Jesuismieux412 Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 We've been dating for about 8 weeks now and went on six dates. We've done everything besides have intercourse; touching, making out, everything. She's 30 and I'm 27. But on the sixth date, I offered to fix her computer and we met at a bar. We had limited time because she promised her friend she would meet her late-night to meet her new love-interest. We had ONE DRINK while hanging out for about 2 hours kissing, holding hands, etc. She started talking to a friend that came over at one point and she wanted me to hold her hand in front of her. When we left the venue, we went crazy on one another... making out passionately and I could feel that this girl may perhaps love me or at least like me A LOT. We made out outside of her apartment lobby door and proceeded inside. Inside, things got very intense; I put my hand down her jeans and gave her an orgasm and she did the same to me. She kept saying we had to leave so I could drop her off to meet her friend. When I said okay let's go, she said NO and wanted to continue kissing and touching. Needless to say, she skipped the meeting with her friend, but she didn't invite me upstairs to make our relationship "official". She just went to bed. Problem is, the next two days she was distant and didn't contact me. I contacted her and she said that it scares her that we are both so "crazy" for eachother and she "is afraid of being hurt". She said she is "not comfortable with her body and doesn't like it". She also said she hasn't been able to eat anything and she vomited right before meeting me for our 3rd date (which went incredibly well). I mean, how do you have a night like we had at the bar then all of a sudden become conflicted like that? She also told me that with these feelings that she's having for me that "it's easier to shut down, take some space, and think it through". What? I don't get it. I don't believe she's going to dump me after all this. Why would she do such a thing? Also: Why is she so distant? She hasn't messaged me in a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 She suffers from anxiety....she needs support and probably some comforting words from you, like "I will take as long as you need so you can get comfortable with the idea of taking this to the next level". 6 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 body image issues can be huge......they can stop you moving to next steps...my daughter has a date tonight...she is a big girl.....but she has lost a lot of weight and her body is beginning to rock .....she is dating a body builder/fitness lover, a male nurse.....she has photos up of her as is ...they are not photo shopped and are her as of two days ago.....she is a stunning exotic beauty.....so far she has said to him have you read my profile.. you can see im not skinny..i dont want you to be disappointed i am a big girl.....now my daughter trains hard to lose the weight she has and is still losing,probably harder than him..... the guy obviously likes who she is....he hasnt mentioned sex at all or sent penis pics so that is good....and he even suggested a breakfast date.....which is so cool....he told her not to stress at all.....calls her beautiful and she is relaxing a little of her nerves but she is scared.....her smile trembles a little.....she has never ...and i repeat never....been on a real date she is 22...she was in a relationship for five years by the way adn has a daughter...so yeah...mistreatment there.....got her eye split open....i dotn know if she is ready to dat eyet....but im watching........some girls just need a little reassurance and understanding we all have insecurities......things about us where we might have been hurt or had hurtful things said...as do men..it just takes a little kindness...thats all...kindness..with kindness comes patience and understanding compassion all that...which makes for a perfect date..and a potential partner or bf...a keeper in other words........give her space let her settle into who you are and how you feel about her..be kind always.. my daughters body image.....she thinks she is ugly doesnt matter how many times she gets told she is actually stunning.....a lot of women are this way..... be that guy that makes her feel more secure....and beautiful...because its probable guys have with total selfishness and disregard....neglected to make your girl feel ...beautiful.............i wish you well......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 I'm sorry but this woman is very ill, mentally and possibly physically An eating disorder (which this woman def has) is very dangerous and needs be resolved before a person is able to live a happy, healthy life She is in no position to be in a relationship at the moment and if you proceed with her, you are doing her, as well as yourself, a disservice Kindly break it off with her and go find someone that is healthy and happy and can therefore be in healthy/happy relationship with you Nothing good will come of a relationship with someone who is suffering from an illness like this, cut your losses Hopefully she can move on to get some help 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 This isn't your fault, OP. She's got some issues that hinder her from being open enough to have an intimate relationship. As soon as she gets close to you, she runs away. It's likely anxiety, as smackie9 mentioned, and it could be a host of other problems too. That's why she's distant now. I think you would be better to let this one go. While she doesn't sound like a bad woman, I don't think a