I'm too fat and quiet

[shamykins]

I have been dating online for a while and I noticed that now that when I gained weight I weight over 220 pounds I started getting rejected after the first date. My pictures are very pretty and I make them know that any body picture they see over Facebook is 3 years old they still want to date anyway... I feel maybe they don't see how huge I am until when we meet in person (Funny I know)

 

I'm a brown skin girl and my pictures have attracted some very cute men in all ethnic backgrounds so I know MY FACE IS atleast attractive

 

on the date im usually too quiet and im afraid to say something I have anxiety and nervous. They say i'm too quiet but I KNOW they are not attractive to me

Some of these guys want me to be their girlfriend before seeing me in person we talk on the phone for HOURS but in person they say I'm not what they are looking for , im too quiet and im pretty sure they want to say im fat lol

 

Should I just try to lose weight before dating?

 

I'm positive about this because I would like to change before dating again! in my anxiety overthinking which causes me to be quiet and my weight (the pictures I post are RECENT there is just no body picture)

[basil67]

Shamykins, I wasn't sure how big 220lbs is so I Googled images. While you would be above a healthy BMI, you'd be far from huge.

 

On your dating profile, you mention that the full body picture is old. How much weight have you gained since it was taken? (I'm trying to get an idea of whether or not the guys are really being misled) If you're talking say, 10-20lbs of weight gain, I'd suspect that the guys are being honest about you being too shy or nervous.

 

Don't under estimate the importance of being a good date companion

[Buddhist]

Good news! Those are both problems you can fix.

 

Now if you want to date right now just update your photos to more recent ones, that way you will know that they are not asking you out because they think you look different than you do. Or you can wait until you lose the weight.

 

The basics are the same for both men and women when it comes to body aesthetics, toned tummy, no bulges and look good in clothing that suits you. That leaves a lot of leeway for being a normal healthy weight and still considered attractive. Sure there are some people who go to the extremes with washboard abs and super toned, but that isn't the majority of people out there so no need to try and achieve that level unless you want to for your own personal satisfaction.

 

As the previous poster asked, how far are you off your photo weight? If it's just a trim up expect your fortunes to change in 3 months or so. More and well it may take up to a year but you'll still get interest once you tone up a bit anyway.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Buddhist

[Arieswoman]

shamykins,

You don't say how tall you are?

 

220lbs may not matter if you are 6' tall, but would be excessive if you were 5'3" ! IMO weight doesn't matter but bodily proportions do.

 

Now, as I see it you have 2 choices;

 

1. Stay as you are and join a dating agency/site for larger people. Some guys like ladies with fuller figures.

 

2. Join a gym, exercise more and start a fitness/healthy eating programme. Who knows who you will meet at the gym?

 

This is itself will give you more confidence and make you feel better about marketing yourself on dates.

 

Good luck x