callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Hi guys. So long story short. I'm seeing a guy who seems cool...I guess. He's kind of controlling and seems restrained. I don't mind a man who likes being in control somewhat, but with him i sense that he's trying hard to appear the opposite. My only concern is that he didn't make any demands or crazy comments to me until after we had sex. The weird demands /requests: he wanted me to tell any guys I was seeing that I'm now seeing someone (him) exclusivelyhe said he'd take extreme measures if he found out I was seeing another guyHe wanted me to get his name tattooed on me. I laughed it off My Question: Does anyone think that a guy like this (controlling/street dude who's used to people almost fearing him) would be trying HARD to make himself appear super normal or in control to avoid being seen as weak, especially over a lady? ....I say that because he'll make a comment then be super laid back then he'll make another weird statement the fall back again...it's weird. Edited February 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Hopefully you used birth control, the last thing you need is to be tied to this guy for the next 18 years... BTW.. run don't walk from this guy... The 3 things you listed are out of this world controlling and you have only seen the tip of this mess of an iceberg.. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Run sally run... He is a nut. And buy the way, street guy really translates to street thug. You understand that right? Why would you want to get involved with someone like that? 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 oh.. being in control is totally not the same as being controlling... The guy sounds like he will be an abuser... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 [*]he said he'd take extreme measures if he found out I was seeing another guy I'd interpret that as a threat that he would do me some harm. Can you dump this guy safely? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Run sally run... He is a nut. And buy the way, street guy really translates to street thug. You understand that right? Why would you want to get involved with someone like that? Thanks. I don't necessarily "want" to get involved with a guy like that. But I didn't know this and his behavior until he kept saying this stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 I'd interpret that as a threat that he would do me some harm. Can you dump this guy safely? I guess I can...do it "safely" that is. I honestly don't know how he will respond. He knows where I live and where I work. Now that I think about it. He asked me a few weeks ago what time I left for work in the mornings....it was random and I asked him why? He said because he wanted to know when a good time was to text me during the day. That was so dumb... You don't need to know what time I leave for work for that! Text messages aren't intrusive at all. So why would he ask a stupid a*s question like that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Was he serious when he said he wanted you to get a tattoo of his name? That is the creepiest of all imo! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 It's all creepy. Ditch this one fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I wonder if this guy uses these demands as a ruse to get women to leave him after sex. It's a pretty effective way to make sure you don't see those women again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Was he serious when he said he wanted you to get a tattoo of his name? That is the creepiest of all imo! I honestly don't know if he's serious about any of it. If he would just stay one way I could take him more seriously. But he trying to act super reserved now after saying craxy stuff like that. All its doing is maing it easier to leave him alone because I'm like, "is he plotting or watching me or just like some have said.. creepy?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 I wonder if this guy uses these demands as a ruse to get women to leave him after sex. It's a pretty effective way to make sure you don't see those women again. You could be right. If so he should stop contacting me... even though he just re-emphasized one of his requests..YESTERDAY. If your theory is right though, I may just have to stop responding to him a day leave it at that. He wouldn't deserve any explaination. Link to post Share on other sites
chphan Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 [*]he said he'd take extreme measures if he found out I was seeing another guy Like really?? Are you really that naive to be coming here and asking a bunch of strangers about this person after the above comment? That implies a threat of physical violence and you really need to come here and ask people what they think of this person and what you should do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tolduso05 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I wonder if this guy uses these demands as a ruse to get women to leave him after sex. It's a pretty effective way to make sure you don't see those women again. I doubt this. IF anything, he's probably playing the push/pull (being reserved...an act) game. Hoping you will take the bait and start clinging on to him. Either way ...to your question, I do think that his mentality makes him more inclined to be controlling, possessive, jealous, crazy and to pose as a sane person. Street dudes are used to operating under chaos, yet maintaining a certain level of admiration from those around him. It sound like you/individuals like you, may be their worst nightmare so to speak. You're not clingy nor do you seem to be impressed by superficial stuff..control,power, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I personally wouldn't stay around to learn if he was serious or not. The tattoo thing is beyond creepy. This guy is definitely controlling... he could easily be a stalker or abuser... Be safe. Walk, don't run, from this one... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Please get away from this dude now. Yeah, maybe he is doing this because he only wanted the sex and not someone hanging on him after that, because 99.9% of women would not see him again after those demands. His demands are way beyond being just red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 So just go NC? I'm feeling like he doesn't need an explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I would if I were you. If a woman told those things to me after the first time we had sex, I would have put my cloths on and ran to my car as fast as I could. I would eliminate her from everywhere possible, but if some how she contacted me again after that, I would tell her flat out that we are not compatible do not contact me ever again. So see, even as guy I find that really really creepy and not someone I want in my life. Even if the sex was great! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 he's cray and possibly dangerous. Go NC and lay low. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Hey, your gut is telling you this isn't a good thing, and your gut is right, so listen to it. This is not a good or safe guy to be with! Get away from him! He's dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Hey, your gut is telling you this isn't a good thing, and your gut is right, so listen to it. This is not a good or safe guy to be with! Get away from him! He's dangerous. I don't doubt that this advice is right. This is where I get real about me though. The fact that I don't want to let him go makes me feel like something must be off with me. Yes I have some personal childhood issues, but I I'm getting help now. I feel so bad and so stupid that I don't see the urgency to tell this guy to completely stop contacting me.. it's depressing and I sometimes don't know what to do to get through another day just knowing that "damn. This is another fail." I've read similar threads in here.everyone's situation is different. I'm so tired of this dating stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 This may be another "fail" in your book, but you did nothing wrong here. This guy is just totally off. If you are finding that this is the type of guy you are attracted to, then yes, please seek counseling. If you haven't really dated that much, then hopefully you just learn as you go and learn to see red flags early on, know when to cut things off and don't repeat the same mistakes twice. Dating is very frustrating, but once you do connect with a "decent" person that you fall in love with, then it's all worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 This may be another "fail" in your book, but you did nothing wrong here. This guy is just totally off. If you are finding that this is the type of guy you are attracted to, then yes, please seek counseling. If you haven't really dated that much, then hopefully you just learn as you go and learn to see red flags early on, know when to cut things off and don't repeat the same mistakes twice. Dating is very frustrating, but once you do connect with a "decent" person that you fall in love with, then it's all worth it. Thanks. I'm already getting counseling . These situations are triggers for me. I'm feeling like I'm almost in a depression again because it triggers so many negative feelings. Hard to sleep.Struggle to get up and go to work. Questioning my own purpose. ..seriously. I'm just tired . Link to post Share on other sites
Author callmesally Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 And a close older relative of mine is constantly saying I should only meet people who may know someone I know.... what? How is that even possible.? And i tried that . It doesn't guarantee anything. One of those were just a wierd as anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 So youre tired of dating and because of that you think its good idea to keep on dating someone who said he will hurt you. Makes sense. If youre tired of dating and dating fails. You take a break. You dont stay with a nutcase. Sounds like youre depressed. Get some help. And feel better. Then you try again. Because now you will just keep on attracting dudes like this guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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