CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 A question asked on another thread got me thinking about this topic. I'm 44 but most people think I'm in my mid-late 20's. I lost track of how many times I've had to breakout my driver's license to prove my age. I think I have a unique perspective because in many ways I'm like an older person experiencing life in a younger person's body. When I approach women my age, they think I'm too young for them and women 20 years younger than me are stunned when I reveal my actual age. The ages of my last 5 dates are 26, 33, 30, 28, and 26. They all thought we were about the same age when we met. Fortunately, once they find out I'm 44 it doesn't seem to matter at all. I have a baby face but I'm also active and very fit so I blend right in. But when I tried OLD, things were totally different. Suddenly my age was a huge deal. It was almost impossible to get a date with anyone under 30. They probably assumed my pics were from the last millennium... My most recent ex and I dated for 3 years. I was 41 and she was 26 when we met. She said she never felt like she was dating an older guy except when she was reminded about my actual age. It never came up except for her occasionally poking fun with old man jokes. So my perspective is that how you look and act is MUCH more significant than your actual age. Yet OLD taught that people put WAY too much importance on that number if they never met you. It's probably one of the many reasons I find OLD to be completely worthless... Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 A question asked on another thread got me thinking about this topic. I'm 44 but most people think I'm in my mid-late 20's. I lost track of how many times I've had to breakout my driver's license to prove my age. I think I have a unique perspective because in many ways I'm like an older person experiencing life in a younger person's body. When I approach women my age, they think I'm too young for them and women 20 years younger than me are stunned when I reveal my actual age. The ages of my last 5 dates are 26, 33, 30, 28, and 26. They all thought we were about the same age when we met. Fortunately, once they find out I'm 44 it doesn't seem to matter at all. I have a baby face but I'm also active and very fit so I blend right in. But when I tried OLD, things were totally different. Suddenly my age was a huge deal. It was almost impossible to get a date with anyone under 30. They probably assumed my pics were from the last millennium... My most recent ex and I dated for 3 years. I was 41 and she was 26 when we met. She said she never felt like she was dating an older guy except when she was reminded about my actual age. It never came up except for her occasionally poking fun with old man jokes. So my perspective is that how you look and act is MUCH more significant than your actual age. Yet OLD taught that people put WAY too much importance on that number if they never met you. It's probably one of the many reasons I find OLD to be completely worthless... Why are you so focused on dating women at least 15 years younger than you? 12 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You cannot blame others to not think the way you do. Just because you want to date women 10-20 years younger than you doesn't mean all those women would come running to you -- because you "look" younger. While it is fine and I feel age is just a number but not everyone thinks the same and more often than not it has also nothing to do with how young you look at end of the day you are 44!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Why are you so focused on dating women at least 15 years younger than you? I know right ... ha ha Find a woman with good character... that should be priority.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Why are you so focused on dating women at least 15 years younger than you? I'm not. I never ask anybody their age until we're already on a date. It just happens. That's kinda my point. As to why it happens, I'll be blunt. I think 90% of guys would want to date women when they are most attractive, which is generally but not always in their 20's or 30's. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'm not. I never ask anybody their age until we're already on a date. It just happens. That's kinda my point. As to why it happens, I'll be blunt. I think 90% of guys would want to date women when they are most attractive, which is generally but not always in their 20's or 30's. If 90% of people want to do something, doesn't necessarily make it the right thing. I think you don't ask age because then they will ask your age. You use your younger looks to get these woman to go out with you... n then reveal the age later once they have been attracted to you... And let me be blunt then.... 90% of women would go for an actual younger guy when they are at their sexual prime... which is not generally in their 40s n 50s 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'm not. I never ask anybody their age until we're already on a date. It just happens. That's kinda my point. As to why it happens, I'll be blunt. I think 90% of guys would want to date women when they are most attractive, which is generally but not always in their 20's or 30's. Why do women around your age think you're too young for them? Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 If 90% of people want to do something, doesn't necessarily make it the right thing. I think you don't ask age because then they will ask your age. You use your younger looks to get these woman to go out with you... n then reveal the age later once they have been attracted to you... And let me be blunt then.... 90% of women would go for an actual younger guy when they are at their sexual prime... which is not generally in their 40s n 50s I'm going to guess the OP is using tinder and is striking out hard with the under 30. At the end of the day, you are 44 years old OP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poe77 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I dont get why anyone would want to date some one 15 years younger then themselves? you would be at totally different points in your life with vastly different life experiences at that point no? I would think prob not much in common once you got past the shallow meaningless things. I guess if the older one was kinda immature with little life experiences it might work *shrugs not saying that's your case op im kinda getting the feeling your not exactly looking for a long term relationship anyways so I guess it doesn't matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 If 90% of people want to do something, doesn't necessarily make it the right thing. I think you don't ask age because then they will ask your age. You use your younger looks to get these woman to go out with you... n then reveal the age later once they have been attracted to you.. You're right. I won't deny that. I really don't seek out younger women. All things being equal, which they aren't, I'd rather date someone my age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Why do women around your age think you're too young for them? I'm talking about first contact. I can tell they have this amused patronizing tone like they think I'm a kid until they get to know me. Usually something innocuous occurs that triggers them to ask "How old are you?" Like I recognize some obscure song from the 80's that playing, or I make a comment that reveals my age... Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Then by your logic age shouldn't matter, but you have the bias yourself. I am 41 and mistaken often for someone 10+ years younger and told I look better now than when I was actually 31. Yet you say women in their 20's are technically more attractive. This generalization may be true, but you wouldn't even be looking in my bracket, all the while saying chronological age shouldn't matter. Most of my online messages are actually from men in their 20's and 30's. Many seem to chase older women. I know what they want, but pretty much the norm for most men. I would like to speak with more men my age, but it appears they are searching for younger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'm going to guess the OP is using tinder and is striking out hard with the under 30. At the end of the day, you are 44 years old OP No. I'm pretty outspoken on LS about my disdain for OLD and it has nothing to do with this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Then by your logic age shouldn't matter, but you have the bias yourself. I am 41 and mistaken often for someone 10+ years younger and told I look better now than when I was actually 31. Yet you say women in their 20's are technically more attractive. This generalization may be true, but you wouldn't even be looking in my bracket, all the while saying chronological age shouldn't matter. Most of my online messages are actually from men in their 20's and 30's. Many seem to chase older women. I know what they want, but pretty much the norm for most men. I would like to speak with more men my age, but it appears they are searching for younger. How do I have a bias? I don't use OLD so I don't look at age brackets. I approach any woman I find attractive and most, but not all, are younger than me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 For casual dating, obviously your perceived age. For a LTR, both. No matter how young you 'look', age has bearing on much more than just appearance. Mortality rate, risk of long-term illness, fertility, retirement age, life experience, etc - all of that does not really take into account how you 'look'. Like it or not, if you're talking 'death do us part', the significantly younger person is going to be much more likely to be the one spending years taking care of a severely ill partner and then being a widow, and this goes doubly so for older men/younger women due to biological factors (estrogen has a protective effect on the cardiac system, reducing risk of cardiovascular illness). No matter how attracted I am to a man, I'd think very long and very hard before getting into a serious LTR with a man >10 years my senior. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 But when I tried OLD, things were totally different. Suddenly my age was a huge deal. It was almost impossible to get a date with anyone under 30. They probably assumed my pics were from the last millennium... So my perspective is that how you look and act is MUCH more significant than your actual age. Yet OLD taught that people put WAY too much importance on that number if they never met you. It's probably one of the many reasons I find OLD to be completely worthless... I think it was these two quotes which made me think that you were only pursuing younger women in OLD. It was impossible get a date with someone under 30 and no indication if you tried with women your age. People may put important on the number (OLD or not) because they want someone who can relate to their life experiences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I'm not. I never ask anybody their age until we're already on a date. It just happens. That's kinda my point. OP brought up a good point. Which online dating sites do not use age? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 I think it was these two quotes which made me think that you were only pursuing younger women in OLD. It was impossible get a date with someone under 30 and no indication if you tried with women your age. Fair enough. I could see how you interpreted what I wrote as me seeking only younger women. People may put important on the number (OLD or not) because they want someone who can relate to their life experiences. Maybe a little. But when I contrast OLD versus IRL, my takeaway is that people ONLINE place WAY too much importance on superficial nonsense. They filter by age online (and a ton of other nonsense), which IRL they wouldn't. It's consistent with all the other behavior patterns I've observed with OLD. I've repeated over and over that I think over-analyzing profiles is worthless other than for scanning for a few deal breakers. There are so many people here on LS that spend hours updating their profile and scrutinizing other profiles before they agree to a first date yet they've been on 100+ online dates and are still single. Obviously it's not working... Age never mattered to me one bit until I noticed how meaningless it was IRL but so important with OLD... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Fair enough. I could see how you interpreted what I wrote as me seeking only younger women. Maybe a little. But when I contrast OLD versus IRL, my takeaway is that people ONLINE place WAY too much importance on superficial nonsense. They filter by age online (and a ton of other nonsense), which IRL they wouldn't. It's consistent with all the other behavior patterns I've observed with OLD. I've repeated over and over that I think over-analyzing profiles is worthless other than for scanning for a few deal breakers. There are so many people here on LS that spend hours updating their profile and scrutinizing other profiles before they agree to a first date yet they've been on 100+ online dates and are still single. Obviously it's not working... Age never mattered to me one bit until I noticed how meaningless it was IRL but so important with OLD... But biological age is far less superficial/meaningless than perceived age... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) But when I contrast OLD versus IRL, my takeaway is that people ONLINE place WAY too much importance on superficial nonsense. Age never mattered to me one bit until I noticed how meaningless it was IRL but so important with OLD... But to me and many I know, an age preference is not superficial and meaningless. It can be if you focus on looks and appearance only or use someone's age to boost your own ego, but if I did that then I would accept dates with those younger men who approach me. Age is important to me because I want someone who can relate to my life experiences. Raising my child, maybe a divorce, dealing with turning middle age, work and career path, etc. I know that is something I would not get with someone younger or 10-15 years older. I also want someone who will value being with me long term and I believe that is with someone closer to my age. Whether I am online or in person, I am going to feel someone out for their age. If they are far off from my preference then I am not going to take it much further. I do agree scrutinizing profiles is not a good use of time. I briefly scan them myself and if I like the vibe, then we talk. We do the same thing in real life though and veto people all the time for superficial reasons. Human nature... Edited December 2, 2016 by selinaluv Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Haha...complaining about superficiality when making a thread about how hard it is to get women that are 15-20 years younger to date you 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Haha...complaining about superficiality when making a thread about how hard it is to get women that are 15-20 years younger to date you Hard? Huh? Those are the only women I've dated recently and it's not because I seek them out. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Hard? Huh? Those are the only women I've dated recently and it's not because I seek them out. Just out of curiousity, how long did each of them stick around after finding out your chronological age? You broke up with someone in April, and I'm assuming you've gone out with the five young ones since then? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Hard? Huh? Those are the only women I've dated recently and it's not because I seek them out. Whats your problem then??? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Hard? Huh? Those are the only women I've dated recently and it's not because I seek them out. So you have all these hotties under 30 and it isnt hard. And yet here is this thread! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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