is this going to crash and burn?

[thanks4nuffin]

Hello everyone. I am currently in a relationship and want some input and see if you guys think this will work out. I really love this boy, but sometimes I get a feeling in my gut that this is going to crash and burn..

 

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Im currently on medication. My boyfriend has severe depression and has ADHD, which he is only medicated for the ADHD. We've both been to the hospital due to attempted suicide (awhile ago), so we kind of understand each other. He helps me, and I help him.

 

HERES THE THING.

His ex, who is one of the sweetest girls Ive ever talked to, messaged me. They broke up 2 weeks before we got together. She messaged me saying that this boy isn't who he portrays himself to be. She told me that he's just going to use you, how he is manipulative, and his problems are too much for a relationship. My boyfriend has a HORRIBLE relationship with his parents and he abuses drugs, which I want to help him with. This ex also made me aware how he treated his other ex's the same way. None of his relationships lasted longer than 4 months by the way. I talked to the ex and she broke down crying saying how she didn't want him to hurt me and that I deserved better. Now, you guys may think she's a "crazy ex whos trying to ruin things", but she was really sweet and I could tell her pain was genuine. We've only been dating for a month so everything seems perfect but I dont want to end up like his ex's, because the pain would be way more worse due to my condition. To give a better light heres some info about him:

 

-Hes never been single for more than a month

-We've been friends for about 2 years

-We used to have feelings for each other, but then he dated his now ex which hurt my feelings

-He calls all of his ex's crazy, insults them, etc.

-He abuses drugs and his medications

-He has a very bad relationship with his parents

-He told me on the first day of our relationship that he loves me, I'm the one for him, he can't explain how he feels about me, Im amazing, etc.

-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things

-He tells me he never loved his ex's and that he was stupid for thinking he did

 

 

I'm just so confused, I really love him and want things to work out. He helps me out with my bipolar, hes supportive and loving so I overlook the bad things but I dont know... please help, do you think it'll work?

[Telemachus]

No. I don't mean that to be harsh. The odds are overwhelmingly against it. Why? Because very few relationships "work out" as in forming lifetime pair-bond. They all have a beginning, and they almost all have an end before "death do us part."

 

I did read your posting. You have a chance. However, you should be realistic. No matter what you do or say, or how dedicated you are, the vast majority of relationships are not going to "work out." It isn't a tragedy. Just life.

[Jiveballer]

It doesn't sound like he has depression - more like some personality disorder. He probably put all those other girls on the same pedestal he currently has you on, and will likely turn on you just like he always has in those relationships.

[thanks4nuffin]

It doesn't sound like he has depression - more like some personality disorder. He probably put all those other girls on the same pedestal he currently has you on, and will likely turn on you just like he always has in those relationships.

 

Its hard for me to let go because hes one of the only people who supports me. Its hard for me to believe the things he ddi to his ex since he treats me so amazing.

[Redhead14]

Its hard for me to let go because hes one of the only people who supports me. Its hard for me to believe the things he ddi to his ex since he treats me so amazing.

 

Sweetie, it's early yet . . . most people, bi-polar or not, are on their best behavior in the very beginning, then the real them starts to appear over time.

 

Its hard for me to believe -- he's already lying to you, you said so yourself -- he lies about even little things . . .

[thanks4nuffin]

Sweetie, it's early yet . . . most people, bi-polar or not, are on their best behavior in the very beginning, then the real them starts to appear over time.

 

Its hard for me to believe -- he's already lying to you, you said so yourself -- he lies about even little things . . .

 

The only thing that really throws me off, is how he didnt even acknowledge me until I confessed my love for him.. Before we were just normal friends and barely talked. But then I told him i loved him, and he went on saying "youre the one for me" "i love you so much" etc, etc. this makes me feel really good but I heard behavior like this falls as easy as it rises?

[Redhead14]

The only thing that really throws me off, is how he didnt even acknowledge me until I confessed my love for him.. Before we were just normal friends and barely talked. But then I told him i loved him, and he went on saying "youre the one for me" "i love you so much" etc, etc. this makes me feel really good but I heard behavior like this falls as easy as it rises?

 

Even though you've known him for 2 years, you've only just recently started dating romantically, yes? You confessed your love to him and tipped your hand . . . he now knows you're easy prey. He's never been single for more than a month . . . he jumps into "relationships" quickly and they crash and burn, just like you relationship with him.

 

He has a well-established dating pattern which is unstable and inconsistent . . . it's not going to change.

 

I heard behavior like this falls as easy as it rises? -- It will likely happen with this situation just because he's bi-polar. Up and down. That is the ride you will be on if you continue with him. Love-bombing is a manipulative strategy and he has a history of being manipulative . . .

[thanks4nuffin]

Even though you've known him for 2 years, you've only just recently started dating romantically, yes? You confessed your love to him and tipped your hand . . . he now knows you're easy prey. He's never been single for more than a month . . . he jumps into "relationships" quickly and they crash and burn, just like you relationship with him.

 

He has a well-established dating pattern which is unstable and inconsistent . . . it's not going to change.

