Am i over-reacting?

[ieatyous]

So i've been dating this girl for roughly 6 months and from personal experience there has been more bumps along the way than there has with my past relationship. One of the bumps that occurred is she called me another guys name as i tried to wake her up, i've searched this scenario up before and many guys/girls say that it is normal but for some reason it bothers me. In this scenario lets call him John. I do not really have trust issues, but still. Later , on she tells me that she is having a girls night out, and all of a sudden i hear from her friend that is going to dinner with her that John is going too. She says that John likes one of her friend who is having a go-away dinner and that they are going to be seated on separate tables. This is true, but she did not mention this to me until i confronted her. She is not the type to cheat i don't think anyways but being called someone else to me somewhat hurts.

 

The other situation that bothered me is that she likes to act all big and what not when certain situation occurs. For example, I made indian food for both of us, and when confronted by someone else that the house smells like indian she went all attack mode and said why did i do this or why did i put so much of cumin(spice). I mean dude, didn't you enjoy your meal...But, when it comes to glory and positive review i have no part in it.

Aside from her getting mad or annoyed quiet easily she can be a very nice person at times but others it has me questioning whether this is a waste of time or not.

 

Her friends think im over-reacting, am i?

Edited April 28, 2017 by ieatyous

[coolheadal]

So i've been dating this girl for roughly 6 months and from personal experience there has been more bumps along the way than there has with my past relationship. One of the bumps that occurred is she called me another guys name as i tried to wake her up, i've searched this scenario up before and many guys/girls say that it is normal but for some reason it bothers me. In this scenario lets call him John. I do not really have trust issues, but still. Later , on she tells me that she is having a girls night out, and all of a sudden i hear from her friend that is going to dinner with her that John is going too. She says that John likes one of her friend who is having a go-away dinner and that they are going to be seated on separate tables. This is true, but she did not mention this to me until i confronted her. She is not the type to cheat i don't think anyways but being called someone else to me somewhat hurts.

 

The other situation that bothered me is that she likes to act all big and what not when certain situation occurs. For example, I made indian food for both of us, and when confronted by someone else that the house smells like indian she went all attack mode and said why did i do this or why did i put so much of cumin(spice). I mean dude, didn't you enjoy your meal...But, when it comes to glory and positive review i have no part in it.

Aside from her getting mad or annoyed quiet easily she can be a very nice person at times but others it has me questioning whether this is a waste of time or not.

 

Her friends think im over-reacting, am i?

 

Sounds like she has some social issues that are unresolved in her life. Anger management cry baby she sounds like to me. Her mood swings are starting to drive you up the wall. Another case of bi-polar dysfunctional behavior. You have tolerate her strange behavior this far why stop. If you not happy then get out of it. You can't change her into something she's not. That will never happen. Just don't cook things that trigger her past relationship or times that were sad/bad etc.

[ieatyous]

Sounds like she has some social issues that are unresolved in her life. Anger management cry baby she sounds like to me. Her mood swings are starting to drive you up the wall. Another case of bi-polar dysfunctional behavior. You have tolerate her strange behavior this far why stop. If you not happy then get out of it. You can't change her into something she's not. That will never happen. Just don't cook things that trigger her past relationship or times that were sad/bad etc.

 

Well, i guess i dont mean to make it seem like she bi polar. Sometimes when we are just laughing and having a good time i tend to tease her , i'm not sure if most girls get mad but i personally would not take it to heart as it is clearly a joke. She on the other hand would get mad. What im trying to say is this one on me ?

[ieatyous]

One time we had this topic of high maintenance and she said i am high maintenance because i want to chill with her all the time.. Like really , im only asking on days she has nothing to do, she can so no. When she is going to clubs with her girls , im totally fine with it. This has me bothered.

 

Im leaning toward a breakup, but i do still have feeling for her and i don't want to do it if it is because im over reacting. That being said i have no problem doing it otherwise.

[Ronni_W]

Im leaning toward a breakup, but i do still have feeling for her and i don't want to do it if it is because im over reacting.

You're not over-reacting. She does sound high-maintenance and not very supportive in situations that call for it.

