Co-Worker Crush the Bi-Product of Waning Relationship [UPDATE: Broke up with GF]

[jprose46]

I'd never imagined a few months ago I would be compose a lengthy post for a thread re: serious doubts in my relationship (nor that the relationship would come to that) and the consuming obsessions they revolve around. But here I am reaching out for some helpful advice from the knowledgeable members of a site that deals with such issues.

 

 

I am in a two-year-and-a-couple-month relationship with my first girlfriend, eight years my elder. At 36, she is hopefully seriously for a lifelong relationship that will eventually produce a family with kids. With a strong IT background and the savings to show for from the previous lofty titles she'd held, she has taken a now almost one-year hiatus from work. She travels a lot and leads many hikes through a highly active social media group, a talent she prides herself in. I met her through our common love for hiking and she has since introduced me to backpacking, helped me finish my "peakbagging" list of 4,000-foot mountains in Upstate NY's Adirondack State Park, taken me on my first excursions out West to climb some of the country's biggest mountains, and basically saved my life through her patience on one such outing in Yosemite. She is very passionate about her group, which I have been much less active with thanks to an unforgiving schedule at a new overnight unload/flow of merchandise position at Target.

 

 

She has since lived many great moments in my absence, as this hobby has become impractical, while her passion for it remains. It has even become a chore for me to drive to her from home in North NJ to hers in Astoria, Queens, which I do about once per week, often immediately following a long night of work. From truck unload to stacking the empty pallets in the backroom, my work entails a good bit of physical exertion which, coupled with almost-daily workouts, leaves me little time and energy to meet her needs or have my own satisfied. Sex life and time for common interests have taken the biggest hit. She has made some efforts to compromise, "taking turns" coming to my house; I still live with my family at 28, dependent and giving my meager pay, which they are understandably disappointed that I hold such a position and a bachelor's degree, for which we are still paying off loans.

 

 

Because I have not fulfilled my own self career-wise and established myself as at least independent, I have found myself in a job that is tearing our relationship apart at its core, or at least the easiest explanation for the dying passion. At night I am counting the hours until I can go into work (where I enjoy the "go-go-go" atmosphere and brief interactions with a gorgeous co-worker that I'll mention more about soon), whereas before, it was a 9 pm phone call (free after then lol) from her that had me with a close eye on the time.

 

 

She has little problem with any of this, save for the lessened sexual activity. If I go to Astoria to cuddle with her, help her plan trips, try some new Indian restaurant (she is actually Bangladeshi), we're cool, as far as she's concerned. She has tried to help me establish myself by instructing me on initiating the process for free IT training in NYC, while I lived with her, presumably working another low-wage job. I went deep into that process but, when I looked around me at the lab full of aspiring tech workers, I could not bring it to myself to see myself as one of them, as I a not particularly tech-savvy; computers are not my strongsuit. She also encouraged me to aggressively pursue opportunities with TSA, where my uncle, who has some clout, works. Same deal: went deep into the process and any interest I had just died. Such loss of interest that characterizes depression has been the story of my life lately. I have been in a rut with a schedule (starting at 10 pm) of work, nap, eat, workout, longer nap, quick-dinner and caffeine and repeat. I take pride in my physical aptitude, though, and while my parents support me financially and my girlfriend supports me emotionally, understand how I am vastly disappointing to both.

 

 

Until lately, it was simply myself who felt underappreciated by girlfriend. She does not work, is breaking large saving to travel abroad (soon, two weeks in Africa for Kilimanjaro and a safari), and makes her hiking group her job, with minimal time spent in-between for a twice-a-week business course she is taking, as she has always dreamed of having her own business, ideally an outdoors one. I have admittedly grown a little bitter. When she spends entire days in her apartment behind computer, goes to frequent pricy social events with her hiking friends in NYC, it all seems as a luxury for me. I am happy for her, but know that she will always look down on me so long as I hold this position. She often references her last name as that of a high caste in her native country and mentions that no one of her family would ever hold a position such as mine, that is essentially slave work. She was particularly interested in how I could look forward to it so much and, guilt-ridden and tired of citing the physical responsibilities as enjoyment for me, I opened a can of worms, bringing up a higher-up at Target, who I have a crush on, now to the point of frequent dreams, constant masturbation, tongue tie-edness, and thoughts that directly interfere with sex with my current girlfriend.

