Great first date leads to can't stop thinking about her

[ironspider]

Hi all, new here. I entered the dating world about a year ago but never thought serious about it, well now I am.

 

I've gone on several dates and this hasn't happened so far so i'm a little concerned.

 

Met this early 40's lady on cupid, texted about a week before meeting for the first date. When i saw her my eyes lit up, I was very surprised. She was exactly my type. Nice date at a nice restaurant that ended up with what could be voted one of the funniest first dates ever. It's a long story, but lets just say we are still laughing and reliving it now. It's something that will live with you forever whether together or not.

 

She told her friends and family as did I, she also mentioned how she told her sister how nice I was. And said in one text that I was so easy to talk to it felt like she's known me forever (hello friend zone). That date was 3 days ago. We did set another date for the weekend but have yet to confirm.

 

I haven't done the first kiss, I plan on that for the middle of the second date, I want to make sure she's comfortable and accepts the kiss and actually likes it...I know I'm over thinking it.

 

OK, here is the problem, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER! Maybe this has happened to me 20 years ago before my long long relationship, but certainly not now that i'm in the dating world. I over analyze every text or non text or delayed text, every emoji, every word spoken in calls. It's driving me crazy as I know that even if i think she's awesome now, it's likely that this isn't the one, so why am I getting all worked up? Jeez, I'm in my early 40's, isn't this stuff for love struck teens?

 

Someone please bring me down to earth.

Edited June 2, 2016 by ironspider
more relevant info

[SugarLips72]

We have all done this. Best thing to do is take it slow and hope for the best but expect the worse. Hopefully the feeling is mutual but sometimes it takes a couple dates to decide if you like someone. Be prepared for her to go either way. Good luck

[ironspider]

We have all done this. Best thing to do is take it slow and hope for the best but expect the worse. Hopefully the feeling is mutual but sometimes it takes a couple dates to decide if you like someone. Be prepared for her to go either way. Good luck

 

Thanks!

 

I don't know if the feeling is mutual but we've had very good conversation and just confirmed saturday's date.

 

I know I should expect the worst and I usually do as I'm a pessimist by nature but this is bothering me, I don't get like this, during my last relationship I decided that when it finally ended I wasn't doing it again, just wanted to jump around and not settle down, not really like anyone to the point where I wanted to see them other than sexually.

[Emilia]

Well I'm in my early 40s and had that feeling not too long ago and hope to have it again!

 

Looks like you are ready for your next relationship. Good luck!

[jen1447]

Well I'm in my early 40s and had that feeling not too long ago and hope to have it again!

 

Looks like you are ready for your next relationship. Good luck!

 

Nothing quite so potent as that chemical cocktail that comes from prospective romantic dalliances.

[ironspider]

Well I'm in my early 40s and had that feeling not too long ago and hope to have it again!

 

Looks like you are ready for your next relationship. Good luck!

 

I don't really like this feeling. My level of trepidation is through the roof.

[joseb]

I don't really like this feeling. My level of trepidation is through the roof.

 

That's a pretty odd reaction to a good feeling.

 

Look, at this stage it's just been one date. You have nothing to lose yet. You haven't even kissed. Maybe the chemistry isn't really all that when you do.

Or maybe she reveals something about herself you hate on the next date. My point isn't to be negative. It's just to try to give you some perspective, so you don't get too carried away. Try to embrace the feeling without letting it worry you.

 

Ok on rereading, I see your trepidation is more about the fact that you are afraid this will work than that it will fail. If you really don't want a serious relationship you need to be honest about that.

Edited June 2, 2016 by joseb
Reread post

[Jabron1]

You are putting her on a pedestal, and getting oneitis.

 

Chill out and chat up some other girls too.

[Shanex]

You are putting her on a pedestal, and getting oneitis.

 

Chill out and chat up some other girls too.

 

Don't be a party pooper.

 

I'm past 30 and this honeymoon/pedestal thing still happens to me sometimes, it's a good thing imo. I'm still relatively good hearted and can still fall for a woman, slightly less than before but I'm grateful to have feelings for some women after having been heartbroken a couple times.

[sagetalk]

You are putting her on a pedestal, and getting oneitis.

 

This.

 

Be careful, you hardly know her. If you put her on a pedestal too early, she will reach down and beat you to a pulp from up there.

[Dark Horse]

I remember when theres girl that I like, I think about them and go crazy about them.

[Jabron1]

Don't be a party pooper.

 

I'm past 30 and this honeymoon/pedestal thing still happens to me sometimes, it's a good thing imo. I'm still relatively good hearted and can still fall for a woman, slightly less than before but I'm grateful to have feelings for some women after having been heartbroken a couple times.

 

I know what you mean. It can come across as 'ruining the magic' when I say something like that. I'm just keeping it real though.

 

Problem is that he hasn't even kissed her yet, and he's getting obsessive.

 

Pedestalling women is one of the worst things a guy can do in dating (maybe life?). There are loads of reasons for this, but the one most men will probably respond to is that it simply blows the set. Most women don't want to date an over-eager puppy dog.

 

Ironspider, you even used the term "I don't think she is the one". You need to take women off the pedestal and start living in the real world a bit more, mate.

