I think I'm dealing with an online dating stalker...

[Brittybritt92]

About two weeks ago I was on Bumble (for anyone that doesn't know, it's a dating app that makes the girls reach out to the guys first or else there's no conversation, there's also only a 24 hour window to do so) anyways I will swipe right pretty quickly with people, and the ones I was interested in, I would message right when I saw we matched. Anyone I'm not into, I swipe left with. There's the occasional glitch where I swipe right on the wrong person, but again very occasional and I don't message them.

 

A few days later I get a message from a guy on Facebook saying "hi, we both matched on Bumble and I didn't want to wait for you to message me first, I love you so much and am so awed by your beauty. Please let me take you out this weekend"

 

I was not into this guy at all (hence why I didn't message him), but I politely asked him how he found my Facebook, he responded with "I have my ways, I know a lot of things about you now. But stop focusing on that."

 

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I could also see on his Facebook he's not from here and is on a student visa for a very well known college studying computers.... I'm a little freaked out right now.

[jiffysound]

You have learned a very good lesson here. Never set your privacy settings to *open for everyone to see* and allow strangers to add you, there is an option in facebook that can allow you to block adds from strangers, people unaffiliated with your buddy list, and also keep your buddy list hidden to everyone, it's no ones business who you are friends with. As far as the stalking is, report it to the Police.

[Redhead14]

About two weeks ago I was on Bumble (for anyone that doesn't know, it's a dating app that makes the girls reach out to the guys first or else there's no conversation, there's also only a 24 hour window to do so) anyways I will swipe right pretty quickly with people, and the ones I was interested in, I would message right when I saw we matched. Anyone I'm not into, I swipe left with. There's the occasional glitch where I swipe right on the wrong person, but again very occasional and I don't message them.

 

A few days later I get a message from a guy on Facebook saying "hi, we both matched on Bumble and I didn't want to wait for you to message me first, I love you so much and am so awed by your beauty. Please let me take you out this weekend"

 

I was not into this guy at all (hence why I didn't message him), but I politely asked him how he found my Facebook, he responded with "I have my ways, I know a lot of things about you now. But stop focusing on that."

 

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I could also see on his Facebook he's not from here and is on a student visa for a very well known college studying computers.... I'm a little freaked out right now.

 

Report him to the site administrators. Let your co-workers/supervisor and friends and family know about the situation.

 

If you see him around your office or home, take a picture on your phone. Take a screen shot of his message to you. Document everything in case you need to go to the police.

[GemmaUK]

Tell HER where you work and your colleagues.

Do not hesitate with that.

 

Report him to FB and block him.

 

This is not something to take lightly.

[lionlover1973]

Could it be someone from your past (i.e., an ex boyfriend/ex date posing as a different person)? In any event, do not attempt to communicate with the person at all - even if it's to say "leave me alone" - as hard as that may be. Any communication on your end may be perceived as a rejection which could anger them.

 

And, perhaps lay off the internet publicly, for a while. Limit how much personal information you post online, etc.

 

Unfortunately, law enforcement often does not act on stalking reports in the beginning, because stalking itself is difficult to investigate/prove.

 

Especially if it is on the internet.

 

Follow the suggestion of what's already been posted here and keep an ongoing journal of everything.

 

Sorry you are going through this, good luck!

[angel.eyes]

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Blocking him is pointless when your Facebook page is not set to private. He can still access it, just not when he's signed in under the account you blocked.

 

The lesson in this: use the privacy settings on your social media accounts. Go ahead and report him to the police, although that won't change anything. He still has your information! He still knows where you work! An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Hopefully he gets bored easily and moves on to the next prospect soon.

[OatsAndHall]

This is never a situation to take lightly. Report him to Bumble and FB. Make screen shots of his messages and get a hold of the police. They might not be able to do anything at this point but it's not a bad idea to file a report so it's on record. There may come a point where you need to file a restraining/no contact order and that paper trail will come in handy.

 

I dated a woman who stalked me after I called it off with her and those screen shots came in handy when I dealt with the police.

[smackie9]

Date stamped photos, a name, record of when, and where these things take place, screen shots of messages, license plate number, make and model of car, video, and yes share this info with co-workers, friends and family.

 

And the most important thing, DO NOT interact/message/respond to him ever. In a court of law it can be used against you.

 

And I agree tenfold, you should always set your social media to private, "friends only" and never post info about where you work, or where you are with that stupid location app.....keep your private life more private.

