clueless101 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 A guy started messaging me online. He is not my type but was nice so I would answer him when I was on the app (every few days) and one day he asked if I wanted to get coffee. I wasn't over the moon about it but didn't feel like it would be a horrible time either. Plus I like coffee shops and would've paid for my own so no loss on either end if it didn't work out. We talked on the phone Some and he wanted to suggest dinner instead. He sounded like a nice guy so I agreed. We have only spoken twice since then but I noticed he has a habit of trying to "one up" everything I say. It was annoying but today it was to the point to where I just stopped responding to him. I don't know if I can sit through a whole dinner of that! I don't want the date to be a competition the whole night. He feels the need to talk about his fabulous life and how many places he owns and what car he has and his airplane- he's only 32 so these are great accomplishments (IF it's true-his pictures suggest so) but to constantly "brag" is a huge turn off. I like "quiet confidence". He's not that good looking so I feel like he thinks it makes him more appealing. It doesn't. But anyway, the date is tonight. He took the time to research a place that would remind me of my hometown (cute). Do you guys think I should go and see how it goes and just pay for my own meal or cancel and tell him the reason. I do try to take the other person's time and feelings into account. I just made me think twice when I didn't even want to keep the conversation going earlier. Thanks guys!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 A guy started messaging me online. He is not my type but was nice so I would answer him when I was on the app (every few days) and one day he asked if I wanted to get coffee. I wasn't over the moon about it but didn't feel like it would be a horrible time either. Plus I like coffee shops and would've paid for my own so no loss on either end if it didn't work out. We talked on the phone Some and he wanted to suggest dinner instead. He sounded like a nice guy so I agreed. We have only spoken twice since then but I noticed he has a habit of trying to "one up" everything I say. It was annoying but today it was to the point to where I just stopped responding to him. I don't know if I can sit through a whole dinner of that! I don't want the date to be a competition the whole night. He feels the need to talk about his fabulous life and how many places he owns and what car he has and his airplane- he's only 32 so these are great accomplishments (IF it's true-his pictures suggest so) but to constantly "brag" is a huge turn off. I like "quiet confidence". He's not that good looking so I feel like he thinks it makes him more appealing. It doesn't. But anyway, the date is tonight. He took the time to research a place that would remind me of my hometown (cute). Do you guys think I should go and see how it goes and just pay for my own meal or cancel and tell him the reason. I do try to take the other person's time and feelings into account. I just made me think twice when I didn't even want to keep the conversation going earlier. Thanks guys!! Seems like you two aren't compatible already. It sucks either way, but I would cancel so you don't waste anymore of each other's time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clueless101 Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 Oh. This all happened over the span of 6 days. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Endlessly bragging about yourself is big turn off to anyone. This isn't an issue of incompatibility. No one likes someone who brags so much. He has major insecurities which makes him feel the need to brag. He won't change. I say ghost him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clueless101 Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 Endlessly bragging about yourself is big turn off to anyone. This isn't an issue of incompatibility. No one likes someone who brags so much. He has major insecurities which makes him feel the need to brag. He won't change. I say ghost him. I agree with you. I also agree he has signs of being insecure. I did not ghost on him though. I did tell him that I wanted to cancel the date because the more I thought about it the more I didn't think We vibe and that I didn't want to waste anyone's time. He thanked me for my openness and that was that. I feel much better 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Sounds like you made the wise choice. All that 'one-uping' sounded as though he had taken one of those 'How To Bed girls' courses, NLP. Link to post Share on other sites
ItsAllConfusing Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You should go. I think that it would be really rude to cancel at the last minute. Just go and see how he is. He might not be that bad in person. Just bring enough money to cover your meal just in case. At the end of the meal just pull out your cash like you're going to pay and see what his response is. But above all if you feel really uncomfortable like you feel you'll be in danger if you go then don't go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clueless101 Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 Sounds like you made the wise choice. All that 'one-uping' sounded as though he had taken one of those 'How To Bed girls' courses, NLP. Haha it wouldn't surprise me. But did someone say that "one upping" women makes us want to sleep with men?? I barely wanted to talk to him. Seems like that would backfire big time haha Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You should go! Maybe he just brings up his things in hopes that it will attract a woman to him. He might be really nice and interesting in person. It's just one dinner. Go and have fun. If he keeps bragging or one-upping, make a joke out of it as a nice way to call him out on it. So if you are talking about your dog, and he brings up his pure-bred dog that cost him $2000, say "Interesting. Well I taught *MY* dog to speak in Portugese. What you got to say to top THAT?" in a fun ribbing kind of way. Hopefully he will get the hint, but if not, at least you can have a fun dinner topping his bragging and amusing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clueless101 Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 You should go! Maybe he just brings up his things in hopes that it will attract a woman to him. He might be really nice and interesting in person. It's just one dinner. Go and have fun. If he keeps bragging or one-upping, make a joke out of it as a nice way to call him out on it. So if you are talking about your dog, and he brings up his pure-bred dog that cost him $2000, say "Interesting. Well I taught *MY* dog to speak in Portugese. What you got to say to top THAT?" in a fun ribbing kind of way. Hopefully he will get the hint, but if not, at least you can have a fun dinner topping his bragging and amusing yourself. I see your point. But it came to the point where I was dreading going to the date. I actually dated a person like this before and it did not get better so that was part of the reason I just didn't feel the need to go. Also , living in an area known as having some of the worst traffic in the country, I just didn't want to spend an hour driving there on top of prob paying $20 to park and then getting home late for someone I wasn't vibing with. I also didn't want to put him through the same (and he probably would have ended up paying for me) so I just thought it would just spare both of us in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 (edited) OP, Personally, I think you should have stuck with the coffee date After a couple of disasterous dinner dates, (when I was divorced and dating) I made it a rule to keep the fist date short and sweet. And, like I did, you need to listen to your gut and avoid situations that feel "not quite right". Good luck x Edited October 7, 2016 by Arieswoman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 We have only spoken twice since then but I noticed he has a habit of trying to "one up" everything I say. Oh no no no... Do not go. And I suggest that you cut down contact and start to fade... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clueless101 Posted October 7, 2016 Author Share Posted October 7, 2016 Oh no no no... Do not go. And I suggest that you cut down contact and start to fade... Haha well I just decided to tell him up front that I don't think we mesh well. He handled it well and thanked me for being honest. I didn't feel the need to go into specifics but if he would have asked me I would have been honest (in a nice way though) I just didn't want to ghost or fade bc I wouldn't want that done to me. So I tried to look at it from his side as well Link to post Share on other sites
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