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This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country. Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

We went to the museum for our first date and looked around at the exhibits, chatting and getting to know eachother. Then we went down to the museum restaurant and had coffee. Then we went to the gift shop. Then we sat on the bench outside and chatted. I played a 1 minute sample on my phone of one my guitar practices since she was curious about my playing and said she wanted to hear it. She said I sounded great. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I felt things loosened up more the longer we were together.

 

Later:

ME: Hey, I had fun today. Let me know if you're still interested, and we'll come up with somethin' for next time.

HER: I really enjoyed talking with you yesterday! I think I'll pass on a second date, though. You seem wonderful, but school is kind of chaotic and I just wasn't feeling it. Best of luck with grad school!

ME: No problem. Good luck with med school. You seem like you've got your stuff together.

 

Look, I didn't feel any sexual sparks, but I didn't think I needed to this early. I wasn't expecting us to run to get our marriage licence either. It was a first meeting for two hours, and I was just trying to get to know her as a person. If I was a wonderful guy and we had fun together, why not meet up again? That's how I view it.

 

My best friend met her husband through a blind date set up by a mutual friend. She said at first she didn't feel any sparks for him, but she gave him and chance and he grew on her. I truly believe 99.9 percent of girls today are not like that. I honestly don't know what women are looking for in this day and age.

 

Count me among those who are calling it quits on the dating game. It's just too dysfunctional these days. I'm out, guys.

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Coward... only joking. Yeah that sucks - everything seems fine and dandy and then WHAM! (Deadpool joke) they just turn around as if everything that happened, everything they said, the way they acted.. it's like it was all an act. The times I've felt like really asking them what was going on then, did you just pretend to be happy, did you hate it when I made a move on you, do you kiss your family with tongues... etc etc. However, people are just odd. They can go from super happy to super angry to super not bothered at all within a few hours. I can tell you one person recently would be great company together, but a day later, nothing - wall up, door closed, moat full of sharks, mine field...

 

 

All that said, I wouldn't give up just yet (unless she's number 2 billion out of the remaining few). Maybe think about the dates themselves, locations and timings. Everyone's different and they like different things. You also got to remember that in this world of online dating, everyone is given multiple choices and pretty much everyone is aware of how many people there are out there. I'm pretty sure that most people don't just go on a dating site, select the first person and then call it a day. Take a break from it, but don't give up.

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This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country. Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

 

And the great girls are being ignored left right and centre and passed up for the nasty girls who then bleed the guys dry!

 

Then we all give up because we fear rejection and make it all so much bigger than it really is and never meet anyone and go all crusty then no one wants to date us because of course there must be something seriously wrong if we are middle aged, no children and never married...

 

Terrible isn't it!

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Balancing a relationship in med school isn't easy, and I think she was smart to recognize her lukewarm feelings now. She took a chance, and the chemistry wasn't enough on her end. I don't think you would choose to go on a second date with someone with whom you only felt the slightest of sparks. Dating is a bunch of trial and error — don't give up and get discouraged. I talked with a lot of guys, went on many first dates, until I found the right person. Be persistent.

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And the great girls are being ignored left right and centre and passed up for the nasty girls who then bleed the guys dry!

 

Then we all give up because we fear rejection and make it all so much bigger than it really is and never meet anyone and go all crusty then no one wants to date us because of course there must be something seriously wrong if we are middle aged, no children and never married...

 

Terrible isn't it!

 

Someone's not had their sausage...

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Sometimes you just aren't feeling it. Neither of you owed the other a second date.

 

Also keep in mind that some people have the ability to be engaging with most people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that person wants to date all of them. They just have great interpersonal skills.

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And just because you "truly believe" that nearly all women aren't willing to give a guy a chance to grow on them doesn't make it true.

 

What an experience it must be to be the average woman in today's world. You've got a large chunk of the male population wrongly assuming that because you're a woman, you're automatically only interested in jerks, money, and status. Then you've got the group of guys who think that because they are "nice," they are entitled to any woman they want and when they're rebuffed, that woman is suddenly irrational or a "b****."

