karlym3 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 dating this guy--who I had previosly dated a while back.( i mean we dated for liek 2 weeks but work together) I stopped dating him, returning his phone calls etc as he is an pretty cool guy but when we get near the bedroom.. he becomes very aggresive-while I feel its way to early to be doing ..what he wants to be doing--even forplay. Back then I had let him know it really bothered me and i wanted to take thigns slow and get to know him--he says that is ok and hell take me out etc etc. Well i stopped communication anyway..as i met someone new and didnt want to be bothered. the 6 wks of no communication drove him nuts. he called me at least 3 times a wk with no return call from me. Well i saw him the other day and we talked and i agreed to go out with him again(he looked really cute, and said he wanted to take me to dinner/movie ) He ends up being sick,(had surgery done) and so i felt bad and went over there to watch a movie--he promised he would not be aggressive). Well of course we start watchign the movie and gets very very touchy feely on me. I asked him to stop but once he is the moment its hard from him to stop--hell be naked and ill be fully clothed--he says i dont understand I promise we are not going to have sex, just do other stuff and we both like each other-- he always does this but when I get angry and get ready to go ..he was like next time we are def going to go out and stay out of the house--i just can help it because im really really attracted to you and I like you and i dont want to hide it etc. I tell him all the time--if sex is what you want you are with the wrong girl--there are many girls you can get it from--so why are you wasting your time with me-im not ready. He says but he likes me.. or whatever. He seems to get upset at the time, but then calls the next day sums up what we talked about and apologizies.( he is like ok for the next couple of times we will go out to the park, bars, dinner/movie etc hwo is tuesday and ill call you this weekend) Its like once he gets started he turns into this wild man.. but feels bad after. He has strong hormones..? Not sure wanting some advice on how to handle this.. I do know that I shall stay out of his house and mine and only go out with him if we go OUT. Has anyone ever had a situation like this before?? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Stop seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlym3 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Share Posted March 4, 2005 well.. what do you think is wrong with him? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I have no idea - could be that there is nothing wrong with him at all. But you two are certainly not on the same page when it comes to sex & fooling around (you mentioned going to bars so I'm assuming you're both adults). Also you've been here before with the same guy & he hasn't changed. You're not going to change him. I tell him all the time--if sex is what you want you are with the wrong girl--there are many girls you can get it from--so why are you wasting your time with me-im not ready. So leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 besides what blue has already said, i dont think there could be a great deal of respect for you coming from a guy that gets completely naked, despite you telling him you dont want to. he just isnt interested in what you want. you seem to be a challenge to him, you aint putting out, he doesnt like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlym3 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Share Posted March 4, 2005 ok but.. i ignored him for 6 wks and he kept calling--so i dont want to have to deal with that again. If he does take me out on dates does that mean he is trying.. or trying to get laid? How can I tell him what I want and if he doesnt want/respect it-- to get lost?? I really enjoy our conversations and hanging out with him and he is cute---but we are def not on the same page sexually. Does this mean he just wants sex..? he apologizes but when we are in the moment he looses it. Do you think he is lying to me when he tells me that he likes me..? He calls a lot and i am just getting out of "something" with another guy who called once a week if that. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 its a hard one, and yeah, he does seem to be showing interest, but what hes interested in is anyones guess. see how it goes dating him with no opportunity for him to get naked......if he is pushing for that situation then you know what he wants.........if he is really, really into you, he will wait. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 ok but.. i ignored him for 6 wks and he kept calling--so i dont want to have to deal with that again. **so don't answer his calls, he'll give up If he does take me out on dates does that mean he is trying.. or trying to get laid? **Trying to get laid How can I tell him what I want and if he doesnt want/respect it-- to get lost?? **I think you already did, the last time. But the other poster is right, he sees you as a challenge. I really enjoy our conversations and hanging out with him **except the conversations about what you want and boundaries you need and what you are ready for - he ignores those. and the hanging out where he gets sexually agressive against your wishes. and he is cute **cute guys are a dime a dozen, what's his worth if he doesn't respect your boundaries? ---but we are def not on the same page sexually. Does this mean he just wants sex..? **you are a challenge he apologizes but when we are in the moment he looses it. **if you are old enough to go to bars, you are both adults. Grown men don't 'lose it' and become sexually aggressive with women that have asked them more than once to stop. They control their urges or they satisfy them elsewhere. Do you think he is lying to me when he tells me that he likes me..? **he definately wants to get you in bed, he may even like you, but he doesn't respect you. He calls a lot and i am just getting out of "something" with another guy who called once a week if that. **don't base your ideas of what a relationship should be on either of these two guys. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Some (not all) girls have a communication problem. They do everything to turn a guy on. When things gret really hot, they suddenly chicken out. That's the problem. If you are not ready for sex simply don't give confusing messages to a guy who was spending hours drinking, flirting, beating and fighting himself all over. Bars and bedrooms are not places to go to if you are not ready. Keep it to the classrooms and workplaces. