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Dating the already retired or early retirement


LookAtThisPOst

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LookAtThisPOst

I have seem to come across yet another discover, though it may be moot in my mid-40s, I met aw woman on OK Cupid, age 51, has two, young adult children..one married, one in college...and a 12 year old (quite a gap, yes?)

 

Anyhow, she said she just got back into the work force after having taking 8 years off to take care of her youngest.

 

Her dating age range preference ran from 42 to 60. We get to as far as texting and she reveals that in about 5 to 6 years, after her 12 year old heads off to college, to be fully retired.

 

She currently works as a part-time school teacher in some kind of an elective course currently.

 

She said by the time, she wants a man that's well off enough to be also retired and take off to do excursions and travel along with her.

 

I am FAR from retirement age, apparently 55 is the AARP designated retirement age, but I know people in their mid to late 60s still working.

 

So am I to assume this is also an issue with older people. Those who are retiring early vs. those who may not retire until 70 (by then, social security may be non-existent)

 

But firstly, I was kind of wondering how she was making it on her own by not working to raise her kid for 8 years, and just NOW getting back to work at only part-time. Guess she got a pretty good settlement and child support to justify her retiring early?

 

I think the latter may be an entirely different conversation, but I am seeing this as a topic of conversation for the nearly retired or approaching the AARP card carrying age where it's rather prime for qualifiers to be "ready for retirement at a young age."

 

I know a woman, attractive, mid 40's, went to work at 18 for the govt. retired in hear early 40s...she's got a big fat pension and enjoying being just a grandma and her free time at her beach house. Not sure if that's a qualifier for her too, but I'm just now discovering this among the 50+ ages mostly.

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Miss Peach

I am working on being able to retire early too. FWIW I would be able to retire around 40 but will probably only semi-retire for most of my 40s. I am divorced with kids but I am able to still save enough even having to pay quite a bit in my divorce settlement myself (I made way more than my XH). This included pretty much all my savings, alimony, and child support to my ex. So in other words I didn't make money off someone else and basically had to start all over again not too long ago.

 

If you are really curious how it's done I recommend to check out blogs like Mr. Money Mustache. There is a lot of good information there. Basically it involves learning to live on a small fraction of your salary. For example I live on 50% of my salary. I am in a high cost of living area so it's not because I'm living in a small rural town or anything. It can be done anywhere IMO.

 

To be honest I was married to a spender and I really don't notice much, if any, change to my lifestyle between then and now. I still go out for nice meals, go shopping, etc. I just worked on cutting out little things I wouldn't miss which over time added up to a lot. Then I invest my savings. Any of the Boggleheads books have great advice on investing. The MMM site also has some good links about that too.

 

To be honest anyone can do this. It's just simple math. Most people don't want to make the changes that will make it happen. It's similar to going on a diet - a lot of people want to lose the weight but they don't want to make the changes that will help them with that goal.

 

In dating I've only run into one other person who was doing the same. He seemed like a nice guy but we didn't hit it off for other reasons.

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MidwestUSA

Well, again, she's entitled to look for what she wants - a retired guy wealthy enough to share her travels.

 

My brother retired last year at 51. He's not a jet setter, altho has no trouble picking up on a whim if there's an air show somewhere in the country he wants to see. He'd be fine with a country girl who still works. So, there are both types out there.

 

I was hoping to go at 55, but life got in the way. As far as being with someone who is home all the time (my H) that's another thread.

 

But why would you assume her retirement is based on a settlement and child support? Child support is just that - for the children. I've given you one example of someone who retired by properly managing his money. Surely there are others out there? Yes?

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Imajerk17

Being too financially responsible--so now you're saying THAT is a red flag too? :laugh:

 

I'm just joking around bro.

 

Compound interest is a marvelous thing. Put away 50 percent of your salary, and if you have decent luck you should have enough to live on in 12 years. (This is assuming that your living expenses don't increase much, i.e., that the principle you put in over 12 years is at least almost 12×your current annual living expenses and the amounts you put in are about evenly distributed through the years.)