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This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country. Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

We went to the museum for our first date and looked around at the exhibits, chatting and getting to know eachother. Then we went down to the museum restaurant and had coffee. Then we went to the gift shop. Then we sat on the bench outside and chatted. I played a 1 minute sample on my phone of one my guitar practices since she was curious about my playing and said she wanted to hear it. She said I sounded great. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I felt things loosened up more the longer we were together.

 

Later:

ME: Hey, I had fun today. Let me know if you're still interested, and we'll come up with somethin' for next time.

HER: I really enjoyed talking with you yesterday! I think I'll pass on a second date, though. You seem wonderful, but school is kind of chaotic and I just wasn't feeling it. Best of luck with grad school!

ME: No problem. Good luck with med school. You seem like you've got your stuff together.

 

Look, I didn't feel any sexual sparks, but I didn't think I needed to this early. I wasn't expecting us to run to get our marriage licence either. It was a first meeting for two hours, and I was just trying to get to know her as a person. If I was a wonderful guy and we had fun together, why not meet up again? That's how I view it.

 

My best friend met her husband through a blind date set up by a mutual friend. She said at first she didn't feel any sparks for him, but she gave him and chance and he grew on her. I truly believe 99.9 percent of girls today are not like that. I honestly don't know what women are looking for in this day and age.

 

Count me among those who are calling it quits on the dating game. It's just too dysfunctional these days. I'm out, guys.

 

 

 

I am a woman who dismisses men based on chemistry. But wait please. I want you to here my side of the story. I am 30 and very experienced in regards to dating and I don't have my head in the clouds; I know very well that I won't get it all in the one partner. ..so I do know that if I seek the hot sparks from the outset, that I'll have to go without other desirable reaits as a trade off. And it works for me.

 

It actually depends on the woman. There are some of us girls who HAVE tried to give guys a chance in absense of the sexual spark and it simply NEVER developes fully for us. Having had to break hearts before when I was dating Mr no sparks and a guy I shared mutual fireworks with DID come along, I know myself better to not let that happen again.

 

Some people are just sparky people! We need the amazing chemistry from the outset or else we are seriously never able to feel much motivation to date. Even a year into " trying ". On the other hand, MANY women can actually come to fall hard for men with whom the initial spark was lacking.

 

Women should certainly give all decent men a try! But up to a certain age- if you're late 20s like me and beyond and you have dated A LOT and know what makes you happy and enjoy dating and relationships, then I think it's fair to say that we don't really owe it to you to give you a chance just cos you're " a great guy". Sexually chemistry is too important for some people and they know that they very unhappy without amazing chemistry ( and women like me know that if you get one thing you give up another...so you can't have it all).

 

So actually for me, pursuing the best sexual chemistry but with a guy who is pretty compatible and lacks financial stability, I personally feel at my happiest in my dating relationships when I get the initial spark and sacrifice some compatability and or other desirable traits that I may need to forego.

 

The erroneous way to go about dating is to think that you can knock back the men who don't generate sparks and ALSO end up with a financially well off guy who is fantastic at displaying all the love languages. Oh and of course he has to be hot in addition to being rich and kind hearted :lmao:

 

Knowing we cannot have it all and prioritizing the key things we need, which for me is chemically and great passion when it comes to dating and relationships. I am a creative and passionate person and unless I feel alive in relationships, I am far happier alone indulging in passionate flings with nice men who aren't quite compatible enough but make me feel energised and exhilarated....

 

So before you blast us women who dismiss men based on not feelin it.... please consider that some of us are actually really in tune to our gut level reaction, have had a lot of dating experiences and are not expecting to have it all in the one partner ( we know the sparks will dome as a trade off, no one gets the guy they fall the hardest for and who is also a rich lawyer).

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losangelena
This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country. Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

Erh, no. I think the birth and marriage rates are on the decline because more and more women are realizing that they don't have to be stuck in unfulfilling relationships to make their way in the world. To quote Annie Lennox, "sisters are doing in for themselves."

