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The thought of dating again scares me.


gypsymess

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So I am back on the market, but the whole idea of meeting new people, finding out if we have common interests and values and maybe it'll become something more serious or maybe it won't....it all seems so overwhelming to me!

 

I am older now, (well 36, I'm not that old I guess) with older kids and goals and a business and hobbies and my own routine. I am pretty set and established right now. I have been married and divorced in the past and lost a lot of the things I had worked so hard for over the years.

 

My dating "wish list" is quite possibly absurd. I think I am expecting far too much from one person. Or maybe I am just setting myself up subconsciously to NOT be able to find anyone to date.

 

I don't know. Anyone else feel this way too? Thanks.

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What's on your dating wish list?

 

Dating sucks. I'm not actively looking to date anyone anytime soon. I'm trying to just stay active with community and local activities and meeting new people.

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So I am back on the market, but the whole idea of meeting new people, finding out if we have common interests and values and maybe it'll become something more serious or maybe it won't....it all seems so overwhelming to me!

 

I am older now, (well 36, I'm not that old I guess) with older kids and goals and a business and hobbies and my own routine. I am pretty set and established right now. I have been married and divorced in the past and lost a lot of the things I had worked so hard for over the years.

 

My dating "wish list" is quite possibly absurd. I think I am expecting far too much from one person. Or maybe I am just setting myself up subconsciously to NOT be able to find anyone to date.

 

I don't know. Anyone else feel this way too? Thanks.

 

Just go into for fun and that you're meeting new people. When and if the right one comes around great, if not, you've got new life experiences and new people you've met. I'll tell you, dating at least gives you plenty of stories to share with people!!! LOL

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Just go into for fun and that you're meeting new people. When and if the right one comes around great, if not, you've got new life experiences and new people you've met. I'll tell you, dating at least gives you plenty of stories to share with people!!! LOL

 

So true! Starting dating with low expectations. Ultimately, you may be looking for the perfect man. On a first date, you are looking for a fun evening or, at minimum, a mildly interesting evening. Prince Charming does not usually subscribe to Match. Walk into every date with a sense of humor, a bit of humility, and a touch of kindness. It has always worked out for me. You are going to meet a variety of people who may not fit any of your criteria. If you are kind and go in with a good sense of humor, you will find dating not so terrible. You leave each date with a good laugh, or a touch of excitement for (hopefully) a second. At minimum, as the woman, you will get a lot of free food. :)

 

If you start with absurdly high expectations, you are bound to be disappointed. And then, when you meet the right person, you will send out negative vibes. Don't compromise on things that are important to you in a long a term relationship. However, on a first date, its really difficult to see a person for who they really are. I've been on a number of dates with those who are desperate for a girlfriend or fed up with dating, and I just couldn't get over their negative vibe.

Edited by Parrotlet
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There is nothing to it but to do it. It has to be done so do it. See it as a new adventure. Look forward to the possibility of finding what you desire.

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I can relate. I went through a breakup a few years ago that shook me to my core, and I'm still recovering. Most days now I feel pretty solid; there still are days, however, when I get pangs of grief and "what if" and "why why," etc.

 

I know I want a loving, healthy, mutually supportive relationship with a wonderful man. I do dread the process of getting to know someone, not "knowing" whether this person is the right person, means what he says, or is who he says he is. I was so blindsided by how little my ex ultimately seemed to regard me, that I know even though I'm in therapy I have some trust issues. I just feel like I can't afford to be hurt like this again. And the way to avoid being hurt is to stick to my guns from the get-go about what I will and will not put up with. The problem is, now I feel unwilling to put up with pretty much anything that is not 100% up to my expectations.

 

I'm not dating or seeking to date, and I am enjoying spending time on my own to develop more of myself and focus on being true to who I really am. But I know that part of that authenticity is wanting someone to share my life with with, and my heart and hopes and dreams. So I know ultimately I'm going to have to put myself out there, and I won't lie: I am ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED.

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Looking for Mr or Miss Perfect is like looking for a holiday which has it all: beach, snow, sea, mountain, lake, ice, clubs and bars, farm on the countryside on one place. Just go with the flow.

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Looking for Mr or Miss Perfect is like looking for a holiday which has it all: beach, snow, sea, mountain, lake, ice, clubs and bars, farm on the countryside on one place. Just go with the flow.

 

But it's important to remember: there ARE places you can go on holiday, or even live, that have all these things. So, given this is true, there IS a Mr. or Miss Perfect that has everything you're looking for. Doesn't mean he or she is "perfect," just as a place that has all those amazing things you list isn't perfect. But where the key things are concerned, he or she has everything you're looking for, and he or she IS out there, so there's no sense in settling for less.

 

Being alone truly is better than being in a relationship where you feel confused / frustrated / unhappy / invisible / unloved / alone or a combination of all these things, most of the time.

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