 

 

When my attraction for this woman quickly grew and I identified it as a serious problem, I consulted everyone in my close family, which my girlfriend did not like at all; she would rather our relationship were kept entirely under wraps, even in the hiking community, she said, as that would prevent any drama, according to her. The advice, especially among females, is that such infatuation reflects an already-dying relationship and is more a testament to our own relationship issues than any exceptional quality of my crush.

 

 

It is admittedly just as much type of girl that my co-worker is/her merits and talents (not all that different from my girlfriend) as much as her looks, which blow me away. She is involved in product presentation and planning for the stores layout (and upcoming remodel, which will come with 4 am - 12 pm shift change) and one of the only workers who is not grinding for hours. As someone whose job it is to rip cardboard, throw product on the shelf, rip the rest, throw it in a bin and repeat, the moments/interaction I have with her are brief; she is that elusive prize, forbidden fruit if you will. Unlike others there, she actually dresses with style; not having to labor physically, she can afford to take such liberties. Visibly and verbally (sometimes behind her back and sometimes not), some workers resent her position. One mentioned "in the time it took that midget to push (stock) one (beauty product) aisle, I pushed three." But it is not her job to and that she was working the floor that night was an aberration. Honestly, she is probably the least-liked co-worker, but one of the brightest, not seeming to care much what opinion they have of her. I get off on her wit, sense of humor, and the authority aspect of it. But I find the conversation between me and her is more strained due to my nervousness. She is understanding and has patiently demonstrated to me certain responsibilities at work. I wish she would diffuse the situation with some jokes/banter, as she does with others, but she doesn't. I hope I am not making her uncomfortable. When my boss brought me in to tell me I will eventually have signing responsibilities some nights, breaking up the constant grind of unload/flow, the part that interested me most is that I would be reporting to this particular woman. I am still looking forward to that. I wait eagerly for the break announcements, hoping (as is occasionally the case), it is her voice I will her, with some added commentary as only she has. I have recently dreamt about sleeping with her after a long night of work. From night to night, I wonder what is going on with her, more so than that the girlfriend I always called (and believed to be) love of my life.

 

 

Back to the whole power thing. My girlfriend is the organizer of multi-thousand-member hiking group with events posted almost daily. I encouraged her to start the group around the time that we met. Aside from one short (relatively) local hike in which neither of us noticed the other, we met in New Hampshire, where we contended with 60 - 70 MPH winds in the White Mountains and only made it to the first summit before bailing. I then took it upon myself to go back with her for a "revenge hike." We hiked all of Franconia Ridge that weekend and I sex for the first time, an unforgettable experience which, lately has been impossible to match, as we are rarely having any sex whatsoever. Anyway, I recognized her brains, planning aptitude, and coolness as a leader (she already led many hikes) as great assets and pushed for her to start her own group. The NYC-based hiking group is the fastest growing in the area by far, with many other active organizers now. She is paying a fee to maintain the group that she does not mind and invests much of her efforts in keeping the group highly active. At first, I liked the idea of her showcasing her leadership talents and the hikes by her were special moments for me. I have since come to realize that members often treat the free events as she is a paid guide and expect her to babysit them, etc. She occasionally ranted to me about this and it bothered me every bit as much as it bothered. Now, she is making a concerted effort to be less obsessed with the group.

 

 

Anyway, most of her hikes posted on the group are in the Northeast, though she takes occasional trips out West. One time, I went with her to hike Mt. Whitney and suffered from altitude sickness in spite of summiting. The other time, after hiking Half Dome, we backpacked to hike the high point of Yosemite where I, under her urging, pushed forward whereas the other bailed, to get to the summit. Big mistake. I was panicked at the late 3 p.m. time I reached the 13,000-plus ft. peak and took a steep route down, severely injuring myself to the point that I needed helicoptered out and had to take a different return flight back to Newark. I won't go too much into the hobby-specific details, but it was only her patience (waiting 4 hours for me to return half-dead from the summit) that I survived, reeking of blood, limping night hiking all night to get to a place where I could be helicoptered out. She essentially babysat me for the next few days until we could fly home, passing up an opportunity (she already bought tickets) to fly next to Colorado for more hiking.

