Recently single girl.. After 3 dates says "Im scared"... Should I throw in the towel?

[Brink007]

Sorry for the long post but I fell for this girl pretty hard and would sincerely appreciate any advice.

 

I met a girl who broke up with her bf of 3 years about 2 months ago. Before that she was always in relationships. I knew going in that she would need time and space but asked her out anyway. She is 28 and I'm 27. I didn't know the can of worms I would open up....

 

Our first date was incredible. She let herself go and by the end of it we were making out on the bed of my truck and holding hands on the way home (her initiating it)

 

The second date was just as good. It was about a week later. I went to her house and she introduced me to her nephew who she said in the beginning she never likes to let guys meet because he gets too attached. (She lives with her sister who is a single mom) I thought this was an interesting sign she might really like me. During this second date we went hiking and she talked about how it was our "first adventure together." Another good sign right? She also said her nephew would love to come along next time we went hiking.

 

Let me stop here and say this girl is beyond beautiful. She literally has guys crawling over her, so she has gotten pretty used to playing hard to get. I just kinda expected it and went along with it trying to give her the space she needs, but also trying to make something more of it because we have an incredible amount in common.

 

The third date was another week later and on that date sparks just flew. She invited me to a party she was going to 3 weeks into the future (good sign number 3), and talked about how we should road trip to a concert sometime. We ended the night making out on my couch. She told me she couldn't have sex with me because she had to be "super into someone" before doing that. I took that as her maybe just really liking me but not wanting to get hurt in case I'm an ******* who is just in it for that..

 

After this third date she really started playing hard to get. I kinda got fed up with the games and decided I would invite her on an elaborate date. If she balked, I would know and just walk away. If she said yes I would know she was in it. I invited her to go camping because we both talked about how much we liked it. This was Thursday and I asked her to go with me on Saturday. She took a while to respond and then said it sounded like a lot of fun but that her best friend told her to keep her graduation weekend wide open because she had a surprise... I thought this sounded more like an excuse but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her to let me know the next day (Friday). She said she would.

 

Next day came and she never texted me. I didn't text her either and just went out with friends. I ran into her at the bar at like midnight where she was flirting with some guy pretty hard. This really pissed me off but I didn't let it show. She saw me and said hi, and I said a quick hi and turned around to buy drinks for my friends. I was with like 6 friends and they all told me that I should just drop her.. I kind of agreed but still couldn't get over her talking about the future so much with me..

 

About an hour later she walked up to my group of friends and I took her to the side. I told her straight up "I'm not going to be your puppy dog. I'm too old and have too much self respect for you to string me along. I'm done.. I can't keep doing this."

 

She responds with "I'm just scared. It's not like I can't see myself being in a relationship with you, I'm just scared. I really like you, but I don't know.." She shed a few tears during this.

 

It was kind of hard to hear in the bar so I asked her if she wanted to talk outside and she said no but that I could text her the next day if I wanted to talk. I said "no, if you want to talk tomorrow you text me" and then I walked away.

 

An hour later (1:50am) she texted me these exact words."why do you like me? I'm obviously not ready...I'm terrified to date an *******. I'm too tired to give myself to anyone just yet and I'm just different"

 

I have yet to respond and it's been 36 hours. I don't know if I ever should. It's such a tough situation because I fell for this girl pretty hard, and I can't tell if she fell for me too and is truly scared of it or if I should just walk away and never look back. I totally get her being hesitant to jump into anything, but I also don't want to keep guessing each day..

 

It just seems she lets herself go each time we hang out, becoming immersed in the good times, but then collects her thoughts when she gets home and confronts this fear that I might be an *******, and that she is developing feelings too quickly before really knowing me. She then becomes distant until we hang out again where she just goes with the flow and subconsciously treats me like her boyfriend.

 

I have no idea what to do. If I had to guess me not replying to that text is killing her, but she left me little to respond to.... Advice is truly appreciated. Thanks so much for your time.

[LivingWaterPlease]

If you reply at all I'd just write, "OK, seems you need some time to get yourself together. Thanks for letting me know."

 

Then I'd drop her cold without telling her when she gets herself together to contact you. She's not ready for anything and sounds immature to me.

[kidm]

Sorry for the long post but I fell for this girl pretty hard and would sincerely appreciate any advice.

 

I met a girl who broke up with her bf of 3 years about 2 months ago. Before that she was always in relationships. I knew going in that she would need time and space but asked her out anyway. She is 28 and I'm 27. I didn't know the can of worms I would open up....

 

Our first date was incredible. She let herself go and by the end of it we were making out on the bed of my truck and holding hands on the way home (her initiating it)

 

The second date was just as good. It was about a week later. I went to her house and she introduced me to her nephew who she said in the beginning she never likes to let guys meet because he gets too attached. (She lives with her sister who is a single mom) I thought this was an interesting sign she might really like me. During this second date we went hiking and she talked about how it was our "first adventure together." Another good sign right? She also said her nephew would love to come along next time we went hiking.

 

Let me stop here and say this girl is beyond beautiful. She literally has guys crawling over her, so she has gotten pretty used to playing hard to get. I just kinda expected it and went along with it trying to give her the space she needs, but also trying to make something more of it because we have an incredible amount in common.

 

The third date was another week later and on that date sparks just flew. She invited me to a party she was going to 3 weeks into the future (good sign number 3), and talked about how we should road trip to a concert sometime. We ended the night making out on my couch. She told me she couldn't have sex with me because she had to be "super into someone" before doing that. I took that as her maybe just really liking me but not wanting to get hurt in case I'm an ******* who is just in it for that..

