HopelessRomantic03 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 hi all, I'm new to this forum…hopefully someone (preferably male perspective) can help me out here. sorry in advance for it being long but ill try to make it short and to the point. *note: hes from the west coast and I'm from the east coast, 3 hr time difference. I'm 33 and he is 39. met a guy through online dating, after mutual connection/attraction, we took things off line and went to text. after some back and forth convo, and him saying he was coming out my way and would like to see if I were free to meet, we arranged a "meet". that plan fell thru as he was going to be in a different place which is an 8 hour drive from me. he asked (I assumed jokingly), if id meet him out there and I said yes. he called later to book flights/room. I still didn't think he would go thru with it, then I got a confirmation for travel details. I flew out, we met. initially it was a bit awkward as I was very tired. I went to my room he booked for me. we hung out, everything was fine and dandy. many hours later after some convo and actually getting to know each other, i kissed him. everything was mutual, no sex involved. after we both got some rest, we cleaned up and headed up for a night in the town…we were both intoxicated, and ended up just kind of fooling around then falling asleep. still no sex. fast forward to both of us having to catch flights back home, there was still a lot of communication. as a matter of fact, he wanted to fly me out for another meet but I wasn't able to make it and on that trip, we still communicated regularly and even said he had to go there when it would just be us. the following couple weeks later he came back to my area, he booked a room for my comfort as I was pretty far from home, so I wouldvnt have had to wait on him. I decided I wanted to pick him up from the airport. I picked him up and we went to the hotel, relaxed a bit, etc. this time, there was sex involved. after we went out for the night, had great convo. we asked each other typical questions about the future and we both seemed to be on the same page. the following day we hung out a bit/ran some errands, lunch/coffee..normal stuff, I asked him if he could see himself with me in the long term and he said yes, he really likes me etc etc. I thought things were going great even though I was skeptical because I've had ver bad experineces in the past weith being cheated on and so forth. I told him I was growing feelings for him and he said the same. then I started having some emotional issues…this is where I f'd up and basically told him I wanted it to be over, he was hurt and didn't want that and actually wanted to fly me out his way. after some text back and forth we cleared things up…or so I thought. I left things alone, then he messaged me again the next day saying he missed me and wished I were there with him. I also said I missed him. and thats where it all ended. I did a routine call/text he never responded, I assumed he was busy, the next morning, no response at all (normally if he didnt get back to me, he would text me in first things in the am to apologize and there would be some back and forth small talk through out the day and phone convo later at night). he stopped responding altogether. snaps/ texts, calls…all of it, and I know he got my text because he was active on social media but ignored anything I sent him. his last text to me was how he wasn't happy and missed me. also, he apparentlyw as serious about me because he told his family, and he had no issue when I said I told mine as well…he did and said everything right. not sure wtf happened my last message to him was basically asking him what was going on, if he decided to move on, thats fine best of luck but at least let me know either way. of course, no response is ghosting his way of saying its done? the lack of response either way tells me its both over and that it not, as I didn't get a confirmation for either avenue. tl;dr: met a guy online, mutual feelings, very last text was I miss you. disappeared. total time invested about a month. any input would be appreciated, thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) Sounds like ghosting. He is a coward. My opinion is he is one of those long distance or "travels by a lot" guys looking for a fling. He didn't want it to end ofc but when he came back home he realized it was more trouble than it was worth, considering your emotions. It really wouldnt have triggered that in the beginning if it was right. You probably felt it was rushed and the intimacy came before you felt secure. The problem with sleeping wth someone you have or are beginning to have feelings for before you've established trust and that you are on the same page (when you are, it's very clear) is that the shift can make you feel vulnerable. Those emotions were your intuition telling you abort and protect yourself. I think for good reason because this did not look like it was headed where you wanted. This is obviously just conjecture, and I don't know all the details, but I did it very odd he didn't invite you to his place and instead booked you a room when you visited. I am sorry this happened. Edited March 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessRomantic03 Posted March 27, 2017 Author Share Posted March 27, 2017 thanks for the response! ugh, I wish I could post screen shots of the texts…hmmmph…to clear things up, for lack of detail on my part, he booked me a room at a hotel the first time…he actually booked me a separate room and one for himself as well. we were both out and away from out home towns he just ended up flying me out to where he was for the first meet, his friend was also there whom he intro'd me to after we got comfy enough with each other. I just