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Date cancelled..I'm kind of annoyed so i went out with someone else.


purrrfectlyflawed

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purrrfectlyflawed

Quick background and sorry for typos my keyboard on my laptop is shot.

 

 

I am a divorced mom 44, on the dating website POF. Tired of being single I mean really tired of it.

 

 

Met 3 guys on POF so far. 1st one no interest on my side. Guy #2 is cute, nice guy, massive mutual interest and attraction but has a whole package of baggage. 3 kids, 3 mothers, 1 kid visiting him from out of state for holidays. He lives clear across town (45 min away) and has ****ty work schedule. Works nights during the week so we hardly see each other. We have been out twice and have not seen each other since dec 23 but was supposed to have dinner date last night. His 13 yr old son has been in town since mid Dec. He feels guilty seeing me when he has his kid but realizes he will never see me the whole holiday season otherwise. we text a lot but never see each other which is frustrating to me. So last night I gave kids to ex so we could have a date since his son was supposed to fly home yesterday afternoon. He had a 6pm dinner planned. Well since he is a minor and bad weather and only 1 flight a day the son now cannot fly out until Monday. in the meantime I want to meet another guy from POF who has been nice and patient with me over the holidays who asked me out for last nigh but told him I already have plans but if they fell through I would see him.

 

 

so at 5pm I get the text from guy #1 that he wants to see me but needs to find someone to stay with his kid for a couple hours. He lives with his family and has a sibling close by so honeslty I do not know why it was so difficult to make out date but finally got text about 630 that he was extremely frustrated but is going to have to cancel and he asked me when I am kidless again. He also told me he already agreed to take his daughters Sunday so sunday is out. He said if he would have known the flight would have been cancelled he wouldn't have agreed to take the girls so we could go out sunday. So I told him I understand but I am making other plans. He asked me if I had another date I said maybe. So I made a date with the back up guy #2. Wound up meeting him for drinks and he is cute, lives by me, normal work schedule and has 2 kids with 1 ex wife. We seem to hit it off and he wants to see me again.

 

 

So guy #1 texts me this morning and says sorry again, he misses me, and asked me if I met someone else from POF last night.

 

 

Should I be honest and say yes? I have only been out with guy #1 twice, so I'm free to see who I want. Our ads are still up. And I'm frustrated with his schedule anyways and I do not want a weekend only boyfriend and have to juggle around all his kids and schedules.

 

 

Guy #1 works nights 2-11 and if he wants to see me bad enough he will take me to lunch next week. I am going to see if he brings this up. He knows my work schedule and where I work Otherwise I am going to proceed with the guy I met last night as I just don't see it working out with guy #1.

 

 

So not sure what my question is maybe I am just ranting but should I tell this guy I did in fact have another date last night? And if he asked me how it went should I be honest and say it went very well? Is this post stupid ? LOL.

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Quick background and sorry for typos my keyboard on my laptop is shot.

 

 

I am a divorced mom 44, on the dating website POF. Tired of being single I mean really tired of it.

 

 

Met 3 guys on POF so far. 1st one no interest on my side. Guy #2 is cute, nice guy, massive mutual interest and attraction but has a whole package of baggage. 3 kids, 3 mothers, 1 kid visiting him from out of state for holidays. He lives clear across town (45 min away) and has ****ty work schedule. Works nights during the week so we hardly see each other. We have been out twice and have not seen each other since dec 23 but was supposed to have dinner date last night. His 13 yr old son has been in town since mid Dec. He feels guilty seeing me when he has his kid but realizes he will never see me the whole holiday season otherwise. we text a lot but never see each other which is frustrating to me. So last night I gave kids to ex so we could have a date since his son was supposed to fly home yesterday afternoon. He had a 6pm dinner planned. Well since he is a minor and bad weather and only 1 flight a day the son now cannot fly out until Monday. in the meantime I want to meet another guy from POF who has been nice and patient with me over the holidays who asked me out for last nigh but told him I already have plans but if they fell through I would see him.

 

 

so at 5pm I get the text from guy #1 that he wants to see me but needs to find someone to stay with his kid for a couple hours. He lives with his family and has a sibling close by so honeslty I do not know why it was so difficult to make out date but finally got text about 630 that he was extremely frustrated but is going to have to cancel and he asked me when I am kidless again. He also told me he already agreed to take his daughters Sunday so sunday is out. He said if he would have known the flight would have been cancelled he wouldn't have agreed to take the girls so we could go out sunday. So I told him I understand but I am making other plans. He asked me if I had another date I said maybe. So I made a date with the back up guy #2. Wound up meeting him for drinks and he is cute, lives by me, normal work schedule and has 2 kids with 1 ex wife. We seem to hit it off and he wants to see me again.