 

People do sometimes make mistakes and call people by the wrong name; it's not too productive to be overly-sensitive about it.

[d0nnivain]

She's mixed up high maintenance with self centered. She wants things her way -- her nights out with her girls, her going to John's going away party, not being appreciative when you make food etc. I was going to tell you to get over the name mix up until I found out she saw John without you. Have you ever met him? If he's gone, that is one thing but if he's just a friend there is no reason to keep you apart.

 

 

It's only been 6 months. You should still be in the honeymoon phase. If things are already this difficult I can only imagine the pleasantries the future will bring.

[lolablue17]

she said i am high maintenance because i want to chill with her all the time..

 

Of course you're high maintenance. She can't feed you crap like not inviting you because it's a "girls night out", while oops... John is a male but he is invited, not like you.

 

Ye, right... it's a girls night out but John is coming, and they will take a different table... WOW, these girls are so talented in pre-planning. I'm impressed. I'm also sure that they booked two different tables in advance, in case the place will be crowded, and specifically insisted with the manager to get non attached tables, better two opposite sides of the restaurant, far from each other... That is how they are so great with planning complicated projects...

 

OR (in reality) she just spat the first silly excuse she could think of, hopping you're stupid enough to believe.

 

She wants you to eat all this $hit without complaining. Listen, I am very sensitive to lies. Not telling the whole truth is the first lie. She lied to again you in the face and she's not so smart, thinking that you can buy this lie. Why would you agree to that? I wouldn't.

Edited April 28, 2017 by lolablue17

[ieatyous]

She's mixed up high maintenance with self centered. She wants things her way -- her nights out with her girls, her going to John's going away party, not being appreciative when you make food etc. I was going to tell you to get over the name mix up until I found out she saw John without you. Have you ever met him? If he's gone, that is one thing but if he's just a friend there is no reason to keep you apart.

 

 

It's only been 6 months. You should still be in the honeymoon phase. If things are already this difficult I can only imagine the pleasantries the future will bring.

 

this is what i was thinking , honeymoon phase is so difficult already what is to come after. I wont stick around to find out , ive decided to part ways.

[Hopeful30]

Well, she seems a bit insecure, but I get the subtle feeling you're a rebound. The name slip could have been subconscious, and I've done that once before. I was over my ex and this slipped out purely out of habit, so that isn't always a concrete sign.

 

But that fact that she doesn't defend you when people say it smells like indian food tells me that instead of appreciating that you mdae food, she is more concerned about what other people think. She wants others to think only good things or gets offended when theres nothing to be offended by. Rebounds are often about maintaining an image that everything is fine, and the fact that she's insecure or gets defensive easily, plus that she mumbled someone elses name and isn't entirely open about other guys, just seems like a red flag to me.

 

Just my two cents.

[kendahke]

So i've been dating this girl for roughly 6 months and from personal experience there has been more bumps along the way than there has with my past relationship. One of the bumps that occurred is she called me another guys name as i tried to wake her up, i've searched this scenario up before and many guys/girls say that it is normal but for some reason it bothers me. In this scenario lets call him John. I do not really have trust issues, but still. Later , on she tells me that she is having a girls night out, and all of a sudden i hear from her friend that is going to dinner with her that John is going too. She says that John likes one of her friend who is having a go-away dinner and that they are going to be seated on separate tables. This is true, but she did not mention this to me until i confronted her. She is not the type to cheat i don't think anyways but being called someone else to me somewhat hurts.

 

The other situation that bothered me is that she likes to act all big and what not when certain situation occurs. For example, I made indian food for both of us, and when confronted by someone else that the house smells like indian she went all attack mode and said why did i do this or why did i put so much of cumin(spice). I mean dude, didn't you enjoy your meal...But, when it comes to glory and positive review i have no part in it.

Aside from her getting mad or annoyed quiet easily she can be a very nice person at times but others it has me questioning whether this is a waste of time or not.

 

Her friends think im over-reacting, am i?

 

I think you are.

