You two may not be compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
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