is it over? or overthinking?

[kitana2010]

Things have been going great with this guy I've been dating for over a month. We click really well, and even he felt the connection and commented on it. Hes always showed a lot of initiation, asking me out on dates, wanting to come by after work, calling and texting. Hes always been excited ti tell me about his day and talk.

 

Than last week we spent 4 nights together (nothing sexual, tho we have had sex before, just talking, laughing and tv/games that sort of thing) and he spent the weekend over with his family.. than, it all changed

 

He wasnt texting as much, his calls lasted 5 mins tops.. it was such a weird sudden change. After the weekend, he said he would come by but never did. didnt call or text to say he wasnt going to either. So I called him and talked to him, asked if wr were okay and he replied with:

 

"uhhh, I guess I havent thought about that.. yes. I think so.. idk, are we?" and than apologized for not calling saying his phonr had died and there was a lot of family drama. He told me I am the best and most exciting thing in his life right now, told me he thinks he loves me and said he would come by tonight instead.

 

So far, he texted me good morning but barely texted me at all. I texted him around 3, took him 2hrs to reply than again he is at work... I asked him if he was still coming by and still no reply..

 

am I over thinking? Or is he not reallu interested anymore? Ive been in bad relationships.. so I tend to trust actions more over words.. and however sweet his words are, his actions are really flaky now..

[Dis]

Do you know if he has issues with his family? It seems like things changed after he saw them. His distance could have to do with them...or it could have to do with you.

 

I would def pull back....stop texting him hun. You might be pushing him away.

 

The ball is in his court at this point. You've done all the leg work in terms of communication ever since that weekend....if he wants you...he'll come to you.

 

I know it can drive someone crazy to have to wonder but remind yourself that youre 100% ok if this doesnt work out....yes you'll be hurt but you'll be just fine.

 

Are you two exclusive yet??? Doesnt sound like it.....so he might just be fading

[kitana2010]

Do you know if he has issues with his family? It seems like things changed after he saw them. His distance could have to do with them...or it could have to do with you.

 

I would def pull back....stop texting him hun. You might be pushing him away.

 

The ball is in his court at this point. You've done all the leg work in terms of communication ever since that weekend....if he wants you...he'll come to you.

 

I know it can drive someone crazy to have to wonder but remind yourself that youre 100% ok if this doesnt work out....yes you'll be hurt but you'll be just fine.

 

Are you two exclusive yet??? Doesnt sound like it.....so he might just be fading

 

Yes, we're exclusive as per his request. :/

[Dis]

Yes, we're exclusive as per his request. :/

 

Hmmm...he's not really acting like a commited/serious bf huh?

 

Guys that want a woman will make a lot of effort to make her happy....doesnt seem like hes putting in much of an effort now. Very distant and wishy washy.

 

Also...just because he asked you to be his gf doesnt mean he cant have a change of heart. Happens all the time.

 

How old are the two of you???? He sounds alittle immature

[kitana2010]

Im 29, he's 31.

 

He texted me a little bit ago and said hes still planning on coming by, but hes working late (sent a pic of what hes cutting( he's in construction.

 

I guess I could try talking to him tonight face to face, but I dont want to push him further away by appearing needy if its all due to his family or stress.

[Dis]

Im 29, he's 31.

 

He texted me a little bit ago and said hes still planning on coming by, but hes working late (sent a pic of what hes cutting( he's in construction.

 

I guess I could try talking to him tonight face to face, but I dont want to push him further away by appearing needy if its all due to his family or stress.

 

Good. Glad he's following through on his word.

 

If I were you I'd be vocal about whats going on. Communicate with him BUT dont communicate in a needy/clingy/desperate way.

 

Be confident and secure while youre addressing the situtation

[preraph]

Sounds like he's not being very considerate. But he's saying sweet words but not following it up with matching actions. Now, maybe he has a big deal going in his family, but wouldn't he want to tell you what that might be??

[tayriley]

ugh, i hate when guys change on you. i'm in a similar boat...went on a few dates with this guy, things went well...now i haven't heard from him in a week. i called him today and no answer. my rational side says it's time to give up.

 

it sucks when it literally makes no sense why they disappear. i thought i might be immune to it since we haven't slept together...but nope. i hate when people say 'guys are simple'--- no they aren't...not when they disappear for no reason!!

 

i hope things work out for you, but if he continues this distant behavior for another week, it's time to cut the cord.

[Versacehottie]

Sounds like overthinking^^^.

 

The best thing you can do no matter what his motives for doing this are is pull back. Match his level of effort. You asked him once what was wrong with you guys--that's enough. Sit back and observe, now. Don't be too needy. Good luck

[kitana2010]

So, an update if anyone was interested..

 

He did come over, had a pretty good night. I decided against saying anything about my feelings, but he did briefly bring it up and said he "doesnt want me thinking he's going to break up with me because he doesn't talk to me for a couple days" and told me I was really great.

 

He came by last night as well, washed his work clothes over here and my house mates and I had a pizza/game party he participated in. He had been drinking (as was most of my friends, but I dont drink) and after we went outside on the porch and talked.

 

He sort of started having a serious talk, I dont remember what started it to be honest.. but he did make a comment that I was the first girl he doesnt feel like he needs to try with. He realized how bad that sounded, and apologized. Said he's been single so long he doesnt know if he's to screwed up to have a relationship, saying he's selfish now but doesnt want to be. Said he can't be there for everyone all the time because he works to much and is busy with his son and family on the weekends and it really sounded like a break up speech, so I asked him if that means he doesnt think it will work, and he said "No, thats not what I mean.. I dont know.. are you crazy for dating me? Am I too screwed up for a relationship now?"

 

we talked a bit, went upstairs watched a terrible B horror movie, laughed and went to sleep. Said he would come over tonight again to see me because we "wont be able to see eachother for a while" (weekend is coming up, which he spends with his son and family)

 

but he said he was taking a breaj from his family after last weeks drama.. and in the past I have spent time with him and his son before, and he talked about how great it was and wanted to do it again.. so am I crazy for feeling a little put off by that?

 

another point, I've noticed him putting in less effort overall when hes around me. sexually, he wants to always be on bottom, never really initiates foreplay with anymore..

 

Being brutally honest with myself and all of you.. even tho I am crazy about this guy.. my gut wants me to sit him down tonight, have a really long talk and depending on the outcome, just end it with him.. but I also have my own issues, I'm a runner.. I have ended all but 1 of the relationships I've ever been in.. am I making a big deal out of nothing? am I justified? Or is it my fear making me crazy here?