relationship is going to be very feasible in these circumstances. She's not ready for it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) She kept saying we had to leave so I could drop her off to meet her friend. When I said okay let's go, she said NO and wanted to continue kissing and touching. Needless to say, she skipped the meeting with her friend, but she didn't invite me upstairs to make our relationship "official". She just went to bed. Since you were both masturbating each other off, why no progression? Also, here's the hole in your story. What happened here? You're already inside her place. Why did you need to be invited upstairs to the bedroom? Could have done it right there on the floor It's been 6 dates over two months. Did you have sex yet? Edited March 7, 2017 by TheTraveler Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuismieux412 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) We were in the lobby of her apartment building, and her apartment is upstairs. I reassured her last night through text that I'm willing to slow it down and we could take our time...and reassured her that her body is lovely, etc, etc. No response. She's done this once before, but she said, "Even though I'm conflicted, I always begin to miss you." Can anxiety really cause her to become SO DISTANT like this? At first, I was offended by it, as I took it as her ignoring me the two days after that wonderful evening with her. But, I let her know last night that I'm here for her and care, as this seems to be what she's in need of. And no, we haven't had sex yet. Edited March 7, 2017 by Jesuismieux412 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Yes anxiety can. A lot of people often mistake it as being rude, or see it as odd behavior, but it's a real disorder that can be disabling to the sufferer. It not only can cause extreme fear or depression but it can also have physical affects like panic attacks, pains in the chest, sweating, throat swelling, even vertigo. That's why the normal reaction is to remove themselves from the situation that causes these affects. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuismieux412 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Well, you may be happy to know that I took your advice last night and reassured her, as noted above. I wasn't being dishonest or manipulative, either. I told her the truth--that I care about her and I'm willing to take it more slowly. The only thing I can do now, and what I will do, is give her time to come back around...IF she in fact does. I also told her it was hard for me to understand why she was distant, but now I understand. I never dated a woman with these issues/feelings so it's quite confusing and frustrating at times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Dealing with people who have mental illness or disorders is very tough/frustrating. If she can't seek out professional help, she will never change TBH I would never get involved with someone who has mental issues. I grew up with a manic depressed mother, and even with medical help, it was still like living in hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I am not sure why you'd want to get involved with a woman with this type of issues and this at 30 years old. If she is not in therapy or medicated this will be a nightmare relationship for you. You have just seen her for 6 weeks, will you really of your own free will enter a relationship with a woman suffering from anxiety and a eating disorder and probably some type of sex disorder as well ? Is that what you wish for yourself? What would you advice a brother if he had met a woman like her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuismieux412 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 (edited) I'm in a tough spot because I fell for her before all of this started to surface. I mean, talking to her on the phone, there were some red flags...but until you really get to know someone, you don't know if they're saying things to be dramatic, if they're lying, or whatever. Edited March 7, 2017 by Jesuismieux412 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I'm in a tough spot because I fell for her before all of this started to surface. I mean, talking to her on the phone, there were some red flags...but until you really get to know someone, you don't know if they're saying things to be dramatic, if they're lying, or whatever. What were the red flags on the phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuismieux412 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 For example, one was that she said that she tried to have sex with someone a few months ago and she couldn't perform. Although, this happened 3 months after she broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. At this time, they've been broken up for a year and don't speak. Another example, she said she's afraid to have sex with me because it may "ruin" everything that's currently "special" between us. Just strange things like that. If I don't hear from her by next Monday, I think I'm going to formally break it off with her for my own sake. Just say something like, "I really like you as a person, but I'm a firm believer in communication when it comes to relationships, conflicts, etc. I'm sorry, but this is not working out for me." Do you think that's reasonable on my part? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Do you think that's reasonable on my part? Yes, and a mature approach that won't bruise her feelings either. Link to post Share on other sites
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