Jump to content

Her life is messy


yummycheese

Recommended Posts

yummycheese

So, met a girl online, things progressed quickly, we added each other on Facebook and talked fairly consistently. Sometimes we'll go a week without talking much, then next week, we'll be chatting all day.

So things go great and we quickly establish that we're very interested in each other, conversation is flowing, it's cute as hell, it's great basically!

 

We don't talk for a couple weeks but she invites me to a house party. Which I thought was odd because she only invited like 10 extremely close, long term friends, and we've only been talking for a couple months AND I live out of town (she offered to let me stay the night).

 

How she's feeling is driving me crazy, so I ask her if we're still talking with the intention of dating and she said 'I'm not sure right now'.

Basically, she's been kicked out the house by her dad and is staying with a friend's aunt, she's got no job, she's in the middle of exams at school and she's almost completely broke and struggling to find social housing.

 

Her reasoning for not continuing our thing is that her 'life's a mess' and she 'doesn't want to drag anyone into it', which I completely understand. We exchanged a few compliments, I reiterated my interest and she appreciated it and it made her smile, and it ended on a really sweet note.

 

What do you guys think? Do I have a chance?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

"I'm not sure right now" = No.

 

But do you really want to be with someone who doesn't have anything going right in their life?

 

If she's failing at everything else, she isn't likely to be very good at being anybodies girlfriend.

 

You could do better.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So, met a girl online, things progressed quickly, we added each other on Facebook and talked fairly consistently. Sometimes we'll go a week without talking much, then next week, we'll be chatting all day.

So things go great and we quickly establish that we're very interested in each other, conversation is flowing, it's cute as hell, it's great basically!

 

We don't talk for a couple weeks but she invites me to a house party. Which I thought was odd because she only invited like 10 extremely close, long term friends, and we've only been talking for a couple months AND I live out of town (she offered to let me stay the night).

 

How she's feeling is driving me crazy, so I ask her if we're still talking with the intention of dating and she said 'I'm not sure right now'.

Basically, she's been kicked out the house by her dad and is staying with a friend's aunt, she's got no job, she's in the middle of exams at school and she's almost completely broke and struggling to find social housing.

 

Her reasoning for not continuing our thing is that her 'life's a mess' and she 'doesn't want to drag anyone into it', which I completely understand. We exchanged a few compliments, I reiterated my interest and she appreciated it and it made her smile, and it ended on a really sweet note.

 

What do you guys think? Do I have a chance?

 

So why the on/off again communication? Why did her father kick her out and why is she living with a "friends aunt". Where is her mother and what age is this person?

 

There's a lot of information missing that would help build a fuller picture of this situation.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

Personally i have begun to realize that life is never tidy and organized...life happens.....and its not in our control however much we try to make it ours....theres a higher being at work....and what we think is best is often...not........life doesnt respect our carefully laid plans and schedules......what gives me comfort is to know god's got it under control.....he has the plan.....and its intricate...and massive and intertwined with every one else and their life......gives me a headache ...so droppin it....

 

waiting until your life is in an order you appreciate or others appreciate...fails to let life happen as it should and fails to recognize the maker of lives....he has a tendency to knit in storms we just cant see....just to test the quality of the fabric of said lives......if he doesnt like the quality...yep he will unravel a bit of wool...and start again.......

 

 

i disagree with the poster above who said why would you want to date someone who doesnt have anything going right......

 

i feel you see what metal someone is made of under duress...not when everything is peachy......you get to see their vulnerability their strength their ...metal......the armor they have against strife......not only that...they get to see your metal...your armor...when you say ...yeah life has rough seas ...still want to sail with you though...we can do it.....

 

i am going to differ here and say yeah you have a chance...stick by her....tell her life is never tidy....even when you think it is...theres a storm always coming that will change that..be the calm, the eye in her storms..she is respecting you not wanting you to climb aboard a leaky vessel ......tell her....you care enough to want to anyway..whatever happens......good on you for wanting to take that chance regardless..everyone always has a chance......chances are a given....life is not predictable..unless you are a psychic a revelator a seer....a prophet...or god..and still they pray about it........the rest of us just have to pray and do what is right by us and others.....so happy prayin....and ..best wishes..........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
Link to post
Share on other sites

She told you already that she got to much going on.