 

 

With such intense shared experiences, our relationship has grow deeply intimate, but the sex has lessened since the injury and further (to almost nothing now) since this job. It has greatly frustrated me. I see and hear my co-worker all the time in my head, whereas she constantly relives the moments of my yelling her name after four hours, a black dot in the distance, just as she was preparing to head back out of necessity (freezing temps. without a down jacket/sufficient insulating layers) and no sign of my arrival, crying.

 

 

So, it bothers me greatly that last week I tried to break up with her on a visit to Astoria. Our schedules conflict, needs are not getting met, and I am more into a stranger than someone I chat for everyday at least an hour on the phone. I knew there was no right way to go about it and, in spite of the whole visage of "let's take a break," pleas for sympathy that I am always tired and can't keep up with her, she would not accept it. I was on my way out the door when she broke down crying. For the rest of the evening, we essentially took turns shedding tears (sometimes both at once), with the painful realization it would be hard for me to live without her. I further realized this when I repeated the same procedure, later the next day, this time stepping out the door. It just hurt too much. I could not eat or sleep and constantly thought of all she did for me and quickly asked her for another chance, telling her that she should not allow me to walk away like that, dramatically saying that next time there will be nobody waiting for me to literally hold my hand walking me gravely injured down the mountain if she not take me back.

 

 

She also couldn't bear the brief time without me, even with constant thoughts of the crush I mentioned, the one I could never tell her she was more beautiful than. I feel pathetic having broken up with my girlfriend, only to retract it. I just don't want to hurt her again though. I am way more into my co-worker than her nowadays and am just waiting for this to pass. But the truth is that the casual conversation I have at work is my attempt at pursuing her, taking it slow. She literally takes my breath away in a way that my girlfriend never did. I never had such details dreams of my girlfriend nor noticed her nuances and quirks to such small detail and I DO love my girlfriend to death.

 

 

I hope this post is not too long and drawn-out to digest. But what should I do? I am so guilt-ridden, horny, and miserable now that all I want to do is work, work out, sleep, eat, and masturbate, with little room in there for my girlfriend. Is this still a healthy relationship? How can I interact with my crush in an appropriate way? I can't deny the current object of my dreams.

[jprose46]

Summary - I have been my first girlfriend for over two years and love every bit as much now as when I went on my first trip with her hiking, the common interest that ties us together. Everyone always said that mutual pastime would not be enough to keep us close and, for two years, it did just that.

 

 

But recently, I have been working overnight on a retail logistics schedule, one that precludes me from said trips, and even from seeing her on a regular basis; she lives in NYC and I in North NJ. In short, we have been growing apart, as she, now unemployed and living off her savings, continues to pursue her hobby and travel, living some of her most special moments in my absence.

 

 

To further complicate things, there is a woman at work whose looks and wit inexplicably sweep me off my feet in a way, quite honestly, no one ever did - not even my girlfriend, who I love than more anyone in the world. I dream of this girl constantly and have been guilt-ridden to the point of trying to break up with my girlfriend after trying to work through this. Mere infatuation - yeah, probably (makes me feel like I'm 14 years old again as I stumble through friendly conversations with her) but one that grows more intense and I work there longer, learning her quirks and noticing - well, why I noticed her so much.

 

 

What can I do? I am desperate for answers. Is this a passing crush or a consuming obsession that indicates an unhealthy relationship? I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. I have a BA and, if I were more serious about pursuing a career, according to my GF, not only I would be more independent, but I would have never been in this situation with a crush I see all this time - and yes, I told my girlfriend about it because the guilt was just too much to bear; she fills my mind when I am about to have sex with my GF, making it virtually impossibly now.