Edited February 18, 2017 by smackie9

[Gr8fuln2020]

You have learned a very good lesson here. Never set your privacy settings to *open for everyone to see* and allow strangers to add you, there is an option in facebook that can allow you to block adds from strangers, people unaffiliated with your buddy list, and also keep your buddy list hidden to everyone, it's no ones business who you are friends with. As far as the stalking is, report it to the Police.

 

I created a FB account a few years ago b/c my siblings wanted us to keep in contact or abreast of one another's worlds. Ugh. I visit my account maybe once every month or so. I once dated a woman who knew thngs about me that I had not shared. I asked how? She said that I was suggested as a possible friend. WHAT?! How? She only knew my first name and the city where I lived. I ended it and put my settings on friend's only. My question is, why isn't FB on friends only by default??? Crazy. This online, voyueristic generation is absolutely losing its ability to interact face the face or without a subcutaneous need to intrude into another person's personal life by spying....

[OatsAndHall]

And I agree tenfold, you should always set your social media to private, "friends only" and never post info about where you work, or where you are with that stupid location app.....keep your private life more private.

 

Yup. I had many fights with the ex-wife about her liberal use of social media. She is a mental health counselor and it wouldn't take much for someone to see where we lived, where the kids went to school, etc..etc.. She had been stalked by a seriously disturbed individual before we met (he was extremely dangerous) yet she still posted our address on several occasions as well as videos and pics from the kids' school. And, she is one of those people that has to tell the whole friggin' world where she is, what she's doing and who she is with continually.

 

Social media can be a nightmare if you let it. I had gone on two dates with a woman and it didn't work out. Several months later, she is popping up on my "suggested friends" list. We had NO friends in common, I don't use my last name on my account and have high privacy settings. She had to have gotten my full name by using my phone number, and was then stalking my FB page.

[TheTraveler]

About two weeks ago I was on Bumble (for anyone that doesn't know, it's a dating app that makes the girls reach out to the guys first or else there's no conversation, there's also only a 24 hour window to do so) anyways I will swipe right pretty quickly with people, and the ones I was interested in, I would message right when I saw we matched. Anyone I'm not into, I swipe left with. There's the occasional glitch where I swipe right on the wrong person, but again very occasional and I don't message them.

 

A few days later I get a message from a guy on Facebook saying "hi, we both matched on Bumble and I didn't want to wait for you to message me first, I love you so much and am so awed by your beauty. Please let me take you out this weekend"

 

I was not into this guy at all (hence why I didn't message him), but I politely asked him how he found my Facebook, he responded with "I have my ways, I know a lot of things about you now. But stop focusing on that."

 

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I could also see on his Facebook he's not from here and is on a student visa for a very well known college studying computers.... I'm a little freaked out right now.

 

Use a dummy facebook account for dating apps.

[Dark Horse]

There's an option on Facebook to where you can view your profile from the perspective of someone who isn't your friend. Just go to your Facebook profile and click on the three dots button below your cover photo on the right side then select view as...

 

It's actually pretty useful because you know what information you are revealing to strangers. I would recommend going into your settings and setting your city and going through each individual photo and set them to friends only unless you want them to be public. If you're in a relationship, I would set that to public (it's usually friends only by default) because if potential stalkers or crushes know you're in a relationship, they will be more inclined to leave you alone and not add you.

 

 

There's a lot of strange people out there and the fact that you're a young woman, you're more likely to be victim of stuff like this. For all we know, you're being stalked on a webcam right now at this very moment. (Not very likely, but still possible) Just be careful out there.

[NoCompass]

About two weeks ago I was on Bumble (for anyone that doesn't know, it's a dating app that makes the girls reach out to the guys first or else there's no conversation, there's also only a 24 hour window to do so) anyways I will swipe right pretty quickly with people, and the ones I was interested in, I would message right when I saw we matched. Anyone I'm not into, I swipe left with. There's the occasional glitch where I swipe right on the wrong person, but again very occasional and I don't message them.

 

A few days later I get a message from a guy on Facebook saying "hi, we both matched on Bumble and I didn't want to wait for you to message me first, I love you so much and am so awed by your beauty. Please let me take you out this weekend"

 

I was not into this guy at all (hence why I didn't message him), but I politely asked him how he found my Facebook, he responded with "I have my ways, I know a lot of things about you now. But stop focusing on that."

 

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I could also see on his Facebook he's not from here and is on a student visa for a very well known college studying computers.... I'm a little freaked out right now.