And you know it.

 

You dont want to start anything with someone in middle of a mess.

This may continue the whole relationship with you trying to solve her issues an d get suck into it.

And that may become all this relationship will be about.

 

Why did her dad put her out? And why is she not just with her mom or own family but with a aunt of a friend..................?

 

I think its best to be just casual friends. This is not a healthy situation to start anything with someone.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
yummycheese
So why the on/off again communication? Why did her father kick her out and why is she living with a "friends aunt". Where is her mother and what age is this person?

 

There's a lot of information missing that would help build a fuller picture of this situation.

 

Communication is iffy because she's depressed a lot and doesn't have mobile data all the time. Wifi is also spotty so she'll be off line for like days at a time sometimes.

 

Not sure why her dad kicked her out, all she said was that they've not had a good relationship at all really. Mum lives out of town, and she can't go there because she has school where she currently lives. She's 18 and I'm 21.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

Regardless of the reasons for her situation, she isn't in a place to be in a relationship right now.

 

That's all that matters, ultimately.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Id rather see you dating someone who has less drama, more consistency and something positive to offer you.

 

Do that...

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Personally i have begun to realize that life is never tidy and organized...life happens.....and its not in our control however much we try to make it ours....theres a higher being at work....and what we think is best is often...not........life doesnt respect our carefully laid plans and schedules......what gives me comfort is to know god's got it under control.....he has the plan.....and its intricate...and massive and intertwined with every one else and their life......gives me a headache ...so droppin it....

 

waiting until your life is in an order you appreciate or others appreciate...fails to let life happen as it should and fails to recognize the maker of lives....he has a tendency to knit in storms we just cant see....just to test the quality of the fabric of said lives......if he doesnt like the quality...yep he will unravel a bit of wool...and start again.......

 

 

i disagree with the poster above who said why would you want to date someone who doesnt have anything going right......

 

i feel you see what metal someone is made of under duress...not when everything is peachy......you get to see their vulnerability their strength their ...metal......the armor they have against strife......not only that...they get to see your metal...your armor...when you say ...yeah life has rough seas ...still want to sail with you though...we can do it.....

 

i am going to differ here and say yeah you have a chance...stick by her....tell her life is never tidy....even when you think it is...theres a storm always coming that will change that..be the calm, the eye in her storms..she is respecting you not wanting you to climb aboard a leaky vessel ......tell her....you care enough to want to anyway..whatever happens......good on you for wanting to take that chance regardless..everyone always has a chance......chances are a given....life is not predictable..unless you are a psychic a revelator a seer....a prophet...or god..and still they pray about it........the rest of us just have to pray and do what is right by us and others.....so happy prayin....and ..best wishes..........deb

You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.

Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You should take her at face value.

 

I think you two want different things right now. She just wants a friend to talk to, you want a girlfriend. She's not willing to (or can't) come over to your side of things, ask yourself if you're willing to come over to her side of things?

Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

I think the question is do YOU want to be with her? It doesn't sound like you do, based on what you have said.

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.

Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!

 

i didnt actually mean to start a relationship with her straight away sorry that i didnt make that clear........she said she wasnt ready anyway....when i said tell her you want to be there anyway i meant as a friend...and yes you can stick by friends you havent met in person yet when their life is messy....thats part of a being a true friend....online or off.........you can be a calm influence in some ones life you have never met...it is really possible....op asked if there was a chance later on to start something and i said yes to that too...theres always a chance......theres always possibility.....thats only limited to what we believe the limits to be.....until proven otherwise....

 

i stand by what i wrote....in my first post..and in this one...it is my personal opinion...i respect yours.......deb.....

Edited by todreaminblue
Link to post
Share on other sites
You stick with someone whose life is a mess when you are already in an established relationship with that person.

Not with an internet stranger who you never even met!

 

This. You haven't even met her. Right now there is nothing.

 

Go find someone in real life, there are millions of them out there!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...