 

 

So guy #1 texts me this morning and says sorry again, he misses me, and asked me if I met someone else from POF last night.

 

 

Should I be honest and say yes? I have only been out with guy #1 twice, so I'm free to see who I want. Our ads are still up. And I'm frustrated with his schedule anyways and I do not want a weekend only boyfriend and have to juggle around all his kids and schedules.

 

 

Guy #1 works nights 2-11 and if he wants to see me bad enough he will take me to lunch next week. I am going to see if he brings this up. He knows my work schedule and where I work Otherwise I am going to proceed with the guy I met last night as I just don't see it working out with guy #1.

 

 

So not sure what my question is maybe I am just ranting but should I tell this guy I did in fact have another date last night? And if he asked me how it went should I be honest and say it went very well? Is this post stupid ? LOL.

 

It all sounds a little complicated, but I don't think you owe anyone an explanation on anything. It sounds like none of these guys are serious contenders at this point and you are open to see and date whomever you want without telling the others.

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purrrfectlyflawed

I am keeping my options open. I already told guy #1 a week or 2 ago his work schedule complicates things and we are going to have to be a little creative to see each other. He agreed. I work early and can take my lunch pretty much anytime. This guy should offer to take me to lunch next week since he doesn't work until 2....and his girls will be back in school anyways. So there is no reason why I would not be worth the time and the drive since we haven't seen each other in now over 2 weeks.

 

 

If he doesn't suggest this and wants to wait until the weekend then I am just going to tell him its not working out. We text constantly and I do not want a texting relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It all sounds a little complicated, but I don't think you owe anyone an explanation on anything. It sounds like none of these guys are serious contenders at this point and you are open to see and date whomever you want without telling the others.
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At this point you are not obligated to either of these guys. So, you can date whom you like. As per guy #1 question, did he check up on you the other night? Why would he ask if you found someone else? You both were on then.....

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purrrfectlyflawed

Not sure what you mean? Guy #1 seems to like me a lot but we cannot seem to get our schedules to gel. He has all these pet names for me too. Baby..sweetie...which is a little weird after only 2 dates. He rarely addresses me by my name.

 

 

At this point you are not obligated to either of these guys. So, you can date whom you like. As per guy #1 question, did he check up on you the other night? Why would he ask if you found someone else? You both were on then.....
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You're not in a relationship with either of them and are not obligated to tell them what you do in your free time.

 

I would just say you went out with a friend and leave it at that. No matter how much he texts you or assigns cutesie nicknames to you, it doesn't change the fact that he is mostly unavailable to date you. In person, real life dates are what counts and what actually progresses a relationship. The rest is just meaningless fluff if you're not actually seeing each other.

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...From a guy's point of view I can say I don't like being strung along and holding out for someone who has interest in someone else and is not telling me. The fair and nice thing to do would be to let the guy know so he can stop having hopes of things working out with you and move on to the next girl.

 

Your not obligated to tell him you found someone else or like someone else better ... but it is a very nice thing to do. Your not stringing him along and giving him hopes that he will have future dates and a relationship with you. Let him down right away and early that way it will hurt a lot less for him and be easier for him to move on.

 

You will be doing him a big favor by being honest with him and letting him know. No one likes to be the bearer of bad news or to hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes it is better that way so it will be easier for him to let go and move onto another girl.

 

That is just my advice. If I was that guy, I would really like honesty and to know. It would be a really nice thing to do. That is just my opinion.

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Simple Logic

Why would a single women ever date a man who had 3 children from 3 women. Under shared parenting, he has no time. If he isn't doing shared parenting, he has no money.

 

Add to that his evening work schedule.

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No, don't start telling these guys your dating habits. You barely know them. There's no reason to. The most I would offer if it comes up isn't anything specific, but that you still have your profile up until something gets serious.

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Not sure what you mean? Guy #1 seems to like me a lot but we cannot seem to get our schedules to gel. He has all these pet names for me too. Baby..sweetie...which is a little weird after only 2 dates. He rarely addresses me by my name.

 

So guy #1 texts me this morning and says sorry again, he misses me, and asked me if I met someone else from POF last night.

