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Waiting til marriage


user101

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Hi guys,

I'm a 23 yo male, and a virgin. I've met this girl online, who is absolutely incredible. She's smart, funny, geeky, and gorgeous to boot. We've been talking for a few weeks now, and I'm ready to meet.

But there's one thing I'm scared of - she said on her profile that she wants to wait until she's married to have sex, it's part of her Catholic belief. She knows I'm an atheist and it doesn't bother her. The thing is, I don't want to get married at all, as I'm a little cynical of lifelong love.

I mean I guess I don't know what I'm missing when it comes to sex, so maybe I could handle that, I realy don't know. I do feel ready to lose my virginity, but it's far more important to lose it to the right woman than the right time.

But I wonder if this thing is doomed from the start. I really don't want it to be - she's absolutely perfect. And maybe I'm thinking way too far ahead, as I have a tendency to do. But I wonder if this is going to grow into a massive issue later on.

Thanks so much guys!

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Seriously you don't know if this thing is doomed.....of course it is! You ain't getting sex so why are you wasting HER time. She has a belief to wait til marriage....man alive, let her find the right guy....you need to stop thinking so selfishly.

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You are thinking WAY TOO FAR AHEAD in that you two haven't even met yet.

 

Right now, you are projecting feelings and an infatuation on a fantasy of who you think this girl is - and not who she really is.

 

Slow down, take your time to get to know her, and don't worry about that far into the future.

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You want a for sure thing, then find a for sure thing...at your age there are plenty who will want it as bad as you do. But don't wait too long because the older you get the more difficult it will get. The reality of it is women want a guy that is experience, so right now you are limiting yourself looking for that holy grail.

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Hi guys,

I'm a 23 yo male, and a virgin. I've met this girl online, who is absolutely incredible. She's smart, funny, geeky, and gorgeous to boot. We've been talking for a few weeks now, and I'm ready to meet.

You're young. Meet as many people you find interesting or attractive as you can.

But there's one thing I'm scared of - she said on her profile that she wants to wait until she's married to have sex, it's part of her Catholic belief. She knows I'm an atheist and it doesn't bother her. The thing is, I don't want to get married at all, as I'm a little cynical of lifelong love.
You're young and no one is likely getting married, today, tomorrow, next week or next year. You may not meet a woman you'd like to partner with on a long term basis for quite sometime. You could meet her today. It's unknown. Hence, don't worry about long-term expectations and enjoy today's social interactions for what they are.

I mean I guess I don't know what I'm missing when it comes to sex, so maybe I could handle that, I realy don't know. I do feel ready to lose my virginity, but it's far more important to lose it to the right woman than the right time.
If you've rubbed one out, you've got the orgasm part. Throw in a little fantasy to add some emotional content. The main thing that's missing is the ostensible love being shown by the other person and the warm body stuff.

But I wonder if this thing is doomed from the start. I really don't want it to be - she's absolutely perfect. And maybe I'm thinking way too far ahead, as I have a tendency to do. But I wonder if this is going to grow into a massive issue later on.

Thanks so much guys!

 

Go out on some dates, press some flesh and see where it goes. If both of you are indeed virgins, and I have no way of knowing for sure, you're pretty evenly matched in that department. Retaining virginity doesn't mean a concrete wall between you, rather avoiding rubbing genitals together. There's a lot more to our bodies, and minds, than genitals. Great opportunity to explore and grow that stuff.

 

I was like your erstwhile dating partner when her age, lost in the desert of wanton sexuality of the sexual revolution. Kinda funny thinking about it now, decades down the road.

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There are a few deal breakers for me when it comes to dating. If one of them is there from the start I wont pursue anything further. If you feel that this may be a deal breaker then dont move forward with her. Theres plenty of other fish in the sea. And yes if you invest time and effort into a relationship with her this may become a source of friction between the two of you. You may end up just wasting time.

 

Your an athesist and shes a catholic??? Hmmm...that may also cause problems down the road.

 

If I were you I'd be onto the next. Just because shes geeky, goregous etc doesnt mean there arent other girls out there with those same qualities that will also have sex before marriage and maybe have some religous views that may not clash with yours so much.

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Bottom line? Her virginity is currency to her. She will use it in a transactional way rather than as an expression of affection and feeling.

 

Date her if you want but also realise that you will not end up having sex with her unless she ends up being your wife. That's just the reality of it.

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OP, question: Are you a virgin by choice? What's your POV on sex and relationships?

 

When I was your age I was a virgin by choice and, later in life, confined sex to relationships or marriage. Your POV may differ. That can be important here, as well as with any future ladies you meet.

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At this very early stage the only Qs on the table are do you want to meet & would you like to go on a 1st date. Do not think beyond that yet.

 

 

After the 1st date, the only Q is do you want a 2nd date.

 

 

For the 1st few months, never think father ahead then the next week (except around Thanksgiving you can wonder if this means you will have a date for New Years' Eve.)

 

 

My advice -- go on one date with her before you start worrying about losing your virginity, religion & marriage.

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