blueskies Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 Hi all, I never thought this would happen to me personally, or that I would post this query online, but I dont know who I can ask /tell this to. It's driving me up the wall and some thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated! Is it possible to fall in love with a person while being in love with another? I've been with my current boyfriend for a few years now, and while it's a long-distance relationship (we do see each other every 2 weeks), things between us are great. I am happy with him, I care about him, I love him for everything that he is and I am willing to be there for him through thick and thin, just as what he's done for us in the past few years. A few months ago, I met a single guy through mutual friends of ours. It started off innocent enough - chatting online, going out as a group, etc. But somehow our closeness quickly escalated - we just have so much to talk about between us! It was evident we enjoy each other's company. I find myself thinking about him whenever he's not around, and saw him nearly everyday during Christmas holidays - he took me out to meet his other groups of friends, his family, going to parties, etc. My boyfriend knew about this and was okay with it. But somewhere along all that time spent together, I fell in love with the guy. I say "fell in love" because it feels much deeper than just a "like" or "infatuation" - there is a connection between us that I cant quite explain. He makes me feel special; that giddy, excited feeling people feel in the initial stages of dating. The last time I felt that way was towards my boyfriend a few years back. I love our current level of intimacy, but to be honest I do miss that "giddy and excited" feeling. And that feeling is something my boyfriend can never give me again because we are already way past that stage. The guy I fell in love with is an all-around nice gentleman. He treats women with respect, is loyal to his friends, and is not afraid to talk about his feelings. Naturally, he's got a lot of girls after him. But surprisingly, he is not interested in any because he is secretly in love with a girl whom he has known since he was a kid - he tells me about her all the time, how he is holding his heart out for her even though she is not his, how much he loves her, and it hurts to hear him talk about her like that! Obviously, under this circumstance - me being in a relationship, and the single him loving someone else - there is no way he will have feelings for me. Yet I'm not convinced our friendship is truly platonic - there are times I know he saw me different. Sometimes he'll compliment me in a way that a boyfriend would do to his girl (i.e. compliments that you just won't say if you are just platonic friends). We talk about "touchy" topics like sexuality and whatnot. We'd get into play fights too, tickling each other until we both end up in hysterics on the floor. Platonic friends don't do that, do they?? Our group of mutual friends tease me and that guy about how we "act like a couple" whenever we are together. They think it's cuz we are good friends. And we are - except from my end, I feel more towards him than just "friends". The only thing that is keeping me from going further is the fact that I know my heart belongs to my boyfriend. I don't even know what I should do about this... just want to hear what everyone else thinks of this situation... Link to post Share on other sites
rowi1116 Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 well, you have been fairly honest in your post, andi suggest that you look at your current relationship. i know that "new, giddy feeling" we alll get during the initial dating state. its normal. but look at the relationship you have now with your boyfriend. what is it built on? love? commitment? respect? yes. eventually, all relationships go from the giddy exciting phase to a more inovolved phase, that may become more familiar and routine. that is why couples try doing new and surprising things to keep the spark going. yes, this new friend gives you that "new dating feeling." and if there were a possibility of a relationship forming, and you were with him for a while, it may turn comfortable and say "more familiar" as your current relationship may be now. look at these two guys. is there really something more, completely different that could be with this new guy? and remember that you say you are still in love with your current boyfriend. be honest with him. he probably is still in love with you right? are you willing to risk your love for something/ and someone that may not love you as you say you have already fallen in love with? ??? be honest to everyone involved. start with your self, your boyfriend then this new guy (who states he is in love with someone else right?) Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I love our current level of intimacy, but to be honest I do miss that "giddy and excited" feeling. And that feeling is something my boyfriend can never give me again because we are already way past that stage. What are you going to do if you decide to go out with this new guy, and the giddy feeling ends?!?!? How would you feel if you boyfriend was "giddy and excited" for another woman? Would you care? Would you be upset? In this case, you are the one that is going to decide what you want to do. However, I feel that if you love your boyfriend and you have a good relationship with him, you should stick with him. You don't mention anything negative about him--except that it's a long distance relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Dawnie28 Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Hi, I was in the same exact situation,except i left my BF for the other guy...Let me tell you I still love both,and it just makes it so complicated..Now i miss my ex BF and can't be true to the new guy...Its more aggravation than its worth..stay w/your BF....... Link to post Share on other sites
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