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At what point do you say something or give up.


ElizabethIII

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Matched with a guy on Tinder. He has been very nice and respectful.

 

We first matched in late December. He didnt contact me for a while as he said he was away on vacation: fine it was holiday season.

 

Then we started talking and he went quiet again. I went quiet on him too and didnt reply for a couple of days to a message as I said I am barely using tinder anymore as I am not...I'm tired of the app in general.

 

He asked for my number and has been nice. He has asked lots about me and what I like doing. He has suggested meeting and places for us to go and I have said yes that would be nice.

 

But he frequently drops off the radar and comes back and says sorry very busy and we chat again.

 

Last message from him was 2 February. I am not messaging him again. If he comes back shall I say to him is this just going to be chit chat or do you actually want to meet?

 

Or just ignore him?

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Cookiesandough
shall I say to him is this just going to be chit chat or do you actually want to meet?

Noooo. Let the guy initiate. It's a good way to gauge interest level. Most men know women are used to being asked out first, even these days. If they want to meet with you enough, they'll ask.

 

 

 

Or just ignore him?

Yep.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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This wouldnt fly with me

 

If a guy doesnt show interest = consistent communication, I'm out

 

What hes really saying to you, is that getting to know you isnt one of his priorities

 

If you guys have been talking for more than a week and he hasnt set up a date, then theres another red flag

 

In the flaky world of OLD, finding some consistency is key

 

Cut this guy loose girl ;)

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Third option: Ask him out.

 

He cant be bothered to get back to her

 

I dont know that a date is going to happen

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Late December was only like a week ago. I'd give him another week or so and cut the texting down. Texting constantly without setting up a time to get together is annoying.

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Late December was only like a week ago. I'd give him another week or so and cut the texting down. Texting constantly without setting up a time to get together is annoying.

 

Late December was a month ago.

 

he also doesnt text that much.

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Late December was a month ago.

 

he also doesnt text that much.

 

Oh sorry, I'm having red wine. Lol

 

A month is too long to go for no date.

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He cant be bothered to get back to her

 

I dont know that a date is going to happen

It forces progress. I'm always in favor of forcing progress rather than lingering in a state of uncertainty. If he doesn't respond positively or at all, the OP has a clear answer and she can move forward.
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If he comes back shall I say to him is this just going to be chit chat or do you actually want to meet?

 

Yes say this to him so he at least know why you stop responding to him if you do.

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Sounds like this guy is seeing other people then comes back to you when he pleases. Tinder is just for casual dating flirting and teasing more head games can't take anyone serious on that social media if you can call it that. Mostly when they text like he's doing you should consider looking else where. If he was really into you he would be text you more than he's doing. Like I said he's play the field of options and have other women at his beck and call.

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It forces progress. I'm always in favor of forcing progress rather than lingering in a state of uncertainty. If he doesn't respond positively or at all, the OP has a clear answer and she can move forward.

 

If I've learned anything from dating...its that forcing something to work is never a good idea

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If I've learned anything from dating...its that forcing something to work is never a good idea
The goal is not to force something to work. The goal is to either progress or end. Relationships move at the pace of the slowest person in them. One person takes a step forward. The other person either joins them or they move apart and things end. In any case, someone has to take that first step. Looks like no one is willing to do it here.
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From the other side of the fence here but I have the same point of view.

 

While I was online dating I generally followed the rule that if there was a big lag between communication (more than two days), I didn't pursue, mostly because I would just lose interest. The exception is if an explanation was offered and communication was restored. We all get busy sometimes, and in my mind, that offer was an effort and an expression of interest. But the key word here is restored.

 

There are plenty of guys out there that want to talk to you and will be interested in meeting up. I would move on from this one.

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He started up the same banter again today. Hinted at meeting me and set a place. Then went back to banter again. I said I was planning a vacation later in the year.

 

When i asked when we'd meet he said later in the year...obviously throwing back what I said about my vacation as it had a ;) on the end.

 

I said back to him given that you first messaged me in December it will take you that long to meet me.

 

Now compliments about my dry wit from him and how he likes it.

 

Cut this crap off now?

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There are a few people on OLD who won't even go out and are just flossing their egos. He may be one of them. I'd quit talking to him. After all, he asked you out and then didn't follow through. Almost the same as being stood up.

 

Also, a red flag is if they get you all lined up to go out and then have to wait and wait and wait. They are probably already in a relationship and trying to find a time to cheat.

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He started up the same banter again today. Hinted at meeting me and set a place. Then went back to banter again. I said I was planning a vacation later in the year.

 

When i asked when we'd meet he said later in the year...obviously throwing back what I said about my vacation as it had a ;) on the end.

 

I said back to him given that you first messaged me in December it will take you that long to meet me.

 

Now compliments about my dry wit from him and how he likes it.

 

Cut this crap off now?

 

Oh god, this would annoy the heck out of me. This guy is only interested in wasting your time. Block and go to next.

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Exactly. Gives me a place then is evasive on a date...later in the year.

 

Seriously cant be bothered with this crap.

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When he made the comment about my dry wit I was going to say: I don't like prevarication, either you're going to meet me or you're not but no more chit chat.

 

I thought better of it.

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When he made the comment about my dry wit I was going to say: I don't like prevarication, either you're going to meet me or you're not but no more chit chat.

 

I thought better of it.

 

Exactly! I was talking to a guy on OLD who did the same thing. I kept dropping hints so he'd get the message that I dont like to wait to meet up....but after awhile...I thought theres no point anymore :rolleyes:

 

I stopped OLD a little while ago but my match account is still up, I havent checked it in months. A really attractive guy messaged me..awesome first message, super thoughtful....great job...lives close....my type etc. All seems well but he has a pic with a nice looking blonde woman (ex? or cousin?) Ugh...OLD sucks :(

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He asked for my number and has been nice. He has asked lots about me and what I like doing. He has suggested meeting and places for us to go and I have said yes that would be nice.

 

I don't understand, if he has suggested a date then why have you two not met up?

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I don't understand, if he has suggested a date then why have you two not met up?

 

He suggested a place this evening and I said when and he said later this year imitating what I said about my vacation I was planning.

 

If he is not going to make firm plans when I ask him when he can forget it.

 

I pointed out he had first messaged me over a month ago and here we are and instead of firming up plans he pointed out my dry wit.

 

He just isn't that bothered. It's the only explanation I have for him vanishing for 4 days and then not firming up plans when asked when.

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