After recent fiancée breakup, I'm too into this new guy but have PTSD

[bowiefeathers]

Hey everyone,

So the problem is that, my fiancée/partner of 3 years broke up in January. I have a bunch of trauma and PTSD surrounding dating. I've started "hanging out" with this guy I've liked forever. He's gorgeous, we have fantastic conversations and sex etc. However, he is also emotionally ****ed up from a breakup and still talks to his ex sometimes. He's scared to tell her that he's seeing me (she knows me too), because it'd upset her. I just don't want to be someone's dirty little secret. Despite the fact that we go out and are affectionate in public. He's admitted how much he likes me, but would want to take it very very slow. Also that he doesn't want to hurt anyone because sometimes he drinks too much. (Red flags I know)

I know I'm trying too hard maybe, but I'm just really scared. Of rejection, of losing this connection, scaring him away. In this time that I should be re-finding myself, I'm throwing myself at him (with restraint)and worrying about this guy.

Thank you for everything guys ❤️

Edited May 29, 2016 by bowiefeathers

[Blanco]

Offhand, I'd say you two have been intimate too soon considering your individual circumstances. Sex, for most people, clouds judgment, which is the last thing either of you need since you're both still carrying some baggage from previous relationships.

 

Another thing that raised my eyebrow was his concern about what his ex thinks. She's his ex. She doesn't get a say or any influence in who he sees or what he does.

[Satu]

It would be best for you to spend some time without a relationship, getting some healing. That means therapy, as a starting point.

 

That's probably not what you want to hear, but given the fact that this current relationship is causing you so much stress and anxiety, my point is proven.

 

It's not meant to be this painful.

 

 

Take care.

[preraph]

You need to step back away from that guy. He is by no means ready.

[joseb]

Neither of you is ready for a relationship.

If you can dial it way way back and just keep if casual and only sex, then fine, but otherwise there is no way this is going to end well.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stay away from this guy. He isn't right for you, given the red flags that are already waving. You will very likely get hurt.

 

Spend some time being single and getting yourself into a healthier place first.

[tinkerbell16]

Neither one of you are ready. This will end badly and leave you further scarred as you have not healed from your breakup.

Two HUGE red flags: he still cares what his ex thinks (ie he still cares about his ex), he drinks too much (not healthy coping mechanisms)

Slow this boat down... step back... re-asses

[bowiefeathers]

Thank you, all of you. I actually agree with all of your statements. Really. I was just scared to think them or say them out loud. I know he's not the "one" for me and he seems ****ed up and potentially toxic. But... The thing is that I'll still hang out with him. But attempt to let go of expectations of him or any person because I know 100% I don't want to be in a LTR. Not. For. A. Long. Time.

Any hints as to how to let go of the anxiety of this kind of situation and to be confident and happy by yourself?