 

FWIW, I know you're just ranting. Sorry it didn't work out. That doesn't mean you need to throw in the towel, though.

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I actually recoil and feel cold around men who I share anything short of fireworks with.

 

I just have absolutely no desire to let a guy touch me with plain mediocre chemistry. For I am too passionate of a person and itimpacts my dating and sex life.

 

I need mind blowing sex in a relationship. Or else I am sure as heck not giving up sex with others and sticking to the ONE partner for LIFE when the sexual chemistry is NOT spectacular. .....

 

I simply never end up feeling " head over heels" or very strong sexual energy with the men who have to " grow on me".

 

I have tried dating and even relationships with men who I felt lukewarm about initially. They NEVER grew on me to that of the level where I wanted to just rip their clothes off. Never.

 

Sure, I have had men grow on me. We had good sex but it never felt natural or ..... amazing.

 

I know loads of women who do give guys a chance even when there is no spark there.

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How did you meet her?

 

Met her online. That was my first mistake. As others have said, it's so easy for folks to get GIGS.

 

Balancing a relationship in med school isn't easy, and I think she was smart to recognize her lukewarm feelings now. She took a chance, and the chemistry wasn't enough on her end. I don't think you would choose to go on a second date with someone with whom you only felt the slightest of sparks.

 

Lol, this is weak in on a number of levels. If she's got no time for dating, why be on a dating site? :rolleyes:

 

Secondly, as I said, there are girls who have gone on to have wonderfully fulfilling relationships with guys they weren't crazy about in the beginning. What you have today is an instant gratification mindset among gals these days. If a girl doesn't feel sparks or butterflies instantly, NEXT. It's laughable.

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And just because you "truly believe" that nearly all women aren't willing to give a guy a chance to grow on them doesn't make it true.

 

What an experience it must be to be the average woman in today's world. You've got a large chunk of the male population wrongly assuming that because you're a woman, you're automatically only interested in jerks, money, and status. Then you've got the group of guys who think that because they are "nice," they are entitled to any woman they want and when they're rebuffed, that woman is suddenly irrational or a "b****."

 

Yeah. ...or that despite the fact that you're in grad school, working, or otherwise busy and building your life, you still mostly want a BF or husband, or should want that because that's what good or feminine women should want.

 

Dating, mating and baby-making just isn't as high a priority for young women these days as it might have been for their grandmothers. I can see why it would frustrate young men who do want to start a family or who thought women wanted BFs or husbands most of all. We're in the midst of big change in society.

 

I'm not saying that OP's thinking any of this, just that it might be some men's thinking.

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Rejected Rosebud

When a person dates they need to be ready to accept that it's not going to be mutually "clicking" with the majority of people that they meet.

 

That girl will probably be giving some decent guy a chance, when she meets the right one.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated but you are not going to get anywhere as long as you keep believing that because you consider yourself to be a decent person (and I don't doubt that you are!) that it should earn you a "chance" from any woman who isn't feeling that type of attraction towards you.

 

Keep on trying and when it doesn't work out, refrain from blaming the state of American society on the way women respond to you! Because that attitude is not helping. Good luck.

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Met her online. That was my first mistake. As others have said, it's so easy for folks to get GIGS.

 

 

 

Lol, this is weak in on a number of levels. If she's got no time for dating, why be on a dating site? :rolleyes:

 

Secondly, as I said, there are girls who have gone on to have wonderfully fulfilling relationships with guys they weren't crazy about in the beginning. What you have today is an instant gratification mindset among gals these days. If a girl doesn't feel sparks or butterflies instantly, NEXT. It's laughable.

 

Maybe because sexual zing would be worth starting a relationship, but ambivalence wouldn't be?

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losangelena

Never mind that I had lunch with a guy friend this weekend (a Nice Guy™) who essentially said the same thing—that if he doesn't feel immediate chemistry with a woman, he nexts them.

 

So please, let's not make this a gendered thing, OK.

 

A woman not wanting to give you a chance does not signify the collapse of Western civilization.

