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Am I doing the right thing?


Lily blue

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Hi everyone.

It has been a while since I post anything....some of you know of my past post...

I meet my boyfriend online. He is most honest, faithful men I ever met.

Very hard working, intelligent and all.

We live together for almost 2 years now.

He has high paying Excutive job here but he got a even higher position VP Excutive job offer with $80,0000 more than his current job in different state so he took the job and will be moving in July.

So he will be earning almost $300,000 a year plus bonus and benefits....

 

And he propose me with 2 ct pear shape blue diamond with white diamond surrounding the pear cut blue diamond....which really pretty.

 

He has not told anyone about our engagement other than his son.

His son just visit with us while we are shopping for a ring...

I took a few pictures and posted my Facebook so my side of family can see it....my Facebook is not a public only friend list can see it.

 

However, one of his niece saw it and told everyone and his Son called and complain about my Facebook posting and his daughter which I have never met yet is so upsad......she thinks I m a gold digger or something ...I am not.

I make my own money and I spend my own money and yes he buys me things and new car too..

My boyfriend was upsad about my Facebook posting and we talk about it and he want me to not use Facebook.

 

He do not use any social network.

I told him engagement is off until his daughter accepts me and I am not interest in marriage now....

He got upsad and he want to marry me no matter what and he loves me and he say he will make me happy which he is...and I know he will be a great husband.

Everyone his family members loves me....

I stil not wear the ring and he wants me to but I m not comfortable before I meet his daughter....he say if his daughter keeps doing this, he will cut her off from his will and leave everything to me and I told him never do that because I won't let it and I won't accept this even more...

 

Anyway, am I being stupid? Should I go on with him and or hold out until I meet his daughter and ask her blessing?

His kids are 21 ...twins and my kids age is also 21 and 26

I have two kids my own and I never get married if one of my kids oppose to it....but they are happy for me.

Anyway, thanks for your advise.....

Edited by Lily blue
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Korean and American have different ways of seeing family. An American person does not let his adult children dictate his life's choices. It's normal he is not letting his daughter dictate who he should marry and when. Your loyalty is to your fiancé. Put that ring on, get married and be happy.

 

It was a faux-pas of you to put it on FB. Let be a lesson you've learn the hard way.

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I agree. You can't control what his adult children will think/do. In a perfect world, it would be nice for them to support their father. But, I don't think you want to place your future happiness in the hands of another person like that.

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You both have your own lives to live. If she was a teenager and there was a possibility of splitting the household, then you would have a talk with your boyfriend about a compromise that won't cause discrepancies. The bottom line is she is an adult and has no right to mettle in your lives. You should marry him if you love him...

 

Though if you are a gold digger that's another discussion entirely. Not saying you are tho.

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Maybe the post on facebook did come across like gold digging - if it was all about the ring and how expensive it was, etc -

just from your post here you are talking about his salary, bonuses, raise, cars he buys, ring details, what he will do with his will...all about money.

These are not things people would normally bring up so readily.

 

I'm not sure why you are playing manipulative games with him - he has taken your side on this by all accounts...

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^ this. It was actually my first thought... Most people would not be discussing things like salaries, gifts, ring, etc... It will cause people to question your motives and the basis of the relationship.

 

But, I also say that although you should be considerate to your kids (and them to you), it should not stop you from marrying this man if that is what you both want to do.

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Thank you all.

Oh ok. I did mention everything not to brag but show that he is not a millionaire nor super rich for gold digger....he and I grew up poor and we are very conservative and very smart with money and we shop second hand stores, dollar stores and other nice stores as well.

I make pretty good money my self and I buy all of his family and mine gift and school cost my own money.

I am not a user nor take advantage of people.

I am faithful Christian and a giver not a taker...he is very smart and he will not ask for a date if I was a gold digger or use him anyway.

I just want to be good to him and his kids and get a long and look forward to grand kids but his daughter won't come see us nor interest meeting me....

His Mother and everyone tells her she will fall in love with me once she meet me....his mom cried when I told her I am holding off engagement and bags me not to leave him.

He fail marriage and one other relationship and according to his family and him, they all wanted his money and they love to spend and spend and women hardly showed him affection at all and he been single for 6 years before we met.

I really don't care about money I never do and never will.

He is just wonderful person and he really shows everyday not with words and I adore him and respect him and love him with all of my heart.

We show each other ton of affection and respect and have a so much in common.

Anyway, I just feel uncomfortable and don't understand why his daughter won't be happy for him...

Thanks all.

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Thank you all.

Oh ok. I did mention everything not to brag but show that he is not a millionaire nor super rich for gold digger....he and I grew up poor and we are very conservative and very smart with money and we shop second hand stores, dollar stores and other nice stores as well.

I make pretty good money my self and I buy all of his family and mine gift and school cost my own money.

I am not a user nor take advantage of people.

I am faithful Christian and a giver not a taker...he is very smart and he will not ask for a date if I was a gold digger or use him anyway.

I just want to be good to him and his kids and get a long and look forward to grand kids but his daughter won't come see us nor interest meeting me....

His Mother and everyone tells her she will fall in love with me once she meet me....his mom cried when I told her I am holding off engagement and bags me not to leave him.

He fail marriage and one other relationship and according to his family and him, they all wanted his money and they love to spend and spend and women hardly showed him affection at all and he been single for 6 years before we met.

I really don't care about money I never do and never will.

He is just wonderful person and he really shows everyday not with words and I adore him and respect him and love him with all of my heart.

We show each other ton of affection and respect and have a so much in common.

Anyway, I just feel uncomfortable and don't understand why his daughter won't be happy for him...

Thanks all.

 

Lily: in your culture it's normal to talk publicly about how much your boyfriend has assets and money and in your world it just means he's a man with success and you'll be in good hands. HERE though people do not view it that way. HERE if you talk about how much money your boyfriend has and how many cars, houses and stuff it will come across as materialistic and gold digging. If you talk like that in front of his daughter YES she will think you are a gold digger. You need to understand when you talk like this over here it's not welcomed.

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I agree with some others, I think it's a cultural difference.

 

Op, I don't know if you mention his actual raise etc in real life (and not just on an anonymous forum board), but in America it is seen as very tacky (classless or gold digging) to do so.

 

Instead of saying "my husband got an $80k raise and now makes $300k" most would say "my husband is taking a new opportunity and is excited about his new position"

 

We don't talk actual figures, I don't even share those things with my best friends (or how many carats my ring is)

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