 

Just this...

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purrrfectlyflawed

Trust me I know. 2 of the kids are local, one is out of state and that kid visits twice a year, hes the boy visiting now that was supposed to fly home yesterday.

 

I imagine he has little money and all this is a dealbreaker in he end. So why so i bother? I have no idea. 90% of women would not even give him the time of day. I normally would't but I am really tired of being single and alone. I am trying to justify lowering my standards.

 

 

Why would a single women ever date a man who had 3 children from 3 women. Under shared parenting, he has no time. If he isn't doing shared parenting, he has no money.

 

Add to that his evening work schedule.

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Just MO but, this isn't about them, this is about you and what YOU want, and who can meet YOUR expectations....am I right??? Who gives a rat's butt what they would think, know or want to know. Look out for number one....YOU.

 

Now if it were me I would pick the one that ticks off most of my expectation boxes....reliability being #1. Never ever count texting as dating, it should be how much effort they put into seeing you. Tell dude #1 it's been nice but it's not working out. You DO NOT own him an explication. Guy#2 is flexible, is more situation compatible to you....BUT never stop looking for better. It's only one date and YOU are NOT obligated to be committed to him either. Don't feel guilty for dating other guys. Guy #2 is no idiot, he knows people, including himself are an option when it comes to dating.....he sounds pretty understanding and isn't going to cause trouble about it.

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I'm a big fan of multi dating and honesty. So if a guy asked me what I'd been up to, I'd keep it vague and say 'oh I went to dinner' or something. But if someone asked me specifically 'was it a date?' I'd be honest and say yes. That way he knows your multi dating and that he's free to do the same, and he knows you're not sitting around waiting for him to get his act together. Honesty is the best policy and in my experience most people prefer to hear it even if it is slightly uncomfortable.

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Trust me I know. 2 of the kids are local, one is out of state and that kid visits twice a year, hes the boy visiting now that was supposed to fly home yesterday.

 

I imagine he has little money and all this is a dealbreaker in he end. So why so i bother? I have no idea. 90% of women would not even give him the time of day. I normally wouldn't but I am really tired of being single and alone. I am trying to justify lowering my standards.

Never ever settle....plus you give up too easily. You have only dated 3 guys, and the last one sounds like he's got promise......there are regulars on here that have been dating FOR YEARS, dating the same garbage, and not even finding anyone that has some promise. You don't need to lower your standards at all. Hell some can't even get a date, they only get propositioned to hook up. You are luckier that most we see on this site.

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Scarlett.O'hara
So guy #1 texts me this morning and says sorry again, he misses me, and asked me if I met someone else from POF last night.

 

 

Should I be honest and say yes? I have only been out with guy #1 twice, so I'm free to see who I want. Our ads are still up. And I'm frustrated with his schedule anyways and I do not want a weekend only boyfriend and have to juggle around all his kids and schedules.

 

In the interest of fairness and transparency, I think you should consider telling him that yes, you had a date. You are looking for a relationship, and as nice as he is, you aren't convinced he actually has the room for that type of relationship in his life right now.

 

After you have told him that, leave the ball in his court. It might help him reflect more honestly on his situation and realize that he really doesn't have the time for a full on relationship, and that it is unfair to his dates to pretend otherwise. It would be better for him to be upfront early and acknowledge that it can only be a casual thing.

 

Alternatively, it might make him more determined to find a solution in order to keep seeing you. Who knows?

 

Either way, I think you would be doing him, and yourself a favor by being honest about the situation and where you stand with each other.

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purrrfectlyflawed

Update....the guy with 3 kids clear across town actually drove almost an hour last night to come see me after my kids went to bed. So that was a nice gesture. My kids were home so nothing happened we just kissed and talked.

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Why would a single women ever date a man who had 3 children from 3 women. Under shared parenting, he has no time. If he isn't doing shared parenting, he has no money.

 

Add to that his evening work schedule.

 

What do you mean? She has kids also.

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As long as your standards are reasonable for you (you're not looking for a unicorn), I agree with Smackie that you don't need to lower them. You don't need to go out with this guy again if he doesn't seem to be what you want.

 

You may need to date more than 3 men before you find a good one.

 

Also, there's no need to tell men you've gone out with a few times and aren't exclusive that you were on another date. They should hopefully assume it and ask if they have an issue with it. If they do ask, there's no need to not be honest. If that's important to a guy, there needs to be exclusivity and YOU have to want it too.

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