 

 

I feel at the mercy of my emotions in every way. What to do??

Edited March 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

Sounds like you and your girlfriend don't have much time for each other and that she has this one passion that is her path in life, so I know what that is like. Honestly, it comes first. But she is genuinely attached to you. You've got to find a way to spend a little more time together, I think, though.

 

Your crush at work very well may not go anywhere. If she is that hot, she has her pick of men and probably already has a hot boyfriend or has her eye on one. If you really don't want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then break up with her despite how unhappy it makes her, but I hope you don't regret it. Still, if you're wanting to pursue other women, you need to break up first.

 

It is nuts that you are airing your relationship to your family when she doesn't want you to. This is why you need a place of your own, so you won't be as tempted to tell mommy everything going on in your private love life! Not cool, and not manly. So fix that one way or the other.

 

Just because you want this woman at work doesn't mean that's going anywhere, so don't throw away anything you didn't want to discard before you met her. Good luck.

[jprose46]

Thanks, preraph. I've given what you said a lot of thought. It became all the more evident to me last night/this morning at work, as you said, pursuing my crush while dedicating myself fully to my girlfriend (I am helping her work on her slideshow for business class, calling her whenever we both have time to talk, planning to see her today, etc) is the wrong way to go about things and simply not feasible.

 

 

For the third or fourth time since I worked at Target, a day my supervisor wanted to add to my schedule would have conflicted with a planned visit to her. I am to head to Astoria after a nap this afternoon. She (not working and no class until Tuesday) refuses to drive to me instead.

 

 

I really don't know how to handle this one. She doesn't know about the day my boss wanted to add at work, as that just happened this morning. I tried to use the parking situation (even worse with snow piled on the side streets) and the first cold I've caught in years as excuses for not going to see her for the closest thing we will have to spending Valentine's Day together. Honestly, there was a time when neither sacrifice would bug me - I will feel awful if she gets sick - but now this trip seems like a chore, as did the help on her business class presentation when I needed a nap before work and after the gym, the constant phone calls to her, etc, but I am trying to cling onto this; I can't throw this all away. It killed me to tell my boss that I could not work Saturday night. It is one less day of work. I like my job and, as messed up as it may be, the interaction I have with my co-worker is what I look forward to most in life. It is chit-chat that I realize I cannot take one step farther so long as I have a girlfriend.

 

 

The reason I am trying so hard to make this work is because, if I get rejected the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, I will have my girlfriend again as the only thing in my head romantically - at least, ideally. If I break up with her and am then crushed by rejection from my co-worker, I will have no where to turn and be extremely miserable. Then again, the fact that I am rationalizing and plotting how to cover my bases so that I can pursue another woman while holding onto my girlfriend leads me to believe I don't love my girlfriend the way I used to and that makes me feel awful. She has done nothing but love and support me.

 

 

I am going to Astoria this afternoon. Last time I went there, it was with the intention of breaking up and that she could not accept it made it impossible for me to do; I still (and probably always will) still have a heart for her. But, as I get to know my co-worker better, I want to be heading toward something more - If I get rejected, so be it, but I can't have my feelings for my girlfriend complicate matters. What can I do? Please help

[smackie9]

The co-worker: it goes to show you, the passion you feel for her, you don't feel for your GF. I think you have already made your decision.

[jprose46]

I have had just one girlfriend in my 28-year-old life and still love her to death, but our relationship has to taken a huge hit since I started an overnight flow-of-merchandise job at a large retail store. I have simply become too busy to spend time with her, particularly the trips we used to take weekly pursuing our common interest of hiking/backpacking. What's worse, I look forward to work and interacting with my crush/obsession there - which I understand would not have developed if my relationship with my GF were more stable - more than I do seeing my girlfriend.

 

 

I posted in "dating" forums re: my predicament recently, but the situation has since devolved to the point that I think our relationship is irreparably damaged and I may have to bail, lest I hurt my girlfriend more. I am virtually unable to even have sex with her anymore because my gorgeous co-worker fills my head more and more as things escalate and, what is bothering me most at this point is that it is my GF instead of her that I am bed with - not that I have no sex life with my GF.