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Who cares if he keeps calling.. IF he respected what you've told him then punkass wouldn't have his clothes off when you've told him your NOT down for it. Doesn't matter if he's cute.. he's an idiot. Tell him to loose your number. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I think you should just come right out and tell him you don't want to see him anymore. No sense in ingnoring him and hoping he'll go away. Some people interpret that as a sign that they just need to try harder. Your idea of sexual interaction and what it means does not match his idea of sexual interaction and what it means. Neither of you is wrong, you are just wrong for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia I think you should just come right out and tell him you don't want to see him anymore. No sense in ingnoring him and hoping he'll go away. Some people interpret that as a sign that they just need to try harder. Exactly Link to post Share on other sites
Author karlym3 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Share Posted March 4, 2005 maybe I am giving mixed signals.. but anyway I will try to be more straightforward for the last time. How can I say it.. maybe what im saying is not getting the message across. But your right-- all of you. I always try to fix problems.. instead I should just walk away. but I just wonder that maybe there is a chance this guy is decent.. should I try telling him just one more time... I mean he called me-- I think he knew I was angry--and said that we will go and stay out of the house/bedroom for a while..... Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Is it possible you may be subconsiously enjoying the thrill out of that special feeling of being needed, loved and chased? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by karlym3 maybe I am giving mixed signals.. but anyway I will try to be more straightforward for the last time. How can I say it.. maybe what im saying is not getting the message across. But your right-- all of you. I always try to fix problems.. instead I should just walk away. but I just wonder that maybe there is a chance this guy is decent.. should I try telling him just one more time... I mean he called me-- I think he knew I was angry--and said that we will go and stay out of the house/bedroom for a while..... I don't think there is a way to make the word NO be more straight up.. hmm.. say it in spanish.. NO! Seriously... IF there is a mixed signal being given to this idiot it's that you're telling him NO but you're also still talking to him and spending time with him.. for real.. if I was at a guys house watching a movie and he took off his clothes when I had already let him know I wasn't down for having sex with him.. I wouldn't go back.. kind of a deal breaker IMO. The last thing you said above.. that he told you that the 2 of you would stay out of the house/bedroom for *awhile* now honestly.. what does that say to YOU? He STILL thinks that eventually he will wear you down and you'll have sex with him... IF you don't want to be getting intimate with this guy... then ya know what... tell him YOU'VE decided that you won't be dating him, talking to him, taking his phone calls regardless. This isn't a problem for you to fix. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 How can I tell him what I want and if he doesnt want/respect it-- to get lost?? I've dealt with someone like that before. I'll bet a bunch of bucks he's got an impulse control issue. He wants what he wants when he wants it, no matter how the other person feels about it. That's why he kept calling you. He's decided he wants you and wouldn't take no for an answer. Drop this guy, block his calls, and tell him whatever you need to tell him, but run. I can promise you that if you start going out with him, he will behave this way in every other situation - he will actively and aggressively pursue what he wants no matter how you feel about it. It's a rotten, rotten way to live. Really, drop him now. Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 karlym3 how old are you and this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted March 4, 2005 Share Posted March 4, 2005 I really enjoy our conversations and hanging out with him and he is cute I've unfortunately had the experience of great (albeit short) conversations with attractive guys who then tried to paw me without my consent. A nice face or body doesn't make up for an ugly personality Don't date anyone if who can't accept "No," as an answer. Just avoid him entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
karly Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 "karlym3 how old are you and this guy?" I am 24 he is 26 thanks for the advice advice guys thanks and i will take it all into consideration...dont know what id do without the shack Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Just tell him that there will be no boots knocking. And if he likes to have sex (as he should if he's a normal guy) then he needs to go elsewhere. People who like sex should be with other people who like sex and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
KARLY Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 HUND-- I LIKE SEX TOO--DONT GET ME WRONG-- I JUST LIKE TO HAVE IT WITH PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME.. SO I LIKE TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE FIRST BEFORE JUMPING INTO THE SACK WITH THEM. IM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THERE IS ANY CHANCE HE TRULY DOES LIKE ME AND WANTS SEX TOO.. OR JUST WANTS SEX. I FIND OUT THAT IF I WAIT LONG ENOUGH I USUALLY GET MY ANSWER. HOWEVER USUALLY THEY DISAPEAR AFTER A WEEK. (sorry in caps-- i didnt realize caps lock was on-- i dont want to waste my time if thats all he wants.. how do I find out?? he invites me out with his friends, calls a couple times a week to check up.. etc? any way to have a clue what is on his mind (besides sex) Link to post Share on other sites
cjuniverse Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 No way to know anything until you ask him. Though I highly doubt if he wants you for sex he'll admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
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