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Sleeping over at a friend/crush


Fuerza

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I went out with a guy few times that I met online and I've got quite the crush on him. The attraction is there (at least for me) but after few dates for some reason the connection we had went away. We discussed our next steps and decide to stay friends and see what the future brings. He says he definitely feels the attraction as well, finds me attractive and personality wise very interesting and wants to get to know me better.

 

Now, my dilemma: we're meeting up (as friends) in a few weeks and I had asked if it would be okay for him if I could sleep over as he lives pretty far away from me and I don't want to drive back at night. He said that's completely fine and has from what I can tell no issues with it.

 

I mean, is this even smart to do? Part of me is hoping some action might happen if I sleep over (:lmao:) but I also don't want to get my or his hopes up, let alone just get used. Any opinions?

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Well - would you be okay if you two had sex - and he rode off into the sunset not to be heard from again?

 

If so - I say get some!!!!

 

If not - you are playing with fire. Mutual attraction + overnight, if he makes a move I think you will find it hard to resist. But, it sounds like he isn't very invested, so I wouldn't count on him sticking around if things go "too far" during the visit.

 

If you can temper your hopes and expectations, and are okay with "uncommitted sex" I say have fun.

 

If not, protect your heart, and tell him an overnighter probably wouldn't be best.

 

(Edited to see you asked about the sleep over - my advice still applies though. How far is the drive? How much is a hotel room?)

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Yeah I'm definitely playing with fire, well, we both are. I'm kind of hoping that if we do end up having sex that we might feel the connection that was missing during our last dates?

 

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't just ride off in the sunset if we did end up having sex, it's more that it might feel awkward and confusing afterwards. If that makes sense...

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Crush can mean several things, but it seems to me it's beyond just the physical part for you. As such, it's clearly a risk as you make it sound like he's less enthused. But it could obviously lead to a close encounter with his cock, and only you can feel if that's worth the risk.

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Yeah I'm definitely playing with fire, well, we both are. I'm kind of hoping that if we do end up having sex that we might feel the connection that was missing during our last dates?

 

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't just ride off in the sunset if we did end up having sex, it's more that it might feel awkward and confusing afterwards. If that makes sense...

 

Uff, I would NOT count on any of that. Men do not bond as quickly over sex as many women do, and many find it fairly easy to walk away.

 

You are setting yourself up for getting hurt - just know that. It might pay off, but there is a very good possibility that it might not.

 

Only you know if you have the emotional toughness to handle that.

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Thanks guys! I think, I'm going to take the risk and we'll see where it goes. I can still feel out the situation and go from there. But I'll never know if I don't take the risk!

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What are you envisioning? A night of unexpectedly passionate sex that ends with a confused goodbye in the morning, followed by weeks of *~awkward drama~* in which he graduated realizes his feelings for you, then a jump cut to walking down the aisle three years later?

 

Here is what's far more likely: you'll fumble around or have decent sex, then have minimal to no contact unless he's in the mood again. This will persist until he meets someone he does want to date seriously, at which point you will be dropped faster than yesterday's news.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. But if you're dating and the other person decides they'd rather be "friends", they are clearly signaling they do not see you as long-term relationship material. No one turns down someone they legitimately want to date. The whole thing about "attraction" and "seeing where things go" is all code for occasional booty call. That can work if both parties feel the same way, but you evidently don't. Is he really worth the pain of rejection down the line?

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What are you envisioning? A night of unexpectedly passionate sex that ends with a confused goodbye in the morning, followed by weeks of *~awkward drama~* in which he graduated realizes his feelings for you, then a jump cut to walking down the aisle three years later?

 

Here is what's far more likely: you'll fumble around or have decent sex, then have minimal to no contact unless he's in the mood again. This will persist until he meets someone he does want to date seriously, at which point you will be dropped faster than yesterday's news.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. But if you're dating and the other person decides they'd rather be "friends", they are clearly signaling they do not see you as long-term relationship material. No one turns down someone they legitimately want to date. The whole thing about "attraction" and "seeing where things go" is all code for occasional booty call. That can work if both parties feel the same way, but you evidently don't. Is he really worth the pain of rejection down the line?