 

There are lots of 'ones'. This is just another 'one' (I don't care how good looking she is). Enjoy it for what it is, and try to keep your feet on the ground.

[ironspider]

That's a pretty odd reaction to a good feeling.

 

Look, at this stage it's just been one date. You have nothing to lose yet. You haven't even kissed. Maybe the chemistry isn't really all that when you do.

Or maybe she reveals something about herself you hate on the next date. My point isn't to be negative. It's just to try to give you some perspective, so you don't get too carried away. Try to embrace the feeling without letting it worry you.

 

Ok on rereading, I see your trepidation is more about the fact that you are afraid this will work than that it will fail. If you really don't want a serious relationship you need to be honest about that.

 

That's my problem with it...It's only been one date and a lot of talking and texting. Nobody has every consumed my mind, and that's the part i don't like. I do want a relationship, I've been jumping around for the better part of two years now, I think i'm just scared.

 

As far as putting her on a pedestal, I talk about things on here differently than with a potential interest. I always compliment them but never too much, they really never know how i feel. For instance, the lady in question probably knows I have a thing for her but she certainly doesn't know that I'm consumed by it.

 

We have dinner and a walk around Huntington village confirmed for saturday Hopefully the second date will give me a little direction and i wont act like such a puss anymore.

[ironspider]

There are lots of 'ones'. This is just another 'one' (I don't care how good looking she is). Enjoy it for what it is, and try to keep your feet on the ground.

 

Priceless line!

[Zippy2000]

Don`t over do it or you`ll kill the attraction between you and her.

 

Show too much interest and they`ll run a mile!

[jen1447]

You are putting her on a pedestal, and getting oneitis.

 

Chill out and chat up some other girls too.

 

Someone's been watching 'The 40 Year Old Virgin.'

[Shanex]

Problem is that he hasn't even kissed her yet, and he's getting obsessive.

 

True enough. I was once in his shoes and this phase faded away really early, especially if the woman was just as obsessed. Too much 'love', too soon.

 

The advice to go out and breath fresh air is accurate. Focus on your hobbies too, too early to dote over her when almost nothing happened yet.

[Jabron1]

Someone's been watching 'The 40 Year Old Virgin.'

 

Never watched it in my life, and don't know what you are on about.

 

If hollywood is starting to use the phrase 'oneitis', then I suppose it's catching on to the mainstream.

[jen1447]

Never watched it in my life, and don't know what you are on about.

 

If hollywood is starting to use the phrase 'oneitis', then I suppose it's catching on to the mainstream.

 

From urbandictionary (I'd link directly but they don't censor the P word) -

 

p***y on a pedestal

 

One who puts "p***y on a pedestal" is usually a male who treats women, sex, and p***y as unattainable godly forces, when in reality they are God's greatest gift.

 

Used prominently in "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

 

You know what your problem is? You're putting the p***y on a pedestal!

 

Time to update your lexicon J-Bro - it's not 2004 anymore!

[Jabron1]

From urbandictionary (I'd link directly but they don't censor the P word) -

 

 

 

Time to update your lexicon J-Bro - it's not 2004 anymore!

 

I'm still not sure what you're on about to be honest.

 

Your beef is that they said this in a film?

 

I'm certainly not going to use or discard a phrase just because it was used in some comedy film

[ironspider]

True enough. I was once in his shoes and this phase faded away really early, especially if the woman was just as obsessed. Too much 'love', too soon.

 

The advice to go out and breath fresh air is accurate. Focus on your hobbies too, too early to dote over her when almost nothing happened yet.

 

I'm starting to come down a little bit today. Nothing has changed, all we did was talk about the date tomorrow (where to go etc.).

 

I'm thinking I might just be picking up or gravitating to her empathetic nature. The day after our first date I lost a loved one and mentioned that to her in a text, she showed genuine concern, in a warm an nurturing way, something I don't get much of anymore living alone. Maybe that's it, I don't know.

[Shanex]

I'm starting to come down a little bit today. Nothing has changed, all we did was talk about the date tomorrow (where to go etc.).

 

I'm thinking I might just be picking up or gravitating to her empathetic nature. The day after our first date I lost a loved one and mentioned that to her in a text, she showed genuine concern, in a warm an nurturing way, something I don't get much of anymore living alone. Maybe that's it, I don't know.

 

Well that's down to earth, I know how someone can get nervous before a date, even a second date. Just keep in mind she'll be just as nervous too. You don't seem to be doing anything wrong. Enjoy the date tomorrow. Try not to overanalyze things, and you should be fine.

[joseb]

 

As far as putting her on a pedestal, I talk about things on here differently than with a potential interest. I always compliment them but never too much, they really never know how i feel. For instance, the lady in question probably knows I have a thing for her but she certainly doesn't know that I'm consumed by it.

 

Putting her on a pedestal isn't just about stuff you say or do to her.

 

It's about how you think about her.

 

So you are most definitely putting her on one.

[tinkerbell16]

Geesh guys I will think positive on this one. Sounds like the start of a lovely relationship. Yes I used the word "lovely" and yes there is romcom themed music playing in my head. I vote pedistal and happily ever after. Why not? Someone's going to find the "one"... why not OP!