 

If you are attracted and there is a connection, date her. You both can work this stuff out later. If she really seems nifty it's amazing how much you can save in 10 years anyway.

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I'd have no problem dating a retired person since my schedule is flexible. However, if I were still on a career trajectory where business came first, it probably wouldn't work if retirement to them meant always being gone from home base or not having a home base.

 

Some of my friends are like that, having nothing more than a PO box and are gone all the time in their RV's. IME, it's fine for friendships but wouldn't work for an intimate partner unless both parties were on the same page or both were equally flexible in their lifestyles to mesh them together.

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LookAtThisPOst

I rarely come across people that retire very early. I think I know one or 2 people. One of which was lucky enough to work for the govt. for 20 years and retire in her early 40s.

 

But think about this, a lot companies are getting rid of pensions, closings of major business chains are off the cuff. Farming jobs overseas or to Mexico, one recent being a well-known air cond. company that closed it's doors in Michigan. A very long, outstanding company that decided to move their plants to Mexico to "remain competitive."

 

I could go on, but there's that to consider, so people are getting laid off left and right these days and winding up in lower paying jobs or with new companies with no benefits.

 

This is on the upswing and due to these uncontrollable circumstances, it's become a reality to retire in your mid-60s to even 70s.

 

I know people where I work that are collecting social security that are that age, but still have to work. And believe you me, they live frugally and aren't just spending their hard earned cash on unnecessary material items.

 

Put away 50 percent of your salary,

 

50% of what? Depends on the salary amount, if it's too low, it's not do-able, if it's high enough, then yes..it is do-able.

 

Anyhow, with what this woman said, I was kind of surprised that she would even bother dating men as young as 42.

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As an example, a single guy I got to know because he bought some machine tools from me is in his 60's and has been retired for about 20 years, having sold a successful construction company (easily traced) in his 40's. Now he takes care of his aged mother on his ranch and goes fishing once in awhile. I came to hear the story because we were talking about fishing and he has an offshore boat up in Trinidad and offered to take us out fishing and, yup, I stopped by when coming home from Oregon last trip and the boat matches his description and, well, is pretty nice.

 

Like the lady in the topic, he's been married a couple times and has grown kids. Still, even with divorces, retired early. He was getting bored so bought some of my tools to tinker with stuff. Boredom can be an issue with retirement if one doesn't stay active and busy. There are no 'requirements' like when working to pay the bills and maybe raise a family. Everything, mostly, is self-actualized.

 

IMO, it comes down to compatibility.

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MidwestUSA

I will agree you've come across one of a minority. For the tail end of us baby boomers, it was a matter of getting on when companies still kept you, and pensions and 401Ks existed.

 

Besides my brother at 51, my sis went at 55. My older brother went at 60. I'm the only one working still. My only shot is to take a chance and go into business with my brother. I'd still be working, but at something that's more like play.

 

I had a thirty year old at work ask me the other day 'What's a pension?'. We had both just gotten our packets to sign up for our 401K, and I was telling her to throw as much as she can towards it. I put in the max allowed for years. These kids won't even be able to do it, not even the 3% that's matched at 100%. I feel for them, I really do. Some of them are just good kids who got a bad start, and most are victims of the economy as you painted it.

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LookAtThisPOst
As an example, a single guy I got to know because he bought some machine tools from me is in his 60's and has been retired for about 20 years, having sold a successful construction company (easily traced) in his 40's. Now he takes care of his aged mother on his ranch and goes fishing once in awhile. I came to hear the story because we were talking about fishing and he has an offshore boat up in Trinidad and offered to take us out fishing and, yup, I stopped by when coming home from Oregon last trip and the boat matches his description and, well, is pretty nice.

 

Like the lady in the topic, he's been married a couple times and has grown kids. Still, even with divorces, retired early. He was getting bored so bought some of my tools to tinker with stuff. Boredom can be an issue with retirement if one doesn't stay active and busy. There are no 'requirements' like when working to pay the bills and maybe raise a family. Everything, mostly, is self-actualized.

 

IMO, it comes down to compatibility.