 

If you're waking someone up from a dream state, they're apt to say anything. Some people talk in their sleep, but that has nothing to do with intent---the dream state is when we work things out in our subconscious, over which we do not have control. She didn't do this on purpose. Stop finding a problem here where there is none.

 

I do think she should have told you that John was going to be attending this dinner, but seeing that she's no longer interested in John as he is interested in someone else attending and won't be sitting at her table, she perhaps thought there was nothing to tell you. Were you invited to this, too?

 

I'm curious as to why her frenemy is appointing herself to be the one to tell you her business--what is her dog in this race? Do you contact her friends to discuss her behind her back? Where was your girlfriend when this conversation was going down?

 

I'm also curious about your choice of the word "confrontation". You appear to have quite a few of them. Why in the world would anyone "confront" you over the use of cumin in your own home? What else was going on that fed into the situation at the dinner, because no behavior happens in a vacuum?

 

Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

Edited April 28, 2017 by kendahke

[ieatyous]

Well, she seems a bit insecure, but I get the subtle feeling you're a rebound. The name slip could have been subconscious, and I've done that once before. I was over my ex and this slipped out purely out of habit, so that isn't always a concrete sign.

 

But that fact that she doesn't defend you when people say it smells like indian food tells me that instead of appreciating that you mdae food, she is more concerned about what other people think. She wants others to think only good things or gets offended when theres nothing to be offended by. Rebounds are often about maintaining an image that everything is fine, and the fact that she's insecure or gets defensive easily, plus that she mumbled someone elses name and isn't entirely open about other guys, just seems like a red flag to me.

 

Just my two cents.

 

The thing is im not her rebound that guy is her co worker.

[ieatyous]

I think you are.

 

If you're waking someone up from a dream state, they're apt to say anything. Some people talk in their sleep, but that has nothing to do with intent---the dream state is when we work things out in our subconscious, over which we do not have control. She didn't do this on purpose. Stop finding a problem here where there is none.

 

I do think she should have told you that John was going to be attending this dinner, but seeing that she's no longer interested in John as he is interested in someone else attending and won't be sitting at her table, she perhaps thought there was nothing to tell you. Were you invited to this, too?

 

I'm curious as to why her frenemy is appointing herself to be the one to tell you her business--what is her dog in this race? Do you contact her friends to discuss her behind her back? Where was your girlfriend when this conversation was going down?

 

I'm also curious about your choice of the word "confrontation". You appear to have quite a few of them. Why in the world would anyone "confront" you over the use of cumin in your own home? What else was going on that fed into the situation at the dinner, because no behavior happens in a vacuum?

 

Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

 

Well, l mean if you are going to tell someone you are having a all girls night out and then find out from her friend that isnt going to be it, wont that throw you off? It isnt like im telling her to update me with her life at every moment but if you are going to say something and then some how finding out that it isnt what she said it would be... Like i said before, im all cool with her doing whatever, but lying is not in my book. It all happened because we all were going to an activity together and that is when her friend told me, im not close to any of them so i do not contact them nor will i ever to talk about the girl i am with, and she was parking. Im assuming that her friend that she would of told me about it.

 

Cumin is a spice that was used, but my mother was the one who said it, she does not hold back.

[ieatyous]

I think you are.

 

If you're waking someone up from a dream state, they're apt to say anything. Some people talk in their sleep, but that has nothing to do with intent---the dream state is when we work things out in our subconscious, over which we do not have control. She didn't do this on purpose. Stop finding a problem here where there is none.

 

I do think she should have told you that John was going to be attending this dinner, but seeing that she's no longer interested in John as he is interested in someone else attending and won't be sitting at her table, she perhaps thought there was nothing to tell you. Were you invited to this, too?

 

I'm curious as to why her frenemy is appointing herself to be the one to tell you her business--what is her dog in this race? Do you contact her friends to discuss her behind her back? Where was your girlfriend when this conversation was going down?

 

I'm also curious about your choice of the word "confrontation". You appear to have quite a few of them. Why in the world would anyone "confront" you over the use of cumin in your own home? What else was going on that fed into the situation at the dinner, because no behavior happens in a vacuum?

