Brought up the question

[Minka101]

I have been seeing this guy for few weeks now (maybe three). When we are together, he is very attentive, cuddles and kisses me a lot (my face, head, hands). When we are not, hr reaches out to me once in two days. He takes me out on dates and we also spend time at his place. Yesterday I asked him where this is going and if he looking for something casual. He rellied: "I think there is chemistry between us and I would like to see how it develops. I am not looking for casual but rather something more meaningful. How do you feel." I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that and I never heard from him today. Do I cut him loose? I am sooo over dating

[winny]

Is this the guy from previous post or new guy?

[Redhead14]

I have been seeing this guy for few weeks now (maybe three). When we are together, he is very attentive, cuddles and kisses me a lot (my face, head, hands). When we are not, hr reaches out to me once in two days. He takes me out on dates and we also spend time at his place. Yesterday I asked him where this is going and if he looking for something casual. He rellied: "I think there is chemistry between us and I would like to see how it develops. I am not looking for casual but rather something more meaningful. How do you feel." I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that and I never heard from him today. Do I cut him loose? I am sooo over dating

 

You had this conversation via text???? If you did, that's not something you address via text. That doesn't give the subject the respect it deserves. And, you are stressing because you haven't heard from him today? His usual pattern is once every two days. It's only been one day.

I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that -- It didn't require a response. You didn't ask him a question. You answered his question and you were in agreement with him. Fine.

 

Chill. Sit back and observe. In the meantime, be busy with your life.

[Minka101]

You had this conversation via text???? If you did, that's not something you address via text. That doesn't give the subject the respect it deserves. And, you are stressing because you haven't heard from him today? His usual pattern is once every two days. It's only been one day.

I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that -- It didn't require a response. You didn't ask him a question. You answered his question and you were in agreement with him. Fine.

 

Chill. Sit back and observe. In the meantime, be busy with your life.

I did ask him via text and I acknowledged that this is not something that should be discussed via texts but....

He said "feel free to ask me these questions in person."

The last time he texted me was Sunday to set up a date. We saw each other and then nothing on Monday. Then I texted him yesterday and again nothing today.

[Redhead14]

I did ask him via text and I acknowledged that this is not something that should be discussed via texts but....

He said "feel free to ask me these questions in person."

The last time he texted me was Sunday to set up a date. We saw each other and then nothing on Monday. Then I texted him yesterday and again nothing today.

 

Just sit back and observe. Don't reach out to him again. Let him come to you if he's going to. Wait this out.

 

He said "feel free to ask me these questions in person -- That is kind of a slap on the wrist for opening that subject via text. Guys prefer a woman who can be upfront and confident enough to have important conversations in person . . . I doubt it's the reason you haven't heard from him, but keep this in mind for the future. He's given you a green light to communicate freely with him. That's a good thing.

[winny]

So 3 days and no communication?

Could be the start of fading... but... don't jump to conclusions yet...

Be patient and see what happens... don't start sending him questions on texts...

[Minka101]

So 3 days and no communication?

Could be the start of fading... but... don't jump to conclusions yet...

Be patient and see what happens... don't start sending him questions on texts...

 

I dont think it is fading. That's how it is from date 1. He just texts sometimes and mostly to set up dates. I dont know, I feel like he is not really interested but likes how things are. We talk sometimes, we see each other once a week, he probably likes my company...

[Redhead14]

I dont think it is fading. That's how it is from date 1. He just texts sometimes and mostly to set up dates. I dont know, I feel like he is not really interested but likes how things are. We talk sometimes, we see each other once a week, he probably likes my company...

 

I feel like he is not really interested but likes how things are -- Get out of his head and into yours. How does the way things are going work for YOU???

 

You seem anxious and not content with his communication and dating schedule. If it continues this way, you have two choices: open a conversation and tell him what it is you prefer and see if he wants to accommodate you or simply tell him you're moving on.

 

For now, w a i t t h i s o u t. Don't let anxiety cause you to possibly pre-empt anything.

[Minka101]

I feel like he is not really interested but likes how things are -- Get out of his head and into yours. How does the way things are going work for YOU???

 

You seem anxious and not content with his communication and dating schedule. If it continues this way, you have two choices: open a conversation and tell him what it is you prefer and see if he wants to accommodate you or simply tell him you're moving on.

 

For now, w a i t t h i s o u t. Don't let anxiety cause you to possibly pre-empt anything.

 

Ok, I am going to wait. I almost called him to give him back his stuff (he forgot something at my apartment), and be done with him, but I am going to wait.

