Keeping things original/mixing up the "dates"

[gd1039]

So there is this girl I have been seeing recently, things are going good. We'll talk on the phone almost every day and hang out once or twice a week together, but we still do stuff in our own time . The only thing is, we usually do the same things when we hang out. Usually either going out for coffee or watching movies at her place but we do some other stuff too like going to parties or to see a movie (we love movies) or whatever, but the balance is heavy on the first things. If we want to get together a movie or coffee is the default, but that doesn't mean it is boring either.

 

Now, I could honestly care less what we do, shes fun to be around regardless of what we are doing, but I don't want things to get boring since we tend to do the same things. I've got ideas for some other things to do, but I don't want to have to come up with something new to do every week either. I know too even just changing up where we go (for coffee for instance) and checking out some different places would be a little different. This weekend we are going to see a band play.

 

So, my question: When you are seeing as much of someone as I am how do you find the balance between mixing date ideas up and doing what you know you both enjoy? I don't want to go and do something different every time I see her, and then start repeating ideas in a month, but I don't want to do the same things all the time either.

[tiki]

Add short, fun trips into the mix. Go hiking for the day. Take a canoe trip - just you and her. Give her a real dining experience....like a murder mystery theatre, dinner trains, etc. Hit some expensive restaurants (like The Melting Pot) JUST for dessert late on night. Travel downtown, do a horse-drawn carriage.

 

Try citysearch for the best results. They have a lot of fun stuff to do.

 

Once you get to this level...there are bed and breakfasts that you can go to also. A lot of fun!!!

[gd1039]

tiki - some great ideas there like the murder mystery dinner and hiking, but some of the other ones are a little more romantic than I am shooting for right now. Maybe I should better explain my situation...

 

We are both in college, its pretty vague as to just how long we have been seeing one another but I'd say it's close to 2 months but the majority of that was just really casual. It still is casual but a more serious casual. We are both more into the fun over the typical "romantic" kind of things, so even though something like a horse drawn carriage would be fun too, its got much more of a romantic vibe than I'm looking for right now.

 

We haven't been seeing eachother long, so I'm not overtly concerned that she is going to get really bored with what we are doing, but I don't want to beat these things to death either. I've got to try and find out some more of her hobbies too, I know she likes the band we are going to see, but knowing some more things she is into would help me come up with ideas.

 

I mean we usually hang out saturday nights, but I always work till 10 so usually I just go over after work and we watch a movie or grab some coffee. We got plans to go to the beach one of these days too.

 

I guess I'm not so much looking for ideas as much as just trying to find where a balance is between doing new things and doing the same things (since we both agree those are still fun).

 

 

EDIT---

ex. is it bad if 90% of the time we do the movie or coffee thing on saturdays and then say we do something again durring the week and 65% of the time it is movie or coffee again? We usually just end up talking and joking around the whole time durring the movie anyways. Infact, I don't think we have paid attention to an entire movie yet....

[tiki]

What about themed evenings? Like chinese food and a kung-fu movie? My H and I had polynesian night one night...dinner (soup to go) from the polynesian restaurant, japanese bowls with the glass spoon things, and watched an old Hawaiian movie. It was cool.

 

Concerts are good....bowling, shooting pool (if you're into that), riding go-carts then going for icecream. Putt-putt golf. The possibilities are endless!

[tiki]

Originally posted by gd1039

EDIT---

ex. is it bad if 90% of the time we do the movie or coffee thing on saturdays and then say we do something again durring the week and 65% of the time it is movie or coffee again? We usually just end up talking and joking around the whole time durring the movie anyways. Infact, I don't think we have paid attention to an entire movie yet....

 

It's too hard to communicate in a movie theatre. Open up your options some, definitely. Coffee houses are great place for conversations though. You're on the right track with that one.

[gd1039]

Themed evenings are an awsome idea. A very original idea indeed.

 

And about the movie thing, usually we just watch them at her place where there are no barriers to conversation. We've gone to see a couple movies too, but we usually rent something. We've watched half a movie and then restarted it because we realized we were talking too much and missed most of it .

 

I agree too, if we just went to movie theaters all the time, where it is hard to talk, that would be BORING. Its a different story when you watch them at home though.

[tiki]

Kill the TV dude. There'll be plenty of time to watch movies when you're old, feeble and gray. Take the woman out. Show her a good time. Stimulate conversation. How are you 'practicing real life' or 'courting her' in front of a television. No lazy man's excuses!

 

When you talk to her, stimulate conversation. Think of (AND WRITE DOWN) questions during the day that you'd like her to answer. For example (my husband and I always do this)...

 

Where would you like to travel?

What would be considered an 'ultimate' date?

How do you feel about 'x'?

Would you ever paint a wall black? Red?

 

You catch my drift. It stimulates convos. You'll be of interest to her.

 

Keep her interested. Movies are boring.

[gd1039]

lol.

 

Ok, you DO bring up some good points, but also we don't think movies are boring. She is a huge fan of movies, and I'm a pretty big one too, but I do catch your point about not making that the focus. Kinda like I said, we have never actually paid attention to an entire movie. I guess renting a movie is pretty much just an pretense to get together.

