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Realized in my last few relationships neither of my partners ever...


impliedlost

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contributed to the conversations. It seemed like looking back that I was the one sustaining the relationships conversation and warmth.

 

In my last relationship, I realized towards the end that maybe I should put in as much conversation as the other person did. Turns out the conversations never started. She told me she was becoming insecure and that me not talking nearly as much was really different. I invited her to tell me how she felt. She just said it was unusual to her. Even then, she wouldn't even contribute.

 

Looking back, I realized that even the one before that was where I handled most of the social activities and what not.

 

My question is, What can I do besides common sense stuff (listening, asking questions, don't be aggressive, allow the other person to talk) that I might look out for so I don't run into this again. Or if I do, what do you suggest on your own end from experience that encouraged even growth between both people?

 

On a different note, I have experience utilizing the couples dialog (Imago Therapy) as well as Gottman methods.

 

Thanks!!!

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OP - Do you tend to be overbearing in the conversations or not ask follow up questions. I stopped talking with my XBF when I noticed he would talk about himself all the time. I wanted to see if he would ever ask me anything or ask follow up questions. It was something that really bothered me about him.

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@Miss_peach

 

So in the past for your XBF. you stopped talking to them when you noticed he would only take over the conversations and never ask follow up questions? Can you explain a little bit more or clarify so I can better understand? Like in what situations did he become self centered?

 

I bet that really bothered you. It would bother me too. Feeling like you were not a part of the conversation :(. Just a witness to his life.

 

I am Never overbearing and I always follow up with questions. A part of the couples dialog is that you must Mirror and a part of mirroring is asking for not only clarification but also additional points so that the full message is entirely understood and you engage the person to tell you more. Then you validate their point of view and then empathize. Afterwards, you give your own point of view, to which the person should ask more questions and mirror, validate, etc..

 

I use this in all my conversations. I have Broca's aphasia and am on the spectrum. So I do come off as rehearsed(I literally have to form my thoughts into complete sentences before I talk or write) . Although not unfeeling. Which hurt me a bit when you said that smackie9. Although I will take into consideration and ask you why you feel that way.

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Thanks for your time on replying to this subject smackie9 and miss_peach. Is there anything you might wanna add? Again, Thanks again regardless ^_^.

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