 

Are you looking for a reason to break up with her?

 

 

I was notified of this during an activity that we all planned for. The girl i am with was making her way to us. Im not close with any of them but i assume her friend told me this because she probably thought the girl im with would of told me of their plan. Saying one thing and doing something is not okay, this is borderline lying.

 

Cumin is a spice that when is used can cause a strong odour. My mother was the one who commented.

 

Im not looking for any reason if there isnt any, but clearly there is . It is either me over-reacting or im not hence the reason im here asking for opinions.

[kendahke]

I was notified of this during an activity that we all planned for. The girl i am with was making her way to us. Im not close with any of them but i assume her friend told me this because she probably thought the girl im with would of told me of their plan. Saying one thing and doing something is not okay, this is borderline lying.

 

Did your girlfriend say he wasn't going to be there? Like I said, since he's more interested in someone else and she's not interested in him and he's sitting at another table, she may have thought there was no reason to even bring him up because she has no intention on talking with him--she's there for her girl, not him.

 

Also, be wary of people who interfere in your relationship by telling you your business. Since you're not close to any of them, you don't know this chick's motives as far as your girlfriend is concerned.

 

Cumin is a spice that when is used can cause a strong odour. My mother was the one who commented.

 

I know what cumin is. What I don't get is why someone is confronting you about using it. That doesn't make sense. Is everything a combative confrontation?

 

Im not looking for any reason if there isnt any, but clearly there is . It is either me over-reacting or im not hence the reason im here asking for opinions.

 

If you think there's a reason, then break up. Otherwise, you're over-reacting.

[act00]

If she doesn't like to be teased, you need to stop...or at least recognize when the teasing gets taken too far or with too much frequency. Are you ever serious with her, or is your time spent with her jabbing at her. I don't like to be teased, so I would get pretty mad at you if you didn't let up or it was a constant issue. A little bit is okay. I do wonder if you're compatible since she gets herself worked up around seemingly minor issues, at least in your mind. Your personalities and sense of humor may not mesh.

[lolablue17]

Did your girlfriend say he wasn't going to be there? Like I said, since he's more interested in someone else and she's not interested in him and he's sitting at another table, she may have thought there was no reason to even bring him up because she has no intention on talking with him--she's there for her girl, not him.

 

She said it's a "girls night out", meaning "You're not invited". Suddenly he finds out that another male, John, is welcome and invited. The girl John is interested in is one of the girls who attend to the "girls night out".

 

So, how exactly do you imagine what's going to happen? All the girls meet let's say at 21:00, but John is invited to 22:00. John enters the bar\cafe\restaurant, he knows all the girls including OP's girlfriend, yet he doesn't talk to them because it's a "girls night out". He only nods his head to the other girl, and the two of them leave the table to a pre booked different table, and after an hour or less, John leaves the place and the girl comes back to the girls table?

 

This is how you imagine that?

 

The "different table" is such an obvious lie. All of this is so unnatural. I'll tell you what's going to happen. John will be there at the same time they all will, he says hello to everyone, sits with them, and having a good time with the group. The only male who is not welcome is the OP because his gf intentionally excluded him from the event.

Edited April 29, 2017 by lolablue17

[act00]

I was also wondering about this "girls night," yet John is going to be there. My interpretation is this: She doesn't want you going with her to this friend event. She uses "girls' night," no boys allowed, as an excuse. You won't question that. No one questions "boys' night" or "girls' night." The thing is, there will be boys there, probably not just John. It's normal in a new relationship to not incorporate the new guy/girl in social circles and family circles, but after six months, one would think that is long enough to start blending a little, and she would want you to come with her. Why doesn't she? It may not have anything to do with John, who I'm thinking is her ex and is dating her friend?? Weird. It could have everything to do with John. It could be that she enjoys being able to party, flirt, and meet potential hookups/future boyfriends, and she can't flirt with a "boyfriend" in tow. It could be you are socially awkward and she doesn't want to "babysit." I don't know what's going on in her mind, but after six months, when she claims girls' night and boys will be present (except you), there's something wrong with that.