 

 

That said, I tried to break up a couple weeks ago and her passion and crying moved me to the point that I could not walk out the door. Instead, we took turns crying all night and the following day until I had to drive to work more drained from the emotional burden than the grind of physical work and working out could ever do to me. I want to try again, as the situation is not getting any better, as my dreams for my co-worker - what's worse, a higher-up (albeit, not one of my supervisors) - are more frequent and I become increasingly more drawn to her.

 

 

I am a very black-and-white person who believes to a fault in doing the "right thing," which is a major problem now because there is no right and wrong here. The only wrong, I feel, would be continuing a cycle of hurting my girlfriend and reaching a point where I neglect her beyond the bare minimum to call her a GF. That I cannot live with.

 

 

 

Is there any right way to break up? How can I go about this again? And what is an appropriate way to act toward my co-worker who I am on a friendly chit-chat/asking-about-work-questions level with?

Edited February 10, 2017 by jprose46

[jprose46]

@smackie9 - Thanks for the reply.

 

 

Yeah, I find myself bothered more by the fact that co-workers talked behind the supervisor's back (and sometimes even directly) resentful toward her more so than the sympathy my girlfriend I feel for my girlfriend sometimes. For example, her parents are passing down their expansive property in Bangladesh to the younger generations and she is not included. I find the fact that she feels entitled to a share of the land, while not having hardly any interaction with her father or visiting Bangladesh, a little selfish, whereas before I would blindly side with her in everything.

 

 

That said, when I tried to break up with GF, her tears moved me intensely to the point that I was soon hysterically crying uncontrollably myself and was sick to my stomach the rest of the day. I know how much she trusts me and remembers how I had always taken off work (by contrast, I called to confirm that I indeed can work Saturday night instead of visiting my GF, which I will do later in the week) in the past to care for her frostbite, fibroid removal, flu, etc. So much has changed since then but, still, it is bothers me that there is no right way to go about this.

 

 

I am a very black-and-white person who believes to a fault in doing the "right thing," which is a major problem now because there is no right and wrong here. The only wrong, I feel, would be continuing a cycle of hurting my girlfriend and reaching a point where I neglect her beyond the bare minimum to call her a GF. That I cannot live with.

 

 

So, I guess what I'm asking for now is pointers re: how to break up with her. It seems impossibly painful for both of us as there is a lot of substance to this relationship and it is my only one to date.

[preraph]

What happens when this gorgeous coworker says "We're just friends?"

[OnlyHonesty]

The co worker is just a fantasy, but it is still a symptom of the problems in your relationship. It's unlikely anything will work out with the co worker but it sounds like your current relationship is dead.

 

There is a possibility that you are suffering from the grass is greener syndrome but if that's the case, it still shows you don't feel enough to give it a try anyway.

 

Hurt cannot be avoided, but prolonging the inevitable will hurt even more.

[jprose46]

I simply can't break up with my girlfriend. I love her too much and vice versa. She sees how depressed and tormented I am and comforts me. I feel bad that I cannot bring myself out of this rut. She should not have see/her me like this. I have always had problems with obsessions in the past, but never had something valuable I could lose while wallowing in my own misery. My relationship with my girlfriend is the most valuable thing I ever had in my life; we have helped each other through a lot of times, like serious injuries, illness, etc. Her kind words help me.

 

 

But it is very much a struggle from day to day. I am addicted to constant physical activity because I can't bear to sit around and think about my predicament, except for in bed, where I find myself often lately, just crashing before I can give any of this much thought. My interest in virtually everything else, including chatting with my co-worker, has waned. Forget about any relationship - I am afraid of making her feel uncomfortable; that's how wrong it feels.

 

 

A breakup would not solve anything. I need to man up and try to work through whatever is wrong with my relationship with my girlfriend. I should just treat work as work and nothing else and hope this passes - both the crush and depression like I've never felt before.

