Tressugar Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Met a nice, decent guy online in September. Our first date was to a comedy club in the first week of October. Soon followed up with a second date maybe a week later. I didn't hear back from him except to tell me that he's so busy with work and school that he couldn't make time for me that was in October. Fast forward to a couple months later, now December he all of sudden claims he likes me and wants to get to know me better. I reminded him that now that school was over for the semester he should be able to have time for me. He agreed, but never followed through. He would text one day and I wouldn't hear back from him until maybe three or four days later. I told him that if he's really sincere in getting to know me that he should at least be consistent in his communications with me. He agreed and promised to contact me more frequently on a consistent basis. My last fling was solely via text message, no phone calls. I didn't like that. So I encouraged him to call me from time to time, not solely text message me. So now he picks up the phone and calls from time to time. He's never set up any future dates. He did ask me out of the blue/on a whim to come meet him to go out to eat. But I had plans, so I told him to let me know in advance and not the hour before. I asked him when his next day off was and he told me Wednesday. I asked him can we see each other on Wednesday because he's leaving out of town to see his family for the holiday. So he agreed once again. But this time I'm finding out he's taking me out to a buffet (all you can eat) for 8.99. Should I be offended? It seems like this is more work than necessary. I'll admit I'm new to this game and haven't learned all the tricks of this industry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystique01 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Hmm....based on the title of your thread I just thought that maybe the guy just isn't rolling in the dough (not everyone is money bags). This economy (although it's gotten much better) is still hard on some of us. Some are still struggling to make ends meet. And if he's a student, it's probably even harder on him. Ahhh I remember my college broke days well lol. But based on your actual post, I'm thinking....eh.... Idk... He seems lukewarm to me. Personally, I don't like having to remind a guy to text me back within a reasonable hour, or to take me somewhere decent, or to call me instead of text,etc. I start to sound like his mother for goodness sakes...and I don't like a relationship like that. Honestly, while there's nothing with a date where the guy takes you to a buffet, or can't afford to spend a lot of money so you guys have picnics in the park, or go to free movie screenings, or use groupons a lot... MY main beef is that he isn't doing much of anything ELSE that shows that he's really into you. THAT is my main beef. Not how much he is spending at dinner. Honestly, he sounds kind of lukewarm. I'd just be patient and see what he does on his own initiative, or just simply cut your losses and move on. Usually it's pretty obvious when a guy is REALLY into me, and this guy doesn't seem like he's really into you. Now you can continue to keep telling him how you want things done, but pretty soon that will get old. Also, imagine him always having to tell you how he likes a relationship to be. After a while wouldn't it start to feel like this guy is never satisfied with anything you do? It might cause some strain eventually on the relationship. I don't see anything wrong with communicating my wants/desires/expectations in a relationship, but right now it doesn't even seem like this guy knows how to court a woman properly. I don't think you guys are a good match. He sounds lukewarm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Way too much work for this guy. He's not very interested at all. I would pass and move on and find someone new, unless you are not looking for a serious relationship and are dating others. I might say go out and get a free dinner, but a $8.99 all you can eat is not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 I realize back in the day on how it was being a starving student. It's not about the dollar amount, but the effort into finding out if I even like the restaurant or had a certain preference. It felt like he didn't even want to impress me at all. I'm a highly paid government employee. I can pick up the tab any day of the week. But if I was paying I at least would ask what types of foods and/or restaurants he liked. Come to think about it he hasn't asked me any questions about myself. I told him it was my birthday and he didn't even say anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 The cheap buffet isn't the issue here...the guy has been showing a lack of interest since your last date, but keeps you on the back burner just in case. Just ditch the guy will ya....Seriously, he ain't that into you....are you that desperate???? or is this so over your head??? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 The cheap buffet isn't the issue here...the guy has been showing a lack of interest since your last date, but keeps you on the back burner just in case. Just ditch the guy will ya....Seriously, he ain't that into you....are you that desperate???? or is this so over your head??? Agree. It's far more off-putting that this guy doesn't really seem to be into you than where he is suggesting for a date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I think the gold digging comments are quite unnecessary. If you ask someone on a date, and it's for a meal that is less expensive than a Big Mac combo, I think it says a fair bit about your feelings about the person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 An all you can eat buffet is a pretty tacky date suggestion. And it's not about money. I would much rather go for a walk in a park and talk than go to a buffet. Besides - what girl wants to stuff her face while out on a second date? At least take me to a place that has nice salads so I can pretend I don't eat like a beast And this guy is making you chase waaaaaaay too much and showing very little interest. He certainly isn't making spending time with you a priority. Find someone who is more into you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 The fact that you judge how much a guy is spending on a venue, rather than enjoying the time together, tells a fair bit about how you see men to be honest. It is not about where or how much is spent, it is about enjoying each others' company. Anyone who cares more about the $, rather than the person they are dating, is bound to be seen as a gold digger. Oh give it a rest. I'd hesitate to take my family to some crappy buffet, let alone a date. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Wow, people are so passionate about this subject that they go to the extent of creating fake accounts to spread their viewpoint. Look at it like this. It's the same as a present, it's not about the money, it's the thought that counts. You can make a heartfelt present that is way nicer than anything store bought. But if you stop at the dollar store on the way to someones house and pick them up a present, clearly the thought of a nice present in whatever form that may take is missing. Same as with the date, I agree that a great date doesn't need to cost any or much money. But the cheap all you can eat buffet is the dollar store present of dates. No thought into it whatsoever. For the other men popping up in this thread passionately saying that it shouldn't be about the money. How would you feel on a date, if the woman showed up and her hair hadn't been done in months, and her finger nails were chipped, and she was wearing some ugly clothes, and no makeup, etc. You would next her, I know you would. And yet you take great offence to spending any dollars on that same woman who actually put in the time and money to looking good for the date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Every sign says he isn't terribly interested. The meal isn't really a factor - too much has gone on before for you to know he isn't keen. Oh give it a rest. I'd hesitate to take my family to some crappy buffet, let alone a date. Er..I wouldn't hesitate - I just wouldn't take my folks somewhere like that - never have, never would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Er..I wouldn't hesitate - I just wouldn't take my folks somewhere like that - never have, never would. I have to admit, I can be a fan of breakfast buffets at times ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I have to admit, I can be a fan of breakfast buffets at times ... If it was a brunch buffet we wouldn't be having this conversation. Going on a date with a mildly interested dude would be worth it for bottomless mimosas and eggs Benedict. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I have to admit, I can be a fan of breakfast buffets at times ... In a hotel...only....otherwise I jusrt cannot respect you any more! Lol! Um..I do sometimes go for a £5 brunch at my local café though...all the breakfast stuff with chips!! Yum! Ok, we're even! But - eggs are never great on a buffet - my scrambled eggs are the BEST! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Wait, are we all meeting up for a nice brunch this weekend? If so, count me in. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 (edited) Wait, are we all meeting up for a nice brunch this weekend? If so, count me in. Hope so cos I am really hungry now! Anyone got a voucher? If not I know a great cheap place! Edited December 21, 2016 by GemmaUK 4 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 For the other men popping up in this thread passionately saying that it shouldn't be about the money. How would you feel on a date, if the woman showed up and her hair hadn't been done in months, and her finger nails were chipped, and she was wearing some ugly clothes, and no makeup, etc. You would next her, I know you would. And yet you take great offence to spending any dollars on that same woman who actually put in the time and money to looking good for the date. Maybe im weird, but it wouldn't bother me. One of the best dates I ever had was with a girl who met me straight after a dance class. She had baggy clothes, no makeup. Hair a mess. We dated for 7 months! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 (edited) He told me his job is going to hold him there until late tonight. He told me he really wants to see me, but never offers to reschedule. Yes I get it. He's not that interested. I've moved on. At least he had the gall to tell me he's breaking the date just now via text. I wasn't going to go tonight because I hadn't heard from him since yesterday early evening. Edited December 21, 2016 by Tressugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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