 

I heard behavior like this falls as easy as it rises? -- It will likely happen with this situation just because he's bi-polar. Up and down. That is the ride you will be on if you continue with him. Love-bombing is a manipulative strategy and he has a history of being manipulative . . .

 

Im the bipolar one, not him. Sometimes he does have mania and depressive episodes but he consistently sees a therapist, only diagnosed with depression and ADHD. I dont know if i said this previously, but I believe I am different since we've always been so close. He didnt have a friendship with his ex's before he dated them. I dont know if that makes a difference? But once i confessed we immediately dated.. this was done over text btw. He shows me off all over social media and defends me all of the time. Hes very touchy and always compliments me, makes me feel amazing. Hes my only support group since my friends cant deal with my bipolar. Itll be hard to let him go which is why Im so hard headed about this situation.

[Redhead14]

Im the bipolar one, not him. Sometimes he does have mania and depressive episodes but he consistently sees a therapist, only diagnosed with depression and ADHD. I dont know if i said this previously, but I believe I am different since we've always been so close. He didnt have a friendship with his ex's before he dated them. I dont know if that makes a difference? But once i confessed we immediately dated.. this was done over text btw. He shows me off all over social media and defends me all of the time. Hes very touchy and always compliments me, makes me feel amazing. Hes my only support group since my friends cant deal with my bipolar. Itll be hard to let him go which is why Im so hard headed about this situation.

 

He shows me off all over social media and defends me all of the time. Hes very touchy and always compliments me, makes me feel amazing. -- Like I said, it's early yet . . . sit back and observe. I am willing to bet money that his history will show itself in the present with you.

 

There is a reason he has so many exes and that he is estranged from his parents and that he hates his exes and he is the common denominator in all of those situations . . .

[KBob]

Sometimes he does have mania and depressive episodes but he consistently sees a therapist, only diagnosed with depression and ADHD.

 

Given what you said above and the points you listed in your first post, this guy will not be a healthy person to be in a loving relationship with. He will likely be dangerous to your psychological health, given your bipolar disorder, his diagnosis and past relationships. I would exercise caution, if I were you.

[act00]

He sounds like a hot mess.

 

I wouldn't take anything a disgruntled ex says at face value in a normal situation, but the fact an ex was compelled to contact you could be a red flag.

 

You've been friends for two years, so you should know his history with women well enough. If any of it meshes with what this ex-girlfriend says, then you do need to pay attention to that.

 

Issues:

• The fact that he trash-talks his ex's in such a manner is not an endearing quality.
  
• He abuses drugs.
  
• He remains unmedicated for depression and does not seek assistance for his depression and other mental health issues.
  
• He doesn't get along with his parents, and part of that is likely his behavior.
  
• He lies. About everything. Even insignificant things.
  

 

As mentioned above, he has a well-defined pattern of behavior. You won't be any different.

 

You recognize the red flags. This is likely to crash and burn. You see it...now act on it...time to cut bait before this turns into a bigger mess that is harder for you to deal with. You have enough obstacles in life to conquer; you don't need to add his.

[Redhead14]

I think your time would be well-spent to read up on co-dependent relationships. Your situation is the perfect environment for that . . . very unhealthy and dysfunctional.

[thanks4nuffin]

He sounds like a hot mess.

 

I wouldn't take anything a disgruntled ex says at face value in a normal situation, but the fact an ex was compelled to contact you could be a red flag.

 

You've been friends for two years, so you should know his history with women well enough. If any of it meshes with what this ex-girlfriend says, then you do need to pay attention to that.

 

Issues:

• The fact that he trash-talks his ex's in such a manner is not an endearing quality.
  
• He abuses drugs.
  
• He remains unmedicated for depression and does not seek assistance for his depression and other mental health issues.
  
• He doesn't get along with his parents, and part of that is likely his behavior.
  
• He lies. About everything. Even insignificant things.
  

 

As mentioned above, he has a well-defined pattern of behavior. You won't be any different.

 

You recognize the red flags. This is likely to crash and burn. You see it...now act on it...time to cut bait before this turns into a bigger mess that is harder for you to deal with. You have enough obstacles in life to conquer; you don't need to add his.

 

 

I know everything about his past relationships.. one of them he only stayed because he lived with her, and then once he was allowed to go live with his parents again he dumped her. I dont know if I can leave him, hes my best friend and my boyfriend. He supports me. I know its annoying me saying "no no, Im gonna stay even if he sets me on fire." but I really dont have anyone else. If our relationship ends i would want him to end it, because I really am not strong enough to leave.. yes I do depend on him for happiness, which makes it even harder to leave.

[KBob]

yes I do depend on him for happiness, which makes it even harder to leave.

 

You need to change this. You should never depend upon anyone for your own happiness, it's up to you to be satisfied with your own life. You alone have the power to decide which direction your life takes you, not anyone else.

[thanks4nuffin]

You need to change this. You should never depend upon anyone for your own happiness, it's up to you to be satisfied with your own life. You alone have the power to decide which direction your life takes you, not anyone else.