I am not ok with the way things are. He says he wants to see how things develop because there is chemistry between us. Well, things cant develop if we do not communicate. For all I know, he could be out, dating other girls at the moment

[Redhead14]

Ok, I am going to wait. I almost called him to give him back his stuff (he forgot something at my apartment), and be done with him, but I am going to wait.

I am not ok with the way things are. He says he wants to see how things develop because there is chemistry between us. Well, things cant develop if we do not communicate. For all I know, he could be out, dating other girls at the moment

 

For all I know, he could be out, dating other girls at the moment -- Stop, just stop with the imagination and assuming and mind f'ing yourself.

 

And, unless he's asked you for exclusivity, he doesn't owe you anything. He can and should date others and so should you.

 

You are, at this moment, overreacting. You've only been seeing him for as you say "maybe three weeks". You've had fairly consistent communication and dating pattern. Once a week with a few texts in between is par, I'd say.

 

It's the holiday season. People are busy, they go away for a few days, etc.

 

Three weeks does not a boyfriend make and you shouldn't be expecting him to act like one until he is. He's just a guy you've been dating for 3 weeks.

[dumbass2]

I have been seeing this guy for few weeks now (maybe three). When we are together, he is very attentive, cuddles and kisses me a lot (my face, head, hands). When we are not, hr reaches out to me once in two days. He takes me out on dates and we also spend time at his place. Yesterday I asked him where this is going and if he looking for something casual. He rellied: "I think there is chemistry between us and I would like to see how it develops. I am not looking for casual but rather something more meaningful. How do you feel." I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that and I never heard from him today. Do I cut him loose? I am sooo over dating

 

Just curious, you said you told him "basically" the same thing. Exactly what was the last text you sent him?

[Minka101]

Just curious, you said you told him "basically" the same thing. Exactly what was the last text you sent him?

 

Here is our conversation:

Me:

It was good, thanks.

Hey, I have a question (it is probably not a good idea to ask over texts but I have to ).

So, how do you see the things between you and me? Are you looking for something casual?

 

Him:

Feel free to ask me these things In person, don't be shy :-). To answer your question, I think we have chemistry and I want to see how things develop. Also, I am not looking for something casual but instead, for something more meaningful. How do you feel?

Me: (two hours later - we usually reply back within 20 min but I got a phone call from a friend)

 

Sorry, I got busy. Will text you later.

 

Me (an hour later):

 

That is how I feel too. I am not really interested in anything casual. I like spending time with you, so yeah, let's see how things develop.

[stillafool]

Ok, I am going to wait. I almost called him to give him back his stuff (he forgot something at my apartment), and be done with him, but I am going to wait.

I am not ok with the way things are. He says he wants to see how things develop because there is chemistry between us. Well, things cant develop if we do not communicate. For all I know, he could be out, dating other girls at the moment

 

Is this the really good looking guy with the Ivy League education? I wouldn't be surprised. After all the work he's done he probably wants to date around before getting serious with anyone. However, he isn't going to tell women that he just says "we have chemistry".

[Minka101]

Is this the really good looking guy with the Ivy League education? I wouldn't be surprised. After all the work he's done he probably wants to date around before getting serious with anyone. However, he isn't going to tell women that he just says "we have chemistry".

 

Well, he said he is not looking for something casual, but actions speak louder than words.

[stillafool]

Well, he said he is not looking for something casual, but actions speak louder than words.

 

That's because most women are not looking for anything casual especially with a guy with his credentials. They want more.

[Minka101]

That's because most women are not looking for anything casual especially with a guy with his credentials. They want more.

But that pisses me off. I mean he is a good guy, obviously very educated and we have a good communication but there are other qualities I am looking for in a guy. There are other guys who didnt attend Ivy League, but still have a decent job (I dont care how much money guy makes), are good communicators and, unlike him, have a good sense of humor (he admitted himself that he makes bad jokes, and he really does, but it is not a deal breaker for me).

I did not hear from him yesterday, I guess I will hear toward the end of the weekend but I already gave up on him. This is not how I want to be treated. I may not attend Ivy League College, but I am pursuing my BA full time, while also working full time and still manage to keep 4.0 gpa.Someone else will appreciate my personality, intelligence and hard work.

Sorry for rambling, I think I need a break from dating.

[IfonlyIknew]

Here is our conversation:

Me:

It was good, thanks.

Hey, I have a question (it is probably not a good idea to ask over texts but I have to ).

So, how do you see the things between you and me? Are you looking for something casual?

 

Him:

Feel free to ask me these things In person, don't be shy :-). To answer your question, I think we have chemistry and I want to see how things develop. Also, I am not looking for something casual but instead, for something more meaningful. How do you feel?

Me: (two hours later - we usually reply back within 20 min but I got a phone call from a friend)

 

Sorry, I got busy. Will text you later.

