Found out my crush is older than me

[Bantosm]

I'm confused now not really sure how to proceed or if can even proceed now. I hadn't gotten that far anyways. I just thought she was attractive and I seeing what my chances might be. If my chances were good I would've tried to flirt and ask her out, there is no question about that. We have only talked while with other friends at work.

 

I normally don't like to date anyone I work with but it hasn't stopped me before. Besides the girl I have a crush on I really don't work with her at all but we do work at the same place. I was just kind of trying to figure out what I wanted to do and what to do. I was really getting to the point where I could say yeah I'm interested in her but I had a big setback.

 

The thing is I thought I was a few years old than she is, so no problem. That's what I'm used to. The other day I found out that she's in fact 8 years older than me. I know she had a divorce a couple of years ago. I don't have much problem with that.

 

What's really bugging me is stupid thoughts. I keep thinking of how many relationships she's been involved with and worst I keep wondering what she would have looked like when she was the age I thought she was. I'm still interested but not sure what to do or how to do it now. I need some help with this.

[VeveCakes]

Age means nothing. You thought she was younger than you so she must look good. The past is gone, forget about that stuff. You might not even notice the age difference at all when you are together.

[Buddhist]

Why is this even an issue? I mean seriously you found her attractive until you discovered she would have looked different 8yrs ago....WTH? I think if the 8yr age gap is causing you any trouble at all you should not date her. I'm reasonably certain that after a divorce she probably does not want to deal with your neurosis.

[Emilia]

Why is this even a problem? She is a crush. You've found something out about her you don't like and you are losing interest. What's the big deal? You aren't even dating her.

 

though your concern that she is much more experienced has made me laugh, such a classic neurotic response from a certain type of man

[Bantosm]

Why is this even an issue?

It's not so much an issue as it is a shock that needs time for me to think about. As far as shocks go it's a good one. Now if things were reversed and I thought she was older but turned that she was 8 years younger then that might be an issue that would cause me to lose interest.

I mean seriously you found her attractive until you discovered she would have looked different 8yrs ago....WTH?

I still find her attractive that's not the issue. It's more of an insecurity issue for me. Right now I would consider her to be at the upper level as far as looks go in females that typically are interested in dating me but that's only for age range I thought she was.

[pteromom]

What are your ages? If you are 19 and she's 27, that's a HUGE difference. If you are 31 and she is 39, it doesn't matter at all.

[elaine567]

It has bothered you enough to post on LS about it, so I suggest you just don't go there.

[Bantosm]

Why is this even a problem? She is a crush. You've found something out about her you don't like and you are losing interest. What's the big deal?

I'm still interested. The main problem is I don't think my chances of getting a date would be as good as what I thought. Even at her current age she's still more attractive than most of the females in this area who are 18-25 years old. If she is more attractive than most of the females including those who are over ten years younger then one could only imagine how attractive she was x years ago. She's probably had the best looking guys go after her and that's what she used to. I can admit I'm not one of the best looking guys around. I'm still interested and still trying to figure out more. I'm not sure how to proceed yet. I guess I'm trying to figure if how much she's interested if any.

[Bantosm]

What are your ages? If you are 19 and she's 27, that's a HUGE difference. If you are 31 and she is 39, it doesn't matter at all.

I'm 24 and she's 32.

[Bantosm]

It has bothered you enough to post on LS about it, so I suggest you just don't go there.

So everyone that is bothered enough to post on LS of some type issue for feedback, you would simply suggest not to go there.

[Buddhist]

I'm still interested. The main problem is I don't think my chances of getting a date would be as good as what I thought. Even at her current age she's still more attractive than most of the females in this area who are 18-25 years old. If she is more attractive than most of the females including those who are over ten years younger then one could only imagine how attractive she was x years ago. She's probably had the best looking guys go after her and that's what she used to. I can admit I'm not one of the best looking guys around. I'm still interested and still trying to figure out more. I'm not sure how to proceed yet. I guess I'm trying to figure if how much she's interested if any.

 

This is hilarious. You are assuming she was better looking 8yrs ago. That's a huge assumption. Let me tell you something. Younger does not automatically mean better looking. I looked 10 times better in my 30's than I did in my 20's. The loss of fat in my face did wonders for me and gave me a more grown up feminine look. I became dainty instead of chubby looking. That is true for many women as well. I did not date the most attractive guys in my 20's. In my 30's however that higher tier of guy became interested in me.