 

The focus has never been on actually watching the movie, we talk through 90% of it. I like your point about finding more stimulating convo though too.

[gd1039]

I just thought about this...

 

As long as we are having the conversation, does it really matter where it is? In the sense that I posted, not always wanting to do the same thing, yes it matters. But saying find something else besides renting a movie, like going for coffee, I don't think there is a huge difference there as long as we are still talking. We could say, go to the park and walk and chat, but what if we hate walking?

 

I won't deny there could be better things to do besides watch movies, but if we both enjoy movies and we actually talk while watching them, I don't think it is that big of a deal. I don't particuarly like going to bars and I'd rather watch a movie, but I know tons of people who would rather go to the bar. To each his own, right?

 

I do still understand the importance of mixing up what we do but not sure where that balance is that I was asking for before...

[tiki]

Don't take her to a bar.

 

What makes you different than ANY OTHER MAN OUT THERE??

 

Then show her that!

 

Did you know that when people fight (couples, employees, etc), they say to REMOVE yourself from the normal situation? So for example, if my H and I usually do most of our fighting in the bedroom, they say to MOVE the conversation to the kitchen table. Sometimes being out of your norm - your comfort zone - is what it takes to get past the regular mumbo-jumbo jargon.

 

If you guys like movies...that's cool. But it does seem more like an excuse for you guys to get together.

 

But there's nothing wrong with that. In time, your relationship will move at the pace that you both feel necessary.

 

Are you up for the whole courtship phase yet? If not...give it some time. It may be too soon, I don't know how long you've dated - doesn't sound like it's been too long.

 

Date, then court. Dating allows you time to decide if you like her enough to court her. Courting is more serious. You shouldn't court someone that you have no intention on being with, futuristically speaking.

 

Bottom line....save some of the 'special stuff' for when/if you court her. Right now...you're just trying to figure out if ya like the gal. You're on the right track tho. Good luck!

[reservoirdog1]

Sounds like I'm a bit older than you, gd, but I'm in a similar situation. The difference being that we're both single parents and can only get together once a week, if we're REALLY lucky.

 

My whole MO right now is, keep her interested. Haven't done the movie thing yet because I feel as though by doing that I'll be admitting that I can't come up with something more original. For date #3, we met on a weekend afternoon. My intention was for us to go to the racetrack. (That turned out to be impossible, but that's not the point.) I went with that because, firstly, she's never been before, secondly, it's not your run-of-the-mill dating idea (and the racetrack where I live has been greatly improved and cleaned up in recent years), and thirdly, because I know that she likes "playing games" -- not that she's hyper-competitive or messes with your head, but she likes participating in things like that. As I said, didn't manage to pull it off due to logistical issues, but I'm keeping that as an idea for the future. Besides, getting her excited and getting her adrenaline going while you're with her can only lead to better things later on.

 

(Oh, and if her horse wins, who's she going to hug in excitement? You want her to associate you with good times and positive feelings.)

[blind_otter]

Go out to eat someplace, goddamit. Go to some weird restaurants. Vietnamese, fondue, sushi, thai, gourmet crap. Go on a trip for the weekend to someplace off-beat, or go see some cheesy roadside attractions. Try flea markets, or go shopping or something. Once I went out with a guy I was seeing and we took pictures of weird things that we saw. It was fun, and I laughed the whole time.

 

DO something outside. At least walk around town, go to different places, go out to bars/dinner, go for a bike ride.

[tiki]

Yeah...take advantage of the beautiful weather. And it's cheap!

[gd1039]

tiki - great idea about SHOWING her how I'm different and it was a good point about stepping out of your comfort zone. As far as the courtship thing, I've gotten to know this girl pretty good over the past couple months, but I know I don't know everything about her yet. On the other hand, I've always seen something special in her and I see it more and more the longer I know her. So yea, futuristically I'd like to still be with her but I'm just going to let things unfold at their own pace.

 

reservoirdog1 - The racetrack sounds like a great idea.

 

blind_otter - The picture thing sounds really funny, definitely something I am going to have to try. The weather has been ****ty lately, but yea we have some outdoor plans made already that we are just waiting for a day we both have off and its nice outside.

 

My random idea: What if we made a list of things we wanted to do, and then crossed them off as we did it. Or is she going to think I'm gay for suggesting that (ie. does it sound to "couple-ish" to come from a guy?).

[latida]

I think that making a list would be a good idea... just keep it to yourself so that she thinks you are spontaneous and thoughtful. Also, try remembering things she has said during conversation like " I loved to go on picnics when I was a kid", or "It's been years since I have flown a kite" Just think of stuff you like to or would like to do, mention it, and if she seems interested, do it! Since you guys have only been dating a short while though it doesn't hurt to just hang out and get to know each other. After you have seen too many movies you will know it. PS. You have to see Kung Fu Hustle!! My boyfriend and I enjoy just hanging out around his apartment all of the time too. He usually cooks something, we go to the same restaurant all of the time because it is our favorite, and the first date place. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!