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Yeah. ...or that despite the fact that you're in grad school, working, or otherwise busy and building your life, you still mostly want a BF or husband, or should want that because that's what good or feminine women should want.

 

Dating, mating and baby-making just isn't as high a priority for young women these days as it might have been for their grandmothers. I can see why it would frustrate young men who do want to start a family or who thought women wanted BFs or husbands most of all. We're in the midst of big change in society.

 

I'm not saying that OP's thinking any of this, just that it might be some men's thinking.

 

Totally a red herring. This has nothing to do with women not having be tied down in marriage anymore and being able to work for their own living. She was on this dating site looking for a man. The problem with the dating game is the unrealistic expectations single women have when it comes to finding a match. How can you know you wouldn't have a great relationship with a guy if you only met with him for two hours! Remember those ridiculous speed dating shows in the 90's? That's become all of dating today. I think it's sad.

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Totally a red herring. This has nothing to do with women not having be tied down in marriage anymore and being able to work for their own living. She was on this dating site looking for a man. The problem with the dating game is the unrealistic expectations single women have when it comes to finding a match. How can you know you wouldn't have a great relationship with a guy if you only met with him for two hours! Remember those ridiculous speed dating shows in the 90's? That's become all of dating today. I think it's sad.

 

We'd be dating LOTS of men (and men would be dating LOTS of women) if we had to give everyone a try. It would be a full time occupation so it's kind of impossible.

 

What I was saying is not that they "have to be tied down" but that it isn't even that important when you're working to get established. When I was young, that thinking was more common and expected in men. I followed and supported my BF then husband because I grew up assuming that his career was top priority, so it was. We agreed on that. :laugh: My actions flowed from that assumption and he wasn't very present because he was busy and I expected that. (I learned to cook. ;) )

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SwordofFlame
Totally a red herring. This has nothing to do with women not having be tied down in marriage anymore and being able to work for their own living. She was on this dating site looking for a man. The problem with the dating game is the unrealistic expectations single women have when it comes to finding a match. How can you know you wouldn't have a great relationship with a guy if you only met with him for two hours! Remember those ridiculous speed dating shows in the 90's? That's become all of dating today. I think it's sad.

 

That's the problem with online dating. If one or both parties aren't feeling it immediately, it's on to the next one.

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Totally a red herring. This has nothing to do with women not having be tied down in marriage anymore and being able to work for their own living. She was on this dating site looking for a man. The problem with the dating game is the unrealistic expectations single women have when it comes to finding a match. How can you know you wouldn't have a great relationship with a guy if you only met with him for two hours! Remember those ridiculous speed dating shows in the 90's? That's become all of dating today. I think it's sad.

 

Why do you assume she has unrealistic expectations because she wasn't attracted to you? (That's at least how I interpret her comment that she wasn't feeling it.). Maybe by even agreeing to go out with you in the first place she was trying to give it a chance.

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Ok, I'll tell you the truth... the 'wonderful guy' line is another way to say she was not attracted. As simple as that, but many people just don't have the guts to say it directly.

 

It has nothing to do with being a nice or bad guy. She just couldn't picture dating you because she didn't like you (no way to know for what reason)

 

I've been on both sides, it sucks but nobody died because of rejection after one date :) You'll find someone who thinks you're a match.

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That's the problem with online dating. If one or both parties aren't feeling it immediately, it's on to the next one.

 

The only solution I see, if OP wants a GF, is to do what he advocates: give lots of women he sees as decent a chance. I think it will work.

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Totally a red herring. This has nothing to do with women not having be tied down in marriage anymore and being able to work for their own living. She was on this dating site looking for a man. The problem with the dating game is the unrealistic expectations single women have when it comes to finding a match. How can you know you wouldn't have a great relationship with a guy if you only met with him for two hours! Remember those ridiculous speed dating shows in the 90's? That's become all of dating today. I think it's sad.

 

Perhaps you are not as engaging, charming, and appealing as you think you are?

