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After Over a Month, Don't Know If She Is Interested and Don't Know How to Proceed


gramweiser

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I'm close to 30 years old, and I've had my fair share of long term relationships and casual dating. I'm in a position now, where for the first time since I was around 20, I don't know how to proceed.

 

Here's the background....

 

4 years ago, I was 25 and she was 19. We were introduced through a mutual friend. We went on three dates. We actually got along very well. She was very shy and very awkward though. I never asked her on a fourth date because while we got along great, she didn't seem to have any romantic interest in me at all.

 

So that was that.

 

 

Beginning of February this year, I've got a question I need answered. I remember that she works in the field I'm looking for advice on, so I message her on FB to ask her the question. She gladly answers, but also strikes up a conversation. We end up messaging for about two hours. At the end she gives me her number again so we can "stay in touch."

 

Now....she's in a relationship. She has been since about three months after we initially dated 4 years ago. She's been planning on moving in with this guy this summer.

 

To keep the story going here, after that night she starts texting me.

 

Probably around 4 or 5 days a week.

 

Anyways, a couple weeks go by, and she invites me out to a bar for her birthday. Unfortunately I'm working and can't go. Her entire time there though she drunk texts me and gets a flirty.

 

I ask her if she'd like to hang out the following weekend. I ask her if she'd like to come over to my house for dinner and drinks. She agrees.

 

So, dinner and drinks at my house. Sounds to me like she's a little more interested in just a friendship.

 

The night goes great. We have a lot of fun and still get a long great. She's a little flirty again. The topic even gets onto sexual fantasies and she tells me hers. She brings up that even her boyfriend doesn't know about some that she's told me.

 

Next weekend she invites me to go out drinking again to meet her best friend. Again she's flirty, a little physical this time. Standing next to me, sitting right up against me.

 

Invites me out again the week after, same thing.

 

Now this past week she texts me and tells me she had a sex dream about me. she insists on being a tease though and won't give me any details.

 

When we go out last night though she has a couple drinks and blurts it out in front of me and her friends. Admits she had the dream, and that it was quote "awesome, like really amazing."

 

 

 

Now, if this were a single woman I would have made a move a LONG time ago.

 

I don't want anything physical to happen, because I have a rule of never dating a girl who's willing to cheat.

 

At the same time I don't want to just blurt things out and make it awkward.

 

 

I mean, am I wrong to think she's been considering leaving her boyfriend but is unsure?

 

I think it might do more harm than good to just say, "Look, how do you feel about me? What do you want to happen? Etc.

 

But this has also dragged on for a month already, and I don't want to be wasting my time.

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You have two choices, stop letting her emotionally cheat on her BF with you and stop going out one on one, cut back on the texting OR just come out and tell her you want to know what's going on because you are getting the impression that this is more than friendship. So simply put A) cut her off or B) confront her.

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BTW you ARE that guy, the guy she is cheating with, and that she is willing to emotionally cheat. She is that kind of girl to cheat. You are letting your feelings cloud your mind. Your reasoning is going against your better judgement and core values...and for what, some chick you went on three dates with. Give your head a shake.

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It would be best to just stop this right now.

 

There is a world of pain waiting to be let loose with this one.

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I'd keep my distance unless you want to be the OM or be the guy in the future she does this to. She's acting inappropriately for a woman in a relationship unless her boyfriend is aware of all of this, including the sex dreams and dinner and drinks at your place.

 

If I were in your situation, I'd back off and not let myself fall for her. She sounds like trouble.

 

At best she'll leave her boyfriend for you, but then you'll always be wondering who else she is having sex dreams about and having dinner with.

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Are you really unsure of her interest? :confused:. It's pretty obvious, mate...

 

am I wrong to think she's been considering leaving her boyfriend but is unsure?

 

Could well be looking for fun, and to stay with the boyfriend.

 

I have a rule of never dating a girl who's willing to cheat.

 

Then you should back off. It's pretty clear cut.

 

Unless you are hoping she'll dump the boyfriend for you...

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Advice taken. Backing off.

 

Actually not hard to do anyways.

 

For whatever reason, after hanging out and admitting to the dream in front of me and her friends, she's done a 180.

 

She's still been texting me yesterday and today, but the tone of her texts is completely different. I've been around the block enough to be able to pick up on that pretty easily. Anytime I tried to say anything somewhat flirty she wouldn't respond for an hour or so, and then text me back on a completely different topic.

 

 

So either 1. She just wanted to have a little fun flirting and now she's bored, 2. She wanted something physical and since I didn't make a move she's bored, or 3. Her friends finally called her out on how she was acting with me and talked some sense into her.

 

 

Either way, I'm backing off myself.

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GenuineAttraction

She's done a 180 because she over pursued, embarrassed herself, feels rejected, and doesn't want to lose her boyfriend. She's attempting to friend zone you. She had extremely high interest in you but you did nothing so the window is closed.

 

You pretty much answered your own question. But if you were interested in her, early on you should have said, "I understand you have a boyfriend, let me know if it doesn't work out." Then just stop taking to her in any flirty way. Or better yet just walk away completely. She won't forget, plus you both maintain your integrity.

 

You did the right thing.

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