 

Haha, you made me laugh, thanks :lmao:

 

I get your point, but with this guy he definitely does not see me as a booty call. He's just not ready to be in a relationship or anything that involves having feelings/emotions for a girl. An example for that is that he actually cancelled on me, even though he was the one that proposed that I could sleep over because it would be safer for me then to drive back at night. He said he doesn't know me well enough for me to sleep over already. But when he first asked he did know me well enough?

 

He got cold feet when it got too real, he's emotionally unavailable. At least that's how I see it. I'm frustrated with the whole situation, been trying to ignore him but he keeps reaching out to me. I don't know what he wants, he says he wants to be friends "for now" but gets jealous when I talk about other guys that I'm dating.

 

So confusing, really.

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I'm kind of hoping that if we do end up having sex that we might feel the connection that was missing during our last dates?

 

This is dumb thinking.^^^^^

 

He's not that into you enough for a relationship BUT, you are a "I hope I can bang her one day" girl if she offeres. Most guys oblige a free ride even if they don't want to date you or even don't find you attractive.

 

getting used? If you want the sex as much as he does, there ain't no one being used here.

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BTW sex is not currency for a commitment or a relationship.

 

Of course it's not. But with a guy like this that's emotionally unavailable it might have been a help to know what he exactly wants. He says he finds me attractive, wants to stay friends but yet still has the balls to say that we might get into a rs later on. Like what is it?

 

You would think that all these signs pointed in the direction of a booty call, right? Nope, cause he cancelled on me because he feels like he doesn't know me well enough to sleep together already when he was the one that proposed it in the first place.

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Haha, you made me laugh, thanks :lmao:

 

I get your point, but with this guy he definitely does not see me as a booty call. He's just not ready to be in a relationship or anything that involves having feelings/emotions for a girl. An example for that is that he actually cancelled on me, even though he was the one that proposed that I could sleep over because it would be safer for me then to drive back at night. He said he doesn't know me well enough for me to sleep over already. But when he first asked he did know me well enough?

 

He got cold feet when it got too real, he's emotionally unavailable. At least that's how I see it. I'm frustrated with the whole situation, been trying to ignore him but he keeps reaching out to me. I don't know what he wants, he says he wants to be friends "for now" but gets jealous when I talk about other guys that I'm dating.

 

So confusing, really.

 

No, it really isn't. It's not that he doesn't want a relationship; he just doesn't want a relationship with you. When someone meets a person they genuinely want to date they MAKE it happen. They don't ask to be friends and concoct BS excuses for why you aren't dating. I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but this is a strictly sex situation.

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No, it really isn't. It's not that he doesn't want a relationship; he just doesn't want a relationship with you. When someone meets a person they genuinely want to date they MAKE it happen. They don't ask to be friends and concoct BS excuses for why you aren't dating. I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but this is a strictly sex situation.

 

No I completely agree really, it's the exact same thing that I thought which is why I've been distancing myself from him (especially after he cancelled) but he keeps reaching out even if I ignore him.

 

At this point I just have to think about myself, if he keeps doing this I'll just have to call him out on this and just say it how it is. Thanks btw! ;)

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Of course it's not. But with a guy like this that's emotionally unavailable it might have been a help to know what he exactly wants. He says he finds me attractive, wants to stay friends but yet still has the balls to say that we might get into a rs later on. Like what is it?

 

It's a booty call.

 

You would think that all these signs pointed in the direction of a booty call, right? Nope, cause he cancelled on me because he feels like he doesn't know me well enough to sleep together already when he was the one that proposed it in the first place.

 

Or maybe he cancelled because 1) he had another booty call lined up or 2) he realized you still had feelings and he didn't want to deal with the drama? This is not a special snowflake situation. If he was truly interested he would not have canceled any chance to see you. The talk of maybe having a relationship later is just to keep you on the hook, because he knows you won't have sex with him if he says "yep, I just want to get laid every now and then".

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I mean, is this even smart to do? Part of me is hoping some action might happen if I sleep over (:lmao:) but I also don't want to get my or his hopes up, let alone just get used. Any opinions?