 

I have quite a few female friends/associates who have done or are doing precisely what you say "most" women don't do: Giving guys a chance past the first meeting, even if the sparks aren't flying.

 

You aren't owed anything from these women. The mentality that you are simply because you are a "nice" guy or you felt a connection is a clear pathway toward becoming bitter and resentful toward dating and women in general. And, judging by this thread and some of your others, that seems to be happening.

 

I get it. It's frustrating to meet someone, see some potential, and have them next you. It's damaging to your confidence and can make dating feel like a no-win activity.

 

But that's the thing: Dating isn't a win-lose activity. It involves individuals who, despite sharing some broad similarities with others, are still unique people with their own collection of needs, wants, desires, strengths, and weaknesses. To ignore that and speak of men or women in generalities turns them into prizes to be won.

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normal person

I'm sorry OP, but this is absurd. Blood boiling.

 

Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore. [...]

We went to the museum for our first date and looked around at the exhibits, chatting and getting to know eachother. Then we went down to the museum restaurant and had coffee. Then we went to the gift shop. Then we sat on the bench outside and chatted. I played a 1 minute sample on my phone of one my guitar practices since she was curious about my playing and said she wanted to hear it. She said I sounded great. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I felt things loosened up more the longer we were together.

 

So let me get this straight: she agreed to go out on a long, multi-venue date with her and you complain that she didn't give you a chance? Am I reading this right?

 

Look, I didn't feel any sexual sparks, but I didn't think I needed to this early. I wasn't expecting us to run to get our marriage licence either. It was a first meeting for two hours, and I was just trying to get to know her as a person. If I was a wonderful guy and we had fun together, why not meet up again? That's how I view it.

 

Just because you don't need sexual sparks (although, off topic, I think you should if you want to continue going out with someone), doesn't mean she doesn't need to, or doesn't need you to meet some other standard or requirement of hers. She was also trying to get to know you as a person and potential romantic partner. She did. What she found wasn't worth any more of her time. She's entitled to feel that way. She doesn't owe you anything else. Thinking (or even just saying) you're wonderful and fun does not mean she has any sort of attraction to you. Saying someone is wonderful is also a great way to say "I don't want to go out with you again but I don't want you to throw a hissy fit about me not liking you, which I totally suspect you would do."

 

Oprah is wonderful and fun, I'm in no rush to date her. Zero sexual attraction. How you view it is not what matters. If you want her attention and time, then how she views it the deciding factor.

 

My best friend met her husband through a blind date set up by a mutual friend. She said at first she didn't feel any sparks for him, but she gave him and chance and he grew on her. I truly believe 99.9 percent of girls today are not like that. I honestly don't know what women are looking for in this day and age.

 

Just because one girl one time gave a guy a second or third chance doesn't obligate all women to do it. Just because one woman didn't want to go on a second date with you doesn't mean she, or anyone else, has misguided priorities.

She's entitled to go out with or not go out with anyone she wants. Maybe she's not attracted to you. Maybe she wants a guy who will make more money than her. Whatever the reason, you can't argue with it and you can't force people into things against their emotions with logic and reasoning. It will never work and it's disrespectful.

 

Count me among those who are calling it quits on the dating game. It's just too dysfunctional these days. I'm out, guys.

 

A girl gave you a chance, but very graciously and respectfully declined to see you again, so you're complaining and calling it quits? She has her own feelings and opinions so women are terrible and the sky is falling? Give me a break. It's this kind of crap that creates an environment that creates a less welcoming, more hostile dating environment for women. She did give you a chance, she did treat you with utmost respect, but God forbid she commit the cardinal sin of not liking you. They're better off without your passive aggression and entitlement. You calling it quits will only help things for both men and women.

 

This is the reason the birth rate and the marriage rate are in decline in this country.

 

Or, better yet, maybe it's the entitled attitudes of guys who for some reason think women owe them something for nothing or are obligated to think certain things or feel certain ways about them.

 

Most girls today are simply not giving decent guys a chance anymore.

 

It doesn't sound like she's met any recently.

Edited by normal person
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