 

That's a good point about the boredom. lol. I know people that have retired from a company after 20 years, get bored after a year and then come BACK to work at the same company.

 

Even Disney's gotten rid of pensions. Now they have these low interest bearing 403B's or IRA's you can put money into.

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Most of my retired friends who like to keep their minds sharp, due to the wonderful advances in technology, sit on BOD's or consult. I'll sometimes be sitting in their RV while they're conferencing on a board meeting or with a client while camped at the beach or in the mountains. All it takes is desire, skills, and some technology. I came to term it 'gainful retirement' and do some of it myself in my area of expertise, though I'm not officially retired. I doubt I'll ever retire since I love what I do too much. My goal is to get to the point of being able to do it for free to help folks. That'll never happen 'early' and probably wouldn't be compatible with a fully 'retired' person who mainly wants to go off and explore the world. I've already done a lot of that.

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hhmm, her kid is 12 and she stayed home the past 8 years to raise him. Wasn't the kid in school in the past 8 years? Kid leaves for school at 8h and comes back at 16h00. Why does she need to not be working? Especially that she is a teacher? which means she has the exact same hours, holidays and vacation as her kid.

 

I sniff laziness.

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Larryville

I apologize for being slightly disjointed on this… thoughts on “retirement” or retirement age whatever that is, and dating

 

I have seem to come across yet another discover, though it may be moot in my mid-40s, I met aw woman on OK Cupid, age 51, has two, young adult children.. one married, one in college...and a 12 year old (quite a gap, yes?)

Anyhow, she said she just got back into the work force after having taking 8 years off to take care of her youngest.

 

I rarely come across people that retire very early.

 

I have yet to find a woman (I mean one where I read her profile was interested, and we got to know one another) who was retired (or thinking about it) AND solo, meaning not taking care of kids or grandkids, or parents.

 

I’m 52 and I don’t want to deal with if I can help it women in their 50’s plus still raising children, BUT so many are even either raising or helping to raise grandchildren because their kids were/are deadbeats so they feel inclined to help them.

 

Most of these women were in executive type positions as well, busy family issues, work issues, so many in their 50’s trying to get higher degrees, masters and so on to advance careers and on top of that the driven career types also have so many other things going on so they can’t really date, but they make really good money and they don't mind “helping” their kids and grandkids to alleviate the financial burdens of today as someone pointed out.

 

I was kind of surprised that she would even bother dating men as young as 42.

 

Truth be told many of the women in the older categories let’s say 45 plus but specifically 50 plus are just wanting “company” but nothing of any real significance so if they can attract the younger dudes to chat them up all good for them because they go into the “wants to date but nothing serious” category.

 

Basically because they have so much going on your first quote is generally what I run into and you have to remember if the kids are close (one’s going to college) they are STILL involved with helping the kids out financially, allowing them to live with maybe so off to college does not mean necessarily out of influence.

 

Boredom can be an issue with retirement if one doesn't stay active and busy
.

 

Yes and so many women I have encountered (one who was semi-retired) started volunteering. Bottom line if there has not been a significant dude in their lives they are not sitting around being sedentary and even if you do get to date them you are but a small segment in their lives.

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So...I am a 49yo female, currently single, no kids, no alimony, etc., and I retired at 36 with a pension. Not a fat one, but it's enough because I live a simple lifestyle (no tv, no cable bill, no debt, buy cars off Craigslist, etc...) I work part time, but only when I want some extras. I married at 40 and separated last year and I wrote him a big check to help him start over.

 

Anyway...my biggest worry in getting back into the dating game is attracting those who want a sugar momma. (I also own my own house.) So I get where she is coming from wanting a man who is financially stable, or at least, financially responsible.

 

I just started dating a hardworking man 5 years my junior and I'm worried he might be a little resentful of my lifestyle - not "having" to work full time. But that's a discussion for another thread. :)

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WellHelloThere

It is kind of strange that she stayed home to take car of the kid that was already in school. She could have worked part time as a teacher and not need daycare. Plus being a teacher, she has summer, winter and spring break off. Teachers work during part of the breaks, but that's still a very long time to travel.

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