 

After this third date she really started playing hard to get. I kinda got fed up with the games and decided I would invite her on an elaborate date. If she balked, I would know and just walk away. If she said yes I would know she was in it. I invited her to go camping because we both talked about how much we liked it. This was Thursday and I asked her to go with me on Saturday. She took a while to respond and then said it sounded like a lot of fun but that her best friend told her to keep her graduation weekend wide open because she had a surprise... I thought this sounded more like an excuse but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her to let me know the next day (Friday). She said she would.

 

Next day came and she never texted me. I didn't text her either and just went out with friends. I ran into her at the bar at like midnight where she was flirting with some guy pretty hard. This really pissed me off but I didn't let it show. She saw me and said hi, and I said a quick hi and turned around to buy drinks for my friends. I was with like 6 friends and they all told me that I should just drop her.. I kind of agreed but still couldn't get over her talking about the future so much with me..

 

About an hour later she walked up to my group of friends and I took her to the side. I told her straight up "I'm not going to be your puppy dog. I'm too old and have too much self respect for you to string me along. I'm done.. I can't keep doing this."

 

She responds with "I'm just scared. It's not like I can't see myself being in a relationship with you, I'm just scared. I really like you, but I don't know.." She shed a few tears during this.

 

It was kind of hard to hear in the bar so I asked her if she wanted to talk outside and she said no but that I could text her the next day if I wanted to talk. I said "no, if you want to talk tomorrow you text me" and then I walked away.

 

An hour later (1:50am) she texted me these exact words."why do you like me? I'm obviously not ready...I'm terrified to date an *******. I'm too tired to give myself to anyone just yet and I'm just different"

 

I have yet to respond and it's been 36 hours. I don't know if I ever should. It's such a tough situation because I fell for this girl pretty hard, and I can't tell if she fell for me too and is truly scared of it or if I should just walk away and never look back. I totally get her being hesitant to jump into anything, but I also don't want to keep guessing each day..

 

It just seems she lets herself go each time we hang out, becoming immersed in the good times, but then collects her thoughts when she gets home and confronts this fear that I might be an *******, and that she is developing feelings too quickly before really knowing me. She then becomes distant until we hang out again where she just goes with the flow and subconsciously treats me like her boyfriend.

 

I have no idea what to do. If I had to guess me not replying to that text is killing her, but she left me little to respond to.... Advice is truly appreciated. Thanks so much for your time.

 

A 28 year old immature drama queen who enjoys playing games. Sounds like a winner!

[Brink007]

A 28 year old immature drama queen who enjoys playing games. Sounds like a winner!

 

I know I made it sound bad.. But she is an incredibly cool person. She said she was very insecure when she was younger. Maybe the games is a natural way for her to protect herself? Maybe she came on too strong in the past and got really heart broken for it? It does seem and frankly is pretty damn immature, but I still care about her a lot

[central]

Distance yourself and be relatively unavailable. She'll probably pursue you, unless she's not that into you. Tell her to call you when she's done needing space. If it seems appropriate, imply that you'll be dating others in the meantime, so may not be available later. And start dating ASAP, if she wants space. You can't be needy or pursue in this situation, as it will only push her away. Of course, if you don't want to put up with any of this, just move on and don't look back.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I know I made it sound bad.. But she is an incredibly cool person. She said she was very insecure when she was younger. Maybe the games is a natural way for her to protect herself? Maybe she came on too strong in the past and got really heart broken for it? It does seem and frankly is pretty damn immature, but I still care about her a lot

 

Doesn't matter why the games are. They're games and will continue.

 

Things were going great with the two of you, both of you know it, but she doesn't want to tie herself down to one person yet. As she said, she's "scared." She's scared of being tied down as she wants to play the field for the time being.

[ExpatInItaly]

She said it herself - she's not ready.

 

Listen to her.

[smackie9]

She's not scared, she relishing in the attention she is getting....she has many willing to kiss her feet....what woman would want to give that up after being bogged down in a 3 year relationship? She is enjoying her freedom, and that ain't no sin my friend.

 

Someone so fresh out of a relationship is so unavailable. She just rebounded off you, stay away from her, now is not the time.

[Saracena]

What do you mean by her playing games? How did her last relationship end?

 

Having been that girl and based on her words/texts, I actually believe she genuinely is scared so not in a good place/isn't ready for a relationship.

[Blanco]

She's not scared, she relishing in the attention she is getting....she has many willing to kiss her feet....what woman would want to give that up after being bogged down in a 3 year relationship? She is enjoying her freedom, and that ain't no sin my friend.

 

Someone so fresh out of a relationship is so unavailable. She just rebounded off you, stay away from her, now is not the time.

 

Some are, some aren't. My one ex and I were together three years; lived together. She was dating someone two months after I moved out and they're still together a year plus later. When we started dating, she was only six months out from a broken engagement. Some people just can't be single.

 

This woman, however, definitely doesn't sound ready for another relarionship.

[gkly]

Like many others said, she's enjoying the amount of attention she receives and validations to her hard to get game strategies. You said she let herself go- by making out passionately and talking about future dating plans. That's not hard to do.

If you want to continue seeing her, invite her to less commitment required events. Camping just two of you may have scared her to flake out because that's quite couply, since you guys aren't bf and gf.

My friend is like this and this type of girl, who is afraid of getting hurt. She takes a long time to really open herself up and feel ok to engage deeply (including sex).

[Jabron1]

For goodness sake, mate. She's riding the carousel hard.

 

Either treat it like some fun carefree sex, or get the hell out of there!