 

How can you get used when you are the one asking to sleep over at his house? You even admit that you hope you have sex so where it the getting used part coming from? You don't have to sleep in his bed you know. Also why didn't you get a hotel room? It seems like you are chasing after him by asking him if you can stay there rather than him offering you to stay there.

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You like the guy and you want him to be your boyfriend. He is maintaining a distance in that respect. He is giving you slightly mixed messages with talk about a relationship later, but if he is not desperately interested in you now, you are best moving on. A guy who is genuinely interested in you will not be:

 

- Turning down a visit from you

- Saying he is not ready for a relationship

- Talking about 'later'

 

He will be there in front of you wanting your attention.

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How can you get used when you are the one asking to sleep over at his house? You even admit that you hope you have sex so where it the getting used part coming from? You don't have to sleep in his bed you know. Also why didn't you get a hotel room? It seems like you are chasing after him by asking him if you can stay there rather than him offering you to stay there.

 

I think you might have misread the topic, he's the one that asked me to sleep over at his place because he thought it would be safer instead of me driving back home at night (we're having dinner in the evening). He now has cancelled this offer as he feels like he doesn't know me well enough to sleep together already.

 

EDIT: not sure why I said in my first post that I asked, he's the one that proposed it. The confusion of this guy has gotten to me lol. When he cancelled he even said "I know I was the one that proposed it but..."

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JoeSmith357-1

The guy wants to have sex with you... so do it. Where it goes from there is anybodys guess.

 

I see no reason not to do this. Even if he's just after sex...

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I think you might have misread the topic, he's the one that asked me to sleep over at his place because he thought it would be safer instead of me driving back home at night (we're having dinner in the evening). He now has cancelled this offer as he feels like he doesn't know me well enough to sleep together already.

 

EDIT: not sure why I said in my first post that I asked, he's the one that proposed it. The confusion of this guy has gotten to me lol. When he cancelled he even said "I know I was the one that proposed it but..."

 

So you are just seeing each other as friends and he has cancelled the offer of a bed for the night.

My guess is that he is now seeing someone else and is thus feeling awkward about you being there overnight in case she shows up unexpectedly in the morning.

I know you have a crush but it is obvious he is not that into you so personally I would let this be and go arrange to go on a real date with someone else, or ask him to come nearer to your place so you can have coffee/dinner/drinks in your town and you can get home more easily.

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I agree with the interpretation that he likely met someone else and feels uncomfortable having you over. There is nothing to be confused about; he isn't interested. Move along and start looking for a guy who is serious about you.

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I like these threads (sleep over, 'friends', connection) and have a personal experience that I will share, then make a more central point.

 

A while back I was also hoping for a relationship with a girl, early 20s and we were introduced by mutual friends, partied a lot together for months, until of course I deeply fall in love with her.

 

Unlike you and this guy, OP, we lived fairly close and she would still sometimes sleep over at my place, though on the couch and me in my bed. The ambiguity was enough anyway.

 

One night, again pretty tipsy, we fooled around, on the internet, youtube and FB gossips etc.. until we settled in my bed, both in pajamas watching TV (and no, it wasn't intentional for me to watch TV in bed when a 'friend' come over but well).. God. I was really puzzled. She was definitely waiting for me to make a move, under the sheets and we were close enough to touch our legs and arms but I was over thinking. .''then what'' ok we banged it, are we together and I can tell you that nothing happened except for slight cuddles and maybe for the better.

 

You see, I don't see such a connection as I had in my story above between you and this guy and don't wish that because of sex things or feelings will develop, I don't think a relationship between you is meant to be here.

 

Now, if you just want a booty call, then be it. You're both adult. However to wish for getting the guy hooked on you because you offer your body doesn't work all the time, if ever.

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Of course it's not. But with a guy like this that's emotionally unavailable it might have been a help to know what he exactly wants. He says he finds me attractive, wants to stay friends but yet still has the balls to say that we might get into a rs later on. Like what is it?

 

 

It is exactly what he is saying and it is pretty straight forward.....he told you he wants to be friends. And down the road, he may or may not consider a relaitonship with you....he is not making any promises tho. Nothing confusing or mysterious about that. Accept it and just move on. There is no point in wasting your time.

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