Slight problem

[booboomane]

Well, maybe. Im 25. No kids. Never been married. And i have a major habit of being attracted to women who are older than me. And if they have a kid or kids, the attraction seems to be even higher. And when i say older i dont mean 50 plus. Usually 30-40. But here is why i seem to be attracted to them alot more than girls my age..... In my mind I dont think they will be into me. I automatically think they will turn their nose up because of my age, think i will be too immature, no way i can support them physically, emotionally, etc. I see it as a challenge. Like I want to shock the hell out of them. . So, all of that is not a big deal. Heres the problem. In the cases where a woman who fits this category turns down my advances or eventually moves on, i get borderline hellbent on making it happen. I have every bone in my body telling me to let it go, but i cant help but keep trying. Its like my sales background kicks in and i get the consistently pursue mentality. If you want something go get it yada yada. I mean, i dont flood them with calls and texts or stalk them, but i find letting go extremely hard, and I will make sure they know im still interested. What is your opinions on why i have this mindset? .

[Buddhist]

As a 40 something woman who dates 20 something men, I'll tell you my thoughts.

 

I think you are compensating and trying to prove your worth because you didn't get that sense of worthiness from mom. In your mind somewhere is this idea that if you can get that older, attractive, mother you will somehow fix the love which was lacking from your own. That is why when she rejects you, you feel anxious to make it happen. She is mirroring you own maternal relationship and it makes you reactive.

 

I'll also tell you something else. If you ever want to be taken seriously by a woman older than you then you need to stop projecting your mother issues onto her. No woman in a sexual relationship with you ever wants to stand-in for your mother. It's a passion killer. It's difficult enough for a much older woman to overlook the glaring maturity issues without adding a big dose of neurosis into the mix. If she's dating young, it doesn't mean she has less expectations than if she was dating someone her own age. She will still want you to be a grown up, not a little boy.

[Satu]

Buddhist just got a hole in one

[booboomane]

Great guess. I figured i would get that response. Just not correct. Ive always had a relationship with my mom. A very good one if i do say so myself. We get along and i can call her anytime about anything. I certainly see why most would assume that would be the case, but mommy issues dont play a factor with me.

[booboomane]

If i didnt have a relationship with my mom, i could easily chalk it up to that. Its a pretty common sense conclusion to my situation. But thats why im on here asking opinions.

[stillafool]

I think you just like the chase and older women give that to you, especially if they have kids because they need help. They probably wouldn't think a 2 year old man wants that type of responsibility nor knows how to handle it. I guess this is where you shine. (are you an aries?) I wonder what happens when you catch one and have to prove yourself. Do you stick around? For how long or do you run?

[Satu]

If i didnt have a relationship with my mom, i could easily chalk it up to that. Its a pretty common sense conclusion to my situation. But thats why im on here asking opinions.

 

 

Chalk it up to this:

 

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

 

—C. G. Jung

 

 

Take care.

[booboomane]

I do like the chase. Its like im thrilled to be doing something that isnt the norm. And YES, I like women that i feel like i can help emotionally. Its like, i have no idea what you have been through (divorce,raising a child alone, life experience good and bad, etc) but I want to be apart of it and be their rock or support they thought they couldnt get from a younger guy. But im actually a virgo. Im curious as where astrology fits into my situation? Maybe you can elaborate. Anyway, to answer your ending question, i really dont know. Ive been with women who fit that category but obviously nothing that stuck

I think you just like the chase and older women give that to you, especially if they have kids because they need help. They probably wouldn't think a 2 year old man wants that type of responsibility nor knows how to handle it. I guess this is where you shine. (are you an aries?) I wonder what happens when you catch one and have to prove yourself. Do you stick around? For how long or do you run?

[booboomane]

Im having a tough time grasping the meaning if this quote.

Chalk it up to this:

 

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

 

—C. G. Jung

 

 

Take care.

[Satu]

What makes you feel that this behaviour is a problem?

[Buddhist]

Im having a tough time grasping the meaning if this quote.

 

That's because you still think you are in control of your actions, but it's more likely your actions are playing you. It's alright everyone in their 20's thinks they are in control. Come back to this thread when you're 38 or so and the same stuff has played out 2-3 times in your life. Then you will get this quote by Satu.

 

I also have a relationship with my mother, that doesn't mean it's without issues and subconscious interplay that has played out in my life. That's the nature of parental relationships no matter how perfect we think are. As I said, come back in a decade or so, your perspective will be different.

[booboomane]

The problem, for me, is the unwillingess to move on from the rejection. Its so much healthier to brush it off and move from it and "get the hint" But i refuse. And its not like this happens all the time. But obviously why im on here venting is because its happened recently. A divorced woman (33) with two kids who I hung out with a couple times decided to let me down easily. I still felt the need to let her know she was a great girl and i thought the world of her (which is true) Every bone in my body told me to let it go which i did for a short time. But suddenly i came across her snapchat and saw her with an older man. Probably 40ish. Not huge but certainly a little heavy. I investiagte (crazy i know but i couldnt help it) and the guy is divorced with 4 kids. Im thinking wtf does this guy have that i dont? I try again to blow it off but the desire to make this girl realize that she made a mistake is stronger than ever. So i try the texting/small talk routine and it seemed to go over fine. She responded. I havent seen her post a picture with him since. So here i am, venting on the internet wondering why i can shake this off and move on.

What makes you feel that this behaviour is a problem?

[booboomane]

I get what you are saying. I really do.I still have alot to learn in my life. I have a long way to go. But whether im in control or not in control, my realtionship with my mother has nothing to do with my attraction to older women. Of course we arent perfect. I never claimed that. But it doesnt play a factor in this regard.

That's because you still think you are in control of your actions, but it's more likely your actions are playing you. It's alright everyone in their 20's thinks they are in control. Come back to this thread when you're 38 or so and the same stuff has played out 2-3 times in your life. Then you will get this quote by Satu.

 

I also have a relationship with my mother, that doesn't mean it's without issues and subconscious interplay that has played out in my life. That's the nature of parental relationships no matter how perfect we think are. As I said, come back in a decade or so, your perspective will be different.