Don't waste time with time wasters

[mortensorchid]

I got a text this evening from someone who I had connected to on Tinder a few weeks ago. I decided to eventually let it fad away into obscurity, because I have stopped wasting time with time wasters. Here are a few codes I live by with internet dating that I may have explained at some point in the past, but this is specific to before you even meet the person face to face:

 

1) How soon is now? 4 - If he has not asked to meet (or even offered a phone number) by the 4th email, he will not ask for it. He MAY offer by the 5th, but if he has not by the 5th, it's done. He's not that interested and he's treating the website like a video game / chat room.

 

2) A week of texting - If the man has your number and you are texting, that's a step in the right direction. If he doesn't ask to meet you within a week of texting, he never will because of above reasons.

 

3) Meeting and measuring - If he has not responded to a text within 2 days, it's done. Move on. If you meet him face to face and he says "I was bored tonight that's why I came out" or "I was just looking for a friend or texting buddy" (because they HAVE said this to me in the past), then realize that this is what it is and not what you are looking for. One a few years ago said when we met that he was looking for a texting buddy and nothing else, I thought "Okay". Well, sure enough, I said I was going away that weekend and he texted back "Okay." I returned, texted "I'm back" and never heard a word from him again. So much for being friends / texting buddies, right?

 

I got a text tonight from a man who I was texting for about a week, eventually since he wasn't asking to meet me, I stopped responding. He sent me a text after a month of silence. I'm not interested anymore.

[Zippy2000]

I was going to reply and say "Wow! You`re harsh! but then thought again and maybe you are right.

 

 

Timewasters come and go but they probably come back as you are a bit of a mystery to them by not replying and since you werent like the stalker they type. They ones who faded on you come back and think "what if"?

 

 

I ve gave girls my number before and learned the ones who are interested text me on the day or the day after. Time wasters tend to say. Thankss for your number I ve taken it down and if you havent heard from them by the 2 or 3 day. Its probable they`ll never text you.

 

 

The difficulty is finding out who are the time wasters. Some people are busy and relying on texts or emails is quite difficult. My own best friend used to take 3 days before he`d answer and my brother the next day or two.

 

How do you fnd out who the time wasters are?

[Mikau]

I think you have way too many rules. You seem to make a post every few weeks about the rules you hold yourself and (potential) dates to, as if they're some way we should all live our lives.

 

What's wrong with going with what feels like and listening to your gut, instead of telling yourself in advance 'if he does A I respond with B, if he says X I reply Y'. That doesn't seem productive at all.

[Zapbasket]

May I ask: since you're keen to get to the phone / phone texting phase after just a few emails (in my experience so far Tinder emails are short banters back and forth, 2-3 sentences each, or less), do you give out your real number every time?

 

That's uncomfortable for me, but I agree that the texting thing on the site can go on way too long and it bores the heck out of me. I'd rather meet early on, esp on a site like Tinder, where we're talking because we've expressed mutual interest.

 

Do you have a separate number you give out to online strangers?

[blackcat777]

Anyone who is serious about meeting people on OLD will discover the time wasters very quickly. Excellent rules of thumb. These guidelines are not harsh because the penpals and imaginary friends are out there en masse.

 

I received way too many messages to deal with, and if there was no offer to meet by the third, I'd put it out there myself. It was funny to watch the time-wasters vanish.

 

It also saved ME a lot of time... and opened me up to so many quality dates!

 

If YOU value YOUR TIME, you have to put your foot down. Otherwise imaginary dates will siphon your time and keep you from meeting real people.

 

OLD is a numbers game. If you go in thinking otherwise... godspeed.

[Acerboy]

I am taking notes. I am taking notes

[BikerAccnt]

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

 

I'm a guy, as you probably know, and I always ask if you'd be interested in meeting my the third or fourth email at most. I am online to date, not to chit-chat.

 

 

The way I usually phrase it is "I'd like to continue this in person if you're up for meeting, how about ..... " Then I suggest a place based upon what I know of our mutual rough locations. I don't always suggest sharing numbers first, it's not necessary as I know some women are uncomfortable with that first. However I've found that usually after suggesting a meet, numbers are often exchanged.

 

 

What's frustrated me most lately, is the inability to get a date locked down even after talking on the phone and exchanging numbers. This hasn't happened to me before. Three times now I've moved from email to phone calls, to set dates, only to have both of the ladies reschedule. Fine, I reschedule, then, they do it again. I put the ball in their court to contact me when they are free and....nothing. Grrrr

 

 

Why even exchange phone conversation with me if you aren't' serious about meeting!

 

 

Too bad you're a little young for me Morten, we live in the same area it seems, I think you'd make a good catch for some guy. I don't think you're "rules" are harsh as some may think. Everyone has their own set of guidelines they live their lives by.

Edited June 1, 2016 by BikerAccnt

[kztar]

Love this. Taking notes myself. Did you ever respond to this text?. The last one

[kendahke]

When I was on OLD, I put it in my profile that I was not interested in a protracted texting adventure--that I was on there to meet someone, not be their pen pal. I suppose it kept the time wasters away--didn't run into them too much. Funny thing was it didn't deter the catfish--and those are the biggest time wasters.

[Philosopher]

My "favourite" time wasters on OLD are those whom reply to your messages but only reply with one sentence answers and never ask questions of their own or make any effort to further the conversation. They are almost guaranteed to stop replying completely if you try to continue to messaging further or suggest speaking over the phone.

[Acerboy]

Love this. Taking notes myself. Did you ever respond to this text?. The last one

The text after a month? She didn't. I won't either.

[mortensorchid]

I think you have way too many rules. You seem to make a post every few weeks about the rules you hold yourself and (potential) dates to, as if they're some way we should all live our lives.

 

What's wrong with going with what feels like and listening to your gut, instead of telling yourself in advance 'if he does A I respond with B, if he says X I reply Y'. That doesn't seem productive at all.

 

Human nature is very basic, and very black & white. Facts are facts. Some have said I am too harsh with my rules and regulations, experience has taught me otherwise when it comes to "going with how I feel". As to going with how I feel, here are my rules for that:

 

1) If it feels good, it feels good.

 

2) If something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger between you and that person.