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Thinking about advancing relationship, breaking up, at same time! :(


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Hi. I've been in a really great relationship with a very sweet girl now for almost six years. We met just before my senior year of high school, and have been going since. I'm not one to rush into things (and she was my first major relationship,) so we took it easy through college, graduated, then moved into an apartment together. I've been thinking very much lately about proposing.

 

As this was been coming on, though, I found myself thinking often about another girl, a close friend of mine. I probably care for this girl as much as someone can within the realm of platonic friendship. Recently, though, she's been invading my thoughts, especially at night when I'm trying unsuccessfully to sleep. It bugged me that it happened, and it bugged me that I enjoyed the fantasies so much. Nonetheless, I chaulked it up to pre-proposal jitters, and tried to not let it get to me too much.

 

A few days ago, though, I got hit by a load of bricks--I found out that this friend is in love with me. She never told me (or any of our mutial friends, I imagine.) I found out through her livejournal, which I think she believes none of her non-internet friends visits (I was just seeing it for the first time.) She didn't write a blatent "I'm in love with soandso, but he's in a relationship...", but may as well have for me. It jives with my real life experiances...I'd just always discounted it because I thought she was more interested in girls. She doesn't know I know.

 

For the past few days all I've been able to do is think about her. And I feel absolutely hideous about it--both because I feel I'm being unfaithful to my girlfriend, and because I also am wondering if advancing my relationship with my gf is a mistake. I'm wondering if I should break up.

 

My gf is a truly sweet individual. She has been the utmost in caring for the entirity of our relationship, and me and her are absolutely comfortable with each other. We've been living happily in almost-marrage ever since we moved in.

 

The other girl is someone who, at first glance, doesn't seem as wonderful a candadate. She's a mid 20-something who is living at home, trying to find direction in her life. When we're together, though, we share so much. We're bothe fascinated by psychology (she works in a mental hospital, poor dear.) We are both amateur writers, and love to chit-chat over that. We are both bad singers, and occassionally spontaneously break in to duets. There have been several occassions where I have felt a strong, and very distinct connection with her.

 

I look back at my relationship with my current girlfriend, and am scared to notice that I can't remember any of those distinct spark. Instead we've had the steady, peaceful care for each other.

 

Anyway, I know this is a decision that I have to make, and there's only so much advice that can be given. I guess I really wanted to get it off my chest. If anyone has any advice, though, or has been in a similiar situation, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

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As you say, this is your decision to make and I agree. I also think that sometimes we think that a different relationship is so much more fun and appealing than the one we are in so we rationalize it to suit our desires. I think you need to re-think what you have and write down all the pros and cons of your current GF to see on paper that she really is a wonderful person. I think you are flattered that someone else loves you and this is clouding your judgment. It is nice to think that others want you but also believe that your GF wants you too. Is it worth all that you have for something that might be fleeting?

 

Think about it....

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