gkly Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I've been seeing this guy for the past three weeks. I didn't believe in OLD but just happened (a long story) and I'm surprised that we are getting along well. He texts me everyday in the morning based on the things we talked on dates, compliments me, shows he likes me with touches and body languages. So far he initiated all three/four dates. Although I show interests that I like him (texting back, kissing back, etc.), I stay passive because I'm not sure about a few things. Firstly, he seems to have got off from three years relationship pretty recent, meaning within 2-4 months. Neither of us ever mention exes and I don't want to bring it up because we don't have labels yet. Maybe it's a good sign that he hasn't mentioned ex so far. Can men be over a long-term relationship within those months time? And stay friends with ex? (My first ex deleted his fb account and made a new one without me and my friends as 'friends') Secondly, they are still friends on IG (he followed me) and possibly on FB too, with photos of them still together (including meeting parents). Sure, being friends on social media is cool, but I'm not sure about keeping the photos and liking pictures. I hear people saying, "it was part of their life-timeline, why delete memories?" Also, is liking photos "I'm still interested what's going in your life" or "I'm cool with our breakups, we can be friends"? Thirdly, he rescheduled date twice. First one, from online to offline, he was felt sick in his stomach. I didn't care about this one at all since I didn't trust OLD all that much at that time. Second and third date was great, always him following through and texting every day that always lead to next date. For fourth date, he rescheduled because his throat wasn't feeling well. I was not happy because I texted "looking forward to seeing you on Friday" on Wed, and he rescheduled to Monday. I said, "I can't do Monday. Let's do rain check until you feel better ," and he said, " I was looking forward to seeing you, oh well." I would have appreciated if he made a phone call...which we've never done phone calls yet. He talks about other date plans we can do in the future (not talks about exclusivity since it's still an early stage) and I enjoy every moments and texts with him. I don't put emphasis on taking anything further because I want to take this slow. He still has profile up on (not Tinder) OLD site (which is another thing that's going to be my concern especially when he wants to have sex b/c I never had it yet), hasn't been too long since his breakup, and I don't want to mess up this good vibes we had so far. I doubted whether this is his rebound, but so far he behaved like a gentleman and I've been cautious showing my boundaries. Also I'm not sure how much I should take an action in terms of contacts and asking out too... Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 At this stage it's still too early to know anything. There are some things to watch for, sure, but don't be so anxious that you can't get to know him.. A few dates can't really tell you anything for certain about anyone. My current bf and I both have our exes on facebook, and we both got out of long term relationships only about 6 months before we met, but there were still loose ends with the relationships up until a month before we met. That's something that normally I would run from, but with him I just had a feeling that things would be alright and that there weren't too many loose ends from the breakup. But in both of our situations the relationships were dying long before they fully ended.. However, those are things you can only learn by talking about them. I brought it up fairly soon into dating when he started pressing me to make the relationship official. I didn't want to dive into things without feeling sure that I wasn't just a rebound. We talked about how our relationships ended and why, our feelings about the relationships ending and all of that. I wouldn't do that just yet though.. i'd get to know him a bit and see where things might be headed. The only way to figure that out is with TIME and building trust and reliability. Consistent and attentive behaviour are key. If he repeatedly bails on dated that would be more of a red flag to me than the ex on facebook in my opinion. (for the record bf and i have been together 10 months and living together for 3.5) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 How do you know how long his relationship was, and when they split up if he never mentioned it? I'd be concerned that either a. he isn't over the ex - it only been a very short time b. he is still with the 'ex' Link to post Share on other sites
Author gkly Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 Approximation from his IG? And he posted a photo of him and ex together on OLD site. At that time I didn't give much though cuz I decided to give online to offline meeting a try because our chat hit off well. He started the conversation and asked me out. I was hesitant but thought "why not try smth new?" They are in different time zone so probably broke up cuz of long distance. He moved here as an expat and she came with him too, but moved back to US. He tagged his ex on his IG photo...I know I shouldn't go through them but human curiosity is hard to control. Link to post Share on other sites
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