 

Me (an hour later):

 

That is how I feel too. I am not really interested in anything casual. I like spending time with you, so yeah, let's see how things develop.

 

Is it just me or... this was probably the longest 3 hours of his life Lol. He may have taken a step back after waiting and over thinking after his reply, he might have thought you didn't feel the same and doesn't want to scare you off.

[Minka101]

Is it just me or... this was probably the longest 3 hours of his life Lol. He may have taken a step back after waiting and over thinking after his reply, he might have thought you didn't feel the same and doesn't want to scare you off.

 

That is a possibility but not very likely.

[stillafool]

But that pisses me off. I mean he is a good guy, obviously very educated and we have a good communication but there are other qualities I am looking for in a guy. There are other guys who didnt attend Ivy League, but still have a decent job (I dont care how much money guy makes), are good communicators and, unlike him, have a good sense of humor (he admitted himself that he makes bad jokes, and he really does, but it is not a deal breaker for me).

I did not hear from him yesterday, I guess I will hear toward the end of the weekend but I already gave up on him. This is not how I want to be treated. I may not attend Ivy League College, but I am pursuing my BA full time, while also working full time and still manage to keep 4.0 gpa.Someone else will appreciate my personality, intelligence and hard work.

Sorry for rambling, I think I need a break from dating.

 

I'm sorry but what pisses you off? That a lot of women are looking for a man with his credentials? A lot of women want a man with a high earning potential especially if they want to raise a family. If he is good looking that is a major bonus. I agree that is the wrong reason to marry but women have been doing this for centuries. I doubt it matters to him whether the woman he marries has an IL education; just as long as she has a degree. I think it's great that you aren't looking for the same and you are right; some man will appreciate all you have to offer.

[Ilovepizzalady]

You are moving way too fast! I have been dating a guy for like 5 weeks and have seen him 3 times and no where near ready to jump into a relationship b/c I'm on the rebound. give him time!

[Minka101]

I'm sorry but what pisses you off? That a lot of women are looking for a man with his credentials? A lot of women want a man with a high earning potential especially if they want to raise a family. If he is good looking that is a major bonus. I agree that is the wrong reason to marry but women have been doing this for centuries. I doubt it matters to him whether the woman he marries has an IL education; just as long as she has a degree. I think it's great that you aren't looking for the same and you are right; some man will appreciate all you have to offer.

 

I hope IL education is not important to him but I am not 100 percent sure. I am pursuing Bachelors in medical field but I am hoping to get Masters later. He asked me if I would consider PhD and becoming a physician. I told him I would love to, but given my situation it is almost impossible and probably not worth it. He agreed with my arguments but seemed little disappointed. I suspect he wants woman who has his level of education (PhD). I might be wrong too

[Kempeitai]

I have been seeing this guy for few weeks now (maybe three). When we are together, he is very attentive, cuddles and kisses me a lot (my face, head, hands). When we are not, hr reaches out to me once in two days. He takes me out on dates and we also spend time at his place. Yesterday I asked him where this is going and if he looking for something casual. He rellied: "I think there is chemistry between us and I would like to see how it develops. I am not looking for casual but rather something more meaningful. How do you feel." I basically told him I feel the same way and lets he how it goes. He never replied to that and I never heard from him today. Do I cut him loose? I am sooo over dating

 

That is exactly what I tell women I am just looking to have sex with.

 

I am about to start serious dating and if asked that question I would respond "I am looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. So far I like you and the direction our relationship is going." 3 weeks is a little early for titles and exclusivity. But I would bring that up at maybe the 6 week mark if I felt she was a good match from initial dates.

[Minka101]

That is exactly what I tell women I am just looking to have sex with.

 

I am about to start serious dating and if asked that question I would respond "I am looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. So far I like you and the direction our relationship is going." 3 weeks is a little early for titles and exclusivity. But I would bring that up at maybe the 6 week mark if I felt she was a good match from initial dates.

 

I think that is the case here too. He is only looking for sex.

Three weeks might be early but he could have said it better of he was interested.

 

Do I offer to drop off his stuff tonight (jacket he gave me when I was too cold), or wait for him to text me? I feel like I want to be done with him asap.

Edited December 29, 2016 by Minka101

[Ilovepizzalady]

How do you even know if you like someone that much after 3 weeks?

[Minka101]

How do you even know if you like someone that much after 3 weeks?

 

It is not if you like someone that much or not. It is that he says he wants to see how things develop but puts minimal effort. Things are NOT developing if we spend an evening at a bar or at his place and then we do not talk at all (almost). I am used to guys being in touch with me every day pr at least every two days and not only two or three texts exchange (if they like me).