[jprose46]

But it doesn't feel like anything is resolved now. I wanted to do something special for her for Valentine's Day this year, but don't have the resources I.e. time/money. Instead, I just got her a week's worth of backpacking necessities for her trip. After work tonight/tomorrow morning, I will spend a couple days/nights with her before she leaves for 2 weeks and 2 days for backpacking and safari in Africa. I am trying to figure out ways to get closer to her, as the distance we have between us emotionally now is jarring.

 

 

So, I discussed moving in with her, which I had brought up many times before and she seemed more receptive to it than before. When I visit her, I will at least visit Target and some other stores hiring in her neighborhood. I wouldn't mind a 1-hour walk to/from work if it meant getting to be with her almost whenever I want. If I don't make an honest effort to remedy the situation, I won't be able to live with myself - I will sink into a deeper depression and the cycle of obsessive thoughts of fantasy will only intensify.

Edited February 14, 2017 by jprose46

[jprose46]

Yeah, to that end, I have been having serious conversation the past few days about eventually moving in with her. When I had mentioned it to her earlier, she cited her "introverted tendencies" and already-cluttered apartment as reasons as reasons why this may not be feasible. But now I think she understands the importance of our being together more often; when I told her I would search for employment in her area when I visit her today, she was open to it, saying we should be able to come to an agreement with something financially.

 

 

Do you think I am forcing things or this could in and of itself solve things? I'll bet that normal sex should follow, as I won't be seeing my obsession at work anymore and will have much more bedtime with her, especially while she is on her hiatus from work.

 

 

It has been impossible emotionally - and not to mention probably stupid - to break with her at this point. That means there is still something there and I have to act on it. If I can back things back to half of what they were before (just a few months ago), it would be a very satisfying, worthwhile relationship. Any advice is appreciated.

 

 

Sounds like you and your girlfriend don't have much time for each other and that she has this one passion that is her path in life, so I know what that is like. Honestly, it comes first. But she is genuinely attached to you. You've got to find a way to spend a little more time together, I think, though.

 

Your crush at work very well may not go anywhere. If she is that hot, she has her pick of men and probably already has a hot boyfriend or has her eye on one. If you really don't want to be with your girlfriend anymore, then break up with her despite how unhappy it makes her, but I hope you don't regret it. Still, if you're wanting to pursue other women, you need to break up first.

 

It is nuts that you are airing your relationship to your family when she doesn't want you to. This is why you need a place of your own, so you won't be as tempted to tell mommy everything going on in your private love life! Not cool, and not manly. So fix that one way or the other.

 

Just because you want this woman at work doesn't mean that's going anywhere, so don't throw away anything you didn't want to discard before you met her. Good luck.

[jprose46]

I had been dating the only girlfriend I ever had - and I'm 28- for over two years and everything was going fine. We shared hiking/backpacking as a common interest and would go on trips almost every weekend. She even helped saved my life after some near-fatal injuries climbing in Yosemite.

 

 

My new job makes it very difficult to see her; the North Jersey -> Astoria commute is rough, especially after long overnight shifts. What's more, I quickly developed an intense obsession with my co-worker.

 

 

As a higher-up at the company, she had only been friendly to me, telling me early on them she heard I was doing well and asking how I like it there. I was immediately attracted to her. Even this deep into my relationship with my girlfriend, I could not get my mind off my co-worker and dream about her constantly. Work is busy and I work hard, so it's the most I can do to engage in small chit-chat for a minute or two at a time some nights or do a small favor for her.

 

 

But it almost felt wrong doing that while I had a GF, so I finally broke up with her last week. Then, when I heard my crush talking about a wedding she was going to and joking about not needing some kind of makeover her friend was suggested her because she's already beautiful enough, in typical co-worker banter, they pointed out whatever flaws she has. I went out of my way at the end of work the next night to tell her "What you were talking about with...I think you are, more so than anyone?" I wanted to be discrete, since there are always people around I get very nervous. She asked "More what?" I replied "Beautiful." She said "Awwww. They're just jealous." What's to make of all this? I have not interacted with her much since. It is still very nervewracking, in an environment like that. Do you think she has any interest.