 

It's all in your head. I'd be more worried that you seem to be operating entirely from a stereotypical set of beliefs and not challenging those but accepting them blindly. You've bought into the women get ugly as they get old mantra. That's a very unattractive trait, especially if you want to start dating these older women.

 

You are right to be concerned. Your mindset is very typical of a 24yr old and it shows in your attitudes. As a 32yr old she will see straight through that. Unless you are willing to challenge your basic beliefs then whatever you might start up with her won't last long. She will expect a lot more maturity than this. I'm mid 40's, my last partner was 27, he was also very shocked to discover my age. Not because I look 27, I don't. I look mid 40's but the poor fella had very strange idea's about what a 40 something woman was supposed to look like. He was wrong.

Edited June 22, 2016 by Buddhist

[Bantosm]

This is hilarious. You are assuming she was better looking 8yrs ago. That's a huge assumption.

I would say it would be rare for women of to become more attractive after 8 years time. At least from the women I went to high school that wasn't the case. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. Anyhow one of the persons from work has been friends with my crush for awhile and has older photos on her social page and yes she was more attractive years ago at least in my opinion.

That's a very unattractive trait, especially if you want to start dating these older women.

I don't want to start dating older women in general just this particular one and seems that she not really looking to date anyone because she still healing from her divorce.

You are right to be concerned. Your mindset is very typical of a 24yr old and it shows in your attitudes. As a 32yr old she will see straight through that. Unless you are willing to challenge your basic beliefs then whatever you might start up with her won't last long. She will expect a lot more maturity than this.

I think you're correct because I still look at her and think I'm older and wiser but in reality she has much more life experience and still cannot wrap my head around that thought. That probably shows my maturity level.

I'm mid 40's, my last partner was 27, he was also very shocked to discover my age. Not because I look 27, I don't. I look mid 40's but the poor fella had very strange idea's about what a 40 something woman was supposed to look like. He was wrong.

That's the difference you said you look mid 40's. Yes I was wrong about her age but so was a lot of people at work who thought she was much younger. If she had looked 32 years old then there wouldn't be any shock.

[Dark Horse]

I'd say go for it because if you two get married for life, you two will probably die around the same time since women on average live longer.

 

If you date a younger girl and you die when you're 75 and she's only 65, she probably still has anywhere from 10 to 20 years left to live.

[blackcat777]

My boyfriend and I are 8.5 years apart. I thought he was a bit older, he thought I was a bit younger...

 

I'll still never forget the look on his face when I first mentioned the year I was born

 

It will either work or it won't! There's no way to find out unless you go on a date. I'm a fan of "it's better to regret something you did, than something you didn't do."

 

I don't have kids and took off to travel before coming back to school, so one thing we have in terms of life compatibility is that we're still on the same page for everything. I don't know how we would have worked if I had kids.

 

I normally always dated older, but... he got me. There was something instantly magical between us and I really admire the kind of person he is.

[Cablebandit]

She is going to reject you because of your insecurity. Man up and go after her. She is a woman, not a gallon of milk. She isn't going to go bad because of her age. She will probably blow your mind sexually and be dtf . Go get her!

[Bantosm]

She is going to reject you because of your insecurity. Man up and go after her. She is a woman, not a gallon of milk. She isn't going to go bad because of her age. She will probably blow your mind sexually and be dtf . Go get her!

I agree 100% with what you said. I have went after as much as I could in this early stage of getting to know her but she has stopped every advance dead. I think she has her own insecurities issues. I've tried very basic flirting and giving her compliments and not only will she not be receptive to either, she'll turn a compliment around and use it to insult. Today, she was singing a popular song at break, so I complimented her on it. Then she said something like: yeah right. I only sound good if someone is drunk. I genuinely thought she had a nice voice. I noticed she done the same thing to others at work. I'm not sure what's going on with her but she has some kind of issue.

[JustGettingBy]

You like her? She likes you?

 

If those two are both yes, go for it.

[Bantosm]

You like her? She likes you?

If those two are both yes, go for it.

I really don't know her enough to decide if I actually like her. I'm attracted to her physically. I don't think she interested in me or anyone for that matter. She seems to want to keep people at a distance.