 

I know its really pathetic, ive had a very very hard life and my bipolar makes it x1000 worse. Im the type of person who cherishes the 10 second sourness of the lemon before regretting ever biting it.. if that makes sense.

[thanks4nuffin]

Update,

 

i talked to him about how worried i am, and hetold me that i shouldn't worry because he knows he wants to be with me since we know each other well. he says he genuinely wants to help me and love me. im so confused right now

[kendahke]

-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things

 

So what makes you think he's not lying when he tells you he loves you and thinks you are amazing? He probably said that to every "crazy" ex, too.

 

He lies about big things as well as small things.

 

He needs a psychiatrist more than he needs another girlfriend.

[thanks4nuffin]

So what makes you think he's not lying when he tells you he loves you and thinks you are amazing? He probably said that to every "crazy" ex, too.

 

He lies about big things as well as small things.

 

He needs a psychiatrist more than he needs another girlfriend.

 

He spends all day talking to me, making sure Im ok, shows a lot of physical affection and always makes me feel good. If he was lying about loving me, I dont think he would waste his time trying to make me know he loves me.

[KBarletta]

Update,

 

i talked to him about how worried i am, and hetold me that i shouldn't worry because he knows he wants to be with me since we know each other well. he says he genuinely wants to help me and love me. im so confused right now

 

Yet you also say this:

 

-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things

 

Given his history and problem with lying, and the issues you both have, I would proceed with extreme caution. I don't think it's out of the question that this could work, but I'd be careful believing someone who said they loved me on the first day of our relationship. That's a bit of a red flag.

[thanks4nuffin]

Yet you also say this:

 

 

 

Given his history and problem with lying, and the issues you both have, I would proceed with extreme caution. I don't think it's out of the question that this could work, but I'd be careful believing someone who said they loved me on the first day of our relationship. That's a bit of a red flag.

 

Weve had feelings for each other before, but didnt act on it. So it doesnt make me feel weird when he tells me he loves me on the first day. I told him I loved him first and he said it back, which I mean it when i say it

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If someone tells you they love you on the first day with never knowing who you are or what you're about, they're lying. But if this person had been your penpal for like years or something, then I could see falling in love with an idea and hoping the person matches your expectation.

[thanks4nuffin]

If someone tells you they love you on the first day with never knowing who you are or what you're about, they're lying. But if this person had been your penpal for like years or something, then I could see falling in love with an idea and hoping the person matches your expectation.

 

I dont understand what you mean, an idea.?

[thanks4nuffin]

His ex reached out to me and showed me messages between them. Heres some things he said to his ex about me:

 

"I feel like shes the missing puzzle piece in my life"

"I really can't explain how I feel about her.."

"I don't want any girls ruining our relationship"

"Im sorry I hurt you, but I think shes the one for me."

"When she told me how she felt, my feelings hit me like a train"

 

I dont know how to feel about this

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I dont understand what you mean, an idea.?

 

 

Let's imagine a scenario:

 

You meet someone, maybe a friend or a friend of a friend, and begin to talk/text/email them for a period of a few years. You don't really know them yet, but you begin to form an idea about them.

 

Next thing you know, you begin to really know this person, and they begin to know you. You share intimate stories and experiences with each other. You begin to suss out each other's way of thought, or who they are.

 

Pretty soon, you begin to strongly like someone. You build this idea up in your head about what kind of person they are because of how much you've talked to each other. It's almost like you know each other without ever meeting.

 

Then, you meet the other person. Because of the tension built up over the years, you could quite possibly have love for a person without ever meeting them. If this was the case, and they showed up and said "I think I'm in love with you", then I might be inclined to believe them. Can that love blossom into more? Yes, but the attraction was definitely built up over an idea.

 

Scammers/Catfishers will usually use this to their advantage.

 

Also, be wary of other people's words about someone, especially exes. If you were to talk to a few choice exes of mine, they could tell you in great detail about how terrible of a person I can be, and I'm sure it's the same with everyone. However, they may leave out important details that really put things into perspective - like sleeping with your brother or your best friend. Of course someone isn't going to be all peaches and cream after something like that happens.

Edited April 7, 2017 by DrReplyInRhymes

[thanks4nuffin]

Let's imagine a scenario:

 

You meet someone, maybe a friend or a friend of a friend, and begin to talk/text/email them for a period of a few years. You don't really know them yet, but you begin to form an idea about them.

 

Next thing you know, you begin to really know this person, and they begin to know you. You share intimate stories and experiences with each other. You begin to suss out each other's way of thought, or who they are.

 

Pretty soon, you begin to strongly like someone. You build this idea up in your head about what kind of person they are because of how much you've talked to each other. It's almost like you know each other without ever meeting.

 

Then, you meet the other person. Because of the tension built up over the years, you could quite possibly have love for a person without ever meeting them. If this was the case, and they showed up and said "I think I'm in love with you", then I might be inclined to believe them. Can that love blossom into more? Yes, but the attraction was definitely built up over an idea.

 

Scammers/Catfishers will usually use this to their advantage.

 

Weve known each other for years. Best friends. I dont think this can apply to us..? I dont know how hes like when dating though so idk.