Was cutting ties the right move?

[Burritos]

LoveShack community - I came through a little over a year ago about moving on from a breakup. The advice here helped carry me through the days and eventually I felt a lot better. (Forgot my username though, so just made a new one)

 

Now I come back in need of some more advice:

 

I started hooking up with a close friend of mine a few months ago after she got out of a LDR relationship. She also was dealing with the passing of her mother which had only happend a few months prior...yes this setup sounds bad to begin with...yes im an idiot

 

We started becoming an on and off thing because she would always ask for space. I gave her that space to deal with anxiety and grief, but we would always get back together as friends and then end up acting like a couple again. I do really like her and she has expressed the same. And of course I would always do my best to be there for her when she needed emotional support and away when she wanted to be alone.

 

Recently she called it off again, saying again shes not in the right place to have a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that reason but I told her I cant keep up with her changing her mind every month. She really wants to stay friends, but I feel like if we do, I'm just some pathetic sob hoping a friendship is some stepping stone to what I what I want, which is being something more

 

So I cut things off entirely which she was very unhappy with. It just got too messy. I feel guilty since she is dealing with the death of a parent and I'm just here adding to the list of emotions shes dealing with.

 

So my questions, was cutting it all off selfish of me? Or should I try again to build just a friendship?

 

Thanks guys

[strawberryshortstack]

If it's what you need to do to move past this, then whether or not it's selfish is irrelevant. You have to take care of yourself first.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

When it comes to exes you have to be selfish for self preservation. You cannot take responsibility for her happiness, she lost that privilege when she terminated your relationship. You have to take care of yourself and your needs.

 

As painful as this is to imagine, think about how it would feel to remain her friend out of loyalty, hoping that she will change her mind, and then discover that she is now dating another guy. You will have to go through the hurt all over again, as well as feeling foolish, taken advantage of and angry.

 

It happens to so many people who try to remain "friends" with their ex who they are still in love with. The good thing is that you are aware the reason why you want to stay "friends", whereas a lot of people deny what they hope will happen, and end up getting hurt.

 

Don't feel bad for putting your needs first, that is exactly what she is doing for herself.