 

A lot of girls these days complain about 'stalking' when they are practically advertising themselves on every social media platform (twitter, snapchat, instagram, facebook, etc.), trying to gain as many followers as they can, with purposely left 'open to everyone' privacy settings. Many times I do 'catfish check' with an image search, so if your Bumble image is the same as your main FB photo, there ya go! Found you already. That is not stalking. [He said rather weird things, which maybe because he doesn't know how to talk to girls in a second language, but not talk to the police and worry about your life 'stalking'] As many pointed out, I suggest you check your privacy settings in your social media accounts.

 

As for you, do not worry about it as much as you are doing it now. He is not going to do anything illegal, risking his education and foreign student visa status. Just assume he is a clueless person who doesn't know how to speak to girls. He probably got over excited because you are the prettiest girl he knows. That is all.

[LookAtThisPOst]

About two weeks ago I was on Bumble (for anyone that doesn't know, it's a dating app that makes the girls reach out to the guys first or else there's no conversation, there's also only a 24 hour window to do so) anyways I will swipe right pretty quickly with people, and the ones I was interested in, I would message right when I saw we matched. Anyone I'm not into, I swipe left with. There's the occasional glitch where I swipe right on the wrong person, but again very occasional and I don't message them.

 

A few days later I get a message from a guy on Facebook saying "hi, we both matched on Bumble and I didn't want to wait for you to message me first, I love you so much and am so awed by your beauty. Please let me take you out this weekend"

 

I was not into this guy at all (hence why I didn't message him), but I politely asked him how he found my Facebook, he responded with "I have my ways, I know a lot of things about you now. But stop focusing on that."

 

He sounds so controlling and the worst part is that he saw where I worked as it's listed on my Facebook. I actually think I saw him sitting in his car at my job around 5pm when everyone was leaving last week. I blocked him on Facebook but I don't know what to do now....

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I could also see on his Facebook he's not from here and is on a student visa for a very well known college studying computers.... I'm a little freaked out right now.

 

If you have any part of your name in your screen name, it can be easy to lok someone up. I saw a woman in my area, had her first initial and last name as her screen name...with a number following it I think. Some people tend to do that.

 

It was kind of weird, because I thought it was a fake profile, because the woman had mostly bikini modeling photos up or some posed, professional pics of her posing professionally.

 

I went on FB and plugged in thier screen name and she turned up to be the real deal. Worked for the school district. I was like "Holy crap, she's for real?" I had wondered how many guys looked her up and tried to add her as a friend. lol

 

What made you think it was him outside your workplace though?

 

She said that I was suggested as a possible friend. WHAT?!

 

Yep, happens all the time. I actually contacted some women in this fashion...usually we share the same mutual friends though, makes it easy to break the ice. Got some dates that way even.

 

A lot of girls these days complain about 'stalking' when they are practically advertising themselves on every social media platform (twitter, snapchat, instagram, facebook, etc.), trying to gain as many followers as they can

 

Yep, the will even put "Instagram: Screen name" in their profiles. I know of one woman that actually asked that the men add her on FB and gave her name there so men could look her up to see what she was all about.

Edited February 19, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[Redhead14]

If you have any part of your name in your screen name, it can be easy to lok someone up. I saw a woman in my area, had her first initial and last name as her screen name...with a number following it I think. Some people tend to do that.

 

It was kind of weird, because I thought it was a fake profile, because the woman had mostly bikini modeling photos up or some posed, professional pics of her posing professionally.

 

I went on FB and plugged in thier screen name and she turned up to be the real deal. Worked for the school district. I was like "Holy crap, she's for real?" I had wondered how many guys looked her up and tried to add her as a friend. lol

 

What made you think it was him outside your workplace though?

 

I was a little surprised to hear that he somehow knew where she worked, however, on FaceBook, there is a piece of the FB profile that includes where a person works . . . not the address, but it would be fairly easy to google the company etc. Even if he looked that up, and he actually did go there, that's a really bad thing for sure.

 

My FB screen name and my LS screen name are different. I don't use the same screen name for all my social media accounts/online interactions and I never link them. I never use my FB link to sign into other online sites either.

[preraph]

By now it should be obvious you made a crazy mistake opening your Facebook for all to see and also posting where you work on it. Even if you were dating the guy and just started, he doesn't need to know where you work yet. What type of work, but not where. Anyone could turn into a problem.

 

Lock up your Facebook. Block him every way possible. Message him one time before you block him "Please don't ever contact me again." That's it. That's in case you need to get a restraining order later, you can show he's been told to leave you alone.

 

Then at work, don't leave the building alone. Ask guys at work to escort you out. they will be flattered to be able to help. And watch that he isn't following you home, which he may have already done. If you see him near your work or house once he's been notified, call the police. But first, write down all communications or sightings of him in a dated log. The police can't help if you don't show them a pattern of harassment.