dont get why he would tell me he misses me then fall off the face of the earth. I mean I've had this happen before (not same scenario) with an ex, but he came around after a week or so after he decided he had feelings for me. I just dont understand why guys cant just say "its not going to work, good luck", "lets be friends", or "hey, sorry, I've been so busy and thats why I haven't responsded to you"…which is what he got me used to if I would text him and he wouldn't respond until the next day due to the time difference, ugh…I really hate this Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) thanks for the response! ugh, I wish I could post screen shots of the texts…hmmmph…to clear things up, for lack of detail on my part, he booked me a room at a hotel the first time…he actually booked me a separate room and one for himself as well. we were both out and away from out home towns he just ended up flying me out to where he was for the first meet, his friend was also there whom he intro'd me to after we got comfy enough with each other. I just dont get why he would tell me he misses me then fall off the face of the earth. I mean I've had this happen before (not same scenario) with an ex, but he came around after a week or so after he decided he had feelings for me. I just dont understand why guys cant just say "its not going to work, good luck", "lets be friends", or "hey, sorry, I've been so busy and thats why I haven't responsded to you"…which is what he got me used to if I would text him and he wouldn't respond until the next day due to the time difference, ugh…I really hate this I see. Thanks for clearing that up. It does suck, I know. It takes a strong person with integrity to say "it's not going to work" because usually they don't want to hurt the person. Also, they don't want to burn the bridge. "I don't want to hang out now, but I'm not sure I'll neverwant to hang out" Very selfish. No one really knows why he ghosted. He could have met someone back home, might even have had someone the entire time...But this whole thing screams out-of-town hookup. That he was after sex. He may saw you caught feelings and ran off or that was his intention all along. But it's all a guess. Ghosting sucks. Please don't blame yourself for this guy's weak actions. It's nothing you did. I know it still hurts, nonetheless, and I'm sorry. Also, you don't want him to come back and say "oh sorry I've been so busy" You don't want a person who would ghosts back in your life, period. Edited March 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 I agree with the replies you have gotten. Do not blame yourself at all and NEVER lose the romantic side that you seem to embrace. Romance is so important and so often overlooked by many. It comes in many different forms or actions Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 You took the wrong steps....long distance, having to book flights, slept with him the second time you meet up, expected a relationship out of this, you barley know they guy..... I don't think he did it just for sex....that's really going out of his way just to have a night of sex. Some people just realize it's just not worth it....didn't feel a connection, didn't like the sex too much, had other options, is married, has a GF etc.....could be a number of reasons. Most guys would ghost, IMO, after hitting it and quitting it. Don't beat yourself up, it didn't work out....just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reeseyummy Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Those emotions were your intuition telling you abort and protect yourself. I think for good reason because this did not look like it was headed where you wantedm. I agree with this a lot. Maybe sometimes deep down you know it's not going to work, so that your instincts or emotions had a reflex on it. If you think it that way, than its a good thing. I am recently dating a guy I found myself being obsessed with, and I became skeptical and began to read Into every little sign with the guy. After reading this I think there was a reason why... Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Yeah that's a lot of work to score! That left me speechless Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 Sounds like he changed his mind after your second encounter and figured you'd catch the hint by him ghosting. Some people can't do confrontation. his friend was also there whom he intro'd me to after we got comfy enough with each other. I just dont get why he would tell me he misses me then fall off the face of the earth. Are you positive he's not actually married or with someone already? Don't assume his friend was there as your champion--he probably brought him along in case someone who knew his girlfriend/wife mentioned it and the friend could say "she was with me". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopelessRomantic03 Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 sorry for the late response, I'm still kind of trying to figure out how to navigate this site. any who, yes I'm 110% sure hes not married, no kids no relationship baggage. I actually got to see him again, I went to him…flew me out. I'm just not sure. he says all the right things and then falls of the face of the earth. I know hes incredibly busy but I also get mixed signals so I'm not sure what to make of the situation. I almost feel like I'm filling a void for him but only when its convenient for him. he says he is ready for a relationship but actions say otherwise, I just dont know if I should stick out and see what happens or if I'm wasting my time. he really is a good guy, I'm just not used to this type of "relationship", if I could even call it that Link to post Share on other sites
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