 

 

I am so worried about rejection that I even started talking to my ex again. She is asking me to talk to her on the phone, but I don't want to re-open it. She has sometimes stared at me blankly for a few seconds at a time and I ask myself what is at work in that brain inside the head that boasts such a beautiful face. I wish I knew. I am very confused and feel that I have a lot to lose. I just want to get to know her better. What should I say to her?

 

 

I have been journaling a lot lately to sort out my feelings and find that, when I am writing about my co-worker, I am much more passionate and poetic and, when I am writing out my ex, I am much more frustrated and bored to the point that I can't concentrate. I would appreciate advice. Thank you all for hearing me out.

[goldway90]

Straight to the point, she's not interested and more importantly you're no ready to date.

[jprose46]

I've posted re: my predicament, with the thread being moved to the "Breakups" category, but the situation has changed. Now that I've broken up with my ex after 2 years and 2 months, it is more intense for me.

 

 

I've worked overnight at a hectic logistics/retail job for about 5 months. The schedule - and my ex's somewhat-understandable unwillingness to compromise - made it impossible to remain close, so I broke up; She only wanted to travel. I was also developing a crush on a co-worker who is a higher-up, though not my supervisor. It struck me as very inappropriate to flirt/chat with her while seeing my ex. Sex even become impossible because my mind would always shift to my co-worker before the climax. It was ultimately the frequent, intense dreams revolving around her that forced me to end it. I was frustrated not that I was fantasizing, but that they were only fantasies.

 

 

But it's more difficult now. Call me a wuss, but my fear of rejection made me drag out my waning relationship because it gave me a sense of security and an excuse not to take any chances with my co-worker.

 

 

I chat with my co-worker as I would a friend. When I was new there and working on a temp-to-perm basis, she first told me that she heard I was doing well there and asked me how I am getting used to the schedule/hours. I honestly don't think I would care so much about my job if she weren't there. 90 percent of what we've chatted about has been about work, weather...very empty conversation considering my feelings toward her.

 

 

Beyond that, I asked her what her plans were for Valentine's Day, "Not much other than sleep," She worked both the night before and night of it, but I'm fairly certain she is single. When her and some other supervisors bantered about a wedding of a friend's she was attending, when a friend suggested she needed some expensive accessory for the wedding, she joked that she was already so beautiful material stuff should be moot and workers teased her about her height (or lack thereof), etc. Later, I told her that "What you were talking about on break, I think you are more so than anyone." She asked me to fill in the blank word I avoided; There are always co-workers and supervisors around, so I use words carefully, if conservatively. "Beautiful," I told her and she replied "Awww, they're just jealous." Honestly, it's the most I could do some nights to say hey and do her one or two minor favors at work. It is hard to even look that kind of beauty in the face, but she does stare for a couple seconds at a time sometimes and I wonder what is at work in that brain inside the head that boasts such a gorgeous face. I work just as hard as anyone there and sometimes co-workers are almost incredulous, so it could just be that.

 

 

I would like to get to know her better. I've never felt this way about someone. If nothing else, I want to make her feel lucky when it is really I who am fortunate to be audience to that kind of beauty several times a week often for only minutes at a time. By the time work ends, there are a few coffee places in the area open. Is asking her to hang out at one of them after work OK? I feel like I would be putting myself in a very vulnerable place by doing so.

[jprose46]

After completely cutting ties with my ex, I found out that my co-worker is transferring to a different store, so after her last day, I approached her and told her how I felt and got rejected. She said she can tell I am too sensitive and open and she would feel she would have to open up just as much in return, but would be frustrated because she would not want to, since she has been through a lot. Thoughts?

 

 

I'll never see her nor my ex again, so I am focusing on training for a marathon I have coming up, on work, etc. I can't say you guys didn't tell me so. Still, no regrets. I acted based on how I felt. It's just a lot of pain and trying to keep myself occupied. Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I'm pretty sure there is no advice that could help me recover from this though. I let something good (with my ex) crumble to nothing only to be just as heartbroken as my ex seems now by someone I never even got to know. *sigh*